Wow! But you forced her nau? The poor girl categorically stated that she wasn't mentally ready but you and her folks kept pushing! Na wa o...it is well.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Have you read this? I can't recommend it well enough. Use the rest of today to read it. You can read it in one sitting.

eguarojeona:
Marrying students ehn dey end in tears.The things we see for school and service year.Plenty plenty married women wey dey date other guys steady .

But Why?
Shey school dey commot person sense ni?

What is the age difference @OP? How old are you and how old is she?

Everything wrong in marriage should not end in divorce. Please you guys need to talk it out. Also, one partner doesn't make decisions in marriage as both of you are adults. Please work it out+

Temptee101:


3 month old marriage? Just Imagine!

Stories like this and what I see in marriage these days makes marriage scare the shiit outta me.

Spits

#3million naira marriage in 3months going down like this



God know why I forbid spending blindly and stupidly on marriage, I know many slow nigga won't like this .


You are at fault in anyway guy.

How old is your wife sef?

She go dey fvck boys anyhow for school o, since she no love you. Better to dump her now for your own good.

Pet her and get her pregnant, after delivery you divorce her and be sending her money for the upkeep of the baby. That's how u handle ingrates.

You are a good man bro. Please exit this marriage.

You offered her 3m naira wedding? Are you kidding me? You saw her through her education and she wants to boss you around. Be gentle and leave bro. You spend your money and your life at the same time. You need peace. Take a bow bro

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

I’m not an expert bt I don’t see any exact issue with what ur wife has said and she never said she doesn’t love u either. That’s only in ur head cos she won’t have married u if she didn’t unless she materialistic which I’m not yet sure she is despite asking for a bigger wedding tho that is a concern.

U guys have 2 issues from what I see, an ideology issue and timing issue.

Timing: she got married as a student and probably that wasn’t her intial plan and that’s what she means by the forcing stuff and not about love. Also she cud be referring to how long u dated I don’t know the duration of that.

Ideology: She wants more of the frnd like husband who doesn’t look down on her on important family issues bt contributes her own little part however. However she sees u as more of the bossy husband who talks and everybody has to listen probably cos u foot her bills and all bt that’s not how love grows. Work on this and u guys will be fine.

Make sure u explore all options b4 ending a good marriage. If she’s rude point that out and address it, if she sensible she will see her mistakes and u also will correct ur mistakes cos I’m sure everyone has made mistakes here. Cheers

Kenoxman:
This is where u are required to act as the man. Getting emotional about the whole issue just like ur wife will ruin everything. Quit being emotional and device a practical way of solving ur marital problems. Real men are problem-solvers. And it takes a real man to build his family. Forget about whatever she had said. Women will always say hurtful things without considering the implication,that's their nature. Sit ur wife down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Maybe u've been overbearing all this while without knowing. Allow her to make suggestions on how to make things start working again. Then find a common ground between her opinion and urs. Relationship such as marriage is built on compromise. No marriage is perfect and most marriages just like any endeavour suffer many challenges from the beginning. Ur ability to manage these challenges will determine the longivity of such endeavours. U will grow past this phase if u are willing to work together.

@hybrid77

Nothing more to add.

Except, you should know that the courts do not grant divorce until 2yrs after the marriage. This is to give you the opportunity to make things work or scatter the thing irrevocably.


I will be the first to tell you that the first few years aren't easy. You are both adjusting to living together in close quarters. Not easy at all but for the marriage to work both of you must adapt.

Ignore whatever she said. Women have a way of saying the worst things. If you follow their mouth you will just get bp for nothing. If u turn into the man she loves tomorrow you will see how her mouth will change. Na so Dem be.

From the text messages you posted these are the issues.

1. You are bossy. You like having things your way or not at all. This cannot work in marriage, let me just tell you. Even if you're talking that she should submit , you want your wife to submit with love, not because she feels she must. It is better for you on the long run. Humility never hurt anyone and experience from making mistake is the best teacher. Allow her do things her way (be humble) and if it doesn't work she will learn (experience).


2. She is rude and uncouth. The tone from her message shows a rude person. Unfortunately girls can be like this too. And it is very very annoying for the man especially when she feels entitled and you have done so much for her. Let her know that you have heard what she said and will make changes but you dont like her tone of voice. She should be more polite, more respectful in her utterances. Women don't understand that men enjoy sweet words too. Teach her with play how to use sweet words to pass her message across.

Most of all be patient. Give her her space and you too chill a bit. You guys can work it out.

Cheers.

Op You did force her into marriage. ...you didn't know her she didn't know you ...now you are feeling so entitled bossing her up and down. You spend 3M on wedding nobody send you na, owambe people came to eat your rice.Please treat the lady right stop your Myself and I attitude. Be a Prince Charming for once.

I think you forced her truly. Prospective married guys, marry the person that loves you. Period

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Personally I can't n don't support the idea of sponsoring any girl in school to marry her later,I can relate with n support you at the level of dating but anything marriage will be after graduating that's if I'm still convinced about you n certainly if I'm to marry you at all then we must have Frank talk on issues like employment n financial control n management in the family, rights n previledges of in-laws,gender equality n authority etc,if you are too shy or lacks the confidence to engage your lady frankly about these issues then your are certainly laying the foundation for problem, imagine a girl insisting on a type of wedding for me to sponsor!,I will rather let you go than allow any woman to turn me to a woman wrapper,sorry ops if not for the millions spent I would have ask you to let her go as it's clear she only wanted to use you but if you are bouyant enough you can still let her go n start afresh but this time very wisely.

abluck:

How the hell do you people come across this meme

There are some kind of women that are not fit for marriage. You only Bleep them and play around with them at your convenience. You don't seriousify or wife them. Too many guys keep making this stupid mistake.

3months after marriage..jesus help this man ooo u r not even considering the money you spent haba that's too early na try work it out abegi

If you sincerely need professional counselling and not comments from people who probably are not married, I can refer you.

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

God bless you.

You said you dated her for 5 years. Some girls can hide their characters ooo. From that time till now, you have not known her too well. May God help you bro.

AshiraWealthy:


Sit her down and ask her to tell you the truth if she has someone else, that you'll let her go if she wants. Then hear what she has to say cos whether you like it or not, both of you have lost interest and things might not be the same. So its better to ask, let everyone know their stand.

What is there to sit and discuss when u have already said that there was no love in d first place?

I feel for you bro! She actually don't love you. She just wanted you to sponsor her education but along the line you were little bit clever to tie her down. But right now, her initial evil plan is disturbing her and she is coming out open by saying some rubbish. My advice, you're a nice guy and i hate deceit. Kick her out and move on. I know it's gonna be hard if you consider the money you have spent. Pls do the needful and walk away if not not will regret this union. You never forced her into marriage but you were very clever to tie her down.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Bro the truth is that she never loved you and she feels there is still somebody out there for her ..she only needed you for her education , you used her family's lack of finance to force her in duress into a loveless relationship and marriage ..let that girl go if you want to live long

Bros just take it easy. When young girls who are not working grt married they usually misbehave. Just go soft on her for now, then get her pregnant as fast as possible, pamper her more till she gives birth. After the first child don't give her much space let her a second. Then you can relax and see how she will listen when you talk. You have money, but native intelligence is what you lack. Until she gives you a child your investment will be a waste. Even if you divorce now and marry again you will face the same problems so don't think it will be better with another young woman, they have a lot in common. Just be patient and pamper her, you will laugh at last.

You should not have married her while she was still in school. Just because she's an adult doesn't mean she's quite ready for marriage.

Also, she never loved you.

Don't be stupid my friend ; yes, you shouldn't be stupid. She might likely kill you with bottle. Let her go!

StarUp:
She has seen something better somewhere...

Hate to admit this to you bro..but seems your girl may be donking a classmate behind you and you don't measure up In bed,and now she is rebellious cos you shackled her conscience through the marriage, and mark my words the more sexual frustrated she gets..the more hell you bout to see!

Please talk to a marriage counselor within reach. The counselor will help you guys to clean up gray areas in your union.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

So what if the was nothing like divorce won't you guys look for a way to make ur marriage work.

Boss forget that divorce thing sit her down you guys should start all over again. I feel like you people did not discuss certain important issues while dating and agree on certain things.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

D girl has a family u then decided to be her sponsor. U are really a father Christmas. Well done. Am sure u didn't help ur family members d way u helped this lady. Pls carry ur cross& stop disturbing d public with ur self inflicted problems