There are deeper issues that you did not include in your post.

You obviously came out because your marriage is already going south. If you care about your happiness, please consider house chores your responsibility and also teach your children to help out.

2. Always put him first. Whatever decision you need to take, talk to your husband first. Seek his opinion and let him decide. He is still the head of the family. And to get a favorable response, be calm when presenting your points. Let him see reasons why you think a maid is needed. Tell him you don't have extra time to do it and that it will be unfair of you to allow your crown "him" to do house chores.

3. I guess you always brought in ugly maids. Please get a smart, beautiful and cheerful maid. Your husband will smile withing...But that can be dangerous anyway...Lol

4. Do not! I repeat. Do not report him to anyone be it his family or yours. And lastly, never! I repeat, never speak of you paying the bills and feeding the family. Not directly to him or anyone. You will put a bail to your marriage once you start making it obvious.

In addition, how do you manage your salary? Does he know how much you get and how you spend it? Do you carry him along or just do your thing the way you feel right?

Getting a cleaning service without consulting him first proves that you don't recognize him as your head anymore because he doesn't have a job and money. And he had to fight for his position by insisting that you get a refund. Always ask for his direction and you will hardly get it wrong.

Do you trust him with money, if you do, consider handing over your salary to him to manage the house and always request for money to do whatever needs to be done.

These advise is meant for you if you genuinely want your marriage to be sweet. For a feminist, this is tantamount to suicide. So its yours to consider.

Thanks.

genq:

Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

Talking trash. How do you narrate a story without saying what led to what? So many immaturity in nairaland.

CHoccolaTE:
See another example of how women keep getting scammed with this marriage crap.

Men will never ever agree that they should be responsible for housework and childcare but ther selfish arrogant asses want women to be co-breadwinners and providers.


Op the lord is your strength. Ask yourself what he himself would do if you were the one sitting at home 24/7 not providing and not doing housework and then demanding that he should not employ house helps. Will he take it in patience and still show you love?
Or better still ask him.
Ask him if he enjoys seeing you get stressed and overworked because of his ego issues.

And the funny thing is that many men in marriages today are living like this because of the bad economy, they depend on their wives for financial support but will stubbornly refuse to help with house chores.

You are right and same time, you are wrong. The op husband was born with a silver spoon and this category of men or women doesn't know anything about house chores and with that, they won't support nor help in the house. It remind me of my colleague born with a silver spoon. She lack basic home training and she can nag, and disrespectful.

Just2endowed2:


You are right and same time, you are wrong. The op husband was born with a silver spoon and this category of men or women doesn't know anything about house chores and with that, they won't support nor help in the house. It remind me of my colleague born with a silver spoon. She lack basic home training and she can nag, and disrespectful.

Well not all of them are like that, it depends on the persons upbringing and orientation

Fountainofyouth:



Leave her previous comment alone and answer her valid questions, but no, you had to be a schmuck by calling her something you can't even verify on a faceless forum, pathetic.

She was way out of line with that comment. Didn't make a shred of sense.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

So much shocking incidents, albeit i have only read from only one party.......

I would speak my truth.......... Your husband is simply unrealistic, proud and egoistic.....

Woman like you are a rear breed and he better cherishes you, before he loses you!!!!!!!

He should be proud to do the home chores and look after the kids, like his life depended on it.


And finally, he better grabs the next job that comes knocking.........

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I see all the men here are just trying to pamper the situation by supporting the man and advising the woman to either make her children start doing the chores or keep quiet and do it herself and leave the man alone....FOR WHAT NAAAA? Is it so that the woman will continue answering married? And the man will now be doing what na? Sit there, not contribute money, not contribute physical assistant and still be giving useless orders? And I made a comment before that she should ignore him and do the needful, one Sissy of a man was attacking me....
And to think that he got some job offers but he's selective saying it not up what he was doing before. in this present naija someone is still being Choosey? And he'll not let the woman be? Madam, na you let am turn you to mumu. Yes! Some women like to act like men are their oxygen in this life that's why he can be doing what he's doing. And for you to still be asking how to satisfy a man who is not willing to satisfy you but ready to frustrate you. Hmmm.

Let me tell you, these days, stress is 40% of death causes. So let him and his likes here on Nairaland be telling you to combine chores with your hectic job, if anything happens to you, the man will use your savings to take care of another woman cos I'm sure the way you're behaving sef, he'll have access to your bank account.
Nothing will happen to you and you better make sure of that by striking a balance now.

I'm sure if it was the other way round, all the men here will abuse you and tell you to get a life, dont kill the man, you are a liability blablabla but now it a man see how they are shamelessly advising you to turn yourself and children to maids for a man who is not willing to get on his ass and take up his manly responsibilities.

The Bible says, any man who can not take care of his family is worse than an infidel.
Quote me at your own peril. Useless advice everywhere. Tufia!

MamaFryo:


What is this one even saying biko? Is he not meant to be the bread winner of the home as the society takes it. So when the woman now starts acting as the bread winner is there not something wrong? That is not even the issue, if he were to be the one working and the wife is at home, won't he expect the wife to do the house work? Now that he is the one at home, why is he not doing the house cleaning?

bread winner KO.....ATM giver ni

Fountainofyouth:



Tell me something, so for 5 whole years you sat down at home doing nothing, what does that make you? A lazy ass man or egoistic man who refuses to do any type of job to cater for your home

So when a man says he is out of job you think he sat at home for 5years. Get sense

Lugianostar:
How many books of marriages did you read before settling down please?

Rubbish.... Even those that wrote the books didn't have a settled married life...they are talking about live experiences, he is talking about books....

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

Calm down my sister before your BP will raise very high

He is just depressed and because you have his time, he is pouring it on you

Just do the little you can and leave the rest

You can't be over burdened and your health will be at the brisk you have done all you could to put him straight but he is not getting it

Just watch out if he starts beating you, find your way

He is not in his right senses and we don't want to hear bad stories

edward1106:


A normal white man would have committed suicide after the job loss. They rarely settle for less. Its mostly the black men abroad who do such.

Thank you I wanted to say that but because it want make the second or third page I said I won't
But you're correct

SMH at 99% of the comments by the (m)s.

Typical Nigerian marriage counseling session, tips on how the woman should bend over backwards to protect the husband’s fragile ego. This can’t be emotionally healthy for the woman.

She is hurt, angry, confused, exhausted and she needs help but she isn’t going to get it. Instead, she has to bottle all her feelings and kowtow to the man’s needs first. Who will tend to hers?

[quote author=LordKO post=84237834]He's suffering delusion of grandeur, which is a major hallmark of small-minded people (no apologies) - a typical egotist. A sane person shouldn't be forced to become conscientious - sane people do so consciously and voluntarily. [ I don't know whether wisdom can be found in this forum, someone posted self righteous one sided account of her husband and without verification, u all are insulting each other over it, for the fact she brought it here is evidence she desire praise from us, cos if she had talked with her pastor, in-laws, her husband friends, and acted on their advice, she would have found solution to her problems, but op my advice to you is love is unconditional, if as u said he was a hard working caring husband, u should know that he ought to be depressed cos he couldn't provide and care for his family as he did wanted, u, his family and friends should join him in looking for other job cos his mind is not in that his small business, if he regain his balance financially, he will bounce back and only then u will enjoy him even more.. Cos u passed the test of been a good wife, he will love and care for u like never before. Marriage is for better and for worse, if u dont mean it, then u dont say it before the alter of God. the ball is in your court

farady:
OP, thank God for using you to keep the home running, still loving you husband etc. Your husband really need some time to chill off and some bit of counseling preferably from someone he greatly respects to give him new "factory settings".

His behavour which is normal with men that have experienced job loss can be really traumatic. To him, he has lost that his economic power (which defines his masculinity) to provide for the family and in fact lost it to you................Look whether you bring in a cleaning company or not, his attitude will not change for the better, it will grow worse. At this moment, he need the support and encouragement of everyone, friends and family.

Get someone he truly respect to talk to him. On your part, go on kneels and commit him to God in prayers. Next, as you run the affairs of the home, please be kiafu make you no go mis-yarn. For instance you come dey hala like "I think you people have finished this milk that i bought just 2 days ago" or "I don't understand what you people are boiling with gas oh, that cylinder I just filled it with N4k last week and the way the cooker is burning, its like the cylinder is getting empty"...............When we men hear things like that, some of us get very upset, cause he would start thinking all these years he has been spending, nobody heard anything.

I pray God will visit your home and He who sees your sincere heart will restore joy and happiness to your home by settling your husband in Jesus name, Amen!

Amen

UnbiasTruth, thank you for all you do. I’m assuming you’re looking for a way forward.

My advice?
Once you get paid, you can transfer like 50% of your salary to his account and let him assume the role, say you want to go to the market, say ‘Darling, can you help us with some change, we’d be cooking’.
I believe you’re making the burden light on him as this ain’t best of times for him; being a man picking up his bills before now but due to circumstances he just can’t no more and that being temporary.

Give it a shot, it actually might work.

Thanks, God grant you a peaceful home. Amen

24kmagic:
I just feel he's kicking against strangers coming into your house because he doesn't want outsiders to find out that you're the one running the home. Because one way or the other, they will know and he'll lose his respect before the public, you know how 9ja people do reason.

As for not wanting to assist, he doesn't want to lose his dominance over you. Cos believe me once he starts helping, you'll unconsciously think that's his responsibility.

Honestly, all I see in this is a family man that is frustrated due to his inability to provide for his family. He will come around as soon as he gets a nice job.

But he's lucky to have you tho, 95 inside 100 women will not take that from their man.

They'll rub his joblessness on his face till he gets depressed, leading to suicide.

You're blessed!

Tru talk sir

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I sympathize with you on your situation, you may need to understand that what gives men joy is what they do and how much they make, the minute there is some sort of distortion in this happiness is out the window and they don't think straight.

Domestic chores is not something that men like, but it's also not something that they aren't capable of doing, the problem is it's being introduced at a time the man is questioning his manhood. You are definitely going to get stuff resistance, he lost his prominence at work, he sees domestication as loosing prominence at home.

Now I may be wrong but I think the reason he insists you do the chores is for it to affect your performance at work or better still loose your job. This behaviour is not emanating from wickedness, it's just out of frustration and questioning his manhood.

The fact of the matter is that 90% of the time he is is not going to get a similar or higher role than what he previously had especially now that a year has passed with him out of the labor market.

The solution simple go see your husbands mentors and get them to talk to him, not on the phone, face to face, he is more likely going to listen to them and make sure he is not in the loop that you went to meet them.

As men it is sometimes difficult for us to start again, because we use all our energy to build, life also teaches us to build, collapse, and rebuild. Learning this lesson makes us stronger and wiser. Women move on very easily especially when it pertains to a career but men tend to lick their wounds longer.

You and your husband need a date night were you guys will talk, communication is key. He won't open up easily about how he feels but persuasion will help him open up. You both need to discuss how you feel and come up with a framework on how to manage your home while this setback last cos it's only for a season, the sooner you learn the lesson life is trying to teach you the soonest it ends.

Start training the kids on how to clean up after themselves, your conversations with your husband should include getting someone that can come clean the house once in a week.

Hedonini:
Interesting topic with a VERY valuable lesson for those who are quick to chant 'don't marry a man that does not have a "good job" or a man that earns less than bla bla bla.

Many in this generation with the wrong mentalities would eventually suffer and die of mental ill-health and maniacal depression. They don't know it yet. You think say na by the beginning? Life is bloody long.

You start well on a shaprapra shapropro level (for your mind), you come feel say life soft, dey carry shoulder for your supposedly less fortunate peers, but you forget say the race na marathon and weather dey change. When you reach midpoint come run out of fuel, when life unexpectedly change your reggae to blues, na body go finally tell you.

Two seconds, everything don burst.

Those with sense, let them learn the right lessons.

Too much listening to Wizkid
But you're on point

It's just funny that these days, whenever anyone brings an issue in their relationship or marriage, the best advice is to quit or kick them out. Nobody wants to fight for the survival of the union again...

7[quote author=noisy45 post=84250504]your husband needs a job he will be back to normal when he has one[/quot

so the house should remain dirty or the wife kill herself with work because her depressed egoistic husband hasnt come around.

The woman suffers alot in marriage and let men getaway with a lot of tinz.

Chai,God i thank you everyday for my husband.I'm so grateful.

Fountainofyouth:



Tell me something, so for 5 whole years you sat down at home doing nothing, what does that make you? A lazy ass man or egoistic man who refuses to do any type of job to cater for your home

if that was all u saw in my comment.. Then what's the point in replying u dear bro... I pray u won't experience such in life.. Be good

[quote author=Kingpele post=84255438][/quote]u are on point.. We reason alike.. I guess u are married and experienced

Na waa sha... WOMEN.... Just a couple of months she has to take a little bit of responsibility and she's all over the place ranting lol. Pastor, Nairaland etc.

The man is obviously very bitter about his lost job and stuff and you're there asking him to clean toilet like that will make him feel better...

This is why i will only trust women or really, anybody with my arms stretched and focus on getting my shit together financially and shit.

This Life.

Its now i know that feminism is a sham scam.

Pussywar:
patriarchy kings won't like this thread at all. Op you have patience, I'm not insinuating anything but if it was me, soon as he showed that stupid arrogance, that he can't do house chores and doesn't want you to get a house help, ogbeni I don waka. But we are not the same. Stand you ground and insist on getting a house help since he's a 'man' and they didn't teach him how to be a responsible human being. No offence . Y'all both have same rights in that house. If he won't help you, get house help. Wonder why y'all marry shit like that anyway. No offence . That is why they keep insisting women should be submissive, so shit like this can happen. I dey vex abeg. Mtchew

Second person I will quote on this thread
The possibilities of you marrying 10men in five years is 1
Because you will always waka waka
Until you'll become a sign post of Waka.com
Op do not bring any house helper or maid
You will regret it
Because when he recover he will always use it against you that just for months that he Resigned from his job you became disrespectful and now money don come you become respectful
He might end up falling for that your maid and you will last regret it.
It is better to disrespect a man when he's Rich than when he's poor

I know how to feels when we travel to my in laws' place for events, she would have given me about 10 to 20k to form big man and dash her aunties, grandma and siblings.

The only person that knew was her MUM and I'm sure she told her all these tricks.

Infact, during that period my wife had a baby and her mum came to stay with us for a while. It was a torrid period for me as I couldnt contribute to diapers, hospital bill's, and baby food.

Sometimes, I would go inside the car and cry because I couldnt perform my duties.
I didnt know that my wife's mum was observing all these until one day, she called me aside and told me she understood what I was passing through and I should not put pressure on myself because its a phase of life that will pass.

She did all these because she knew I was providing when I had a job. From all indications, your husband was doing his duties when he had a job so if you want things to work, just discuss with your mum and use some the above tricks.

All these is a result of a failed nation. Thank God today we don JAPA and we have gone past that phase. Now that I'm back to my feet, I TREAT HER LIKE AN EGG.

Just pray he doesnt start indulging in BET9JA.

I wish you luck madam

And if the guyman dey read this.

Guy you gast calm down and humble yourself.
Mine was probably worse that yours when I had the experience, but I washed plate, clean the house, wash car, pick kids from school, even cooked before i go to pick her up in the evening.

And fortunately, I started my masters program and ended it during that period. You can also consider that with your wife's support.

But abeg dont start playing BET9JA o...

dominique:
Send him back to his father's house to go and learn some manners. Don't take him back till you're convinced he has changed.

abeg epp your guy, i am banned in business by spambot

genq:


Based on your previous comment I shouldn't even be responding to an uncouth scallywag like you.

You said OP's husband should be locked up - of course you'd say something so senseless and idiotic being that you have no man of your own.

Local champion

You mustn't comment on every issue. sometimes you should just read and pass. If you cant respond maturedly, just be quite

Pussywar:
patriarchy kings won't like this thread at all. Op you have patience, I'm not insinuating anything but if it was me, soon as he showed that stupid arrogance, that he can't do house chores and doesn't want you to get a house help, ogbeni I don waka. But we are not the same. Stand you ground and insist on getting a house help since he's a 'man' and they didn't teach him how to be a responsible human being. No offence . Y'all both have same rights in that house. If he won't help you, get house help. Wonder why y'all marry shit like that anyway. No offence . That is why they keep insisting women should be submissive, so shit like this can happen. I dey vex abeg. Mtchew

Mouth making ..you cannot do shit..

Better remain single for the rest of your life...ndi ala

chical:

You mustn't comment on every issue. sometimes you should just read and pass. If you cant respond maturedly, just be quite

*quiet my dear.
You really should've taken your own advice and also "just read and pass"

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I hope this get to you....

Your husband as most black men is a survivalist by core.
The opposite of this mindset is "seeking glory"

At this point of his life he feels scared and erratic because he knows his survival is hinged on an "Another".

The only way you can help him is to daily encourage him to seek glory, that they his something within him that is bigger that the world is waiting for.

Also discourage him about survival mindset because last last none of our skins survives, the body we are trying to save still ends up 6 feet decayed

I noticed you both are Christians, perfect! Because according Romans 8:30 every Christians have been pre destined for glory and greatness.

As you help help him move from the pit of survivalism to the higher ground of glorious destiny in Christ Jesus, you would start seeing tremendous changes.

Kingpele:

You must be an idiot for quoting with your trash-talk. Foolish people like you are always quick to equate foolish with wisdom. I don't expect a bumpkin like you to know that the husband's unconscientious behavior has started draining her and if he fails to eschew egotism immediately, he'll create a problem in the marriage. Anyway, bumpkins like you aren't known for extrapolation, so I'll pity you.

Now direct your further mention(s) to small-minded people like you because I don't indulge nonsense.