₦airaland Forum

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

ScotMisile:
Men, stop looking for girls to marry, look for women who are ready for marriage... Simple

Sonnyboom:
Hybrid77, @ the emboldened quote. if your wife is saint Mary I don't want to know she's only eager to get fucqed outside your union that is the only common denominator that give women the audacity to walk out of a financially buoyant relationship. All those talk of rushing her into marriage, self independence na smokescreen.

Quick chip, I once dated a girl for 7 years taking care of her tuition n all, I proposed after graduation n she queried if I want to force her into marriage. In disbelieve I instantly disclosed I am entitled to that but luckily for me I didn't force it. I simply had friends in Leed city n accommodation I got for her who were kind enough to provide briefings on her daily sexcapede. If your girl reasoning is any different from exploring a dic you do not know about or intending new dics I will be dammed.

Your best bet is to count your loss n those singing your are too assertive, let them know a man don't just go about being assertive, you increase the level of assertiveness in response to perceived uncompromising disposition. If I have a wife who think I should look away when all her friends are men she should also not have a problem when the only people I chat with on Instagram are females.

My 2 cent.

abbey621:
Let's learn from history so that we don't become history. This woman is shouting she's not ready, she has been forced, she's stressed yet he should continue watching her till when? Till she decides it's time to end him like Maryam? Till she decides it's better to seek the arms of another man secretly? Till kids get involved and then things become more complicated?

Kenoxman:
This is where u are required to act as the man. Getting emotional about the whole issue just like ur wife will ruin everything. Quit being emotional and device a practical way of solving ur marital problems. Real men are problem-solvers. And it takes a real man to build his family. Forget about whatever she had said. Women will always say hurtful things without considering the implication,that's their nature. Sit ur wife down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Maybe u've been overbearing all this while without knowing. Allow her to make suggestions on how to make things start working again. Then find a common ground between her opinion and urs. Relationship such as marriage is built on compromise. No marriage is perfect and most marriages just like any endeavour suffer many challenges from the beginning. Ur ability to manage these challenges will determine the longivity of such endeavours. U will grow past this phase if u are willing to work together. Mind u love is never enough.

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

Tonyfx:
To be honest with you, you are the one at fault from your write up and the screenshots.
First marriage nor be house when you go rush enter because you don dey build an for 5years, if you rush enter marriage you go rush commot from am.
Secondly marriage is a lifetime journey and so it requires alot of patience and understanding between both parties. Your wife told you she wasn't mentally ready but you didn't want to see things from her point of view. Nor be so Bros (it takes two to tangle).
As for the decision part remember say na your life partner even as Dangote get money reach he cannot make any decisions about his own company without the agreement of his partners which are his board of directors. See things from her point of view and let her see from yours then both of you should come to a peaceful conclusion. The marriage too early for quarrel na.
As for divorce I won't support that instead why not give her time to adjust and be in the right frame of mind. Things will definitely workout because she isn't asking for a divorce.
Give her time and try to be supportive of her. I hope you will find something useful here.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Shugavee:
how?? Please don’t say rubbish!! She thinks so highly of herself n she got married at a time she didn’t want to just to make the man happy?? Don’t advise rubbish I beg you

Misscongenialit:
We are both saying the same thing, she has asked for space and I am saying he should let her have all the space she desires and not subject himself to a life of frustration because of an her attitude .
If she goes finally then "bon boyage" and he moves on too !!

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

Acme45:
she wants to enjoy her school boyfriend as her friends 're doing now in school.I work in the school environment and i see what is happening@ nights, so since you tied the knots it's like putting her in bondage.so she can't enjoy the night life with her friends.Guy let her go or else you will never enjoy the marriage because she will cheat on you,because she is already showing you the signs so pls just let her go.God will compensate you big time