ZionMyWorld:


Thank you so much for you deep thoughts, we could have grown beyond this point in our marriage, but due to my job, we rarely spend time together, to be honest I spend 21 working days leave a year with my family throughout my service in the military, and some rare cases, I had come home for just a week or so.

But now that I left the job, I hope we would be able to get to learn ourselves better and possibly be able to work it out.

Once again, thanks for your nice words.

dview001:
if your wife still receive calls from different guys,I can categorically and empirically tell you that she's cheating..if a girl is in a serious relationship with you (as in you're her main guy) she will never pick unnecessary calls in your presence, infact most times she won't insert her hotline whenever she comes visiting you. If a girlfriend can be that cautious how much more a wife?.Please understand that her heart is no longer with you..pele take heart

midnighter:


You're welcome, unfortunately you were away due to the nature of the job but at least it afforded you all that you have today so it was a profitable venture even though you sacrificed much.

Now that you will be spending more time at home it is a crucial time for you guys to build yourselves and your relationship; almost like a second courtship, so be sure to make the most of it.

Not that you have to force affection or overdo things but make a conscious effort to understand each other and forge a stronger bond.

From all you have written here you sound like a very reasonable and well-mannered fellow, I am sure you people will be fine as long as you keep an open mind towards each other.

Permit me to say that you are changing our perceptions of military men who knew one of you could sound like this lol

henry4lov1:
Pls bros I will like to talk to u privately,

ZionMyWorld:


Soldiers are the finest you can get out there... Very cool gentlemen. lol

Thank you for your time.

ZionMyWorld:


I don't think it will be a good thing for me to start acting under pressure to show extra love and become excessively "romantic" to win my wife's love because of fear of losing her. It's not pride brother, but I think if she give me reason to think that she want to be with another person, then I think the best is to let her go.

If she wanna be with me, she should learn to respect our privacy and marriage. I also had female classmates, course mates, colleagues that I can activate or start searching for on social media, but wetin i go gain, from bringing unnecessary distractions. That's my point...

Anyway thank you for your kind words.

ZionMyWorld:


I don't think it will be a good thing for me to start acting under pressure to show extra love and become excessively "romantic" to win my wife's love because of fear of losing her. It's not pride brother, but I think if she give me reason to think that she want to be with another person, then I think the best is to let her go.

If she wanna be with me, she should learn to respect our privacy and marriage. I also had female classmates, course mates, colleagues that I can activate or start searching for on social media, but wetin i go gain, from bringing unnecessary distractions. That's my point...

Anyway thank you for your kind words.

Happyguy201:
my brother just buy a HD spy camera which is usually very small install them in your house and monitor your wifes moves it can also capture voice so when your not around and shes answering calls you can hear it clearly and see who she brings in the house when your not home . it saved me from my cheating ex . goodluck sir

dancok:
you are a real soldier man, u will never summit. Hmmm

lefulefu:
hmm just friends
ok ooooo

dairykidd:
A lot of wives don't respect marriages anymore. They go about flirting on social media and then it gets to real affairs. So i met a lady on social media, good looking, sounded intelligent. We both commented on a particular post and we just connected. I had no intention whatsoever of taking it past there. Next she would reply my comments on every post so i slid in the DM. We got more to know ourselves and all the while she never mentioned being married with 3 kids. We exchange numbers. Started chatting on WhatsApp and as usual, when a lady likes u, pet names no dey hard to give u. Na so she start. We would call and text and talk about every raw & crazy thing we would do to each other. One day she requested a dick pic while we were at it (crazy dirty talking) i consented and she did same.. Not a day passes that we don't talk on phone or video chat. It was when she started confessing undying luv for me & how she can't do a day without hearing or seeing me blah blah blah that i decided to check her profile sef because i have only viewed the surface of it... Lo and behold 3 kids. I asked & she didn't deny it. Then i asked if she was married... She said yes too. I felt a cold chill in my bones. I don't do married ladies but for some reasons i couldn't tell her to leave me be. My saving grace is that we haven't even met. She stays in the mainland while I'm in the islands. The one weekend we were supposed to meet up i just cancelled for other reasons. So now i know she's married i started giving her space but she would have none of it. Calls, text & chats seriously complaining abt how i have changed. I blamed work to stop further arguing. She still calls till now and is even telling me she would be spending some part of the holidays with me... As for me i'm done. I no longer call her, text/chat her and when ever she does i no longer give room for her usual sweet talking. One day we where chatting and she told me she's Hot & actually wet. I asked her to go meet her husband. What she said is "that one is already sleeping" next thing she was talking abt my dick her wet pussay & dipping a finger in it... I had to my network immediately.. Now i think she's getting the message. I don't want. I will never want another man's wife. And to married men please make ur wives happy. A woman will cheat on u when she's unhappy. At least from my little experience i know that one. Op fix ur home. I hope she's not far gone. Not every guy out there is like me. Some guys solely live to fcck married unhappy women. Some for the money some for the fcck of it. I wish u the best bro.

To whom it may concern: If u read this don't take it personal na something when just happen & i have it under control. If i no post am here u wouldn't know. So just chill

ZionMyWorld:



Thank you sir.

ZionMyWorld:



Thank you sir.

ZionMyWorld:


When you see my kids, you don't need a DNA test to tell you am their father.

All my kids look exactly like me, none look like my wife.

They all have my physical resemblance that sometimes make me baffle at God's awesomeness. Well, hacking into her phone is not a big issue for me, but I really don't want to get to that extent... I doesn't have to go through all the stress to keep a marriage.


Like a said before, she's an extreme extrovert, she get carried away with pettiness, she want to reconnect to everybody she had known, you know, people you have lost contact with for long, she suddenly bump into them, and wanna bring them close, this is dangerous to us, and flirting with random guys could be very dangerous too for me.

She isn't security conscious at all, she meet and trust people within seconds, flow with them as if she had known them for ages.

I suspect she enjoy those flirtatious conversations she is having on social media, possibly making her feel happy or wanted, (I don't know)... But some could have actually led to meetings in person, with the fact that I have not been around for very long time.... You know everything is creating an atmosphere of suspicion.

Smiles.

nuelyoyo:
This response makes you sound confused, you said you suspect her, yet you said you don't want to go to the extent of hacking her phone to know more about what she does behind your back.

When you suspect someone, there is this natural urge to investigate them, I am not saying you should go to that extent to keep the marriage, I am saying knowing the truth will put your mind at rest (if it turns out she ain't sleeping around).

The truth mustn't turn out that she is sleeping around, the truth may just be that everything ends with flirting. You don't know what it is that is why you are suspicious. And from my experience about suspicions, it ruins relationships, because each time you guys are in a happy moments, those suspicious thoughts just creep in and ruin your mood.

You said earlier that you are considering a divorce, well that is your decision to make, but for you to even initiate a divorce you need something more substantial, not some accusation that hovers around flirting.

HACK THE DAMN PHONE! After our hearts, the next place that harbours most of our secrets is our phones.

nuelyoyo:
This response makes you sound confused, you said you suspect her, yet you said you don't want to go to the extent of hacking her phone to know more about what she does behind your back.

When you suspect someone, there is this natural urge to investigate them, I am not saying you should go to that extent to keep the marriage, I am saying knowing the truth will put your mind at rest (if it turns out she ain't sleeping around).

The truth mustn't turn out that she is sleeping around, the truth may just be that everything ends with flirting. You don't know what it is that is why you are suspicious. And from my experience about suspicions, it ruins relationships, because each time you guys are in a happy moments, those suspicious thoughts just creep in and ruin your mood.

You said earlier that you are considering a divorce, well that is your decision to make, but for you to even initiate a divorce you need something more substantial, not some accusation that hovers around flirting.

HACK THE DAMN PHONE! After our hearts, the next place that harbours most of our secrets is our phones.

DeutschJunge:

Boss sir, I sent you a DM

deewhydoski:
@ZionmyWorld.... I don't see any concrete reasons here to divorce your woman..I believe if u talk to her she will listen to you, With the way u talk about her she is submissive. Try to do whatsapp clone to her phone, I believe within three months you will know if she is cheating on not. Shalom

Samyj247:
. e get one proverb weh say..u can fool all of the people all of the time but u can't fool some of the people all of the time. how can a wife be receiving calls at odd hrs even after knowing that the man doesn't like it. That wife must be very sweet...let me just pause here, I don't want to split much. I don't want to go into conclusion, that's why I said Zion should investigate his wife. na u Chinwez make me talk too much.

ZionMyWorld:
Please I need your candid advice on this.

I'm a 35yrs old man, got legally married to a lady when I was 25yrs while she was 23yrs. We did a court marriage, started living together as husband and wife. I met her in Jos when I went for special mission as a Military personnel, she was an undergraduate at the time. We started dating, and become very close after couple of months I proposed to marry her and she agreed.


We got married, started a family, but due to the nature of my work most times am away on Military assignments. We started from zero together, It wasn't up to 3 months that I joined the military that I met her, so we begin to build everything together, from sleeping on a hostel size mattress, to building our own house, buying cars and planning future business investment.

But there is something that troubles me so much about my wife, aside the fact that she is not business inclined, am not trying to be unfair to her, over the period of 10 years, I have worked myself to provide all the funds for everything we do, I made my wife a signatory to the main account, i put everything in her custody. Aside the military job, am a very good programmer an online content promoter, I make 500% more than my military salary from this side hustles, and I give my wife 100% unrestricted access to everything.

There was a time I was on Operation in Maiduguri, I had earned above N10million from Google AdSense and some other Advertising Network, we planned to start building a factory somewhere in South West, I asked her to relocate from the North West where we lived as at the time, but she said she doesn't wanna be far from me. I hired a site manager that supervise the project, you all what that means, they cheated me alot. I called her to invest some of the cash on any business that can be bringing returns and replenishing the account, instead of just making withdrawals and withdrawals and sending cash to site manager continuously, but she told me that I know that she is not business inclined, she doesn't have idea of the business to do.

Am not trying to paint her bad, I love her, and accommodate everything, she was the first girl I had after I got a job, the other relationship I had in the past were mere child's play as far as am concern, just campus relationship. I don't even like girls because I don't have money to finance relationship, am cute, they like me, but I run away, because man don't have money. Aside that, I don't have flair for womanising, am one lady's man. I used those school days isolation period to date my computer and learnt programming from YouTube which today become my major source of livelihood.

Now the problem, since I met my wife, she is an extrovert, she easily integrate with people, very jovial, and it annoys me some times, because am a very conservative person. The major issue is that she flirt too much on social media, we closing to 10 years of marriage, but she hasn't stopped flirting with men on social media, even after 4 kids, she claim she doesn't have anything to do with them sexually or dating wise, that she just talk with them.

Am sick of this, sometimes she receives calls from different guys, I just voluntarily retired from the military to face my business interests, and spend more time on my other skills, after 3 years that she had relocated to my geopolitical zone in the South West, though I have not caught her with any man, but every time I come home, we must quarrel because of what she call her former classmate, course mate and bla bla bla, receiving calls at very odd hours.

Worse of it, she is very jealous of me, she make love to me anytime i asked for it, she is good in bed just like I am, we both cougars in that aspect... I have talked to her severally, how does she want me to trust her, when I leave her behind as a soldier and come back home only for her to receive calls from different guys who she claim they are just friends. I know she is beautiful, and many guys makes advances to her on social media, but she reserves the right to respond to their messages or not....

Am beginning to think of getting a divorce, it is making me miserable. I love my kids, I don't want them to suffer, I don't want them to experience broken home.

What should I do now.... PLEASE ADVICE!

ZionMyWorld:


Self centeredness is a right word I think, though she comes from a broken family, she lost her mother at very young age, have deep resentment towards her step mother till date, she had literally lived all by herself even while living in her father's house.

This idea of working together as a team is alien to her, there are some things she does and never told me, like doing monthly contribution or keeping cash with someone to keep for her, and she won't let me know, while am so open to her, because that's how I grew up, my mom n dad work as a team.

I sometimes tell her to carry me along whatever she does so that I can be in the picture. I buy everything with our names, our cars, house, land, everything carries my name and hers, even we both signatories to our bank accounts. Despite I do the work, while she handle home front and recently start managing a nursery and primary school we setup.

Seems her upbringing caused irreparable damages to her mindset. Now am facing it.

Designer123:
What type of programmer are you sir? Web or Software? I'm sorry the question does not relate to the post.

pryme:


Sorry about the situation you are in,
I can relate to the fact that she started with you when you had nothing.

Her background or character has nothing to do with her present behavior, what is lacking here is her WILL to change.
If she knows some of her excesses will make you unhappy, and it will make you to be distant from her she will have no choice but to change if you are very important to her.

The problem here is your wife is now in a very comfortable position, she has a man that can't leave without her, she is married, money is coming in, what else is there.
She can now do as she pleases because you can't do without her (and she knows it)

Am sorry but as military personnel you should have a hint of how human beings are, if you don't do something drastic or do something extreme, there will be no law and other, people won't change.

I don't believe in all this talk of "sit her down and talk to her", how can you talk to someone that has been with you for 10 years and clearly knows what you hate.

It's not too late, lay down some ground rules, get tough if you have to,
if you can't, give her space let her feel your absence, she has no idea of what she has until she loses it.
Give her the silent treatment if you have to, isolate her from your decision making and your plans, this is like a divorce but within the marriage (you must understand it won't be difficult for her to cheat on you as it stands) . tell her to enjoy her life of seeking attention you won't stop her again.

You must put yourself in mind state that you have already lost her, cos if you don't you won't go all the way, she may think you are bluffing at first until she finds you are dead serious.

And trust me she won't take it for long,

There is a saying
"some people are better off when denied their
privileged"

She wont change until something drastic happens, am sorry but that's human beings for you.

ZionMyWorld:


Self centeredness is a right word I think, though she comes from a broken family, she lost her mother at very young age, have deep resentment towards her step mother till date, she had literally lived all by herself even while living in her father's house.

This idea of working together as a team is alien to her, there are some things she does and never told me, like doing monthly contribution or keeping cash with someone to keep for her, and she won't let me know, while am so open to her, because that's how I grew up, my mom n dad work as a team.

I sometimes tell her to carry me along whatever she does so that I can be in the picture. I buy everything with our names, our cars, house, land, everything carries my name and hers, even we both signatories to our bank accounts. Despite I do the work, while she handle home front and recently start managing a nursery and primary school we setup.

Seems her upbringing caused irreparable damages to her mindset. Now am facing it.

dview001:
if your wife still receive calls from different guys,I can categorically and empirically tell you that she's cheating..if a girl is in a serious relationship with you (as in you're her main guy) she will never pick unnecessary calls in your presence, infact most times she won't insert her hotline whenever she comes visiting you. If a girlfriend can be that cautious how much more a wife?.Please understand that her heart is no longer with you..pele take heart

pryme:


Sorry about the situation you are in,
I can relate to the fact that she started with you when you had nothing.

Her background or character has nothing to do with her present behavior, what is lacking here is her WILL to change.
If she knows some of her excesses will make you unhappy, and it will make you to be distant from her she will have no choice but to change if you are very important to her.

The problem here is your wife is now in a very comfortable position, she has a man that can't leave without her, she is married, money is coming in, what else is there.
She can now do as she pleases because you can't do without her (and she knows it)

Am sorry but as military personnel you should have a hint of how human beings are, if you don't do something drastic or do something extreme, there will be no law and other, people won't change.

I don't believe in all this talk of "sit her down and talk to her", how can you talk to someone that has been with you for 10 years and clearly knows what you hate.

It's not too late, lay down some ground rules, get tough if you have to,
if you can't, give her space let her feel your absence, she has no idea of what she has until she loses it.
Give her the silent treatment if you have to, isolate her from your decision making and your plans, this is like a divorce but within the marriage (you must understand it won't be difficult for her to cheat on you as it stands) . tell her to enjoy her life of seeking attention you won't stop her again.

You must put yourself in mind state that you have already lost her, cos if you don't you won't go all the way, she may think you are bluffing at first until she finds you are dead serious.

And trust me she won't take it for long,

There is a saying
"some people are better off when denied their
privileged"

She wont change until something drastic happens, am sorry but that's human beings for you.