₦airaland Forum

Your story is complicated o, you have a baby for her and you want to leave her for another woman, you will have to take care of the baby if you really want to leave your present baby mama.

I will advice, you both settle your difference.

I'm just concern because of the area of your discipline ,
I'm a year 2 civil engineering student.

My prayer is that God will restore your union back. And secondly I pray you find an unending peace of mind with her, please don't leave, I believe you two we're destined to be together, God's plans for your life will find fulfillment IJN


















Amen!

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

You are unhappy, and you want the world to help you justify a decision that will make you happy. Try GENUINELY to resolve the matter, if she still remains amadamant, please do what will make you happy, . Dont wait to get approval from other people

U made some rites as acceptance and to take her home then?

U accepted to be together traditionally.
If u want to separate, then both parents n u with her must gather again with the price as u did then.

If u hadn't done that, we wud have said okay so u guys did not accept each other, but d baby is urs.

Now, the new lady u are eyeing is just understanding u cos of ur predicament ...
She might even be worse that d first.

Like the other people said, if we can let pride be and call urselves to other, sit and talk to each oda. Secondly let us be counselled.

Finally, marriage is built on the altar n Grace of God. Both o you should go closa to God for beta bonding.

eventsmallchops:
Hello Poster, sorry about your predicament but I must tell you this "not all marriage are even 50% perfect, marriage is the true ability to endure each others , there is no perfect woman nor man anywhere and that is why tradition made men pass through rigorous procedures before handling you their daughter so you can value her and at the same time making it hard for you to turn back considering what you passed through before getting her, but now that you had managed to corner , I will like you to think deep before taken any decision, don't let a pretty woman distract you , learn to adopt dialogue with your wife even though women are very complex , you may need to take things slowly at this point rather than running into another relationship when you should be working on your home

But I was born alone and I am happier without a woman.......is something wrong with me? If so what?

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Legally you guys are not married. You have fulfilled none of the requirements to be seen as married. I think you should dissolve your union and move on, its not worth it to keep fighting if you are not really interested anymore.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

You're not legally married. So simply reverse the process, you took..... Go back to her family with your mother etc etc

Put in place a financial package to look after your daughter...... And Bob's, your uncle........

THE ONLY ADVICE TO WE VIRGINS
IS TO CAUTION OUR PREEQ SO SUCH DO NOT BEFALL US...

YOU'VE TRIED ALIT BRO
I CANT TOLERATE ANY ONE WITH SUCH ATTITUDE
PEACE OF MIND IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A MARRIAGE
EVEN WITHOUT GOOD FOOD
YOU'LL BE GLOWING
DO THE RIGHT THING BRO

Wow

Coming to your office to quarrel with a lady that sent you a WhatApp msg. But you didn't tell us what the content of the message was. Are you cheating or not performing your duties like providing finance to cater for the baby? Amongst other things.

mastermaestro:
What is her temperament? Is she choleric? If she is, then you are on a long thing. You will have to bend for the union to work.

You sound like an unfaithful fellow. This is one of the traits of sanguine. Just know that no woman tolerates a flirtatious spouse. Sanguine fellas are typical of that. You are married now! Whether partly or fully, you are married!

Shut up! U r married! U r married! So?

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

I feel u are no longer interesting in your fiance because you have met someone whom you feel is beta dan her. Well..! Since you are not properly married to her yet and she no longer interest you, I suggest you go and inform her parent that you are no longer interesting in marrying their daughter just the way you went there at first to indicate your interest in her.

"I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you."



Why then have you found another lady? Your story doesn't add up... Your woman is not the only problem. Both of you were pressured into this sham of a marriage by sake of pregnancy with thoughts of what could have been still in your heads.

Belafonte:
I wonder what you face at home if she can plan and carry out such an act as coming to fight an unknown person in your place of employment. Do you know some organisations would terminate you on the spot? They will tell her to wait for you so you both can go home together as they are typing your sack letter.

She has no regard for you, and certainly home for herself, but those are not even as bad as her sparing no thought for the child you with have.

She has told you she wants to leave and that you should too. Has it ever occurred to you that she could kill you? . It always seems farfetched till you're dead. Hopefully, you don't lose your life.

I would advise you to inform your people and hers of her intentions to dissolve the union and leave. They will try to convince you to stay citing all sorts of reasons, but if you value your life I expect you to leave.

As to your new-found love interest, I would advise against it, and if you can't, have very clear boundaries. Going through challenges can make is blind to the flaws our supposed relief can possess.

Good luck.

Guy. U are the real G. Don't mind those guys supporting the OP's wife because she is a woman. Most NL guys will go any length 2 take sides with women even when its clear that the OP is the victim here.

The OP is dying slowly & these dudes can't see it. I'm still wodering how a woman can go 2 a man's place of work 2 fight publicly because of WhatsApp message, cant she wait 4 him 2 return home & talk tinz over.

OP, i see u don't have peace with her & she is fully ready 2 leave, so just let her go and find another who will give u peace.

Wherever a man find peace, he should make it home.
4get peeps telling u 2 manage o b4 that girl will kill u or will eventually force u 2 raise hands on her & hospitalize her.

Amanee:
You want us to tell you it's okay to meet someone else and leave your wife, that you are not married to her and your unhappiness in the marriage is not a good sign,


Right?


Wrong.


You are married whether you like it or not and you are cheating on your wife. Wake up

Hehehehe

If you couldn't manage A well you will never manage B. You will keep going from 1 woman to the other..

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

My friend you are envying the unmarried people but you are looking forward to getting into another marriage ...You have not even exhausted all avenue of making peace....sort things out with her....I don't know her level of education ...but I believe both of you should see a marriage counsellor ...But if this fails ...approach her parents with some elderly people to discuss it concern....worst case scenario you quit the marriage and find a way to takecare of your child

Playstation1:
MGTOW....
@Op, Please Look Up To That Word On Google And Make A Good Decision About Ur Next Step/action.


For Those Of Us That Want To Live A Happy And Peaceful Live, MTGOW All The Way.

I was expecting this comment.
You guys can't just wait to welcome him into the losers club.
Misery indeed loves a company.

Wen leaving her ensure u stop eating her food OK. Make she no give u poison eat.

A child out of wedlock.

kodix:
Are you sure you will survive this mess you're trying to put your self in,you have marry and have a child from your wife and you still want marry again I pity you you're just digging your grave, Pls bend down so that your marriage will work for you, why are you still looking at women while you are married,How sure are you that this second lady will be perfect,! I pity you

My dear it's only a woman that can make a marriage work...talking from experience here...you need to search her...get where the problem is coming from.... together work out the solution..you guys need to understand eachother.....this is a life time journey...although you started too early and your present challenge is not strange bro..you started early...you can still make it work if you get her buy-in.....otherwise take the other option life goes on.

meobizy:
With all these marriage issues being exposed daily, why do people still walk to the altar every Saturday?

Because the successful ones don't open threads to complain.
Whatever you read in the news comes from bad marriage experience.

kinswhite:
Guy. U are the real G. Don't mind those guys supporting the OP's wife because she is a woman. Most NL guys will go any length 2 take sides with women even when its clear that the OP is the victim here.

The OP is dying slowly & these dudes can't see it. I'm still wodering how a woman can go 2 a man's place of work 2 fight publicly because of WhatsApp message, cant she wait 4 him 2 return home & talk tinz over.

OP, i see u don't have peace with her & she is fully ready 2 leave, so just let her go and find another who will give u peace.

Wherever a man find peace, he should make it home.
4get peeps telling u 2 manage o b4 that girl will kill u or will eventually force u 2 raise hands on her & hospitalize her.

Most people can see through his bullshit.
He would have been the true victim(from his own side of the story) had he not
brought up the other woman's angle.
Now everyone can see that he wants divorce so he could be with his mistress.

He doesn't need any advice, he should go ahead and divorce her.

DO WHAT TOU LIKE ITS YOUR LIFE !

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

let ur conscience guide u

Is it a must for a man to marry girl after impregnating her.

Bro, I’m in the same mess as you, though mine is worst and terrible because my wife which would be my ex soon can be compared to the devil, if not more than the devil believe me .

I’m not trying to sound mean but pls don’t live a life of endurance and pity. It’s not worth it at all, thou the society I live in makes it worst for me because she has the upper hand due to the law of the country ,

I planed to divorce her and go my own way but I know that would back fire for real because we have two kids together and I know she’s waiting on me to take the step so she can block me from seeing the kids .

Wells at this point, I don’t care anymore and might pull the plug off the socket,

my happiness and peace of mind should come first, like my friends and brother would say, if the kids are truly yours then they will always look for there father when the time comes .

Teaveapoet:
what if i say its too early to think you have met a new person.and what to settle down with her? you say this lady that has a child for you was your girlfriend, definitely things were going well before she got pregnant. why don't you sit her down and counsel her or both of you should meet a counselor or elders in your family. i don't see divorce as an option here and marrying another wife is more like double trouble.

You are right, marrying another woman so fast and soon, is not really the answer and might be a double trouble for you like the Op said, take your time and go off the dating world,

Marriage this days is overrated and not worth it,

Too many stupid, sense of entitlement, social media infested lady, selfish, arrogant and liars of a lady out there , looking for man to render useless

[quote author=merahki post=84856959]I am not being liberated and all. But I have to say something. Please let us all stop selling and propagating the narrative that divorce is not an option
It has killed many, men and women
Nobody deserves to be in a union where they are really unhappy
Divorce is one of the options in a marriage’s life time or cycle

Dear OP, to you and every one who might be in a similar situation, divorce is an option
God does not want you trapped and unhappy, always remember this
Blessings


God bless you for this piece of advice. He shouldn’t rush into another relationship or marriage if you must divorce her,

He should take his time and work on his self, if you have to separate or divorce her,

Nothing special being a married man or woman . It’s so fucking overrated especially if you are in a relationship or married to the wrong woman ,

Just make your peace of mind and happiness the number one priority

Only court marriage is legal so you are not legally married
A lady that comes to your office to embarrass you isn't a good lady but I will advice to give her another chance
To me you are not a good man either,you are humanizer or how would you feel if she was the one cheating on you ?so she deserves a better man as well

shugaboy6102

It's acceptable to divorce her because God has not joined both of you together which is proceeded by a Man of God, in the gathering of the believers.

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder".

If foundation is destroy, what can the righteous do. Seek God for help. I know you may be weak in your decision but know this very well, it is not until you join on altar alone that sign you both together but what God recognize most that bound you together started since you have been having s***ual affairs together.
S** is a covenant that present you both as a fornicators.
You have to firstly seek the face of God.
Forgiveness, Restitution and Deliverance.
And now focus to seek for will of God, I mean the perfect one tjth will be given to you from God.
That's how you can enjoy your marital life.
Without this, you may continue to experience bitter life than present one because of foundational curses.
God Bless You