strungup79:


No your words are not meant to heal or help me get back up cos a good relationship is not only dependent on finance. Your words are and designed to make the receiver seek revenge rather than reconciliation. I have received a lot of encouragement here and know I will be back on my feet. I seek not control, if not i would have dominated my wife from the word go. I seek a relationship which from your utterances you know nothing about.

Please ignore her. You can see she’s an ugly, bitter feminist who hates men & she’s clearly disturbed.

Just take the good advice we have given you here & implement it.

BRATISLAVA:


Modern Nigerian men are a sniveling lot of weak, incapable men. They cannot meet their financial obligations so they are looking for women who will support them. They've now made it a standard. They wallow in mediocrity and call it the red pill. Weren't their successful fathers without any MGTOW movements? In their minds, they need women to do everything for them while they give nothing back in turn. I've noticed they're in competition with women especially the ones who have drank red pills until they've become weak and redundant. They tell you they are looking for loyal women, but they are disloyal. They say women are after money, but they still want to pay baby Mama's to have children for them or burden their grandmother's with children they didn't ask for. Who did this thing to them? They've emasculated themselves and now are looking for whom to blame. They believed that they could turn the roles and rules and still remain in control. Unfortunately, when you want women to take up your slack, you must be ready to give them the control you think you have. Worst is the belief that they can toy with women, as if they don't know they're being toyed with too. What goes around comes around. When all you have to contribute to your family is money, when the money isn't there your empty male character will show and disgust the woman.

When I married my wife she had nothing. I gave all for her. I fought my parents to marry her. I never bossed her or bullied her. I think you misunderstand the whole situation. I'm not bothered by your vituperations. I just don't want to tow the part you are pushing for cos someone will get hurt. My intuition tells me it won't be me.

CarlsJaz567:


Sure, it was a bad decision, but if you are without means of income for over 2 years, and the strain of it is already starting to affect your home, you can't stay selfish. After all, I have been supported all along - I couldn't just remain static, hoping things would change! I have moved on since then and I've made progress in other areas of life. Life has its Pros and Cons, you know. The bottom line is that you can't take your wife for granted, even if she's been helpful all along!

Some people are afraid of making some decisions because of fear of failure. Well, they won't exactly fail, but they may also not achieve any significant success either!

Hmmm.

Sir, I pray I for this wisdom to reduce matters to the barest basics and take right but hard decisions, regardless of my ego. Your experience has just opened my eyes to something I never wanted to see. It has also shown me that friendship can still do the job when love or money wanes.

The OP is experiencing one of the greatest fears of a Nigerian man. I hope his wife’s recent behaviour is only a reaction to the way he treated her in the past and not her true colours shining through. Cos if this is who she really is, the ugliness will multiply once he decides to eat the humble pie and play second fiddle.

May we not jam problems that would utterly break us.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

Dem suppose turn acid inside your vagina

Ashawo kobo kobo

[s]

funmisticqueen:
marriage is not about control. Money is what gives control. Stop misquoting me from your place of pain.

Also stop this 'poor me' 'boohoo' victim mentality, it is irritating and pathetic. You are the one emasculating yourself, by allowing yourself to be emasculated.

Most likely money was all you had to offer in the marriage and now that you have lost that, you are just like an appendix in your marriage. Existing without function, but capable of causing hell because no one cares about it anymore.

It is not about bringing more money but showing that you are a leader, and being her support. Give her a reason to trust you by showing initiative. Do you think women like to be bread winners? She is picking up your slack.Of course She will be pissed at you subconsciously.

Be proactive, anticipate needs in the marriage that you can provide and meet them without being told or nagged. Convince her that you are still necessary in your marriage. Get your head out of your asshole and be man.


This is the most candid advice you will get from me or on your thread

[/s]

His wife is what it is, nothing can change that. All the words above are just trials and errors which are not necessary

Bennycollins:
Why let out our secret on a forum like this nah?

sorry bro

..to the meaning of "emasculating".. that's what brought me here.

divineappo:
Dem suppose turn acid inside your vagina

Ashawo kobo kobo

She no even fit be Ashewo. Which normal man go use him money carry that ugly girl?

Person wey Dey craze.

strungup79:


And favour/luck has no part to play? May you not work like an Elephant and eat like an ant.

but oga,re u sure ur wife is not kpanshing another dude?
yes wen u eat her food or touch her it affects you...
take a look at ur family....

bukatyne:


What has feminism got to do with this?

You expect a wife to run the home domestically and financially when she is not a single mother?

You must be a very wicked man.

the man can help ,but it will always be her responsibility,that man will not remain in that position for forever ,cos he is making effort ..

midnighter:


I knew you would say that. But thats not the point. Do you acknowledge the validity of my counter-argument, or not?

Or did all the hundreds of studies and articles that document discrimination against female doctors somehow bypass your biased eyeballs

Where are these studies? Post links and let me scrutinise them. There is no discrimination against female doctors. I am amazed at the extent to which women can manufacture a nonexistent supposed oppression of them. SMH.

By the way, does timetabling and workplace schedule always automatically take into account that a woman has domestic, maternity or childcare commitments?

This is an utterly stupid thing to say.

Do cars and seatbelts that have been tested on male models adequately provide the same insurance against injury for women during an accident?

How privileged and troubled free one must be to consider this their headache. So this is what is holding women back? I am amazed at how you can manufacture nonexistent problems that proves male privilege/patriarchy. Cars are designed for both men and women and for their safety. Forget about the studies I asked you to bring since this is the last time I would exchange you on this thread. You are not to be taken seriously.

If you would stop to consider, your posts would make sense but you are extreme to the point of illogicality. It helps no-one and it makes it difficult to see your posts as anything more than bitter, cantankerous rambling!

making money is about hustling

Mr, go and hustle

change line of business

ignore your wife and stop giving her attention, but she no try at all

my advice is simple, if you arent making it, find another location, move there alone and hustle hard, send upkeeping for children to your wife

men arent suppose to be complaining all the time, we are problem solvers, lets use our initiative to provide solutions to our problem

It's not always easy bro. Everybody got a breaking point,he has reached his. It's okay to complain,na man e be nor b superman. He will bounce back by God's grace.

simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings!

lolxxxxx hahahaha I swear your wisdom is put of this world. Guy I swear, it will work magic to her only if he can apply this wisdom

cerpvad:
He who pays the piper dictates the tune. Marriage is woven around power and class interface. Earning power and social class are two main factors I always advise guys to consider before marrying a lady. If she earns more than you and she's from a wealthy family, guys, run for your life. Some ladies, after using their earnings and wealthy family to entice you into marriage, would bite you back with a lifetime controls, blackmails and giving you depression. In fact they would be feeling too big to have sex with you.

Stop reasoning in a backward manner.

Whether the lady will submit to you or not depends on so many things, including her individual character and upbringing. Some women are heading multinationals but still rush home to cater to their man yet some will come from the village without even 2 kobo to rub together and begin to drag remote with him.

Earning power and social class should be considered for what they are and not to judge whether a woman will be arrogant or not.

funmisticqueen:
if a woman was barren, will a man stand by her. Humans always look out for thier best interests

Young Lady, stop all these your unusual comparisons.
Meanwhile let me act petty like you, Barrenness is Permanent, being Broke is temporal. ����

pocohantas:


-He doesn't have money.
-He doesn't want to do demeaning chores.
-He wants the wife to hustle for ALL the money and do demeaning chores when she gets back home tired.
-He wants to continue knacking the already tired wife with his God given big prick.

What is he?

A HUMAN DILDÔ

Only cougars want such.

Honestly, I do not understand the Nigerian traditional concept of marriage.

I really feel your pain, continue striving for your throne as head of the home, keep praying and work harder. This is exactly what happens when some women have power they have small thinking capacity and limited reasoning. Very soon you will bounce back. Patience is the key.

Martinez39:
this is the last time I would exchange you on this thread. You are not to be taken seriously.

Hahaha I was just about to tell you the same thing.

Im happy to see that you have exposed how flimsy your arguments are they cant stand up to an ounce of scrutiny and anybody following them will lead a very unfortunate life indeed!

Hahaha "there is no discrimination against female doctors" and "cars are designed for both men and women for their safety" when you can literally find evidence to the contrary in less than 5 seconds

But I know you wont, because you would rather remain in your dark, bitter bubble of irrational hatred. Such is typical of the existence of a raging extremist no logical argument or counter-claim, just to close your eyes and ears and drown the other person out because you cant handle the truth

Terrible! What a waste of literacy.

strungup79:


You are just like my wife. If marriage is about control, why marry? Why not stay on your own? Making money is not about hustling, if it was i'd be earning over three times what my wife earns. Luck, favour also plays a role. Maybe God just wants to show me who I married.

honestly bro. Almighty really want to show you who you married. You have said it all but have it in mind that you are coming up for good

LordKO:
If you're a Mech. Engr. with at least 2 years previous work experience in the petroleum industry, send me a PM immediately.

As for your wife and her recent attitude, it's obvious that you've been living with a frenemy all this while. Only few men are lucky, and can be lucky, to marry virtuous/submissive women. Since she's of the small-minded stock, you've to master the art of treating small-minded people and mete out same to her - if you aren't small-minded like her too.

Your qoute caught my attention...Only few men are lucky, and can be lucky, to marry virtuous/submissive women..

and mete out same to her - if you aren't small-minded like her too. This second one seems contradictory, I thought it was a small minded person that will pay evil with evil. Please kindly explain. Please

pansophist:


I've always uphold the doctrine that men are of only practical value to women. From lifting heavy weight, fighting for her, sponsoring her, ego boost, to name a few. Men are human doing to women, while women are human beings to men. Men are nothing more than success object to most women. From an evolutionary, historically and culturall perspective, realistically, men are just a means to an end for women, and he will be discarded when he outlive his usefulness.

The kind of love women have for men is exactly the kind of love men have for their career. Men usually begin to be irritated with their career when it doesn't yield fruit as before, and will think of changing it, or irritated by it if changes are not possible. Since the poster can not fulfil his financial responsibility, he has came to experience this timeless truism, a sad realisation that is a hard pill to swallow, in this trying times.

You can either love women or understand them, you cant do both.

Interesting.

My question:

Stereotypically, can a husband be the sole provider and still actively do house chores?

I want a yes or no.

You can eloborate on whatever answer you choose.

funmisticqueen:
Sir! More wisdom for 2020

Thank you, ma. Happy new year

No one can tell the time of hardship but when it happens your first point of help should be your spouse to provide support. There are lots of women who take responsibility upon themselves in providing for the family without hassle when their spouse have financial difficulties. We sometimes forget the vow we took on wedding day.
For how long will the wife continue to provide if something tangible is not coming from the man. OP there is need to review what you are doing currently especially when it's not bringing anything to the table.
OP before we castigate your wife it will be nice for you to mention if your wife has ever supported during your period of hardship before changing totally.
People have past through such experience it's a temporal thing. Just have faith and also reach out to your friends and loved ones that will be willing to help in one way or the other. God will see you through. God will touch the heart of your wife. IJN.

strungup79:


You are just like my wife. If marriage is about control, why marry? Why not stay on your own? Making money is not about hustling, if it was i'd be earning over three times what my wife earns. Luck, favour also plays a role. Maybe God just wants to show me who I married.

Guy guy guy guy guy, no money no love (for women) period.

If you face difficulty in your start of marraige it could be better but if you're knee deep with kids it's awful.

I get am before is speedily forgotten, you sef go dey surprise say no be woman wey you spend your fortune for be this? It only takes grace.

Dehindepgenius:
I am almost completely sure you are not giving us the full picture. It would be really interesting to hear your wife's version of this story. As human beings, we tend to tell stories in a way that favors us and make us garner pity. If your wife is the breadwinner at the moment, she deserves your loyalty, respect and understanding. Taking care of the financial responsibilities of a home is not easy. You plan, you worry, you get afraid, you have sleepless nights...especially if your spouse does not pitch in.
Here's what happens. When a man loses his source of livelihood, every little move by a woman suddenly becomes emaaculating. The woman is already under a terrible strain and you are here to barmouth her to strangers.

I frankly do not believe you are doing enough. Factories abound, uber is there, the keke business is there, even uneducated teenagers from the north are hustling and making a good living riding bikes.

Yea, sometimes a man experiences setbacks, my dad did. The true measure of manhood lies in dusting yourself off the ground and trying again. These days sadly, there are too many lazy men who whine instead of actually being men. If you are here bad mouthing your wife, then I'm willing to bet, you do it everywhere. My cousin went through this. Everybody called her wicked. The husband's elder brother was like come and stay with me and I'll fix you up with something. They no tell the brother. Las Las he chases the man out of his home and told everyone to ignore the man because he is lazy. All he does is play video games and sleep.

Society is particularly unfair to women. A quick look through this site will convince any unbiased person of that. You already have men pitying you and condemning your wife which is exactly what you wanted. Oga poster, you came here seeking pity, looking for people to condemn your wife and soothe your ego and you already have faceless strangers doing that, but the truth is you are failing as a husband and a father. These people cheering you on and telling you your wife is wicked are in their ow homes hustling and taking care of their business.

I am a man like you and I will not lie to you. You are your own problem. Take these steps.

1. First of all, love and appreciate your wife. Thank her for all she does.

2. Pray hard and ask God to show you why you are experiencing hard luck. Folks here might not tell you the truth, but you may have a character flaw that is working against you. You may actually be lazy, most lazy people won't admit it. It may also be karma. You may have treated others, including your wife badly in the past hence the problems. Yes, it happens. Find out what the problem is and fix it.

3. Hustle, hustle, hustle! I don't believe in excuses. Real men don't. Meanwhile, what do you do? You can mail me your cv at dehindep@gmail.com.

Good job bro..the best advice so far ..His wife should be commended not openly condemned..only the married men 'll understand the mental,physical stress in taking up home/financial responsibility..If you're not a visionary leader,lack of goals,plan and focus, drunkenness,laziness can make a smart(visionary, charismatic wife) and intelligent woman take advantage of you by cutting u off the scheme of things(future plan)..If you're not guilty of all stated above,then your wife may be following wrong advice either from her friends or her family.. She's yr wife,u should know her weakness and strength,work on her weakness,never keep any secret from her, it'll create bitterness,hatred, jealousy,be a wise man,let her know that you're aware of her hidden property. Put yr house in order with love.Every marriage has its own challenges,be prayerful and work harder..Things will get better for u in this year 2020..Happy new year

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

Walk away like a man...never let her see you broken. Leave her guessing. Work hard and come up. Take back what is yours...kids
Most women are much same way when you are down

Melian:


If you say most men on NL not all men, then you've agreed you generalised.

Wouldn't you round more than 50% to Hundred? They're all over this thread with their "women are snakes, that's their way" messages. Especially the first disciple of MGTOW.

strungup79:


When I married my wife she had nothing. I gave all for her. I fought my parents to marry her. I never bossed her or bullied her. I think you misunderstand the whole situation. I'm not bothered by your vituperations. I just don't want to tow the part you are pushing for cos someone will get hurt. My intuition tells me it won't be me.

Stop explaining yourself to the silly girls here. They will relentlessly spin everything against men and demonise men to justify their toxicity, selfishness, and bitterness towards men. Nothing you say will ever make sense and they can't be reasoned with. Leave them. They are all like your wife. Even if you treated your wife well in the past, they will put all the blame on you and ignore your wife's terrible behaviour.

Read this thread below and realise that you are not the only one who have been through what you are facing. This was opened a long time ago.

https://www.nairaland.com/3896004/lost-job-now-losing-dignity

uninspired07:


Na so. Me I go still marry ooo but the girl eye go see pepper. She will know I only love my children.

How wonderful, please ensure that she sees pepper until your last breath.

In turn, may your daughters, sisters, aunties, nieces including your dear mother see Pepper in their matrimonial home. Amin.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

Fact of life
Madam,u're not marriageable

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

Nawa o! you sef! I am here trying to see if you have solved any problem now.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

does ur wretched father have money?! Ewu