₦airaland Forum

strungup79:
No your words are not meant to heal or help me get back up cos a good relationship is not only dependent on finance. Your words are and designed to make the receiver seek revenge rather than reconciliation. I have received a lot of encouragement here and know I will be back on my feet. I seek not control, if not i would have dominated my wife from the word go. I seek a relationship which from your utterances you know nothing about.

Well said sir!

That funmisticqueen is trying so hard to rile you up for reasons which I suspect are largely related to the way she grew up.

I am a businessman too. I know how it feels to do all the “right” things and get the wrong results financially. When dry times come, I diversify my business since I can provide excellent service in a number of other disciplines. These services are not capital intensive.

Also, I seek out old clients and ask for referral. There are some of my clients who believe so much in me and treat me like I’m the best in my field, in the whole world. I go above and beyond for these people and they come through for me. They have bigger circles of influence and they plug me in cos they know I will do my best. I don’t know if this strategy will work for you as it has worked for me but it’s what I can offer.

I wish you the best this new year.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

Would he have bought a land without his wife's knowledge? Didn't she have access to his account when he was financially buoyant? Which bs did she go through?

ResourceMan:
OP!!!
This is likely the case. Very likely the case. Open your eyes.

U are a wise man. Still codedly laughing at those saying otherwise. They know notin. SMH.

optimus106:
Couple(s) still adopt kids

they stand by each other...

a tiny percentage

strungup79:
When I married my wife she had nothing. I gave all for her. I fought my parents to marry her. I never bossed her or bullied her. I think you misunderstand the whole situation. I'm not bothered by your vituperations. I just don't want to tow the part you are pushing for cos someone will get hurt. My intuition tells me it won't be me.

What, you want to hurt your wife? Your concern.
For the record, your wife isn't emasculating you. She can't change after 13 years of being a good wife, so stop listening to the counsel of men whose posts show they have hated women for years. It's just your mind telling you things because you suddenly feel inadequate. You think she's poisoning the children. You think she's doing secret things. What if she wanted to surprise you with the land some day? Why must you think she's doing it for a negative purpose? If she didn't Chase you from the house and tell you that you're useless, then she isn't a bad wife. She's undergoing the stress of being the breadwinner for the first time. Try to understand without feeling like she's running you over. Plus a bad spell in business doesn't mean you're under a curse. Curses don't work. My intuition tells me things, too.

maak400:
Sorry about your predicament sir, I can only imagine what you’re going through. That’s the nature of women who suddenly become richer than their husband, similar cases like yours abound everywhere. God did not create women to be the provider of the house, so anytime circumstances happen to make a woman the provider, they simply become proud and treat the husband like shit. Just keep praying and hoping that your business bounces back. Also, ensure that you still put your foot down as the head of your home no matter what attitude your wife is displaying.

exactly my bro

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Guy, endure, make money, get yourself a new good girl, marry her and take your kids. Your current wife's a WITCH AND A BITCH

pocohantas:
He hasn't recovered, he should be useful for now. Not for his wife, but his kids. I don't care what he does with his wife when he recovers, she probably doesn't care too and if all OP said is the truth, she has waited so long for this moment. Some women just need men for the marriage and (temporary) comfort men can provide. This is a model that is okay for the Nigerian man too, even though they always cry when it backfires.

Nigerian men only win bread, they don't know how to win any other thing- even the hearts and sympathy of their women. Always thinking everything is manee, manee, manee.

I'm not a saint, I have flaws like everybody does. When I say order I mean eg The children can't watch certain movies it's not adequate for them. Ebuka is old enough to do house chores u shouldn't be doing it for him. Why is Nneka still awake and watching TV by 10 pm when she has school tomorrow. When it has to do with her i say things like honey you know that aint right and when she insists i tell her she's free to do what she wants. Sometimes I tell her you can't be listening to certain music or watch certain movies with the kids around as it's not adequate for them. How is that wrong for Christ's sake> How can wanting the right thing done in your home be a wrong thing?

Op sorry bout ur marital situation. One or two Nigeria dad has always been in ur situation. My dad was no exception. My mom doesn't smile when it comes to cash n painted n still paint my dad pretty bad. Turning us against him. But we knew better. Lol. Everyone of us love my dad way more than her. We give him things more before we give her. Because the truth always reveals itself. Your kids won't turn against you. They may not listen to u now cos of fear of her. Don't fret cos they know what's going on.
My dad paid our fees n would give us the little he had without complaining. Mom would always nag n paint him bad. They are separated though. Money issue separated them. Just exactly as ur wife is doing. Lol. Mind you I'm a Lady. I've sworn never to thread that part n I've kept to my word cos I know what it feels like coming from a broken home.
My advice, just separate from her for the main time. Be responsible to your kids. Pick yourself again.
Ur even lucky. My dad retired n while he was waiting to be paid, she started treating him badly. Wouldn't give him food bla bla bla. He zoomed off when he collected his gratuity. But he kept check for monthly feeding because she refused to relocate with him. She goes about telling anyone who cares to listen that he didn't give her a dime which is a lie. Even now, she's financially better than him cos she didn't contribute a dime to anything that concerns him or we the kids. But as God would have it, we visit her Dec n other holidays, but my dad gets the cash from us while she gets our presence more. Every one sibling work with the mindset that she has cash so she doesn't need ours. We give our dad rather.

Why not turn to God, sometimes a wicked woman can reverse the role at home spiritually. Take away the man's ability to earn, while she increases hers. If you have been truly nice to her while your business was doing well she had no cause to treat you badly, except she is the one behind your predicament. Seek the face of God bro.

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

DukeNija:
Your comments reek of inherent pain and hurt and the unforgivable generalization that every man hurts his woman or men are colonial lords. You sound like a damaged woman, and you need to seek help or you will self-destruct.
Mark my words. If you continue this path, you’ll be consumed by the ugliness of your hatred and end up being that broke, miserable, unmarried aunty every girl avoids cos she has nothing to offer both money and character.

News flash funmi: Unlike your personal experiences there are loving and good men out there who will do anything for the women in their lives. Men who kiss the very floor their women walk on every single day. You have not been opportune to meet such men, but they are there. You just might never meet them. That’s life.

I am not the one opening a thread here, Op is.

strungup79:
Everything you said is what I do. Her family only comes around when I'm out. I cook my meals myself. Whenever I can I contribute to my children's upkeep. We don't have sex again. Her control is only when it concerns her. Whenever she takes decisions concerning the children and Ifeel it is wrong, i just reverse it witout fanfare. Basically we are just co tenants with shared responsibilities.

Good. That means you are a wise man.

Just find something to make you happy, maybe gyming, joining a church choir, playing snooker or draft or chess. Just something that would make you stay with some people, and it would also make you leave the house from time to time.
THIS IS TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY

While at it, pls don't join drinking or smoking or start engaging prostitutes, don't damage your self in the bid for happiness.

Majority of those coming for funmisticqueen all because she has a different opinion from theirs are probably cowards, who wouldn't have the balls to say the trash they've been spewing, if confronted in real life.

You Nairaland boys should leave these concocted stories behind in 2019. It’s played out

Preshy561:
This is so sad.
I understand your plight. If there's how you can search for a greener pasture by moving away from her for the main time, please do.
She might think you aren't doing good enough by seeing you home everytime.

Sorry about the situation.

Very sensible comment

strungup79:
I'm not a saint, I have flaws like everybody does. When I say order I mean eg The children can't watch certain movies it's not adequate for them. Ebuka is old enough to do house chores u shouldn't be doing it for him. Why is Nneka still awake and watching TV by 10 pm when she has school tomorrow. When it has to do with her i say things like honey you know that aint right and when she insists i tell her she's free to do what she wants. Sometimes I tell her you can't be listening to certain music or watch certain movies with the kids around as it's not adequate for them. How is that wrong for Christ's sake> How can wanting the right thing done in your home be a wrong thing?

do two of you argue like this in front of the kids?

Then that's very wrong on both of you.


Doing that allows the kids to manipulate you both.

You’re the one hyperventilating over a simple post. If there’s any pain and hurt in here, it’s in your post.

DukeNija:
Your comments reek of inherent pain and hurt and the unforgivable generalization that every man hurts his woman or men are colonial lords. You sound like a damaged woman, and you need to seek help or you will self-destruct.
Mark my words. If you continue this path, you’ll be consumed by the ugliness of your hatred and end up being that broke, miserable, unmarried aunty every girl avoids cos she has nothing to offer both money and character.

News flash funmi: Unlike your personal experiences there are loving and good men out there who will do anything for the women in their lives. Men who kiss the very floor their women walk on every single day. You have not been opportune to meet such men, but they are there. You just might never meet them. That’s life.

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Take heart sir. All this is probably happening to show you her real attitude. She might also be receiving d*vk somewhere else. But pls do remember to update us when the table is turned.
Happy new year

strungup79:
When I married my wife she had nothing. I gave all for her. I fought my parents to marry her. I never bossed her or bullied her. I think you misunderstand the whole situation. I'm not bothered by your vituperations. I just don't want to tow the part you are pushing for cos someone will get hurt. My intuition tells me it won't be me.

Stop saying when u married your wife She had nothing.
U guys have been using this misconception for so long it look like the truth now.

As long as she has started school( be it primary or secondary) she has something. She is going somewhere!
She is not statistic. Some of u marry your wives when she is in uni, just finished uni, or finished secondary, or writing jamb or learning handiwork.
She is on the move. Get that into your skull!
U marry her, give her belle, she halts her progress for u and u are saying she has nothing!
Can u stop?

This kind of mentality is what makes u guys think u own a woman like a property.

That u fought your family to marry her is not new. More women have denied their families for the men they love.

Bring yourself low from your high pedestals and enjoy your woman.

Heaven help us if your wife should come here.
Or better still, invite her here so we will have a balanced presentation.

Elder010:
you still wonder why no man who is not mad wants to befriend or marry you even after begging in this forum. bitterness will kill you if you no take time

Anyone who doesn’t agree with you guys is bitter. It’s a new year please. Do away with the worn out phrases would ya?

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Pipe down my good man.Trust me things are probably not has bad as it seem.Talk to her about your feelings .

fyneboi79:
does ur wretched father have money?! Ewu

Yes he does

strungup79:
Everything you said is what I do. Her family only comes around when I'm out. I cook my meals myself. Whenever I can I contribute to my children's upkeep. We don't have sex again. Her control is only when it concerns her. Whenever she takes decisions concerning the children and Ifeel it is wrong, i just reverse it witout fanfare. Basically we are just co tenants with shared responsibilities.

If all was well and you guys did not have a strictly traditional marriage when you were the breadwinner, have you engaged her to know what changed?

What is fuelling her behavior?

BRATISLAVA:
What, you want to hurt your wife? Your concern.
For the record, your wife isn't emasculating you. She can't change after 13 years of being a good wife, so stop listening to the counsel of men whose posts show they have hated women for years. It's just your mind telling you things because you suddenly feel inadequate. You think she's poisoning the children. You think she's doing secret things. What if she wanted to surprise you with the land some day? Why must you think she's doing it for a negative purpose? If she didn't Chase you from the house and tell you that you're useless, then she isn't a bad wife. She's undergoing the stress of being the breadwinner for the first time. Try to understand without feeling like she's running you over. Plus a bad spell in business doesn't mean you're under a curse. Curses don't work. My intuition tells me things, too.

You're wrong. It's not my mind telling me things. I'm not dumb cos that's what your statement suggests. Before the tables turned, we used to discuss issues, then she started trying to lord it over me using disrespectful language and coded insults. At this stage I was still bringing some finance. I complained and broached the issue of her changing attitude. Guess what - she told me exactly what you're saying, that I was imagining things because of my down turn. Then it became full blown disrespect. If it was stress of being the the bread winner why sideline me and go consulting her family over what concerns us. We used to discuss everything right down to her work. I'm not dumb or stupid. She just feels she has an upper hand and is trying to show it.

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

One prayer I prayed and told God is that my wife should never be richer than I am.
I even to L.A.s her that I will be 100 times richer than her at any time .
For her to be wealthy she has to pray for me to be richer always .
Really disheartening pray for better fortune and God will do it for you .

funmisticqueen:
I am not the one opening a thread here, Op is.

You are ugly & it pains you that you don’t get the attention of men. That’s why you want to destroy the relationships of other Nigerian women by propagating hateful feminist ideologies.

You go old for your Papa house. Ugly mutete.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

Just go back and read what you typed.

Ugly bitch with kpomo lips.

nonsense.

uninspired07:
You are ugly & it pains you that you don’t get the attention of men. That’s why you want to destroy the relationships of other Nigerian women by propagating hateful feminist ideologies.

You go old for your Papa house. Ugly mutete.

very ugly creature.

what nonsense.

strungup79:
Everything you said is what I do. Her family only comes around when I'm out. I cook my meals myself. Whenever I can I contribute to my children's upkeep. We don't have sex again. Her control is only when it concerns her. Whenever she takes decisions concerning the children and Ifeel it is wrong, i just reverse it witout fanfare. Basically we are just co tenants with shared responsibilities.

This is bad. It seems you both have given up on making it work. Its either you sit her down and talk this out or you go your separate ways, why keep yourself in this painful limbo?

I meant she had no job or business. I wasn't try to insult he senses or any woman's senses. I also started out with nothing. I got help and support along the way. I don't abuse that support. I didn't burn those bridges.

sassysure:
Stop saying when u married your wife She had nothing.
U guys have been using this misconception for so long it look like the truth now.

As long as she has started school( be it primary or secondary) she has something. She is going somewhere!
She is not statistic. Some of u marry your wives when she is in uni, just finished uni, or finished secondary, or writing jamb or learning handiwork.
She is on the move. Get that into your skull!
U marry her, give her belle, she halts her progress for u and u are saying she has nothing!
Can u stop?

This kind of mentality is what makes u guys think u own a woman like a property.

That u fought your family to marry her is not new. More women have denied their families for the men they love.

Bring yourself low from your high pedestals and enjoy your woman.

Heaven help us if your wife should come here.
Or better still, invite her here so we will have a balanced presentation.

sassysure:


It all boils down to our family system. It sets dangerous precedent and the society is reaping it in bountiful.

I just said yesterday that a man did òmùgwò 3 times for his wife and some found it strange. Which woman will become a witch overnight if u have been treating her like mate?
U don't know what happens in your kitchen except when u go there to eat.
Your wife is practically your maid and slave.
And they think women are happy with that?
It's just that women knows how to bottle it in and pretend afterall society will be cruel to her if she dare raise her voice.
U don't bath your kids. U think that bonding with them.is buying gifts and whatever.

Oh dear.

When I say 'Nigerian' men and women in terms of marriage, this is part of what I mean.

I know a couple that if the husband loses his job and the wife hits it, he is in soup.

He treats her shit and they are so freaking traditional that she was discharged from the hospital once and went straight to the market and came back to cook.

Anyways, as they like it.