Married folks and their never ending cycle of wahalas.

Well bro, I will say that she is young and childish with her reaction to things... If she is not mentally ready, she shouldn't have consented to marrying you when you brought it up.
On your part Mister, you have to learn how to handle a woman, you need to know what she want and what she dislike...and stop reporting her to everyone. Go after her like her boyfriend and pamper her, you will surely get your wife back. She loves you anyways!

Baba I feel for you. I just wish young couples can just drop the pride of bossing and wanna be boss, equal the level of communication and enjoy marriage as both friends and lovers, rather than the breaks. Remember, words hurt and it is only conceived in the heart, meaning everything said had already been in the heart and thought in the heart. And can never be taken back. I will advice you as the man and you responsibility as a husband, to take you marriage serious, drop whatever is happening and have a heart talk with your wife and reach a compromise. Both of you should read books on marriage together (very important), and stop complaining to people outside of your marriage, tell her what you don't like in a cool, friendly and caring manner instead of the who's boss way.

I pray you work things out, you marriage is too young, and you have a lot to learn from it.

Peace

Sorry to say this but a woman that typed this kind of epistle even when her marriage is drowning prematurely is a kid. She's a toddler, she's not matured to have a relationship talk less of being a wife.

If she could talk about her family, especially her mum in a derogatory manner, my brother, carry your load of guilt early and bif her farewell.

Three things are obvious:
1. She has always been a deceiver, only wanting to survive on you
2. She's an extreme narcissist with chronic heartlessness
3. She has someone else sleeping with her, whom she love more than you and she listen to sheepishly cuz I can tell you she's acting out what she was instructed to do.

Here's a last piece of advice, that girl will give you Heart attack if you don't leave her. If she decided to change today, it is because of what she wants or need, the moment she gets it, she'd become her disrespectful and mean self again.

If she has access to your money, cut her off. Every financial benefits she gets from you, cut it off. You will see how she'll become humble suddenly cuz that's her priority.

You might not like the advice I am about to give.

Leave her!

Let her have her divorce, it would be hurtful for you at first but the later tales would be worse for her.

Listen the signs have been there... Insisting on an expensive wedding when she isn't contributing shishi... Asking for an extension of the date.

Most women who are ready for marriage are ready now! They don't focus on the cost of the marriage as long as it is something decent.

She is young and if karma wants to roll its dice for her, 3 years from now, she would be the one begging to do kwarangida

How old is she?

Oga it's all your fault, some mumu NL will be saying she doesn't love you, if she doesn't she will not date you for 5 years, you have too much ego, it's Ur choice to spend that much on a wedding to prove to her you are capable and a Boss, calm down reason with her things must not always be done in ur own way, u are just putting her under unnecessary stress, her reaction is a product of your actions

She is your partner allow her to partake in some decision making. How old is she? I had that feeling too because I married early, the first year, I felt trapped. She will come around, just give her some time and love, let her adjust to married life

marriage has metamorphosed into "hey babe, I wan fvck you, how much ?"

Prettynpink your attention is needed here, Ma.

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

You have said it all.

Sirvingeo:
your case is complicated . The lady only sticked with you because you sponsored her through school.

true true,because you sponsored her education however this is not a guarantee that she must marry you.the thinking is different, you expect that all your efforts should earn you marriage she thinks she giving you returns(sex) for your efforts. So that's the problem here.my advice
Let her go if you're strong enough, forget what you have spent.as hustler you will always recover.
Secondly if you're also strong enough then seat her down,tell her she is free to advice the best way forward and you will comply,tell her the marriage won't end o but you're willing to work with her solutions. Yes its like the foolish path to you but this will give her the 'freedom' she desire and longed for,let her take decisions for you guys,engage her mind more,carry her along even in business decisions ,tell her you want her to decide,make her feel like the boss,act like you care less about the issues,let her enjoy and use the freedom, give her some space in btw,one call or summarise sms a day then watch how things will turn out.
Number 2 solution worked for my friend,the lady is most submissive now

I love the fact u posted her messages ,, gives us a better scope of whats going on.

She’s not a bad person or wife,, she just feel trapped , n my dear u caused it ,, give her the freedom to express herself .. this world is evolving , women wanna feel important, women wanna make their own money and women wanna make vital decisions in their home.. give her some space ,, allow her breath ,, she’s shocked up with ur bossy attitude that’s why she’s saying hurtful stuff n that’s normal for women ,, our mouth r deadly weapons. Be strong !! Be a man !!! Divorce is not an option.. this is a matter of talking n hving a common ground on how the home will work peacefully.. leave I am a man out of this.. u didn’t marry a desperate girl !! U married a lady that had so much dreams ,, don’t trap her..

Na you be OP?
Your story man pass OP own

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

iLegendd pls come and see this post, notify me when you've made your comment.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Honestly as a man, you shouldn't be emotional like she is, be logical( be calculative). Women take decision as it comes no time to think, especially if all her friends are still single. but men overcome unforseen and preventable complications, by calculating consequences of their decisions in a longterm( 5yrs).Yes, she is feeling trapped and excessively controlled and housewifed. Getting a divorce shows how weak you respond to life issues. There are no marriages without crisis.
People may conclude she doesn't love you or she felt to compensate your effort of sponsoring her through school is to marry you.
The best approach is to take her out in a relax mood, ask her how she wants in the marriage.
If she says she need space. Tell her no problems, you will give her space. All she needs now is to starve her of attention. Get busy, don't even get worried if she is cheating.
Avoid her food, wash ur clothes, go out early return very late. If she ask u why u do this, just tell her, u need space too. Then she will understand what it means to ask for divorce, because u played a scenario.
If u can during this period don't sex her at all. Completely avoid her. Don't monitor her.
Just watch, she will uncheck all her friends.
When u give a woman too much attention, she overides and when you snub her, she becomes curious. So if then u catch her cheating on you.
Then u have an evidence to divorce her.
Remember to save d date u took her out for a dialogue as a future evidence, in case she declared she cheated because u r not giving her attention.
Kick her ass of ur house with confidence.
If she cheats don't worry, it shall be uncovered.

Hybrid77 no need for story tale, just hit the nail on the head by choosing one of these two options to solve your marital issue. 1. U remain humble for the rest of your life in the marraige 2. You divorce but take note, a nagging and complaining wife can never change, even till her old age, so u have to chew your meat in peace. If i were you i would go with no 2, the reason is this, a night of pleasure isn,t worth a life time of blindness, go ask samson he will tell you. Quit now before you get stabed. note you have spent alot isn,t worth a life time of blindness

You have invested enough to just let go, try to be calm, patience with her, just do as if nothing has happened and give her some space. Don't call or text her often, give her reason to be wondering about your next move, if she is getting the attention from you she will begin to feel jealous about you,maybe you have someone new that is why you are no longer checking on her that uncertainty will try to bring her back to her senses. Don't give up on her just so soon. From what she said her family is not on her side so they will be doing the background talking on your behalf.
Stop further qaurrel with her otherwise things will get out of hand. Love conquers all.

Sorry ehh

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

U do love her... Thats the reason why u seeking advice here.
And if she do love u too.. She will seek advice else where.
It's Marriage its not a smooth ride.
U guys should talk.

poshestmina:
You are probably the problem in the marriage.

Why going around, reporting her to people?

A marriage is has barely passed the honeymoon stage.

From the screenshots ,you were the one that 1st talked about "been forced into the marriage " and she only agreed.

You both have your faults .

You only saw faults but no solution, after 5yrs of togetherness , do you even think before you typing this .... Why putting blames ONLY...
For people to talk her into marriage shows that the said Lady wasn't into him, forget about the excuse of not mentally ready or that she want him.to give him another 3 months to be ready ... My question is what's the different between 3 ago and next 3months if you have been together for the past 5 years?
Abeg the girl no wan do the marriage, it's due to lack of ideas on what to say , do or reasonable excuse to give for not marrying to someone whom has been with her for the past 5yrs makes her to scumble to people pleasure to marry him.

poshestmina:
You are probably the problem in the marriage.

Why going around, reporting her to people?

A marriage is has barely passed the honeymoon stage.

From the screenshots ,you were the one that 1st talked about "been forced into the marriage " and she only agreed.

You both have your faults .

. The man is always at fault,any other thing?

I stand with your wife

From the screenshot, it seems sponsoring her education has given you some undue entitlement to have your way every time

Your wife seems open to discussion but you are Buhari, only your word stands

Taking your marriage matters to third-party instead of listening to your wife means you don't respect her

Yes, it seems respecting your wife or letting her have her way sometimes is alien to you

ITbomb:
I stand with your wife

From the screenshot, it seems sponsoring her education has given you some undue entitlement to have your way every time

Your wife seems open to discussion but you are Buhari, only your word stands

Taking your marriage matters to third-party instead of listening to your wife means you don't respect her

Yes, it seems respecting your wife or letting her have her way sometimes is alien to you

supported

You are at fault here. You forced the poor girl into what she was not ready for. Stop dating small girls or students dem no go hear. Weak silly men

zexy2030:

Honestly as a man, you shouldn't be emotional like she is, be logical( be calculative). Women take decision as it comes no time to think, especially if all her friends are still single. but men overcome unforseen and preventable complications, by calculating consequences of their decisions in a longterm( 5yrs).Yes, she is feeling trapped and excessively controlled and housewifed. Getting a divorce shows how weak you respond to life issues. There are no marriages without crisis.
People may conclude she doesn't love you or she felt to compensate your effort of sponsoring her through school is to marry you.
The best approach is to take her out in a relax mood, ask her how she wants in the marriage.
If she says she need space. Tell her no problems, you will give her space. All she needs now is to starve her of attention. Get busy, don't even get worried if she is cheating.
Avoid her food, wash ur clothes, go out early return very late. If she ask u why u do this, just tell her, u need space too. Then she will understand what it means to ask for divorce, because u played a scenario.
If u can during this period don't sex her at all. Completely avoid her. Don't monitor her.
Just watch, she will uncheck all her friends.
When u give a woman too much attention, she overides and when you snub her, she becomes curious. So if then u catch her cheating on you.
Then u have an evidence to divorce her.
Remember to save d date u took her out for a dialogue as a future evidence, in case she declared she cheated because u r not giving her attention.
Kick her ass of ur house with confidence.
If she cheats don't worry, it shall be uncovered.

OP.... You see this suggestion ehn, follow am.
This fellow has a perfect view of your situation, don't be guided by your emotions here. Even God will will hold you and not her responsible for that union.

Make sure you lightly consider those feminine suggestions above, its the sheer act-before-you-think syndrome.

Sirvingeo:
your case is complicated . The lady only sticked with you because you sponsored her through school.

She doesn't love him one bit.....but I can't advise him to divorce her on what ground...he should try and settle it as a man and if he cannot ....my hands are up.....

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

After reading the screenshots from B, I have arrived at the following:

1. This woman does not love you as much as you think she does (if at all)

2. There are lots of other guys out there that are willing to marry her even if you divorce as you're reading this, so she does not mind loosing you. To hell with the marriage!

3. You were too desperate to get married, shebi the other guy(s) "dragging" wife with you don comot hand? Can you now see how life is not all about marriage?

4. You have very poor experience with women.

Shugavee:
I love the fact u posted her messages ,, gives us a better scope of whats going on.

She’s not a bad person or wife,, she just feel trapped , n my dear u caused it ,, give her the freedom to express herself .. this world is evolving , women wanna feel important, women wanna make their own money and women wanna make vital decisions in their home.. give her some space ,, allow her breath ,, she’s shocked up with ur bossy attitude that’s why she’s saying hurtful stuff n that’s normal for women ,, our mouth r deadly weapons. Be strong !! Be a man !!! Divorce is not an option.. this is a matter of talking n hving a common ground on how the home will work peacefully.. leave I am a man out of this.. u didn’t marry a desperate girl !! U married a lady that had so much dreams ,, don’t trap her..

The man and his wife no get sense at all. Why should an adult enter a union they are not genuinely prepared for?

Obviously the man wanted marriage but the lady was not cut out for it. She should have simply stood her ground!

After all the funfare and activities of the wedding ceremonies they are coming to disturb the cyberspace with "should I divorce?".

The truth is, nobody on nairaland gives a f4uck about the future of their home. No one here knew when they got married, so why bug us with a one-sided story of how things are not going well?

I can only advise that they focus on their new home and leave the internet out of it.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Go search for Ubunja and read is thread

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Oga, you are at fault here. You seem like someone who likes getting his way. She wasn't ready and she told you from the outset, but you sha wanted it your way. From that screenshot what I can deduce is a young lady who still wants to explore her youth. I can bet she is in her early twenties, 25 at the most. That lady is not ready to be submissive yet, and she is rather heady and opinionated.

Guy, na you fvck up.

A divorce is rather hasty. A trial separation is what you two need to get your priorities right. She needs space so GIVE HER THAT SPACE. If she comes back, all well and good. If she doesn't, take it as one of life's experiences.