₦airaland Forum

ReeLoaDead:
@OP You write well. Too bad about this situation. I think it will all be well in the end, hang in there[color=#CBD8BF]Butterscotch92[/color]

Butterscotch92:
I know I'm going to receive a lot of bashing here but I don't mind as I'm looking for solution. I've been following other related threads on the topic and it seems most men don't forgive women that cheated on them.

I cheated on my man. This happened over a year ago when the relationship was going through a rough patch. Actually I didn't set out to cheat and never planned it.

In fact the person it happened with was a person I was confiding in when I was trying to get solutions to my relationship issues.

This person was my married colleague that I joined to work in his car. I thought I could get mature advice by telling him. I was weak and emotionally down and on one of such days of crying to him it happened in his car.

It happened like 3 more times because I go to work with him and come back with him. But I was overcome with guilt (because he was married and for cheating) that I had to stop. But my mistake was that I didn't cut him off completely.

I remained cordial friends with him since he is a colleague and I stopped joining his car. He also moved to another branch. He called occasionally to try his luck but I never gave in. Somehow my man became suspicious by his calls and one thing led to the other and I had to confess.

My man said he has forgiven but can't get back together again. I have been following other threads with similar topics and I saw that men find it very hard to forgive a woman that once cheated.

In this case I'm truly sorry, I have learnt my lessons and I can never make that kind of mistake again. I don't love the man in question, I never wanted anything from him apart from advice from the onset, I stopped on my own, I only remained friends because he was my colleague. I love my man and will do anything to keep him and win his trust back. I'm not a cheat by nature.

I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt and regret. I can't talk to anyone in my circle for fear of condemnation because I'm wrong in every area.

Please is there any hope for me? How do I go about winning him back? How do I convince him that I truly regret my actions? How do I help him heal?

Sanchez01:
You'd fall again and again. Cheats don't just change. In a situation whereby there's turmoil in your relationship, you'll cheat all over again and this is the thing with cheats.

You claim it wasn't premeditated but it happened on three occasions? I doubt you're yet to come to terms with the truth or you let that out just to sway opinions and sympathy. Once? I would believe he clearly exploited you and took advantage but a second and a third? If this isn't a sign of a serial cheat then I wonder what it.

That said, it is possible he has forgiven you but want does not want anything to do with you. I could forgive a business partner who cheats me but it doesn't mean I might want to do business with them again.

Move on already. You'll be fine in the end.

Godsonjolly:
Sure, every man must face the consequences. Didn't Jesus forgive the adulterous woman and told her to sin no more. Wait sef, men do cheat and sleep with married women. Who will hang them or best them? No one,their wife's still forgive. Tho it's not easy but let the guy forgives. Someone will surely marry her even if the ex doesn't, someone better will surely marry her. According to her, she said the ex was suspicious b4 she confessed. Let's not bash her like she committed the worst sin. Left for me, she's OK, let her move on, enjoy life and sin no more.

thelish:
My dear, the most important thing is for u to forgive urself n regain ur self confidence.
So many people u admire today, once did some awful deeds, but they Neva allow their lives n actions to reflect it.
Its obvious, u r sorry for ur deed. God himself has. forgiven u. U don't allow the words of people to weigh u down, cos they have Neva been perfect all their lives.
We all have done some unspeakable things that we are not proud of. Its all part of d process. Its what make life, life. It was Neva meant to be smooth all thru.
So carry urself with dignity n a better man will come ur way.
The strength of love is known when there are faults,mistakes n offences.
Self guilt n condemnation is of d devil. Romans8:1
See urself better.

Ornament2003:
Audio brain

AwkaetitiBabe:
Massage ya ego. Ozuo

emmaodet:
Mr Sanchez, if all men keep dumping cheating gfs/wives, believe me, only 3 out of 10 men will have wives or faithful gfs left.
A lot and i mean a lot of women are fornicating and not faithful. The figure is very very high compared to what people believe.
Now the question is - should we forgive this ladies and continue or destroy family set up?
Because a lot of men will be without wives or should we just scrap marriage and adopt gf/bf pattern?
Oro yi gba ironu oo

IprintMONEY:
u get better sense . she was always week for close to 20 times he bleeped her lol

deltateam:
Liar oshi.
Yahoo boys at it again. Is it not enough that someone took advantage of her. You want to try your luck abi?

Beverlyjean:
So what makes u feel someone better will marry her ....abeg stop making her live in fantasy ...even good clean rich no baggage women hvnt seen better husband finish ... What makes u feel her ex wunt b the best she will ever meet in her lifetime ?? Good people are hard to find these days ooo... The good ones are even turning bad these days... Only a selfish cold hearted person 4ks someone that is married ... She dint even think about the damage she also brought to the wife ... She has no conscience ... She is very selfish and her selfishness is the only reason she wants him bk ... Women like that are very dangerous , trust me

Katsuke:
Well whatever floats your boat, good luck with that

AussiePlayboy:
I don't think so.. Although not the best approach, but there's nothing really weak with how he ended it. Obviously his confidence and esteem would have been crushed at the beginning when he was still in it, if this helps him get over and get himself quicker, so be it. Although best way to end things like this, is to simply Ghost with no dramas.

@Erums

TonyeBarcanista:
Thank God you broke up but learn your lesson!

Your ex see you finish! She has ZERO regards for you and you were the last option for her! She would have married those guys if they were serious. She saw you like an insurance and retirement plan but THANK GOD YOU BECAME WISE and broke up!

Next time: Define your standard

Forgive not a cheat
Any girl that sees another man while dating you doesn't respect you
Any girl that compares you with other men has ZERO regards for you

What is expected of you is breakup without communicating with her!

Butterscotch92:
I know I deserve all the bashing I'm receiving here and more. But I wonder why it's very difficult for most to believe that I'm actually repentant about the whole thing. I know I really hurt my man which is part of my pain. I can never repeat such action no matter the circumstances with what I've learnt and I believe if I am lucky enough to get a second chance I'll be a much better version of myself and be forever grateful. It happened in the car because I wouldn't have agreed to follow him elsewhere by then it would be premeditated. I rejected every of his attempt to meet him anywhere else. Those were moments of weakness although it cannot be justified.

Ornament2003:
Doofus

Godiloveu:
By the way stop mentioning ex they never ex yet!

bukatyne:
Are you the guy in question?

Godsonjolly:
Sure, every man must face the consequences. Didn't Jesus forgive the adulterous woman and told her to sin no more. Wait sef, men do cheat and sleep with married women. Who will hang them or best them? No one,their wife's still forgive. Tho it's not easy but let the guy forgives. Someone will surely marry her even if the ex doesn't, someone better will surely marry her. According to her, she said the ex was suspicious b4 she confessed. Let's not bash her like she committed the worst sin. Left for me, she's OK, let her move on, enjoy life and sin no more.

Classyuniquebae:
Dear OP

You are human and human make mistakes . We all do in one way or the other . I'm hurting more from the fact that you are hurting deeply and yet you don't wana give up on getting your man back . This is my little piece of advice ....

You deserve forgiveness for the fact that you willingly confessed your sins to him without being caught in the act ( believe me, most Nigerian men and women would never admit to cheating unless caught red-handed. )

Do not be too hard on yourself so long as you've learnt your lessons and without mistakes most times , lessons or experiences wouldn't be gained. You've gained a great deal of experience that would completely alter the course of your life for the better !


So , please let go of your man for your peace of mind , sanity and growth cuz even if he accepts you back , he might constantly torment you with the reminder of what you did and how you don't deserve a second chance or how he forgave you out of pity ... Believe me , you would become a shadow of yourself believing that you are not worthy of his love and that would ultimately destroy your self esteem in life .

It's now time to prove that yes, I'm a strong woman . So get up , dust yourself , pick up your handbag of lessons learned and note books of experiences and March out to start a new life .

If that man is meant for you , he would come back after all most Nigerian men cheat and they bloody well do it with other people's wives and girlfriends and most times , the wives have to forgive their cheating husbands or still enduring it ) Truth be told , no lady or guy is single hypothetically speaking ...(Na somebody own ) and do not be surprised he has cheated as well but you know .... Na you go confess �.

So please, take life easy ! Something and someone better is coming your way and believe me , he would be so blessed to have you cuz you won't repeat same mistakes again .

Life is short! Move on !!!!

Good luck Sis .

Beverlyjean:
So what makes u feel someone better will marry her ....abeg stop making her live in fantasy ...even good clean rich no baggage women hvnt seen better husband finish ... What makes u feel her ex wunt b the best she will ever meet in her lifetime ?? Good people are hard to find these days ooo... The good ones are even turning bad these days... Only a selfish cold hearted person 4ks someone that is married ... She dint even think about the damage she also brought to the wife ... She has no conscience ... She is very selfish and her selfishness is the only reason she wants him bk ... Women like that are very dangerous , trust me

stubbornman:
Do you know how it feels when he pops the question "Did he fvck you??" and you say YES!!!!...... Damn eh dey pain oooh I swear especially when he has been faithful to you....oboy... My ex did same to me she even left with the guy without remorse ...when she was trying to come back I cleared her once by telling her that even though she is the right woman for me from wherever it's either I get married to the wrong woman or remain single... I don't even take her calls anymore!!!

cococandy:
I just read the first paragraph and couldn’t go on.

You actually read this and posted it?

Stallione:
Seems ur a chronic cheater and needs a dullard as husband?

Mindfulness:
The process that leads to such conclusions and confusion is something else.

RisenPhoenix:
Better to have no wife than to have a cheating wife. For me, as long as they continue to cheat and I find out, I will continue to dump. All that one about destroying family set up blah de blah is just engineered to weaken men's resolve and make them continue to accept just about any shit from a woman.

Mogambo123:
We men believe that a cheating girlfriend never repent, I thought it was just a saying until I noticed it on two occasions with me and with my friend .

You are lucky he's moving on, some guys would just be using you as sex object until you are tired.

Move on you can't have him back .

mayim:
I read all u wrote, I’d have written exactly the same thing some 5 years ago, how old are u? Or better still, how experienced are u? U must have cringed at the thought of my opinion since it was a clear deviation from the general comments here, see there was a thread like this on nairaland years ago when my situation happened and a particular guy made a comment like mine, I sent him a pm and my testimony isn’t complete without him. We all can’t sleep and face the same way. I made my decision and it sure worked out for me. Forgiveness is not for the weak, it’s or the strong. I wud have relayed the experience better to u for more clarity but it might be pointless since u only read to criticize. U said she shed a few tears? It was more than that, it’s not abt tears alone, u have to see thru someone to decipher if they are truly repentant. Let him without sin cast d freaking first stone. We built something so perfect together and it was worth saving, mistakes are a part of life so u ave to deal with it. Lastly, I reiterate that looking back, I’m assured and convinced that I took the best decision. Hopefully u are mature enough to realize this. Just so u know, most men will never come out openly to confirm that they have been cheated on but it sure happens a lot. For me, it’s now a painless scar, with all u said, I don’t even feel an iota of pain, it’s all gone bro. Hopefully u mature enough to realize these points someday. Peace

emmaodet:
Mr Sanchez, if all men keep dumping cheating gfs/wives, believe me, only 3 out of 10 men will have wives or faithful gfs left.

Now the question is - should we forgive this ladies and continue or destroy family set up?
Because a lot of men will be without wives or should we just scrap marriage and adopt gf/bf pattern?
Oro yi gba ironu oo

mapet:
It would seem to me you're suffering from an entitlement mentality. You believe you've done your part in coming clean and he should do his part by forgiving and ......... deserve a second change....and everything gets reset to default mode. Unfortunately cases like these hardly play that way. Telling you he has forgiven you, may in actual fact mean finding peace of mind for him; more like letting you go in peace so that he can heal. Asking for a second chance and this early is like forcing it. Do you understand the implication(s) of CONSEQUENCES? Forgiveness does not absolve you or facing it. It's like a scar.

My tots (not advise) - Let things take its natural cause. Don't even expect a second chance......