₦airaland Forum

africanpea:
Stop giving him money! When you have this money buy and repair these very necessary things, save the rest for the kids fees and other important bills.

When he sees your are becoming independent, taking financial decisions without involving him, he will sit up.

He might not take it likely at first but stand firm on holding on to your money and spending it at the right time and purpose.



Be strong lady, marriage has its ups and downs

your head is correct.

AwkaetitiBabe:
Do u know how difficult it is withholding money from a spouse? They'll nag you to near death.

you should the able to stand your ground. I dont have money is I don't have money.Period,if you like nag till eternity it should not be enough to make you give in to his desires

Acidosis:
Hehehe. Good luck bro. I didn't know rent is more expensive than buying/building a property. The middle class are not stup!d okay. They understand they need money to make more money.

We have seen how they toil the rest of their lives financing debts and rents. Just calculate the % of income one use to pay for rent based on one's status and what could have completed a building project of his status.

Just keep praying for him, thing will still turn out better, it take a courageous woman to manage a home through harsh moment, I believe God will see you thru. [color=#000099][/color]

Whoeppme:
Sister ask your husband to secure a loan from his political boss open up a business that you will manage, if you guys choose the right business thats the end of poverty. Don't think of leaving your husband or selling off your landed property that's the only assets your family has now. Your husband get sense na just money dey yab the guy. Please bear with him. If you must sell the property the money must be used only for a well planned business venture. Else you guys might have nothing on fall back to...

Anyone that prioritises a personal home above steady source of income will likely demonize taking loans.

A lot of MOGs have contributed in a great deal to this menace. Don't expect this man to take a loan even at 0% interest rate. They believe they're better than indebted wealthy men like Dangote, Coscharis, Adenuga, et al.

She just had to let us know he is broke! Loving, caring, supportive, all that one no dey o. “ My broke husband” was the title she could come up with.

Men work hard, if the money never show stay away from these women so we no go dey labelled broke.

For every Mike Bamiloye, there is a million Mike Bamiloye that are still fools at 40.

How does what 'could be' preclude this man from resolving his NOW? Could be is a gamble. Till then, he has RESPONSIBILITIES.

He can work as a teacher and carpenter and still be very much involved in politics.

luminouz:
So because your dad is handy round the house as a fixer made OP's husband useless? Or because he is broke?

You don't get it,do you?
You women are always in the NOW,never what could be,always no capacity to visualise any future potential. Mike Bamiloye was worse off than OP's guy, yet she stuck with him, now,who doesn't know Mount Zion Ministries.

Well, I didn't see you use ur husband as an example, so I guess you're single. Marry first and wait 3 years....then you will understand better

luminouz:
Lmaoooo, nice one.

I'm not married or lazy.

You wrote the man off as bring useless. I tried to correct that.

If he was useful to his wife, she would not be wailing to strangers on social media

Common net he cannot fix, how? We were burgled in January this year, we waited till the police had seen the net the burgler tore to gain access to our house and immediately after, my father handed my brother thread and needle, and the net was sewn back together.

A torn net should not be a source of anyone's worry, something thirty naira thread and needle will fix if someone was being innovative.

Both the OP and her husband have no business getting married and building a family if they cannot sort out small domestic issues like torn net and overgrown bushes, what will happen if their fence falls one day?

Let me remain single, if this is what some people are seeing in husband house. The kind of father I have has set a standard for me, as far as men go, and if I have to reduce it, let it be reasonable.

safarigirl:
You people should stop marrying useless men that can neither provide money nor help with repairs.

My father is in his sixties and there is nothing he cannot fix in the house. What kind of new generation men do we have?

The net that tore, can't it be sewn if you people can't afford new net? Can't the bush be cleared? He doesn't even have a proper job and common handwork he cannot do.

Even you sef, how can you be jobless and go and marry a jobless person? Did you get pregnant and have to marry him?

Everybody wants to rush into marriage without the requisite means of sustaining a family....and yes, ventilation is a necessity, so, thw window ought to be open, or else you risk meningitis. If you married a lazy slob, you sef help yourself and fix the net.

In all this, it is the unfortunate kids you both brought into your managing life that I pity. Put your house in order, Nairaland cannot help you all the time

*Hugs her* Make I add kiss? You made sense there.
People shouldn't rush into marriage if they don't have a meaningful source of livelihood. Stop bringing innocent children to this screwed country to come suffer.

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.


N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

Well you have spoken the way your sense carry you reach, but selling the house project isn't the best of advise

Acidosis:
Hehehe. Good luck bro. I didn't know rent is more expensive than buying/building a property. The middle class are not stup!d okay. They understand they need money to make more money.

We have seen how they toil the rest of their lives financing debts and rents. Just calculate the % of income one use to pay for rent based on one's status and what could have completed a building project of his status. People are not foolish to go into real estate if it wasn't lucrative. Tenants are sucked dry.

Acidosis:
There's no burden anywhere. The money the poor spend on personal apartment can pay the same rent they avoid for 20-50 years. Rent for some is only 50k. Without a meaningful job or business, they spend a cumulative sum of N1-2m on a building project. How's that sensible?

this is a wise analysis. I totally agree.

AwkaetitiBabe:
They should pray together. If possible naked at midnight. I heard such prayer is powerful.

Hope d Op will do it.

SirVintageCock:
2k can clear the bush pending when you fix your net. Or you can get the net and pressure him to put it up. No matter how crude it is, it will still serve.

Stop having kids until things turn around.

Keep quiet there. Do u know the kind of bush there? It may even require up to 10K to clear it.

Elliot2:
We have seen how they toil the rest of their lives financing debts and rents. Just calculate the % of income one use to pay for rent based on one's status and what could have completed a building project of his status.

I knew you were going to demonize loans. Lol

There is no company in Nigeria that is not indebted to either a bank or group of shareholders.

You should grab a book on finance.

darealbabe:
Everything you've said here is on point.
The truth remains that the best woman in the world can do NOTHING for a man with zero drive and misplaced ambitions.

You are wrong.

Anyone can be helped.

No one has life figured out. The difference is that some of us have realistic dreams. Misplaced priorities happen to the best of us.

Mursz:
She just had to let us know he is broke! Loving, caring, supportive, all that one no dey o. “ My broke husband” was the title she could come up with.

Men work hard, if the money never show stay away from these women so we no go dey labelled broke.

supportive kwa? How is he supportive if he cannot bring school fees and cannot clear bush in the house? Loving, na wetin make e leave him children with torn net, so, if snake bites them, na dem sabi. Caring people will fix a ruined net for the safety of their families.

@UCHECHI20 . This is your cross .

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

When he was bringing the money, we no hear am ooo. Ikweche, nakwa echeki


Well on a serious note.. Been broke for years can be frustrating. Expecially, when children are involved. There was a time i was broke for a month... I know how frustrating it was. However, my advise. Dont push him, he is more worried than you think unless he is an idiot. Politics is not a job... The money comes 4yrs and 8yrs and before you know it, it disappears, thats why they keep looking for one post or the other.

Pretend like he is dead and work towards training your children. One day he will hit it and you will start enjoying again.

Warnings.... Dont sleep with another man to cook for him. Otherwise, he will die soon.

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

Madam, say no to poverty! Marriage is not compulsory and even if u get married, having kids is not compulsory, and even if you bring one kid to the world, it is okay till u are financially ok not breeding children like rodents that will come to the world to suffer and add to your hardship....
Aba!

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.


N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

That's not a good advice bro. In Lagos accommodation gulp 50% of your income. The landlord wahala. It's better they have their personal home. But I'm not in support of putting business money for a project.

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

You better be careful. He might end up getting his big contract and being supper rich but your story might be like that of the Taraji P. Henson in the movie, Acrimony.

Support your family but don't loose your youth and yourself in the process.

Saddest thing is that when men like this eventually "hammer", they neglect their families and spend on frivolities. Their wives suddenly become not good enough, and they start pumping cash on chicks that wouldn't have looked at them twice in their previous state.

@Op, your kids need to sleep in a well ventilated room at the same time they need to be safe from anything that could crawl into the room. Knowing the kind of man that you married, fixing that net should have been your top priority the moment it got damaged. You need to zero your mind that you're the main provider for your family and work harder to achieve this. I wouldn't want to discourage you but Nigerian politics have gotten so competitive, you need to spend big money to secure appointment or contracts. Money I'm sure your husband doesn't have. He will continue following politicians and being fed scraps if he doesn't snap out of his delusions and find something meaningful to do.

Hope he's not being used for thuggery? Honestly from your write-up, window net is one of the least of your problems. May God be with you and your kids

Ma'am you've gotta carry your cross. This is what my mom faced for twenty years before my dad died 2013. This man's case isn't ordinary aside from the fact that he himself is foolish .I can bet he won't change cos people like this are usually reprobate minded. Leave him to himself ma'am and face your children squarely. Do not open leg for him anyhow cos you're the bread winner else you poo where you eat.
My mom did this and today she has two potential medics and a diplomat in school. In all I can boldly say God has been faithful to her cos she was faithful to the man when he was alive.
Keep pushing ma'am, your children are the benefit and investment that will profit you from the marriage.

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

You want to be called landlady. It is ok. You cannot make financial decision without your husband. I am very sure the project is in your husband name. Madam, wise up. Women should learn to be financial independent. young husbands are dropping dead this day and widows without financial power live miserably. May God help us all.

Sterope:
More than most politicians who started that way are still boy boy at 50.

Tell me, is it boy boy that will feed his children? Does boy boy forbid him from having a job to cater for his family?

It's not true, I know more than 20 of them who are currently in good position, enjoying their years of struggling... the only problem here is on how to Carter for the immediate need of the family...

Acidosis:
It is NOT going to pay off on the short or long run. Not having a job and not being able to pay rent is more than enough reason to avoid spending all resources on a building project. Many of our aged parents made this mistake. A lot of them died poor with nothing. Only the children benefited at the end of the day by selling off the property.

Landlord harassment is not enough to provoke one into building a personal apartment. That anger should make you work harder to pay your rent, not spend what you don't have raising a shanty house.

The desire to raise one's income should supercede the desire to "lower" expenditure/expenses.

How can you even lower expenses by spending so much on a personal house?

Do a quick calculation;

Annual rent = N100k

Personal apartment/land = N2-3m (in a small town)

What's the sense in the above? 3m is rent for 30 years (assumed 0 inflation). Add 30 to your current age and tell me what you have.

That 3m in mutual funds, or a risk-free investment like TBills will yield at least 350k annually with 0 work. From that, you pay your rent easily, and increase your networth in a sporadic manner over a very short timeframe.

Bros you too sabi book, i have always been of same opinion with you, when i air my view, my friends always think i am dumb but i know i think smarter than them, building a house is very very good but building it with little or no stress (it doesn't have to completely affect your life balance i.e the quality of school your children goes to, the quality of food you eat and your quality of life in general) is best. My opinion is for the OP and the husband to sell the house if that is the investment she is talking about and set up a business or two that will yield steady cash inflow.

Chubhie:
Finance is a very big issue in marriage and ought to be sorted out before standing in front of a priest to say I do.

Your husband hustle to bring food on the table whilst your own hustle pays fees and funds projects. You've got a bigger hustle here. Double double down on the hustle and quit trusting your husband with funds cos he is a bad manager.

You can buy the net and pay boys 20 Naira to fix it for you.

He may not be a bad manager, in life every body have their season of ups and downs, how you manage the downs has a lot to play when the ups finally comes or if it will come at all, my sister I will say be strong and stay positive and prayerful the time of your laughter will surely come.

safarigirl:
If he was useful to his wife, she would not be wailing to strangers on social media

Common net he cannot fix, how? We were burgled in January this year, we waited till the police had seen the net the burgler tore to gain access to our house and immediately after, my father handed my brother thread and needle, and the net was sewn back together.

A torn net should not be a source of anyone's worry, something thirty naira thread and needle will fix if someone was being innovative.

Both the OP and her husband have no business getting married and building a family if they cannot sort out small domestic issues like torn net and overgrown bushes, what will happen if their fence falls one day?

Let me remain single, if this is what some people are seeing in husband house. The kind of father I have has set a standard for me, as far as men go, and if I have to reduce it, let it be reasonable.

I understand you now.
You judged him by your standards. I have no issues with that.
Some men never learned domestic duties but do you think that makes them entirely useless, even if they are broke?

Mai dear, people marry every Saturday o. I tell most of the men are hustlers too.
Your dad is your hero. He really made an impression. Nice one

J2381:
wrong!. Very wrong. One of the things that gives stability is having a steady flow of income.

And you don't know having rest of mind is key to getting a stable income. Have you been under pressure, esp from a landlord? God help you! You will think you are cursed. To see #2000 job that time na war; na that time promise n failure dey follow pass.

Mutemenot:
It's not true, I know more than 20 of them who are currently in good position, enjoying their years of struggling... the only problem here is on how to Carter for the immediate need of the family...

Politics is like music or acting, in fact all of them are forms of entertainment

For every person that "made it" there are a million failures still waiting for their "big break", and their families suffering needlessly behind them

That guy is not being realistic. In fact he is being vain and selfish by allowing his wife to shoulder the whole burden while he wastes time