Mrsabuh1:
honestly you are right about everything , what u said is painful but that is the actual truth, now my father blamed me ,he doesnt even want to listen to anything ,he said I shldnt bring my three children to him .while I was away I wasn't allowed to see my kids ,traditionally they said the kids belongs to my husband and I can only take the female child away but even at that he didnt even allow me take my daughter. he knew if he purnish me with the kids I ll come running back and he won .my father still blame me for everything and said I didn't give them enough time to investigate his family before marriage ,I was 22 and trust me I didnt really know much,I dont even know what the word RED Flag means , the signs were there and obvious but I was too dumb to notice that ..now its late and I dont know what to do ,business isnt even growing that much as the proceed from it I use in providing food .. I feel so down,wish I can turn back the hands of time

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

Alexaonfleek:
you didn't answer my question.
Even if the wife is a bad woman(hypothetically speaking),can't he take care of his kids?
What kind of man just leaves home without trying to keep contact with his family?it shows how irresponsible the man is anyways

frozen70:


He is just being smart for reasons best known to him

But along the line, its affecting your marriage

The first mistake you made was allowing him to convince you to come home and ha e your kids but I not really blaming you because you lack sine experiences then

This time around, calm down and let his plan hatch, it's either another woman is punning him down or he has a bigger plan

As it is now, pray hard for God to touch him and he moves you guys over there

When you get there, you will understand all the games he has been playing, if its for you guys benefit or for his selfish reasons

Meanwhile, don't stop asking him of money for upkeep and mellow down from questioning his movements

Let his conscience judge him, if he has at all

Be happy and don't allow all this issues weigh you down, he is enjoying himself there that's men for you

You have to relax and enjoy your bonding with your children

With time things will set it

He is just being smart and it will reveal soon

Mrsabuh1:


honestly you are right about everything , what u said is painful but that is the actual truth, now my father blamed me ,he doesnt even want to listen to anything ,he said I shldnt bring my three children to him .while I was away I wasn't allowed to see my kids ,traditionally they said the kids belongs to my husband and I can only take the female child away but even at that he didnt even allow me take my daughter. he knew if he purnish me with the kids I ll come running back and he won .my father still blame me for everything and said I didn't give them enough time to investigate his family before marriage ,I was 22 and trust me I didnt really know much,I dont even know what the word RED Flag means , the signs were there and obvious but I was too dumb to notice that ..now its late and I dont know what to do ,business isnt even growing that much as the proceed from it I use in providing food .. I feel so down,wish I can turn back the hands of time

Tellemall:


What does the type of marriage have to do with anything? You people can invent reasons for deadbeat behaviors in men.

Some people aren't even married, just living together, and they do not do what this man has done. Just admit that the man has issues. He lies, beats her, cheats on her, abandons the children; and all you can come up with is if she was married in a church or not?

NOC1:
I think he is into street, but relating with his family on phone is not way out, in fact that’s the ideal thing to do.
I know those on street don’t like having their family close to them but many try to let them know what they are doing and why it should be like let’s talk whenever I am not busy

Mrsabuh1:


yes his family did the Introduction on his behalf but he was around for our wedding ..we had both traditional and church wedding ..thanks

LordKO:



Citing the OP's submission, the man's behavior is bad - shame on him if he has unjustifiably acted in such manner - he can do better, no matter the circumstances. However, your tactical support for cynicism and contentiousness among couples is rather repulsive; you'll be doing more harm than good to your clients in particular and the marriage institution in general, if you continue with this kind of mentality. It's unethical for a couple to unjustifiably mete out distrust and rebelliousness towards another - two conscientious people in pursuit of a common goal shouldn't be caught doing such against one another. Cynicism in particular is the unpronounced major cause of disunity among couples.

As a divorce attorney, a conscientious one I have to believe, your first duty is to master the act of differentiating altruistic couples from egoistic ones and avoid giving the former advice meant for the latter. You (a divorce attorney) can't have a successful career if you fail in this regard.

Resourcefulness is refreshing and engaging, however, it always becomes a toxic if the aim behind the grit is to cushion cynicism in particular and subjugation is general.

You can do better, believe you me.

generationz:


How men can abandoned their wife and kids for another woman baffles me?

They act like 5 year olds.

It is even better to divorce the wife first if the marriage is tiring than to just run away.

Shows that not everyone going into marriage did it out of love. Many marry for selfish reasons and later dump their responsibility on the other person.

Mrsabuh1:


I have three kids already, where ll I start from , I have really endured enough , if only he can stand up to the responsibilities of his children , trust me I'm done

IrishB:


. He has an unknown plan maybe another woman... Some Men are just wicked in nature

koning:



Stop being stvpid. You are just gloating over the woman's problem. That's evil. There is no scam in what the man did. He simply wants to go and hustle alone. A wife and 3 kids might hold him back. By the time he drops a Mercedes Benz 2017 model for the wife, all will be forgotten.

As long as he pays your house rent in Nigeria and gives you money to feed, leave the man alone. He simply wants to hustle for you all without hinderance.

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

15ssDRIVE:
Wetting Dey pain me be say,this Man fit Dey run street to put food on the table. Run one ogbonge deal with one cougar,wey be say. Las lass Na you and kids go enjoy the benefits.

Se Jeje.

Slow slow slow

samdede:
My 1 cent advice to you is to get busy with your fashion design work while looking for other opportunities.
Please focus on your children and the fashion design work (a bird at hand is worth more that millions in the bush).
I pray God to see you through this phase.

srclark:
you have said it all .I wont really blame the man the fact they both once lived in dubai says it all the zeal to relocate to another country is there but i think the finances is the issue here .Many of our young women out there see marriage and child bearing as a pension plan .From her write up she said she is close to 30 and she already has 3 children where on earth is she rushing too now you want the man to perform magic to relocate you and the kids to another country getting a visa is one thing moving and relocating the family is another thing (you cant give what you dont have ).My advice to the op is better face the facts and accept the situation on ground many women purposely turn a blind eye to the truth these days and expect their husbands to perform magic .Going to the uk alone he can easily squat with his friends but who wants to squat a family of 5 *na for audio all this things dey easy when it comes into reality guy na war ooo* unless you want to go to the uk and return to naija the way you returned from dubai

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

maynation:
Me I have nothing to say, but please be mindful of the kind of advice you take to use here o mama.

Nairalanders are home wreckers.

obiekunie2:
he suspects u r cheating on him. he feels that last child is not his own