Take it back to the beginning, do some if not all of Those things you did while chasing her and after getting her. Women are naturally insecure in nature

mastermaestro:
What is her temperament? Is she choleric? If she is, then you are on a long thing. You will have to bend for the union to work.

You sound like an unfaithful fellow. This is one of the traits of sanguine. Just know that no woman tolerates a flirtatious spouse. Sanguine fellas are typical of that. You are married now! Whether partly or fully, you are married!

thanks for ur comments bro

Playstation1:
MGTOW....
@Op, Please Look Up To That Word On Google And Make A Good Decision About Ur Next Step/action.


For Those Of Us That Want To Live A Happy And Peaceful Live, MTGOW All The Way.

My brother from another mother.

You gave him the best advice, only if he will think rationally and not emotionally.

If he truly wants peace, calmness, tranquility and happiness. That is the solution.

Safeman.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Fear first catch me @bolded The other nairalander that impregnated a girl three times after making that statement


Back to your post
If you get anyone pregnant out of wedlock its not really necessary you rush into marriage, the choice of a lifelong partner should not be tired to pregnancy out of wedlock, it's advisable to take sometime to make such decisions after the child is born. If she wants out then so be it.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

No be by force nah. Even married couples split up when they have had enough

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

You are welcome...
I am in my mid-thirties and I spend my money alone, eat anything I want.. No female, no child support... I fvck when I want to..
Just look at you, you still wanna live with another woman... Yous a puusy nigga.

shugaboy6102:
thanks a lot. I remembered vividly one of the days we had an a bitter fight and she told me something that bruised my ego, between God and man she said that no woman in this life will ever fall for someone like me that am a useless and a worthless person. I am not a man that goes after women or looks outside but those words pierced me deeply and I didn't know when I fell into the arms of another woman. I did it out of ego but am falling for this woman

Bro I am 29, tho not yet married.

I co habitated with girl in 2014/15, she said same thing to me (out of anger

2019, we are chatting, she told me, she truly loved me then and now.

If you are 29, but of you are too young, so whatever you are going thru even Rich couples goes thru same hurdles.

Matured minds like Efewestern (My Urhobo Brother) has advised you.

I respect my case......work things out with your old wife.

Mindfulness:


@bold
You have already answered your own question, haven't you?

Most times when we have a question
The answer is always right there staring us in the eyes
If what Op is saying is true
I will never trade my peace of mind for anything
Even if its marriage
She has made it clear she's tired(if she sees another option, she will go for it, who knows if she's already planning her exit)
Sometimes you just have to be wicked for some peoples sake cuz they don't respect being good
Your future is probably still long, make it a good one

Note: Things are always easier said than done but if you can think it then you can achieve it

Bro, there's no perfect marriage, all has to be managed ... The new one won't even give you the peace you expected, I suggest you reason well

In as much as marriage isn't the criterion of making heaven, divorce too wouldn't land you in hell, especially if life is being threatened by either party. In this case, your life isn't under any threat. She never said she'd stab or poison you.

My advice...all women are jealous and nagging. Try and build the confidence in her that you love her and make your marriage work. Who told you this new catch of yours wouldn't be worse than her?

I urge you invite God into your home in prayers and all will be well. You could invite elderly ones to talk to her too.

Just lurching from one defeat to the other instead of working things out. Relationships are not made primarily for personal gain and personal satisfaction. Human beings are created to make things, to build things together. Marraige is the ultimate building site, where monuments are constructed out of absolutely nothing but sacrifice and sheer determination.

You better start digging the foundations of your relationship instead of chickening out. What makes you think the next woman will be better. All human beings have 'issues'. I have not seen a perfect person yet. Not one.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

If you couldn't make the first one work, the same thing will still happen to the second one.
It long throat that is worrying you. After youll get tired of the second and start looking for a new one.

engrchykae:
some women think that because you married them,they have earned the right to make a man miserable.
Turn against your family and want you to take side with her.
Mock your friends,even the ones that helped you without batting an eye.
Then they will always guard you to church so that the church would influence you from treating their mess.
My wife tried that nonsense,I left her and am happy and free.
I don't care what a silly pastor or members would say.
Advice your fellow women to have sense.
Nowadays we don't order women to leave our house,we leave the house for them and vamose.
Nonsense and ingredients

Sorry for your divorce case.

May God heal you and make you happy.

We all have our problems

For some days now, Nairaland has witnessed topics about marriages and other forms of relationship.
Seun, I think the time has come to rename this forum.
Those in support of retaining the name, Nairaland, click like.

Those in support of renaming it to relationship land, click share

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

There’s nothing like “half rites” Oga.
You are married.

If you want to divorce her, that’s another thing else. You will be divorcing a woman you are married to.

My advice is to try and sort yourself out with your wife. Get someone she listens to involved.

OK

Depends on what the customs of of where the lady cane from says.

Tbh, you have never been married legally in the face of Law, that mean there's not going to be any divorce between you.

So, if you consider what she opts for, whag her tradition says, your child together and your unhappiness then you are close to your answer.
You can go your seperate ways without any procedural requisites by the law except for the cultural attachment relating to the one precession of marital tradition you half-done.

Do you love your her?
Do you love your Kid?
Do you love yourself?

after you answer that

What are your best options?
Do you need counselling?
Is there another lady in the picture?

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

From my family experience, you're not legally or fully married to her.

This is what to do, politely tell her parents that you've tried to make the marriage work but their daughter just want to continue to fight everybody.

Once you tell them that their daughter made comments like you should go find someone else while she too go find someone else, then her parents will know it's not your fault.

After talking to her parents officially then you two are separated for good. But always make out time to visit the child every now and then.

sisisioge:
Chai...hmmm, what a hard way to learn.

Indeed, you werent married initially and can choose to go your own way if you so please now. Just ensure its amicable.

May God bless you with peace fa.

Ara'lu lorin, enle faaa

All I can see are two immature people forming husband and wife.
Go and ask those that celebrate 50 years in marriage, it started like this, but they manage their stuffs and handle each other with maturity.
You are sanguine and she is phlegmatic. U both have your strenght, weakness and area of common.
Work on those area and u will find peace again.

addictiv:
Oga go home to your wife and work on your union... Stop looking for comfort outside. Decide that you will do what it takes to create a good relationship and healthy atmosphere with your wife and commit to making it happen.

Gbabesky.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.
envy you.

Well I don't believe you have a marriage yet. However I must point to you that there is so much contradictions in your life. You claimed your "marriage" wasn't intended. You claimed you envy those who are single. Yet you are ready to jump in with another woman just to avoid the pain in the first union, how are you sure this one won't end up worse that your current union? You will want to claim you know this other lady better but I am sure that was how you had thought you know your current woman before impregnating her. If you envy the single ones, what I would have expected you is to take time off woman matter and resolve the fundamental issues about yourself. The way you are ready to jump from woman to another woman will leave you with sour taste in the mouth if you don't try to understand yourself and what type of woman you think can complement you.

For starters the Holy Book says when you get married quite literaly, two become one. You should be one with your wife which means whatever you see in her is a reflection of what tou see in yourself.

With this in mind will the first thing you think be to cut off your arm, leg or head because it gives you pain. No. You will go see a doctor for palliatives and possibly repair. The only reason you will pernit your precious member to be severed is if it poses a threat to your life such as with gangrene but consider if that member was your head, its death will be your death too.

So to be alive and enjoy marraige make sure your partner is as important as your head, elevate such a person to the level of inevitability and see how peace and love will overcome all.

imagine she was ur daughter and the matter came to ur table.. whatsoever you will advice the both of them is what you should do.
now the new fire that is burning in ur stomach is the same that burn few years ago.

80% of married people are either tIred or sucidal

this marriage thngs self don use style to dey fear me self,abi na only Nigeria the thng dey ni.kilode gan.

LadySarah:


See your life.It is what you want

how your life be?

shugaboy6102:


I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

/
Relationship? There is no right or wrong answer. Every relationship is unique. Do what you have to do and be ready to deal with the outcome. You and only you know the ladies you are dealing with.
That's all.
/

......all you wrote is how u cheated nd sh reacted nd you cheated again...nd sh reacted nd niw u want to dump her


Ppl should get old enough to get married....relationship nd marriage is not same tin..u guyz would nvr hear

Bro I must be sincere with you because I personally have been in this kind of situation before... Stick to the woman you know because living together with a woman under same roof is different from seeing her from afar once once... The very loving, glittering woman that you think you have found love with may even become worse than this one you living with at home now... Like someone up there already stated try to recandle the relationship with your woman... Try bring in a few responsible people to come into your home and help you fix things... That woman is carrying your baby, if she didn't love you she will not go that far to carry your seed...

Go ask your dad today he will tell you that sometimes he will even want to call it quit with your mum, my point is that marriage do have ups and downs, so I wish you well... Try fix what is broken instead of buying a new one... Sometimes its better this way...

This is the most direct and mature response i have seen on NL this year.

Amanee:




You want us to tell you it's okay to meet someone else and leave your wife, that you are not married to her and your unhappiness in the marriage is not a good sign,


Right?


Wrong.


You are married whether you like it or not and you are cheating on your wife. Wake up