MedicH:


I totally support you on this. This woman as far as I have read from you is not a helper. A lot of women today out of their own laziness and worthlessness so much emphasize that there primary role in a home is as a helpmate but majority also fail in that role. You bring in all the money at home and she doesn't know how to manage it and she is not willing to learn me personally I won't take that.


Now she's addicted to the social media and wants to meet people and talk about inconsequentials and irrelevant things and of course you and I know the risks involved with that. The time she spends on social media can be used to learn a lot of things that can equip her to be useful and truly a help mate. Me won't take that too.


I do tell people especially guys that when you get married to a woman I didn't meet in ur university days,/those formative stages of your life, there are strong possibilities of that marriage not working out well. I spent a lot of years in the uni, as much as 8 years and each time I had one girl friend and not more. The thing is by the time u spent those formative stages of your life with a woman and you learn about her while she learns about u as u both continue to take in a lot of conceptions about life, internalise some and discard some, a lot of intricate characteristics and attitudes will be laid bare.

I won't advice you to get a divorce if your union has produced kids already because of the psychological effects. In that case, you need to school that woman to curtail her excesses. Put her into perspective the way you want or try to figure out her passion in constructive/productive spheres and help her achieve it. If she has none, it's a disaster.

JERRY1925:
Truth is.. You can't handle this issue being calm.
U a man.. Show her you know how to flirt better.
And if u know u will feel sad about flirting too... Get some female friends to help you..
Some girls feels they are always right..with their decisions. If she actually have not fallen for anyone now.. She will soon, she just not met her kind of man online. So it's best you tackle it now.
And the only way is putting your marriage in line too by doing what she does.
And if she values the marriage she will come begging.
Infact when she's ready for sex, don't be ready, be on facebook or whatsapp laughing For no reason...she will be sad..but she will come back to her senses.
U a military man... But too emotional.
Once you don't like something in someone and you can't walk away.. You have to do everything you can to make that person see reasons why it must stop. If not u go just die early.
She have no justification for doing what she does, not even bordom.

Bola146:
I think she is always bored because of the nature of your job. All you need is patience, sit her down and explain all these to her

ZionMyWorld:


That may be true, just so sad she display act of disloyalty, and it attracts serious consequences you know... smiles.


Anyway, I pray for the best.

chinwezdasilva:
Carry the kids go DNA first if they are truly yours, sit her down jajely tell am as you dey feel if she no Wan calm down... No even think of to involve family involve the court for divorce.. A man doesn't need sex alone he also needs peace of mind

Bola146:


Let me tell you, money is not everything in marriage.. some ladies are just so social.. they want closeness, intimacy. Their husbands must know them very well before getting married to them.

chinwezdasilva:
Carry the kids go DNA first if they are truly yours, sit her down jajely tell am as you dey feel if she no Wan calm down... No even think of to involve family involve the court for divorce.. A man doesn't need sex alone he also needs peace of mind

ZionMyWorld:


It had never been about money, I told you I never had anything when I met her, my early marriage made me more focused, God have been gracious to us, he has been providing for us and making live better than when we started.

Bola146:


Okay ooo, I wish you best of luck...

NobleDeSage001:
If flirting with other women will reset her brain, then sustain it. You did it and it worked but then apply wisdom.
Her attitude is as a result of your far distance from her. She will need time to unlearn what she learned while you were not at home. A habit learned is usually difficult to drop.
Talk to her about the damage she is causing in your marriage with her attitude (disrespect, insensitivity). Keep sounding it into her ears until you notice a positive result.
You need to be patient with her with the hope that she will change. Both of you need to clearly understand each other's likes and dislikes as well as tolerance threshold.
Good luck to you two.

chinwezdasilva:
You should also ask yourself these questions. You had colleagues both in school and in military both men and women do they call you as often as her said colleagues calls her. If no then the handwriting is on the wall.. Because I can call my fiancee often but I can't be calling me old school mates often even my bestfriend.. That doesn't mean we don't communicate

ZionMyWorld:


We are gentlemen, we are not violent regardless of public perception.... lol

Thanks for your advice.

Saintmary:

Have you considered vacation. Probably week long, could be fun. Since she's bored.

ZionMyWorld:


Well if we get to that bridge, we shall see.

Divorce isn't the best option, but the situation is getting me frustrated, I understand nobody is perfect, but sometimes the best option may not be sustainable...

I have never caught her with someone, though i spend less time with her, I stay far away... But I hate the distractions she is entertaining, they serve no good purpose for me, the kids and the marriage.

midnighter:
You are a very nice guy oo..ha!

She had better stop that rubbish, that's all I gat to say because I don't know how she's not ashamed of herself

Being an extrovert has nothing to do with it, she is self-centred and irresponsible.

How can she refuse to learn the business yet tell you she is bored? Bored of what exactly?

Ha! I don't know

chinwezdasilva:
You should also ask yourself these questions. You had colleagues both in school and in military both men and women do they call you as often as her said colleagues calls her. If no then the handwriting is on the wall.. Because I can call my fiancee often but I can't be calling me old school mates often even my bestfriend.. That doesn't mean we don't communicate

Samyj247:
u get sense

chii8:
Marriage brings two different being under one roof,I think the bottom line in all this is for you to have a heart to heart talk with her,sternly talk to her about her attitude you're not comfortable with, tell her also how those attitudes can destroy your Union if she doesn't retrace her step...if she loves you, she will adjust,to have a sweet and peaceful marriage, sacrifice must be made, she need to understand that



Although, she might not be cheating, it could be just her personality, I as a person, don't mingle at all,sometimes I used to wonder how my husband noticed me,before we married (10yrs back),I'm an in-house person,as big as I am,my friends are not more than two plus my husband three,I don't even call them self,I do all the gist with my husband and nairalanders,I see people at times as intruders, but that's my person, I have tried changing but at times, it's difficult and tasking. So if your wife is the opposite of my character, she has a lot of work to do and you need to make her understand how bad her behavior is affecting you.

chinwezdasilva:
you too bro for seeing reasoning with me whether introvert or extrovert do your circle of friends call you the way her old time colleague haba e no go well, the rate I dey use call my babe no b d rate I dey use call my bestman self people gats wise up oh, this ladies can no longer as simple our mom

Samyj247:
. e get one proverb weh say..u can fool all of the people all of the time but u can't fool some of the people all of the time. how can a wife be receiving calls at odd hrs even after knowing that the man doesn't like it. That wife must be very sweet...let me just pause here, I don't want to split much. I don't want to go into conclusion, that's why I said Zion should investigate his wife. na u Chinwez make me talk too much.

ZionMyWorld:


Ok ooo

ZionMyWorld:


Self centeredness is a right word I think, though she comes from a broken family, she lost her mother at very young age, have deep resentment towards her step mother till date, she had literally lived all by herself even while living in her father's house.

This idea of working together as a team is alien to her, there are some things she does and never told me, like doing monthly contribution or keeping cash with someone to keep for her, and she won't let me know, while am so open to her, because that's how I grew up, my mom n dad work as a team.

I sometimes tell her to carry me along whatever she does so that I can be in the picture. I buy everything with our names, our cars, house, land, everything carries my name and hers, even we both signatories to our bank accounts. Despite I do the work, while she handle home front and recently start managing a nursery and primary school we setup.

Seems her upbringing caused irreparable damages to her mindset. Now am facing it.

izzou:
Firstly, I'm not married. So please take my comment as an irrelevant one

I do not think your wife became an Extrovert overnight. She was an extrovert even before you got married. Maybe you didn't see it, maybe you neglected it, but it was there. You just have to put her in check on how she distributes her contacts. You may not be able to stop her from being an extrovert, but you can make her an extrovert with Common Sense

Also, you cant have it all in life. Everyone one is imperfect, and that's why we supplement each other in marriage. Your wife is not business inclined. That's her imperfection. You don't have to have sleepless nights over that. You have to find a way to explore her other strengths and encourage her, instead of seeing it as a barrier. You can be involving her with little steps, but don't put pressures on her because of it

Like I said earlier, it's just my theoretical knowledge of marriage and my interactions with people

midnighter:


Okay, I think I get her better now. She craves attention and affection due to the petting and nurturing she missed out on as a child.

However, if you have told her that you don't like certain behaviours and she still continues then that can't be blamed on childhood trauma. It's simply self-centeredness because you're not the one who caused that past misfortune and she shouldn't take it out on you. She should adjust.

The one that's concerning me is taking calls from different guys at all hours of the night, I'm sorry but if she doesn't stop that then you should report her to an elder she respects and let her explain to them who exactly she is talking to by that time. She can't continue like that, it's not right.

As for her secretive nature, though it hurts your feelings I feel that you will keep reminding her to communicate with you and let you in. She has had to grow a thick skin because of her family situation and it will take time for her to let down her barriers. Though, after 10 years of marriage I think that you should show your anger a bit more strongly so that she can see how seriously you take it.

When it comes to money, to be honest it's normal for some women to hide money somewhere in case of emergency. I can't really blame her for that because to be honest, you can be caught short at anytime with nobody to help. But I understand that you find it offensive.

Bear in mind that you are both flawed creatures and you married each other's imperfections and weak points, the worst of your characters and not just all the nice stuff.

You can grow together and heal each others wounds, as far as you are both open to correction and adjustment.

So to your earlier post I don't think you should be thinking of divorcing her over these issues although she does need a very good talking to.