Chi59:

You haven't yet made a point. Who told you that having a voice, choices and an income is mutually exclusive to assisting financially in the home front? Weak men like you always prefer someone they can control in every sense of the word. Someone who's total dependency fans their miniscule strength. Using long speeches to hide face, which of these women you mentioned didn't have supportive husbands who encouraged them to work? Work doesn't just bring money but a sense of value. That financial independence the working woman has is what scares you and your sort shirtless.

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Damilolacoker:


Cheat on me with our daughter ?

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

unmask:
[s]which kind of advice is that? Her husband is deceitful and shallow minded.....she should learn to take care of herself. If the husband is no more, do you know how hard it will be without a job?

I would advise she prepare for divorce[/s]

midnighter:
And about correcting your daughter, you have to tell us what about your parenting he doesnt like because you havent given enough information.

I dont really want to believe that he prefers his daughter to pee all over the floor so is it that you shout at her unnecessarily or what

Some women do go overboard with discipline because the blame and shame will be on them if the child turns out to be useless.

Are you sure youre correcting her from good intentions or out of your own vanity?

2 years old is rather early for "scolding" dont you think

At the same time going to check on her at school everyday is quite ridiculous, so maybe he is setting the scene for spoiling and future "Daddy's girl" because I personally dont understand that unless he doesnt trust the nursery teachers .

midnighter:


You have a point. BUT you forgot that the man is actually in the wrong here.

He promised her something and now he has gone back on his promise, is there anything Christian about failing to keep your word, to your wife for that matter

Theres actually nothing Christian about manipulating and bullying your wife so Christianity is not a basis here.

Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

oshe11:
This One is obviously Single, A Divorcee or a Nigerian Feminist

midnighter:


Im sorry to insult you like this but you must be crazy.

So her husband has the right to age her like wine?

He wants to waste her and mess her up in the house until he thinks nobody will come near her before he allows her to get a life or what?

coolviv:
But the thing is, why agree on something with a fellow human being like you then change it suddenly when you feel you have trapped her?
If he had said he didn't want a wife who works during courtship, would she not have had the opportunity to leave him and look for a man who shares her belief? Why this inhuman deceit?
She has married you now and had a child then you suddenly decide she should not work. So if she is a medical student that has spent 7 to 9 years to become a doctor, because of you, husband, she ll stay at home and be looking and sit in balcony everyday looking at active passersby?
If the late Dr Adadevoh's husband had stopped her from working, what would ebola have done to Nigeria today?

Pls we all need to change. Stop using Bible and societal structures to frustrate your fellow human being. Even if she keeps quiet and obeys him as she has been advised to do, she will never be happy with her life, never be happy with him and never be happy with her home.

Men should tell women during courtship what their stance is on certain major issues. Don't pretend or deceive her that you are down with what she wants only to change when you get married. And women should clear their eyes very well before taking some life decisions knowing that they will bear most of the brunt if these decisions turn out bad.
It is good to marry early, it is better to establish yourself before getting married, it is best to marry your friend.

FManager:


Will you keep quiet this man?

If I were her brother and her husband is misbehaving I will warn him.

She has the right to build her future, when he was marrying was there any agreement that she will be his prisoners.

Only cry baby men will act this way.

He's an arsehole for trying to hold her down for his own greedy betterment.

What if he dies today, she will now be struggling to make ends meet.


KEEP YO BITCH MOUTH SHUT MISTER, YOU HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT TO PUT.

Liftme:
Dear damilolacoker, I wish I can share my experience which is quite similar to yours... Some people commented that you married early, I married in my late 20s, started my career immediately after NYSC early 20s, and I was doing relatively okay... I dropped my job in the name of marriage( ex hubby insisted, said I will get another job after our 1st child is like 2 years) He lied, when it was time for me to start job hunting,he came with the ' women working usually aren't submissive' just like your hubby said.

Then I discussed business with him, said maybe in 10-15 years , I became the maid gradually( he brought in 6 family members of his one at a time). All I do is cook for them, do dishes, and other house chores). I exhausted my savings, and had to start begging him to give money for ordinary sanitary pads( he'd tell me to go use clothe instead ) ,and when I politely ask for money to buy diaper for our baby, I get insults like ' lazy woman, you don't even know how to make money. ' Do you think it's easy to make this money' . Hmmm, the list is endless.

The only difference is my parents never supported the sit at home wife, my dad especially, he insisted I get a job/ hubby funds a personal business for me ( he told hubby he didn't waste his money in sending me to school to be a full housewife.

Yes ,he is my ex now, I am single mum, working now and catering well for I and my daughter. This isn't feminism like nairalanders do say, and I am not advising you to quit your marriage ( I had other issues with my ex ,not just the job/ working ). Read comments from healthserve and SBL28. A good husband should be willing to build an empire with you, share your dreams and aspirations. If you're submissive, and not rude to him, then he is wrong to assume you'd not be submissive when you start working.

Oro pupo ko le kun agbon/plenty word can't full a basket (A word is enough for the wise)

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

SBL28:


Shut up there, chairwoman of the suffering and smiling club. The same Bible asked men to love their wives like Christ loved the church. What the OP's husband is doing to her, is that an embodiment of love. Or the poster told you she has not discussed it with him calmly? Why should a man even want to control his wife. Is that what the Bible preaches
So being submissive is letting a man ruin your life and then you wake up at 50, children have left the house and you have absolutely nothing to show Radarada.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Newguyhere:
upon say you Don marry, yansh still dey itch you to go taste outside prick bah .
Your husband is a fool for marrying a supposedly "educated" lady like yourself. .
Thats the usual excuse you guys use to start misbehaving. "I want to work"
work kee you dia.
Is taking care of the home and your kids not enough work

FManager:


Will you keep quiet this man?

If I were her brother and her husband is misbehaving I will warn him.

She has the right to build her future, when he was marrying was there any agreement that she will be his prisoners.

Only cry baby men will act this way.

He's an arsehole for trying to hold her down for his own greedy betterment.

What if he dies today, she will now be struggling to make ends meet.


KEEP YO BITCH MOUTH SHUT MISTER, YOU HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT TO PUT.

Damilolacoker:
Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Crackhaus. Food don done for you.
Oya, come bash the poor girl.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

Pataricatering:
u have married ur own Cross - any man who insists on submission - u should already know ur married u just because he needs a personal door mat ! And u are fulfilling his need as a doormat - how would someone tell unotto work and ur there looking like a mumu ! U already know he doesn’t want the best for you - his ego odd only important thing ! Better clear his eyes for him before it’s too late . Submission never got anybody anywhere .

projectorz:

I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!