Chai...hmmm, what a hard way to learn.

Indeed, you werent married initially and can choose to go your own way if you so please now. Just ensure its amicable.

May God bless you with peace fa.

MGTOW....
@Op, Please Look Up To That Word On Google And Make A Good Decision About Ur Next Step/action.


For Those Of Us That Want To Live A Happy And Peaceful Live, MTGOW All The Way.

merahki:



I am not being liberated and all. But I have to say something. Please let us all stop selling and propagating the narrative that divorce is not an option
It has killed many, men and women
Nobody deserves to be in a union where they are really unhappy
Divorce is one of the options in a marriage’s life time.

Dear OP, to you and every one who might be in a similar situation, divorce is an option
God does not want you trapped and unhappy, always remember this
Blessings

thanks a lot

addictiv:
Oga go home to your wife and work on your union... Stop looking for comfort outside. Decide that you will do what it takes to create a good relationship and healthy atmosphere with your wife and commit to making it happen.

thanks a lot. I remembered vividly one of the days we had an a bitter fight and she told me something that bruised my ego, between God and man she said that no woman in this life will ever fall for someone like me that am a useless and a worthless person. I am not a man that goes after women or looks outside but those words pierced me deeply and I didn't know when I fell into the arms of another woman. I did it out of ego but am falling for this woman

shugaboy6102:
thanks a lot. I remembered vividly one of the days we had an a bitter fight and she told me something that bruised my ego, between God and man she said that no woman in this life will ever fall for someone like me that am a useless and a worthless person. I am not a man that goes after women or looks outside but those words pierced me deeply and I didn't know when I fell into the arms of another woman. I did it out of ego but am falling for this woman

that's quite hurtful though!! But just let it slide for the sake of peace and you both should try to make it work, also if you both still wants and agreed to be together, try complete the marriage rite but if she's not ready to do so then you can make use of other available options.

OP is this what you really want for your life? Got married at 25, divorced at 29. If you continue like this you would have gone through 4 women by the time you are 40.

Sit down, ask people who lived like that in the past, most of them are filled with regrets. You say you are unhappy with the marriage but you are only unhappy with yourself. You trained your mind subconsciously to think you were trapped, that you could have made a different choice.

You can’t go back and change the past, you can only accept it and make peace with it. Start seeing the woman as your wife, the one you choose to be with and things will change for you.

People who are going through unhappiness in their marriage do not just ‘meet someone else’. They tend to stay away from women and commitment for a long time. Your own unhappiness is a result of your thoughts.

To answer your question, you aren’t legally married, you don’t need to go through court for a divorce. Just gather the family and tell them it’s over.

Cheers!

Dignity5:


When you set off without God, you persist and endure without him. If you are truly sorry, put away divorce from your heart, seek him where He may be found, in His Word and incline your mind to do this will and he will order your steps.

This here Is the answer you sort after.

shugaboy6102:
thanks a lot. I remembered vividly one of the days we had an a bitter fight and she told me something that bruised my ego, between God and man she said that no woman in this life will ever fall for someone like me that am a useless and a worthless person. I am not a man that goes after women or looks outside but those words pierced me deeply and I didn't know when I fell into the arms of another woman. I did it out of ego but am falling for this woman

Well isn't it time you shocked her and prove her wrong? Show her that you are a useful man instead of a useless one, a man with more than enough worth to get someone far better than her. E go pepper her enter bone marrow but baba no send her. Do your thing. Just a word of advice and caution. Study your new woman very well.

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

Bia this boy relax and stop fretting like a fish out of water. Has the child been born? Think of the child and keep your cool for now. That child needs you even if you will have to separate. In future you will appreciate that child more than anyone else.
Getting another woman is worse than staying put where you are,she's just a new distraction and nothing more.

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married?

Yes you are, in the eyes of God and man. If you want to dissolve the union, return her bride price and other customary requirements. If you don't do this and you remarry, you're a polygamist.

eazzzy1:
OP is this what you really want for your life? Got married at 25, divorced at 29. If you continue like this you would have gone through 4 women by the time you are 40.

Sit down, ask people who lived like that in the past, most of them are filled with regrets. You say you are unhappy with the marriage but you are only unhappy with yourself. You trained your mind subconsciously to think you were trapped, that you could have made a different choice.

You can’t go back and change the past, you can only accept it and make peace with it. Start seeing the woman as your wife, the one you choose to be with and things will change for you.

People who are going through unhappiness in their marriage do not just ‘meet someone else’. They tend to stay away from women and commitment for a long time. Your own unhappiness is a result of your thoughts.

To answer your question, you aren’t legally married, you don’t need to go through court for a divorce. Just gather the family and tell them it’s over.

Cheers!

I appreciate your advice. Thanks

New love is like a mirror, the front is shiny and bright, turn the back it's dirty and rusty!
Cool down Mister! You're only infactuated by the new lady because you have a sad situation at home and you're not trying to sort it out!
Why would you chat another woman and expect your wife to feel secure especially when you have not completed the rites of Marriage with her? What's keeping you from doing it? Money? I don't think so. If you cherish your well being, go to your home right now and sit down with your wife and talk about living well! Forget and forgive the past and love yourselves again like it was in the beginning.
Let me tell you something about karma. You think you can just do away with a relationship? No way... here's what happens: you're going with a lady 5 years suddenly out of the blue you think she's not fitting for you or no appeal again, then you see fresh meat and jump ship....that fresh meat will last just shy of 5 years...then you will move again and fall just shy of the second, then jump again and the days keep diminishing till unsatisfactoriness become your companion for life!
Don't let karma visit you... better do the right thing and cheer yourself up. The reason you have given holds no water! The best of marriage life has deep issues only the wise make it look smooth....and lovely. Best wishes

shugaboy6102:
thanks a lot. I remembered vividly one of the days we had an a bitter fight and she told me something that bruised my ego, between God and man she said that no woman in this life will ever fall for someone like me that am a useless and a worthless person. I am not a man that goes after women or looks outside but those words pierced me deeply and I didn't know when I fell into the arms of another woman. I did it out of ego but am falling for this woman

I'm really sorry that she spoke out of turn. But you see, women are like that! In anger frustration and confusion they shoot without thinking and still will not agree they're wrong! As a mature man you let that slide else you won't be able to live with a woman (old or new)!
Take it easy, step by step and get it right! It may take time but the end may just be better than the beginning.

jaszplus12:

I'm really sorry that she spoke out of turn. But you see, women are like that! In anger frustration and confusion they shoot without thinking and still will not agree they're wrong! As a mature man you let that slide else you won't be able to live with a woman (old or new)!
Take it easy, step by step and get it right! It may take time but the end may just be better than the beginning.

thanks your words brought calmness to me now

jaszplus12:
New love is like a mirror, the front is shiny and bright, turn the back it's dirty and rusty!
Cool down Mister! You're only infactuated by the new lady because you have a sad situation at home and you're not trying to sort it out!
Why would you chat another woman and expect your wife to feel secure especially when you have not completed the rites of Marriage with her? What's keeping you from doing it? Money? I don't think so. If you cherish your well being, go to your home right now and sit down with your wife and talk about living well! Forget and forgive the past and love yourselves again like it was in the beginning.
Let me tell you something about karma. You think you can just do away with a relationship? No way... here's what happens: you're going with a lady 5 years suddenly out of the blue you think she's not fitting for you or no appeal again, then you see fresh meat and jump ship....that fresh meat will last just shy of 5 years...then you will move again and fall just shy of the second, then jump again and the days keep diminishing till unsatisfactoriness become your companion for life!
Don't let karma visit you... better do the right thing and cheer yourself up. The reason you have given holds no water! The best of marriage life has deep issues only the wise make it look smooth....and lovely. Best wishes

am deeply encouraged am moved by your words. God bless you for this wonderful advice

shugaboy6102:
am deeply encouraged am moved by your words. God bless you for this wonderful advice

You're welcome! Prayerfully go into your Marriage. It's destiny is in your hands ( both of you I mean)
Best wishes!

shugaboy6102:
thanks your words brought calmness to me now

I'm really glad to hear this! Maybe if I were in your neighborhood I'll buy some chilled Coke and we eat with biscuits!!
I'm praying earnestly with you!

Marriage is not for everybody.

I wonder what you face at home if she can plan and carry out such an act as coming to fight an unknown person in your place of employment. Do you know some organisations would terminate you on the spot? They will tell her to wait for you so you both can go home together as they are typing your sack letter.

She has no regard for you, and certainly home for herself, but those are not even as bad as her sparing no thought for the child you with have.

She has told you she wants to leave and that you should too. Has it ever occurred to you that she could kill you? . It always seems farfetched till you're dead. Hopefully, you don't lose your life.

I would advise you to inform your people and hers of her intentions to dissolve the union and leave. They will try to convince you to stay citing all sorts of reasons, but if you value your life I expect you to leave.

As to your new-found love interest, I would advise against it, and if you can't, have very clear boundaries. Going through challenges can make is blind to the flaws our supposed relief can possess.

Good luck.

LadySarah:
Nobody is perfect in anyway.While You are having problems with this one,the other one might send You to your grave.
I'm not saying You should endure, but to make You understand that You cant Enjoy a person until both of You decide to make it work.

Can You guys Go back to the drawing board and find out how and Where things started getting bad.

Do You feel You got pressured cos of the baby?
Did you love her before?
She might be feeling unfulfilled considering taking away her shakara period from her(pregnant at 19).

You knocked on the Door and did half rite,You are her husband.

I think the part in bold is sophistry, no offence. How can you make it work with a person that can boldly come to your place of employment and cause a scene,not even with her spouse but a coworker? It takes two to tango and she is very clearly not willing to tango.

kaziblake:
Just say you are tired of her and wanna be with another woman but know that not all that glitters that are gold

Make it a habit to not comment on topics if you lack the comprehension and logical skills required to analyse issues without bias.

Excuse, Excuse and Excuse. What stops you from finishing the marriage rite all this years? Meanwhile, you are free to leave that co-habitation. My only advice is to open joint account or kiddies account for your child. Don't abandon that child, make sure you take responsibility for your child.

hmm op.. Your situation is just like mine aswell. I got married to my wife due to the pressure of pregnancy. even when she was pregnant, my family and friends was on my head to marry her due to not given birth out of wedlock. I was 30 at that time and she was 27. The issue is that i never really have that genue love for her which i also told her my mind but she still went ahead to do the wedding. After the wedding, issues upon issues. I know what it really means to live together with a woman that you dont really love. It like hell. She is very toxic and saucy. she never respected me on any basis. she argues with me almost everytime that the whole neighbours know we have issues. It was when i got married that my neighbours hear my voice cos they know me as a gentle and quiet man. have tried to make everything work but its just not working..anyway i myself am thinking of how to exit from the marriage cos it make me feel like am cage. op, abeg follow your mind and do whatever brings you peace of mind and happiness. never you endure unhappiness and sadness just in the name of being married. it doesnt worth it. Just ensure that kid dont suffer and also be there for him. cheers op

Afodot0022:
hmm op.. Your situation is just like mine aswell. I got married to my wife due to the pressure of pregnancy. even when she was pregnant, my family and friends was on my head to marry her due to not given birth out of wedlock. I was 30 at that time and she was 27. The issue is that i never really have that genue love for her which i also told her my mind but she still went ahead to do the wedding. After the wedding, issues upon issues. I know what it really means to live together with a woman that you dont really love. It like hell. She is very toxic and saucy. she never respected me on any basis. she argues with me almost everytime that the whole neighbours know we have issues. It was when i got married that my neighbours hear my voice cos they know me as a gentle and quiet man. have tried to make everything work but its just not working..anyway i myself am thinking of how to exit from the marriage cos it make me feel like am cage. op, abeg follow your mind and do whatever brings you peace of mind and happiness. never you endure unhappiness and sadness just in the name of being married. it doesnt worth it. Just ensure that kid dont suffer and also be there for him. cheers op

thanks brother, but are you thinking of divorce? Sometimes I really wished I could turn back the hands of time.

Graxie:
Excuse, Excuse and Excuse. What stops you from finishing the marriage rite all this years? Meanwhile, you are free to leave that co-habitation. My only advice is to open joint account or kiddies account for your child. Don't abandon that child, make sure you take responsibility for your child.

thank you sister

Belafonte:
I wonder what you face at home if she can plan and carry out such an act as coming to fight an unknown person in your place of employment. Do you know some organisations would terminate you on the spot? They will tell her to wait for you so you both can go home together as they are typing your sack letter.

She has no regard for you, and certainly home for herself, but those are not even as bad as her sparing no thought for the child you with have.

She has told you she wants to leave and that you should too. Has it ever occurred to you that she could kill you? . It always seems farfetched till you're dead. Hopefully, you don't lose your life.

I would advise you to inform your people and hers of her intentions to dissolve the union and leave. They will try to convince you to stay citing all sorts of reasons, but if you value your life I expect you to leave.

As to your new-found love interest, I would advise against it, and if you can't, have very clear boundaries. Going through challenges can make is blind to the flaws our supposed relief can possess.

Good luck.

thanks a million. You advice will be headed

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man. Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper. After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone. There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.
Fast foreword I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind. Note: I haven't wedded in a church before of done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?
I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

bro if una no do court wedding, una just be advanced bf n gf, not even common law partner. leave if it makes yoy happy

First of all you are not legally married to her if you did not go to court to sign the necessary papers. But as long as you paid her bride price and did the traditional right between both families then you are married to her in the eyes of man and God. Both of you should try seeing a counselor or elders in your family to see if you can iron out things. When that avenue has being used and no changes then you can talk of divorce. But you must try first to make it work. Marriage is not for babies or children.

bdchange:
First of all you are not legally married to her if you did not go to court to sign the necessary papers.

Traditional marriage is recognized and legal in Nigeria as long as a bride price was paid and witnesses in form of a ceremony witnessed it. You don’t need to sign papers in a court to be legally married.

OP, I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to stay in a marriage where both the man and woman are unhappy. However, there’s a time in a marriage after some years where everybody is antsy. So I would recommend a trial separation, sometimes that’s what you need, a reminder that you need each other. Also, the grass is not always greener on the other side, the new woman is interesting because she is new and doesn’t live with you!

The only advice is...

Get out of dt toxic semi-legal union and stay single for at least a year.

At some point in life, u av to be ur supervisor and adviser. Be alone. Independent. Reminisce.

Before u jump into another pusie.

Belafonte:


Make it a habit to not comment on topics if you lack the comprehension and logical skills required to analyse issues without bias.

Just go away.

kaziblake:
Just go away.

Didn't mean to be so harsh.

How's your weekend going?