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Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain - Family (11) - Nairaland

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Help! My Marriage Is Giving Me Pain. / An American Woman With Two Husbands And Three Children Is Causing A Stir Online / Sex Is Causing Problems In My Marriage, Help Me Save My Marriage (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by PerseDew(f): 4:27am On Dec 18, 2019
doitforyou:

Maybe the man should have defined his terms and married a woman with traditional values. There are lots of Nigerian women that would readily become a housewife if they’re presented that choice. Why did he marry a woman that decided she will only be a housewife for two years?

That’s always the problem, some men don’t marry women that fit their values but after marriage want to force/subjugate/mold another breathing human being with emotions and aspirations into their idea of a model wife.

Also, believe it or not there are feminists that are happily married to men that want their wives to be a partner. You’ll see those men happily show off the achievements of their wives. This world is huge and many men and women have different definitions of an ideal spouse.

After about 20 yrs, those ones that didn't allow their wives to work will use those achievements their friends told them about their wives to taunt their own wives..asking her what has she achieved.

OP, some have said it already, your parents failed you. His reasons are enough for you to be adamant and make sure you find work or start a business.

Many have mentioned how you should be dependent on him if promises a salary or joint account. I say don't fall into that trap not only because he might use it as a means to subdue and control you but because life is too uncertain to depended on anyone. As long as being the sole bread winner does not make him immune to death, sack letter or incapability of any form, fend for yourself even if the profit is meagre. Also, as your child grows to pre teens and in teenage years, nurture any talent they have or you help them find what they like doing and develop it. Try as much as you can for them to enter Uni not just with brain but with a skill.

6 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by lessonsoflife: 4:28am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Let me tell you something

** Online could be the best, freedom

** You feel cut out from making friends hence you wont accept online job

** Many married working class women are praying they have a husband who will ask them to stop working as the man is capable of taking care of the family

** Many married women are laid easily at work place.

** My coworker will resign this month to go take care of her son. The assist manager has been on her for 6 and yesterday she jokingly told me she has settled him.

You see these days women are getting more useless.

Correct your daughter till you tire, girl wey go spoil go spoil. If you are faithful and your husband too, many of your children would be disciplined and faithful without stress but what do i know.

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by WhoBeThisMan: 4:35am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.
you are advising a woman to put fire in her home and burn it down. Is that an advise to give to a young lady in a young marriage? I bet you are not even married yourself.

The key is negotiations. Table the matter with him well. Know your husband and know how to get what you want from him. Not coming to nairaland and getting this "leave him if he dosnt agree" advise. Every sensible woman always have their way in a marriage.

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by WhoBeThisMan: 4:40am On Dec 18, 2019
Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young
.

Wow you don't have sense at all. People like you have no business advising married couples. I even blame to op for bringing this topic here for every tom dick and harry to comment on . smh

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 4:40am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Home breaker spotted.

@OP, this advice WILL break your home, might be too late to repair.
Don't ever get confrontational with your Hubby about your complaint. And if you do, then he acts cool to it to allow you win, know you've lost him.

Negotiate in love and understanding, not this bullsh1t up there.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by WhoBeThisMan: 4:42am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:


Cheat on me with our daughter ? undecided
that's what you get when you bring your personal issues to nairaland

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by aakpan904: 4:48am On Dec 18, 2019
You need to feed him well emotionally (that thing). And keep on negotiating in love. Its not a fight matter. Whatever be the case he has and will always have the last say on a matter. So you have to be a wise woman to get him to do what you want in a respectful and loving way. The most important thing is that you keep your marriage intact.

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by hustla(m): 5:20am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .



I hate men like this
Na low self esteem dey always do them

They feel once the wife starts earning and becomes a little independent, she won't be at his beck and call or take all the shiitttt he wants to throw her away

Better find job cos na this same man go insult you for future say you be liability

I no know where una deh see these kain men sef

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Pat081: 5:29am On Dec 18, 2019
[i][/i][b][/b]
Emaprince:
You are a FOOL!!!

In your usual irritating manner to hang a man, you always can't hide the uselessness inherent in you.

Cheat with his own daughter, just because he loves his daughter. Idiot!!!
sorry to say this ??u are d fool here if this lady is ur blood sister is this how u will advise her??what is dia she want to work we are in 9ja anything can happen 2d work of d work or to him sef and let her teach d small gal now because of 2mao
Emaprince:
You are a FOOL!!!

In your usual irritating manner to hang a man, you always can't hide the uselessness inherent in you.

Cheat with his own daughter, just because he loves his daughter. Idiot!!!
sorry to say this ??u are d fool here if this lady is ur blood sister is this how u will advise her??what is dia she want to work we are in 9ja anything can happen 2d work of d work or to him sef and let her teach d small gal now because of 2mao
Emaprince:
You are a FOOL!!!

In your usual irritating manner to hang a man, you always can't hide the uselessness inherent in you.

Cheat with his own daughter, just because he loves his daughter. Idiot!!!
sorry to say this ??u are d fool here if this lady is ur blood sister is this how u will advise her??what is dia she want to work we are in 9ja anything can happen 2d work of d work or to him sef and let her teach d small gal now because of 2mao
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Pat081: 5:33am On Dec 18, 2019
God will bless u for this comment sir ,some guys are dia comments like fool they are
hustla:



I hate men like this
Na low self esteem dey always do them

They feel once the wife starts earning and becomes a little independent, she won't be at his beck and call or take all the shiitttt he wants to throw her away

Better find job cos na this same man go insult you for future say you be liability

I no know where una deh see these kain men sef

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by tiziano(m): 5:34am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.
you what her to add fuel to the burning fire
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by allcomage: 5:35am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:



Trust me, I correct my daughter with so much love. I do not want to do an online business, i want a real job
Do you guys stay in Lagos? Is he earning big enough for the family? If yes to the two, i support your husband. You cannot have a good home for two of you working in Lagos 5.30am to 10pm due to traffic challenges.

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by deebrain(m): 5:44am On Dec 18, 2019
Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

Wow.

I've not seen such excellent counsel in nairaland for a pretty long time.

3 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by iamjavadem(m): 5:50am On Dec 18, 2019
Unmarried person commenting, not hard to spot. The truth is nobody can care for a child better than the parents. There are jobs she can do from home even husbands want to work from home to spend more time with the family. People who work from office always envy those who work from home.
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Dumfrank(m): 5:52am On Dec 18, 2019
Hey dear,

Someone mentioned negotiation on one of the comments here. Try negotiating. Suggest starting up a job when your child is of school age, say 3 or 4plus, you need negotiate that now. I did not say argue, I said negotiate! with love, if you wanna have a loving, respected and peaceful home. Pray for wisdom.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by kremlin01(m): 6:16am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

You are obviously not married..#smh
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by tradepunter: 6:16am On Dec 18, 2019
Am in my thirties and I got married to my wife when she was 24 years old... Before I started off with her I came to an understanding she's young, ambitious and career lady, meaning I can't prevent or interfere with that trajectory.

What I did was to support and nurture her by encouraging her to engage professional course.
And the benefits is springing up, also we started a business she's always wanted to engage, tho in its infant stage she's excited and making progress.

In summary I saw the way she believed in me to lead and guide her. As a man with prayer of wisdom to love and provide for her I know I can never take advantage of her for personal gain.

And God has been faithful because 5 years after we still growing stronger with a beautiful daughter.

The scriptures that says who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord is no joke
loving your wife like Jesus loves the church is no joke
And loving your wife as God loved us unconditionally is no joke.

It's the grace of God that makes fault in someone look very sexy and beautiful cheesy grin grin... Faults that's capable of breaking relationships

Men are the head, so they must show true leadership by trusting in God and digging for wisdom in his word.

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Cuteamigo1(m): 6:25am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.
Am happy women like you are in this forum. God bless you because I don't understand what alot of guys are thinking by supporting this insecured husband. I was scrolling down to see a comment like this and you nailed it.

3 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by kremlin01(m): 6:27am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Wow! You married quite early and this might pose a problem to your perception of these things.
Marital problems are solved solely by the couples thenselves. A third party can never have better insight to you issuse than the both of you. Both of you must also open yourselves to understanding eachother and not be stern in your ways.
He is your husband and his fears are not unfounded but you must know him better and find a way to sell your ideas and communicate your challenges to him in the civilest manner.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Kingininge(m): 6:38am On Dec 18, 2019
fairfora:
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.



God bless you sir....
Op marry this advise

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by xxxkubexxx: 6:41am On Dec 18, 2019
Securing a Job now won’t bring happiness to your home.

I think his fears are based on your present attitudes (work on them).

You are still getting to know your self at 23, which is expected, plus u married too early. I feel u are under peer pressure, because you didn’t complain about ur husband’s capabilities in taking care of the home.

You are yet to convince him that you can balance a home and work for now (at 23 you may not, because you will take some irrelevant things at priorities). Having to work is not a justification for your education. Trust me, some work places are worse that ur home. Your education makes u an informed person that can organize his or her life daily.

A lot of ladies wish they are in your shoes, that you have a man taking care of all you needs should be a dream come through. In the next 7 years u will just be 30.

My advise:
1. Have more kids
2. Develop ur self more academically
3. Avoid gossips
4. Stay healthy and beautiful
5. Enjoy ur marriage
6. Make sure u are secured Incase anything happens to your husband (talk to him about this).

Taking care of ur home, ur daughter and husband is not small work. And being a full house wife does not make u lazy (you v certificate n it’s not ur call) You are a Treasure.

With time your husband will come around on your terms once ur self confidence improves.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by fauda49(m): 6:42am On Dec 18, 2019
Some men make huge mistake due to ignorance. The reason might be due to their upbringing or they may not know any better. I once experienced this many years ago.
My wife had only OND when we got married. She obtained her HND after marriage and by ghus time she already has our daughter. She didn't conceive again until after 5 and a half years. During this period she started complaining that she wasn't fulfilled being a non working housewife and I wasn't having it because my mum resigned her job from Nigerian tobacco company to raise us . I also believed children need the parents around to develop into sound and emotionally balanced adult.

However after much discussion and negotiation, she settled for a small business she was doing from the house. The business grew and she got a shop not far from the house. By this time the kids were already in the boarding house. Fast forward 10 years later , I was disengaged from the bank where I work and I have since joined her in the business. Now she has 3 branches and about to open the fourth.

So I will advise that you patiently negotiate with him and pray also that God touch him so that you can both reach an agreement on this issue. Dont listen to hardliners because it might make you lose your home. The small business my wife started that time is now the saving grace of the family now. I wish you well.

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 6:45am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

you're a graduate, think of what you can do at home and earn reasonably well. Girl's are not smiling on the street, if you push him out, you'll cry at the end. Try to win his heart at all cost. Good food, hot sex, looking sex always, not tying wrapper for chest when his at home.
Once again dear, girl's are not smiling
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by maigemuu: 6:46am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

To me this is no excuse.

You can work from home as a sit at home mom

Jobs like
1.affiliate marketing
2.drop shipping
3. Freelancing

Job or employment no b by tie or hustling day and night or shuttling between ipaja to ajah daily.

Build your career from home. Develop a skill and sell.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Excelento(m): 6:47am On Dec 18, 2019
NEVER YOU GO TO ANYONE
LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR HOME
ALL YOU NEED IS SUBMISSION
NEVER YOU GIVE ROOM TO THIRD PARTY
MY BEST ADVICE.
WISHES YOU THE BEST.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Ideyontop: 6:50am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

The devil just gave a piece of advice!
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 6:54am On Dec 18, 2019
midnighter:


Yes, I advised her to change her approach BUT THAT DOESNT STOP THE HUSBAND FROM BEING A FREAKING LIAR !
Midnighter you want to bed before midnight
Lol
Let her respect her husband
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Desric(m): 6:56am On Dec 18, 2019
Chi59:

Hogwash. The man just wants her to be dependent on him, hand and foot. Money gives you a choice, lots of choices and a voice. Any man who tries to hinder his woman from working is afraid of her having a voice and a range of choices so that she remains dependent on him to make him feel secure. A potentially abusive person.
So your major reason as a good woman/wife/mother to have money is to have a voice and a range of choices, and basically not to assist or support your husband and family? If I may ask what voice and choices are you even talking about as a married woman? Are you in any way looking for the money to start a power tussle with your husband knowing he's the head of the family? If yes, then, there lies the man's fears and insecurities, besides, with your thinking, women like Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Oby Ezekwesili, Ibikun Awosika, Omotola Jalade, even Mercy Johnson Okorie, etc wouldn't have stayed married because obviously they were ahead of their spouses social influence wise and little wonder young ladies are all dropping out from their infant marriages calling the man names and yet ending up regretting their actions in their minds. Marriage is not a bad thing at all and will never stop a lady from achieving her dreams, it all depends on your way of handing your man to the point where he can comfortably take a bullet for your sake and that way isn't by competing with his authority, it can never work.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 7:01am On Dec 18, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

I cant add anymore to this advise. You have one life, dont throw it away for anybody. Get a job and accept the offer. If you become bulliable so early, you are in for one miserable marriage and life. No one has a right to cage or enslave another...not even a husband. What if anything happens to him in another 10 years...death, job loss etc... btw i am a man and husband of 13 years. I am accomplished in my career and so is my wife. I have encouraged her all the way and she earns as much as i earn...the family is better off for it.

4 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by bayelsaowei(m): 7:09am On Dec 18, 2019
GraGra247:
1st problem: Why not try a work from home business or online business you can do from your computer while hubby is at work. Many fakes so be careful you don't fall for the fake ones.

Your husband is wrong to keep you from working just because he feels it'll make you less submissive but there's little you can do about it cos this is Africa and the man usually has the final say whether its wise or not as against America where women usually have the final say. Besides your parents are even on his side. Plus the matter is already straining your marriage.

2nd problem: Correct your baby daughter with love and not with hardness. At 2 years it'll be wrong to go too hard on her.

There's nothing wrong with visiting your daughter during break time every now and then since you aren't working and obviously have the time.

My opinion.
i am actually the opposite of the OPs husband..i want my wife to work and we argue seriously about it...this life na wa

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by frozen70(f): 7:10am On Dec 18, 2019
UyaiIncomparabl:
[/s]

Mehn. Ignorant women full this forum o! Madam abeg, just take several seats.

Just as ignorant as you are, bitch
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by joyandfaith: 7:15am On Dec 18, 2019
Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

If he can foot your bills, must you work? he married you as jobless woman and you want to start working after marriage. before getting married, it is good to have at least a source of income. please, stop arguing with him as long as he is footing your bills.
wait! why must he pamper you? do you still wear Pampers? too much watching of movies is worrying some girls. life is not fun. it is war.

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