₦airaland Forum

You say you are leaving alone........to go where?You say you are a graduate please edit what you put up there.

As per your issues,living alone has no direct effect on it.You just haven't met the right man yet.
Dump that insecure man you have now,he will just wear you out.

Mineisgrace:
We live and we learn.. Never give a man your money. Even if they pretend to be dying.

I hope you didn't borrow him a huge sum of money before he started to dig up your Facebook? That's part of the gimmicks they use when they are trying to run away with your money. They will bring up all kinds accusation. They can even say your grandmother was a woman and so they are no longer interested

But you can collect money from a man right? I just feel like cracking your skull now.

that's an invitation to pregnancy

free your mind and you will meet the right guy for you.

sometimes,we find love in unthinkable places,so always keep your mind open.that you are on your own now doesn't necessarily mean that guys will start flocking around you immediately.it takes time and patience and you will get to pick the right one for you.

for now, just break up with this one. yours will definitely find you

Cityqueengirl:
I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

Can we be friends, If you wouldn't mind?

LIVINGICON:
But you can collect money from a man right? I just feel like cracking your skull now.

you have not been able to break the shackles of poverty around your neck, it's my head you now want to break eehn?

yes I can collect from him.
It's his duty to provide for the family if he's married to me. Mine is to support the growth of the family without draining him both mentally and financially.

Do you have a problem with that?

Mineisgrace:
you have not been able to break the shackles of poverty around your neck, it's my head you now want to break eehn?

yes I can collect from him.
It's his duty to provide for the family if he's married to me. Mine is to support the growth of the family without draining him both mentally and financially.

Do you have a problem with that?

You are not married madam, and even if you were, let's not engage in meaningless arguments, use your time for more productive things.

@ Cityqueengirl we should connect you know.. I feel a certain vibe with you.

Cityqueengirl:
I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

I understand perfectly your travails, but you know that the river drowns whom it sees his leg..that's an adage. If you never invited any man in your house, none will eat your food or Snoop around you. I understand that at your age, you need to mingle because time waits for no one but my little advice is that you should make your career a priority, genuine man will come around. keep friends but don't let them visit you.. visit them either if you must "chop". Thereafter keep your home a private abode. Be friendly in your workplace, real men plenty. Goodluck

Foodqueen:
Hmmm!!

Firstly,it is not you, it is the sociwe find ourselves. But then u need to set the rules. I lived alone for two years before I met my hub and honestly he live in the other room from mine.

I set my rules that no matter what, I won't bring any guy to my house and I stood by it. I had I relationship then but I never allowed him visit. I go out when I want to and make sure I was home before 8, cos then I do close from work by 5.
I earned a lot of respect from everyone in that area without me knowing cos I wasn't the only single lady in that compound. I didn't even notice my hub then, but he was a secret admirer.

To cut the long story short, the landlord, other tenants, friends on the street all stood for him.

Just do exactly this. .. comig from a lady that was formerly like you.

Cityqueengirl:
I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

Why are you complaining ??

MRcocaFanta:
The problem with the both of you is incompatibility.

The both of you are incompatible.

While he is insecure, you are self centered and not truthful.

We have no business hearing of how you sent him money on your birthday.

You are trying to make him seems ungrateful, but in reality, he told you on your birthday that he has no money and that he hasn't been paid. You were the one that sent him money even if he didn't ask because you wanted to celebrate your birthday.

Secondly, while he might be insecure by going into your past, but you have to understand that there was something that triggered his action that prompt him to start looking into your past, even as to hack your Facebook accounts.

There is something you are hiding from him and he is beginning to see the signs.

Anyways truth is that if the both of you truly Love each other and you want to see the Union work, then you both have to talk to a relationship expert, a therapist.

It will go a long way in helping the both of you but if there are no therapist around then you just have to break up because the sad truth Is that the relationship will never work without expert opinion on it.

Right now the both of you are incompatible.

Adios!!!!

i beg to differ

men are afraid of women who can handle few things on their own this one is a good example

she has her own flat and no man is renting it for her, she is running her life herself without the usual from most girls/women who want to be provided with everything, so this guy assumes that there is another guy paying for the girls needs and wants

as men we use resourses as way to control women, this guy he no resources he is giving the girl because the girl is able to do that herself, so the guy thinks he has no control over the girl because he has nothing use a tool to control the girl

chriskosherbal:
I was about to give a piece of my mind but you beat me to it, can you imagine as if she is better than ladies who have or are still giving to thier men. You marry such women and you run out of cash at some point in time just know you are finished.

It's every man's prayer that God will not connect him to such selfish, self-centered, egocentric, never-sacrifising type of woman, who believes it is only the man's money that is good for spending and not hers, this type will be building houses and the husband will be borrowing to feed the children both contributed to have .

Op pls don't follow that ladies advice you have a good heart just pray more and watch keenly the man that will appreciate and like you for who you are will definitely show up...

Her comments really surprised me.

Well she might still be a kid and really know nothing about life.

The earlier you dump that situationship the better
You can never win with an insecured man o, he will drain you emotionally and financially.

I mean he became broke on the same day that he should atleast buy you a bottle of coke and you think it is ok because

Don't listen to all those jargons up there, delete his contacts and move on with your life.
Living alone is not a crime, and nobody should ever make you feel you are less for taking that decision.

ZIMDRILL:
i beg to differ

men are afraid of women who can handle few things on their own this one is a good example

she has her own flat and no man is renting it for her, she is running her life herself without the usual from most girls/women who want to be provided with everything, so this guy assumes that there is another guy paying for the girls needs and wants

as men we use resourses as way to control women, this guy he no resources he is giving the girl because the girl is able to do that herself, so the guy thinks he has no control over the girl because he has nothing use a tool to control the girl

No you are wrong.

It's only weak men that are afraid of an independent women.

A strong and a real man appreciates independent woman more, because the independent woman suits his personality and status.

A strong man needs a woman that can a strong back bone to him.

As for the op and her boyfriend, while i feel the boyfriend is insecure, however i feel the op is playing the "pity card, there is something she is hiding which is glaring to the eyes and this was why i suggested they talk to a therapist.

Unfortunately most NIGERIANS do not know the benefits of a therapy.

Mineisgrace:
you have not been able to break the shackles of poverty around your neck, it's my head you now want to break eehn?

yes I can collect from him.
It's his duty to provide for the family if he's married to me. Mine is to support the growth of the family without draining him both mentally and financially.

Do you have a problem with that?

Do you know me from ADAM?? How are you so sure i can't buy you more than 10 times over??

I was beginning to wonder if it's only nairaland marriages that have issues

MRcocaFanta:
No you are wrong.

It's only weak men that are afraid of an independent women.

A strong and a real man appreciates independent woman more, because the independent woman suits his personality and status.

A strong man needs a woman that can a strong back bone to him.

As for the op and her boyfriend, while i feel the boyfriend is insecure, however i feel the op is playing the "pity card, there is something she is hiding which is glaring to the eyes and this was why i suggested they talk to a therapist.

Unfortunately most NIGERIANS do not know the benefits of a therapy.

read again we are all saying the same thing

It's simple... You guys ain't just compatible,so let it go.

Note: we really don't need to know if you funded him or not.. Whatever happens offline should remain so

Just focus on yourself,mind the kinda people who visits you( if possible, don't let any man visit you).. The right one will definitely waltz into your life

Cityqueengirl:
I believe you have never been lied against. You have never been slut shamed because you are a man.
So it is wrong to say I helped him out? Because of his ego?
So what happens to my own ego?

what a Matured reply!

Mineisgrace:
We live and we learn.. Never give a man your money. Even if they pretend to be dying.

I hope you didn't borrow him a huge sum of money before he started to dig up your Facebook? That's part of the gimmicks they use when they are trying to run away with your money. They will bring up all kinds accusation. They can even say your grandmother was a woman and so they are no longer interested

you're a fool,greedy bastard .stingy cow come and marry let me see.

Guess you've not met the right person

I've never dated an independent lady before
Like a lady who pays her house rent and other bills...
But I met one recently and I'm loving the friendship
Because it's totally different from other relationship I've had...
This whole love thing is just luck....
Have this in mind that you would meet someone special that would give you all the love you've given and have not gotten back in return.....

Cityqueengirl:
I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

My dear,that guy is paranoid,move on

thorpido:
You say you are leaving alone........to go where?You say you are a graduate please edit what you put up there.

As per your issues,living alone has no direct effect on it.You just haven't met the right man yet.
Dump that insecure man you have now,he will just wear you out.

grammatical pedantry syndrome!

Mineisgrace:
you have not been able to break the shackles of poverty around your neck, it's my head you now want to break eehn?

yes I can collect from him.
It's his duty to provide for the family if he's married to me. Mine is to support the growth of the family without draining him both mentally and financially.

Do you have a problem with that?

Leech!!! Sucking blood

Cityqueengirl:
I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

Hello dear
If this story is true, then you're a good & great woman.
However, do not loose your values cos of a guy.
Remain resilient and you'll be alright

Cityqueengirl:
I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

Take him out to the beach, tell him how much you love him and how much the relationship means to you, then tell him what is hurting you.
C'est fini!

Someone should please remember to remind me when this nonsense gets to the front page.

Then I can make my comment.

Nonsense.

Forget all those we really don't need to know if you funded him for your birthday, it greatly cleared things that you spelt it out. He could have either managed from what he was surviving on before his salary comes or promise to make it up on a later day if he had any dignity of a potential worthy husband.

Then again you seem just too desperate to the point that it attracts the wrong ones and still drive them away. Can you develop some self worth and principles and not twerk them every minute to suit and accomodate every dick'e you come across?!

Don’t let that insecure and potentially abusive man stay any longer in your life please. You deserve better.

Being alone increases temptation

ZIMDRILL:
i beg to differ

men are afraid of women who can handle few things on their own this one is a good example

she has her own flat and no man is renting it for her, she is running her life herself without the usual from most girls/women who want to be provided with everything, so this guy assumes that there is another guy paying for the girls needs and wants

as men we use resourses as way to control women, this guy he no resources he is giving the girl because the girl is able to do that herself, so the guy thinks he has no control over the girl because he has nothing use a tool to control the girl

So sad