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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain (59401 Views)
Help! My Marriage Is Giving Me Pain. / An American Woman With Two Husbands And Three Children Is Causing A Stir Online / Sex Is Causing Problems In My Marriage, Help Me Save My Marriage (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Desric(m): 9:01am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Chi59:My dear go back and read about those women I mentioned and their thinking about marriage, the way they've successfully steered the ship of their families and career over the years. Every man wants to be proud of the successes of their spouses as long as such success does not come at the detriment of the dignity and pride of the man or his home. For your information, if you're looking for a place of contest, your family or husband isn't one please, instead take up a career in politics, there, the whole world will applaud your voice loudly and the range of choices you make. If you want to marry, be ready to be humble and submit to your husband otherwise your feminist independent woman attitude will only see you becoming a single mother that's if you're lucky 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 9:05am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Ladylite: are you ok at all? ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by holocron: 9:10am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Ladylite: At the bolded, what the f_ck is that? 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Tunyx01: 9:12am On Dec 18, 2019 |
SBL28: Lol, this your advice is too ash, this type of advice can only come from feminist who find it difficult to be submissive, (you can quote me if you like). @forward77 had said it all. the best way is to negotiate with him, we all know that if the two parties are working the family would grow faster compared to when only the husband is working. is the daughter that will suffer it if the marriage breaks. He said women that are working are not always submissive, tell him yours will be different. The way women interpret love is different from the way men interpret it. women wants to be cared for and pampered while men want their wives to submit to them. even the Bible says men love your wives and women should submit to their husbands. So my advice is that you should let him understand that you will always be submissive. *Dont destroy your marriage* 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by futurism: 9:25am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker:that one shock me. Some people are crazy you know. Just ignore 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Graxie(f): 9:26am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Your husband can provide for you right? You were working before marriage then why did you resign? Start saving from upkeep money. As per your checking up on your daughter in school, what kind of school is that? If it's daycare, he is right. Enjoy being house wife while you save, get good skills that can boost your cv. When you turn 30years, he will start begging you to work. Remember every marriage is different. What works for MrA hardly work for mrB. 2 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by agrovick(m): 9:28am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Forward77: Bros if the tables were turned, will you still give the same advice this time to the man. Saying à working wife won't be submissive shows how insecure the man is, if he can't do his part in making sure his wife is fulfilled, is he worth being called a husband? 5 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Duru009(m): 9:44am On Dec 18, 2019 |
SBL28: What's your point please? Are you advising her to quit her marriage or what ? |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by bukatyne(f): 9:54am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker: He was raised by a single mom so he is no stranger to women working. The question is did he feel he lost anything? Bonding time? Did he feel his mother was too stressed? Did he see his mother do unethical things to fend for them? Why do your parents think you are stubborn? |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Forward77(m): 9:58am On Dec 18, 2019 |
unmask: Read the Bible Mark 10:9 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." If by any means those beautiful couple divorce because of anyone of you, that person will pay with his/her life. For all those Nairaland empty brained feminists and faceless dumbos who will attack me without offering a solution. Don’t pour out your frustrations on other people. Go get a life and remember you will pay for every wrong advise you give to anybody. If you don’t have any sensible contribution, just pass. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by bukatyne(f): 10:05am On Dec 18, 2019 |
midnighter: Maybe he felt neglected because his mother was a single mom and does not want his child to feel that neglect too. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by bukatyne(f): 10:06am On Dec 18, 2019 |
midnighter: Ever heard of Nigerian brand of Christianity? 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:12am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker: Your parents know you more. If they say you are stubborn, THEN YOU ARE. they must have been saying this to you since u were in school, but all u do is trying to convince them to see things from your perspective. Better treat your husband like he is the MASTER/ BOSS at work place, else u may be contemplating parking out. You were too young to marry at 21. At that age, you were still trying to stabilize your emotions. For goodness sake, if your HUSBAND says he doesn't want you to work, CANT YOU RESPECT THAT OPINION? husband means MASTER. if our ladies are not ready to treat men like a master pls don't dabble into marriage. Treat and respect him/his opinions like a KING and see if you will not be the QUEEN by his side. How can u be arguing with your husband because you went to school? This is one of the topics our parents failed to stress much. HUMILITY. I rest my case. I am married and have a beautiful baby. And I am enjoying my home because my wife has gone to school BUT STILL HAS A TEACHEABLE heart 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by FManager(m): 10:13am On Dec 18, 2019 |
oshe11: Will you keep quiet this man? If I were her brother and her husband is misbehaving I will warn him. She has the right to build her future, when he was marrying was there any agreement that she will be his prisoners. Only cry baby men will act this way. He's an arsehole for trying to hold her down for his own greedy betterment. What if he dies today, she will now be struggling to make ends meet. KEEP YO BITCH MOUTH SHUT MISTER, YOU HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT TO PUT. 6 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Saintmary(f): 10:13am On Dec 18, 2019 |
midnighter:a la destiny confiscation smh |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by bukatyne(f): 10:15am On Dec 18, 2019 |
coolviv: I also add that you listen to what the person is not saying. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by oshe11: 10:29am On Dec 18, 2019 |
FManager:k |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Saintmary(f): 10:33am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Liftme:more oil to your engine ma'am 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Pataricatering(f): 10:35am On Dec 18, 2019 |
u have married ur own Cross - any man who insists on submission - u should already know ur married u just because he needs a personal door mat ! And u are fulfilling his need as a doormat - how would someone tell unotto work and ur there looking like a mumu ! U already know he doesn’t want the best for you - his ego odd only important thing ! Better clear his eyes for him before it’s too late . Submission never got anybody anywhere . Damilolacoker: 2 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Bigbabylymbo: 10:52am On Dec 18, 2019 |
SBL28: No cap you mumu die, as in, your mumu get rank, you deserve nairaland mumu ballon D’or. Where in the OP’s write up was she complaining that her husband didn’t love her, she wants to work and her husband doesn’t want her to, she has her reasons that seems right to her, he has his reasons that seem right to him, i think if we really want the best for this couple, we should be trying to look for ways to bridge this differences, bring them both to common ground. @OP please what’s your main reason of wanting to get a job, is it because you have a degree, or it’s for the money because from what I’m looking at these are the two highest possible chances. Let’s try and look into the bigger picture @OP. Things are not always what they seem sometimes. 1. Did you meet your husband in school, if yes, what if destiny place you there at that point in time, not to get a degree to find a job with or anything you thought, but to actually meet your soulmate that has been divinely reserved for you and customized to fit into your long term life? 2. If your husband is really earning enough why not persuade him to put you on a salary that is will be equivalent to what you expect to earn from a job? So you can focus in taking care of your kids for the time being, I mean you really don’t know how lucky you are bearing children this young, it gives you a lot of leverage in the long run, imagine you had all your kids before 25, dedicate the next 7 years to bringing them up right. Your home is happy, don’t you know how proud your husband will be of you? He will over love you and want to move mountains for the sake of the family ![]() I’m just a 21 year old boy but I can tell you all this confidently probably because I guess my mum went through this phase at some point too. She was very young, just like you, and in no way am I exaggerating she was like the most beautiful girl in her time, she still istho. She got married early and I still wonder how but I guess she understood all the secrets of wifehood at that early age, I’m still jealous of my dad till today, especially when I look around today and see the way womanhood is going lol. My pops asked her not to work she agreed since money he was able to make enough money to take care of he family, she invested her time in the home, my dad handles the outside aspect and worked to bring things in, she in turn took care whatever my dad brought in. Soon enough they had me, one year later they had my little sister, my mum was educated so growing up, she was always my lesson teacher, taugh me and my sister to read, basic arithmetics and all that so even if I went to play in school, when I got home, she’s sit my ass down and start the lectures from the beginning, god I hated those times lmao. But it was for the greater good. By the Time I was in primary 1 primary 3 class teacher would come to my class and carry me to her class and make me read out their reader in front of the whole class to make them feel ashamed. This I didn’t have to learn how to read by the time my peers had just started I was already a master, thanks to mummy. Continued till I finished primary school, went to boarding school, my sister closely behind me the whole time, now we look like twins and my mum looks just like our elder sister, I remember when my mum would always come to school to visit my my seniors would be telling me all those stuff that my mumsy is fine o, that I should help them with her number thinking she was my elder sister, I would get very red with anger wow, those years. Fast forward to now, I’m in uni engineering 300lvl, my sister, 200lvl industrial chemistry, same school. Not forgetting as we got into secondary school, my mum got a job with DHL, with all the respect that came with it, if she told you her children were already in secondary school, you wouldn’t have any other choice than to applaud her. Now everything seems right on track. Nothing can ever take away the love as a family. She worked. My dad bragging to the world about the wife God have him, me bragging to the world about the mother God gave me, everybody going beyond their abilities to make her happy and give her whatever she wants. My mother’s has single handedly been the string to keeping our shit afloat as a family. To some she would have been foolish some years back, but she understood that it was a long term game from the very beginning. And now mist of her friends she started with don’t talk to her again not because they fought, but because after all the advice they gave back then and looking at their lives, marriages and family now, well let me not say a thing. And I can boldly say to you that we’re not rich but I’ve experienced several rich people envious of our small little family. So what I’m saying in all this long story, don’t look at now, look at the long term game, try and master it, Bleep my mum is not even is not even fifty years yet but she’s a role model, and still Hotter and more than some of my teenage friends�. So @OP there’s absolutely no need to rush, it’s natural that men seem to think more differently than women, be a wife of virtue and watch him go to war against the world for your sake, take advice from us fools here on nairaland and play with your marriage it’s your call really. Make I sharply go add your odd for Bet9ja make you go choose ![]() ![]() Wtf!! Husband wey love you, una no get any other major issue, na this one devils wan take use comot gold for your hand smh, all this women advising you now, just try Bleep up make your husband leave you, come back to NL paste him number, watch how they will treat him, as if he’s the only man in this world, he will even be remoting them and they will be smiling and come here and still say nonsense about men. Let’s be wise please. 1 Like |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Saintmary(f): 10:56am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Damilolacoker:You do not need permission to find yourself a job. From what you posted, it looks like you have been brainwashed by mainstream religious and cultural sentiments of servitude in marriage for women So, you will be asking for money for sanitary pad for you, and pampers for your baby. An educated woman!!!! This is what you need to do, start looking around for a job once you drop your baby at the creche, don't say anything about it at home. Reconnect with your mother, you have not been close to her. Take the small money you have with you and start a retail business for now. I will stop here because it is pretty difficult to advise someone I know little about. 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by ashantitope: 10:56am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Please don't take this advise, I promise you that when you let him know through your behavior that you will be submitting to his order everything will be alright talk to him the way he will understand don't argue with him because on the day of your wedding you made a vow |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by ChristineC: 10:59am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Newguyhere:
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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 11:01am On Dec 18, 2019 |
FManager: I perceive you are not married. If you are, you'll treat your wife worst than this if you don't get that RESPECT YOU desire in the marriage. RESPECT!! The only thing a married man can't be sure of getting outside his home is RESPECT. Well, now that you are not her brother or husband, help her with a positive advice. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Bigbabylymbo: 11:01am On Dec 18, 2019 |
It’s just a thing of common ground and understanding, then you’d see how not much of an issue it is to bring on here for ‘saints’ like us. I mean married people in the house if your marriage na 100% smooth without any issue share, like if you’d rather sit down with your spouse within the confinement of your room and table out issues like the team you should be. All the many different advice on here will only Bleep up your mind and leave you more confused than you already were, and you know how it is when we make decisions in confusion, it may be crazy fatal. I hope you guys really sort this out and are happier than you ever were before. One love |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by LilMissFavvy(f): 11:11am On Dec 18, 2019 |
Any lady who comes to this section seeking marital advice from the men here is joking, because most Nigerian men are very partial and full of ego, they will always give bad advice that benefits the malefolk. It's amazing that all of them got blind, and did not see where the OP mentioned that they had an agreement that she WILL START WORKING when the child is enrolled in day-care. Why has the husband suddenly broken his promise? To the OP, if your marriage is worth more than your destiny and life ambition, then allow your husband to manipulate and stop you. Your parents are not the one that will fight for you, only you can fight for yourself. Many of these men keep calling women who know their rights ''bitter'', even when they do not know the personal lives of the ladies here, they keep assuming, very stupidd set of folks. They are quick to put fear in the OP that she may lose her husband, like a 24yr old would not be able to remarry as well. I cannot understand why a husband should stop his wife from training/correcting a kid. He suddenly wears an attitude and does not pamper you, he might be cheating on you, be careful, so that you do not end up as a full time dependent house wife with a cheating husband. Damilolacoker: 5 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by crackhaus: 11:41am On Dec 18, 2019 |
UyaiIncomparabl:No need bashing her. There was an agreement between them on when she should start working and he has reneged on that. So if she had any sense, now will be the time to start making financial demands that will drive him crazy since he wants to be a superhero. Nobody will tell him to let her work by the time her shoes, clothes, and handbags start to occupy every available space in their wardrobe. 6 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by darealez(m): 11:58am On Dec 18, 2019 |
SBL28:You'd look at this comment in say 10yrs from now, and laugh at how funny you sounded. You don't fight every battle with grenades, especially one that requires just a broomstick. Smiles.. |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by pocohantas(f): 12:20pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Lol, don't worry, when it sets, same men telling you to be a jobless woman- will ask you what you brought to the table. They will tell you how a man cannot respect a woman who contributes nothing. When your parents start needing help and you have to go beg your NIGERIAN HORSEBAND, they will remind you of the liability that you are- just as your fellow Nigerian women. Then you will learn a very important lesson. Do not listen to what men say- watch the things they do. You have married your horseband, carry your cross and keep submitting. It is never difficult to identify a man who wouldn't support your dreams as a woman. You were obviously too young to notice these signs. Lucky him! 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Lexjully: 12:20pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Ladylite: When you die, you don't know you are dead.. .other people feel the pain. The same thing happens when you are stupid |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by djon78(m): 12:21pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Pataricatering: That's where the op made a mistake. Why did she agree to stop the work she was doing before she married. Why did she not iron these things out during courtship? Single girls should be very wary If a man is coming for your hand in marriage. Find out his stand on all these issues. Many are very cunning and deceivers. And marrying a deceiver is already a wrong foundation already You don't want your wife to work, why then going for a graduate/ career oriented woman? You should have married the uneducated type or the type that doesn't want to work. That's why a lot of marriages are nothing to write home about. Deception, lies, to cunningly marry someone and make there life miserable. Absolute nonsense 3 Likes |
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by LilMissFavvy(f): 12:27pm On Dec 18, 2019 |
Wow.........this comment made me smile. projectorz: |
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