They always have one trick question.

"What business will you like to do?"

When a NIGERIAN man asks a working woman that question, just know there is a high chance he is either going to convince you to leave your job or force you to leave it.

Typical attitude of those market men that marry educated women and turn them to accountants in their shops. All for bragging rights. God forbid I end up with one.

djon78:



That's where the op made a mistake. Why did she agree to stop the work she was doing before she married.
Why did she not iron these things out during courtship?


Single girls should be very wary
If a man is coming for your hand in marriage. Find out his stand on all these issues. Many are very cunning and deceivers. And marrying a deceiver is already a wrong foundation already

You don't want your wife to work, why then going for a graduate/ career oriented woman? You should have married the uneducated type or the type that doesn't want to work.
That's why a lot of marriages are nothing to write home about.
Deception, lies, to cunningly marry someone and make there life miserable.
Absolute nonsense

Saintmary:

a la destiny confiscation
smh

Lol they're just excusing rubbish because its not their relative

Which age is she supposed to be reaching? Is he running a pension scheme from their house

bukatyne:


Maybe he felt neglected because his mother was a single mom and does not want his child to feel that neglect too.

I think somebody else got it right when they said that the man senses that OP is taking out her frustrations on their daughter.

That would explain these funny funny rules. He thinks she's trying to neglect her motherly duties so that he will bend and allow her to work

So he's piling even more of them on her, even ones that don't make any sense.

If she's not very careful the man may even insist that she teaches the girl at home since she keeps reminding him that she is a graduate.

She should just be very very careful not to drag captain with this guy because the issue is already getting to the edge and he's not interested in her ambitions at all.

Ladylite:





If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

jeez!


what drugs are you on, stupidity pills?




.

pocohantas:
They always have one trick question.

"What business will you like to do?"

When a NIGERIAN man asks a working woman that question, just know there is a high chance he is either going to convince you to leave your job or force you to leave it.

Typical attitude of those market men that marry educated women and turn them to accountants in their shops. All for bragging rights. God forbid I end up with one.

My dear God no go gree make e be your portion. There are still a lot of Nigerian men that wants there wives to fly high.

I have seen men that allowed there wives do there thing, at the end, it was the best solution they took.

Most of our men don't even know that educated working women makes better spouse. They can give you sound advice that will add great value to there life.
Even the respect, they will still respect there husband well as long as they treat them right.
Even the unexposed women can be a nightmare, troublesome, quarrelsome, especially when they done born plenty for the man, there children are growing, they have arrived, and will show the man pepper. I have seen many men complain even with regrets.


Many men are not wise. The demographics is changing rapidly.
And its by wisdom you will live with a modern woman now.
It was not like our parents time
Many women are educated, exposed now, and as a man you must tread carefully, be honest with them or else you will end up with a broken home.

Wisdom is the key here for my fellow men

.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

2 [/quote]



I've not really had time to read all the comments to know if mine is a repetition of what might have been communicated.
You ask for advise, you'll get several on this forum.
***
Look at it from this angle. You've said nothing about your qualification. What if hubby is against you working because your present qualification isn't gonna earn you something meaningful (try imagine an SSCE holder acting as a sales rep/shop attendant- Peanuts).
Secondly, no one knows if the marriage was properly/legally contracted (with full parental consent- for them not to have listened to you, instead asking you outrightly to obey every of his wishes), and also the nature of your hubby's job (if always around or mostly away for weeks/months/years). Out of concerns for the family, he may not like to have strangers under the guise of househelps in his house.

*Modified*
I am not against women taking up employment. I support it because it empowers both parties in the management of the home. In fact, it should be a thing of pride when your wife is doing well.

If you are matured enough, you'd know that diplomacy is the KEY. Being diplomatic can get your hubby to give you more than the approval you seek.
Another one, I read a few comments by some asking that you have him open a shop or business for you, have you at any time discussed that with him to know the possibility (you both will know your present stand economically).

Getting the approval to get a job should you both revisit the issue is no guarantee to living happily if you cannot find a way to manage your hubby's shortcomings/dark sides or do you think the job will include "peaceful marriage" as part of its package.

Coming to a forum like this may not be the best, you have the answers you seek. The only thing that can hinder you from being happy with and in your home is YOU. My sister, marriage is not a finished product, you will have to build it. So, search within and make your home a happy one by using the key. Remember....DIPLOMACY. Most men like it when women feed their ego, confrontation won't help

LilMissFavvy:
Any lady who comes to this section seeking marital advice from the men here is joking, because most Nigerian men are very partial and full of ego, they will always give bad advice that benefits the malefolk. It's amazing that all of them got blind, and did not see where the OP mentioned that they had an agreement that she WILL START WORKING when the child is enrolled in day-care. Why has the husband suddenly broken his promise? To the OP, if your marriage is worth more than your destiny and life ambition, then allow your husband to manipulate and stop you. Your parents are not the one that will fight for you, only you can fight for yourself.

Many of these men keep calling women who know their rights ''bitter'', even when they do not know the personal lives of the ladies here, they keep assuming, very stupidd set of folks. They are quick to put fear in the OP that she may lose her husband, like a 24yr old would not be able to remarry as well. I cannot understand why a husband should stop his wife from training/correcting a kid. He suddenly wears an attitude and does not pamper you, he might be cheating on you, be careful, so that you do not end up as a full time dependent house wife with a cheating husband.

From her replies, the fear has entered her. It is not her fault, she is still young in life and marriage.

only advice i can give is before you marry him or her, check their background, marriagewise..

easy pls, your sensible comments keep throwing me off balance. Grey haired old cargoes of men say they are the head of families, yet still claim to be babies, I can't just understand.

Chi59:

Oh I'm a feminist because I denounced your blind beliefs?
You tell me, so you think you're a big baby, possessive and throwing tantrums at your age. I'm sure you have white hairs on your balls, yet you think you're a baby.
Come lemme breastfeed you.
Shame.

crackhaus:

No need bashing her.
There was an agreement between them on when she should start working and he has reneged on that.

So if she had any sense, now will be the time to start making financial demands that will drive him crazy since he wants to be a superhero.
Nobody will tell him to let her work by the time her shoes, clothes, and handbags start to occupy every available space in their wardrobe.

That's my boy. I'm well pleased with your comment.

My dear, I even see ladies telling her to tell her husband to open a business for her. If he opens a business, and the business is in his name, then it is as good as she is jobless. OP, if your husband must open a business for you, let it be in your name, since he does not want you to go find a job. Increase your financial demands, and make sure you keep a personal account. He roped you into marriage at a tender age, and still wants to rope your ambition. Let him open a business for you, if he refuse to register the business in your name, that's a red flag, do secret savings, be wise.

PerseDew:


From her replies, the fear has entered her. It is not her fault, she is still young in life and marriage.

healthserve:



It is o. I've seen many and the hell they put my sisters through. Ladies should be wise o. You did an excellent job in that your comment. Don't blame the ones that abuse you, they don't know.

The crux of the matter is many men are Using marriage to destroy their wives lives and purposely.

Just advice your sisters to be single and independent.

Why marry when you can fly on top of your liberty?

LilMissFavvy:
Any lady who comes to this section seeking marital advice from the men here is joking, because most Nigerian men are very partial and full of ego, they will always give bad advice that benefits the malefolk. It's amazing that all of them got blind, and did not see where the OP mentioned that they had an agreement that she WILL START WORKING when the child is enrolled in day-care. Why has the husband suddenly broken his promise? To the OP, if your marriage is worth more than your destiny and life ambition, then allow your husband to manipulate and stop you. Your parents are not the one that will fight for you, only you can fight for yourself.

Many of these men keep calling women who know their rights ''bitter'', even when they do not know the personal lives of the ladies here, they keep assuming, very stupidd set of folks. They are quick to put fear in the OP that she may lose her husband, like a 24yr old would not be able to remarry as well. I cannot understand why a husband should stop his wife from training/correcting a kid. He suddenly wears an attitude and does not pamper you, he might be cheating on you, be careful, so that you do not end up as a full time dependent house wife with a cheating husband.

My dear, may you never lack wisdom all the days of your life. I don't take the men on this forum very seriously o! Bunch of misogynists.

yongflex20:
Fairly used condom for sale. very cheap and affordable

na who be the first user and how many time?

LadyExcellency:


Just advice your sisters to be single and independent.

Why marry when you can fly on top of your liberty?

Marriage and God doesn't disapprove of liberty. And liberty isn't usurping authority.


Authority and Submission principles of Biblical standard doesn't relegate the female part to forced slavery and servitude. Product of bad spiritual mentoring. Show me anywhere I said ladies should not submit honor or respect their husbands

Typical Nigerian. When you're used to negative treatment, how would you ever agree to anything different.



All my sisters are done with child bearing. All. FYI


If the females are useless, did you know twice women were decoders in the history of Israel. Infact more than twice. David the wife of Saul. And Solomon brother wanted David's wife to gain access to the throne. Tell me if her mum has needsater would be comfortable providing them without hissing as her own mother ages?


Tell me if the husband runs into a problem how does he get financial support. Did your Bible not say two are better than one, that when one is down the other picks the fallen one back up ( albeit financially). Next time use your brain before you quote me.

Yes o, there is hope anyways, as I read through comments I have seen few who are sincere enough to say that the husband is wrong.

UyaiIncomparabl:


My dear, may you never lack wisdom all the days of your life. I don't take the men on this forum very seriously o! Bunch of misogynists.

They know these things, but the Nigerian horseband is a very wicked creature. He only cares about his ego and wellbeing. That is why they cheat on their wives and expect her to keep submitting, kill her dreams and she keeps submitting. Over the years, they will succeed in training a bitter monster who goes from one crusade to the other. Finally when the kids are grown, she leaves her husband all alone and heads to the house of her son. Ready to unleash her own evil on the DIL. The cycle continues.

Typical dysfunctional Nigerian family system.

May God give us good husbands and wives.

djon78:




My dear God no go gree make e be your portion. There are still a lot of Nigerian men that wants there wives to fly high.

I have seen men that allowed there wives do there thing, at the end, it was the best solution they took.

Most of our men don't even know that educated working women makes better spouse. They can give you sound advice that will add great value to there life.
Even the respect, they will still respect there husband well as long as they treat them right.
Even the unexposed women can be a nightmare, troublesome, quarrelsome, especially when they done born plenty for the man, there children are growing, they have arrived, and will show the man pepper. I have seen many men complain even with regrets.


Many men are not wise. The demographics is changing rapidly.
And its by wisdom you will live with a modern woman now.
It was not like our parents time
Many women are educated, exposed now, and as a man you must tread carefully, be honest with them or else you will end up with a broken home.

Wisdom is the key here for my fellow men

And another thing is I can't believe her parents couldn't talk to the guy for her, that is totally crazy! Ahn! I am confused o

Her father could have had some soft conversation with the dude, or maybe I didn't see where she explained that her mother never worked

LilMissFavvy:
My dear, I even see ladies telling her to tell her husband to open a business for her. If he opens a business, and the business is in his name, then it is as good as she is jobless. OP, if your husband must open a business for you, let it be in your name, since he does not want you to go find a job. Increase your financial demands, and make sure you keep a personal account. He roped you into marriage at a tender age, and still wants to rope your ambition. Let him open a business for you, if he refuse to register the business in your name, that's a red flag, do secret savings, be wise.

Dear, I also suggested business but never thought that a woman's business could be opened in her husband's name. That is new to me. The scam of buying a car or property in husband's name is one I know.

UyaiIncomparabl:


That's my boy. I'm well pleased with your comment.

Na me you dey call your boy?
If I enter you ehn, you will not recognize yourself in front of mirror when I'm done with you.

imam07:
There are many ladies outside there, starving for husband of their own. If they can even get yeye husband, they will than God. I dont believe u grew uo to know your father. Because if u did know him, your life will not be like this.
If u quote me, beheading will be ur case.

You dey craze, come and behead me nah, my father is hale and hearty you irritating schmuck, you are the one lacking parental love and care, if not you won't reason like a slimy scat, so because some low esteem women are starving for a husband of their own, means they should marry the likes of you and Op's husband abi? Get da fvck off my mention....

healthserve:



All marriages I leant support 10to12 years ago are standing. Till date I still mentor their marriages. The ones I said no, all ended or are still sad.


This one is nonsense. No man born of a woman will try this shii wif my daughters.

Why are you not married?

Fountainofyouth:



Why are you not married?

Cause people who build people up often get caught up in so many projects. And in the course of action, it's here today, there tomorrow. Never a time to actually meet people let alone connect with them.

Fountainofyouth:



You dey craze, come and behead me nah, my father is hale and hearty you irritating schmuck, you are the one lacking parental love and care, if not you won't reason like a slimy scat, so because some low esteem women are starving for a husband of their own, means they should marry the likes of you and Op abi? Get da fvck off my mention....

pls go marry. You no supposed dey where matured minds dey. Unmarried person no dey give advice to married people. Your advice is stinking.

healthserve:



Cause people who build people up often get caught up in so many projects. And in the course of action, it's here today, there tomorrow. Never a time to actually meet people let alone connect with them.

Alright.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Since you're still young I'll advise you not to work for now. Give birth to all the babies you and hubby planned to have before age 30 while doing this be saving up some money by increasing your financial demand in order for you to be able to start business (persuade hubby to assist you withsome too? with by the time you're through with child-bearing. Then you'll be able to spend enough time with your family and be able to train and monitor your kids properly in which your hubby won't have other options than to support you.

imam07:
pls go marry. You no supposed dey where matured minds dey. Unmarried person no dey give advice to married people. Your advice is stinking.

I agree that I'm not married and would soon marry, but pls don't tell me you're married, if you are, I pity your wife, I really pity her, because a time will come she will curse the day she set her eyes on you, that is if she hasn't started cursing you in her mind sef, it's only married people that are exposed and can give marital advice abi? See ode of the century.

There are only two keys to ur marital problems, first u need to be submissive to ur husband. Total submission means if he ask u to do something do it and if says don’t do it then don’t do it. Secondly u need to go to God in prayers, u need to surrender ur marriage, ur husband to God for him to do the fixing. Women who are married are facing challenges in their homes fail to understand one secret and the secret is respect and submission to their husbands. U don’t expect God to listen to ur prayers when u don’t listen to ur husband. Once upon a time I use to talk back to my husband but I realized that I was harming him. So I came up with a plan with and I ask God to lead me which he did. Today am enjoying my marriage and my husband. Infact my husband forgets himself all the time and focused on me, sometimes I would b the one to tell him daddy do this for urself and forget about me. Give him peace, support the little he is doing because at some point it will look like the little he is doing is not enough that is y u are looking for a job and men hate the fact that their wives c less of them performing at home. Appreciate him, love him, listen to him, pray for him and support him trust me it’s more than going to a native doctor collecting juju. I quarantine u, u will be surprise. And concerning ur daughter draw his attention on the Bible verse that talked about using a rod on a child and if ur husband fail to understand that discipline then live him to God besides he is not hurting u but rather hurting God because this is God’s order on child discipline. I hope my advice helps

bukatyne:


Ever heard of Nigerian brand of Christianity?

Lol, that denomination is not recognised!

The amount of irritating comments on this thread is an eye opener to anyone who’s wondering what’s wrong with our society

And people who say Nigerian women are not ambitious and being nothing to the table wonder why. When young girls are frequently inundated with advice like these

frozen70:


Stop being fastidious because of your age, you lack the experience of what you are clamouring for

As for work, keep it aside and try to have the number of kids you guys want so that you will be done with child bearing and start working

Raising kids is more difficult than working even

Go to him and calm him down and assure him of your loyalty

Remove shakara and pride so that you can humble yourself

If you think you need to be busy, get pregnant, it's enough to keep you busy

Time will come, he will be the one to give you options to take from getting a job and having a store

Don't try to run faster than your shadow, the main race is still ahead