ImaIma1:


If you keep dwelling on the bad ones, how will you experience the good ones? Because even if it comes, you will repel it with your already formed mindset and preconceived notions.

I had bad experiences with guys...disappointing and terrible ones. But I didn't allow that experience be my teacher. I still believed that there were good ones. And that good one found me.

yeah, I understand, some times the impression burns deep into the mind...it is well God is helping us.

Ryan03:
maybe you didn't understood the op's post. He meant staying on a permanent basis till maybe the sister gets married or the brother gets a job and could move out. The parents can stay forever

I still don't see an issue if they live together forever. In some cultures that is allowed and the way marriages are conducted. The person I quoted believes it's only poor people who live together. Wrong thinking. You don't own the person. Things like "leave my husband for me" are pointless talks because the man did not drop from Mars. He knew those people all his life. He got married to you, he doesn't have to shut them out of his life because of you.

safarigirl:


I Don't Bill Guys, so, I have no idea what you are talking about.

The Problem with many of you guys, is that you have met so many trash girls, you automatically assume all girls are trash. I cann hardly blame you, trash is kept outside and that is where you meet them.

I don't keep my trash outside though, I keep it inside till Lawma comes then I dispose it

Chommieblaq:


It’s not poor people problem na troublesome people issues, I have seen rich people act that way too, though the rich do more of bullying.

I came from humble home, lost my Dad at a very young age, I know how much we struggled together growing up, many sacrifices etc. Does that automatically means I will leave my job, pack my bags and start staying with my sisters and their family because we suffered together?
First of all, nobody owe me or anyone shit, these entitlement character breeds other forms of things.

How do people even feel comfortable staying in someone’s house? An adult staying with another adult? I can’t get my head around it.

My mama no go leave her business come your house, even to do Omugwo for the complete duration is an uphill tasks, none of my sis will leave their job/business and family to come stay with you, neither will my brother leave his job and ego to come stay with you.
I have been begging my sis, to visit me since 2 years now, I never see her brake light.

I don’t have any problem with my husband family coming over, (visiting o) Aged parent coming to stay for medical reason and care is fine, but there should be boundaries and mutual respect, I’m in no competition with his family and if you are going to choose your family over me, forgetting that I left my own family, so we can form ours, abeg no marry me o, I won’t be a second class citizen in my matrimonial home

Like Pcguru1 said, I’m fortunate enough to come from a family where everyone minds their business and respect boundaries!

Thank you. Some people who received a little change overnight think it's about money and that people are out to get them. Poverty thinking.

This is all about understanding. Marriage isn't a war. You vs the inlaws.

Abeg who be this person

TheArchangel:
Do you also marry your wife and her family
Seem Africans are confused, indecisive and hypocritical in everything. One minute, you are quoting the religious books, next minutes you realised you are Africans
We are two-faced in everything, we practice leaving our father and mother to cleave to our spouse tag, and at the same time practices marry your spouse and their families. So evident that we are confused hypocrites.

It's because they have the burden of two marriages, the real one then the "traditional" one. So they are confused on which to practice.

True talk.
Great conversation.

BRATISLAVA:


I still don't see an issue if they live together forever. In some cultures that is allowed and the way marriages are conducted. The person I quoted believes it's only poor people who live together. Wrong thinking. You don't own the person. Things like "leave my husband for me" are pointless talks because the man did not drop from Mars. He knew those people all his life. He got married to you, he doesn't have to shut them out of his life because of you.

BRATISLAVA:


It's because they have the burden of two marriages, the real one then the "traditional" one. So they are confused on which to practice.

lol.

Two marriage ceremonies and triple families. I'd be confused too.

safarigirl:


These Are exceptions, not general rules.

And who set those rules? You said in America and I have given you example of American citizen I know ...so I don't understand what you are driving at.

ImaIma1:


Where was the person staying before?

Why would you want to move in with people that should be focusing on themselves those first years?

The first few years is key in a marriage. Couples fight a lot, they disagree because most times it's new for them and both of you have different backgrounds and do things differently. So that disagreements are bound to happen till you now try to meet halfway, adjust, etc.

At this time, you don't need a family member staying with you, taking sides, going to report one person to the other family members. They will start seeing that person in a bias way. But when you disagree and settle and handle your issues internally, nobody knows.

Visiting is fine but staying permanently is not advisable.

If you get married and fight alot in your first year then check yourself.

Marriage in this part of the world is a complicated issue. We tend to mix religious doctrines and african culture into how a marriage is supposed to be and the result ends up causing so much problems for the parties involved. Nigerian men tend to use the religious doctrine of "a wife must submit to her husband" while forgetting that a man must respect and adore his wife as well. Women use the doctrine of "a man must leave his father and mother to join his wife and become one" to have control over the man. The African culture of "when you marry someone, you marry their family" does not help matters.

The key issue is having a balance. It is very important to have a balance between your wife and family. Another problem is social class. Rich people have extended family issues but it is not amongst themselves. Most family surrounding food and lack of space in the house is due to poverty. People from affluent/hard working families do not have these kind of issues. In fact, the worst thing that can happen to anyone (especially a woman) is to marry a someone from a very poor background. They are very parasitic in nature. Always want to take. Most guys from poor backgrounds rely on the "headship" aspect to reinforce their "authority" in the home. They cannot compete with their wife's family and as such, can only rely on the "alpha male" aspect to maintain their dignity. Women from poor homes are just as bad.

Balance is a key issue. Women in general are selfish and very competitive by nature. You just have to be smart when dealing with them if you want to have a long life.

YungJo207:



If you get married and fight alot in your first year then check yourself.

If you get married and you don't quarrel those first few years, check yourself...except you were already cohabiting before marriage.

That's how people keep enduring and keeping everything in mind till they explode one day.

Misscongenialit:


I think at this point you may be the one that needs to be mature and understand your obligations to your wife.
It does not cost anything to love and care about a woman neither does it make you less a man.forget all these things makes are posting on nairaland, it is all for likes and mentions, many supporting you are not married or separated. See no matter how many siblings ,friends, mother you have, a wife is the one you go home to everyday. Why not seek to make her happy and watch that happiness rub off on everyone around you.

I dont want to have this conversation anymore, and if you thin shes not worth being honoured as a wife. Pls dont make her life miserable because of the people whose feelinga u consider are more important than hers

Tell that to Cristiano Ronaldo who dumped Irina Shayk because she doesn't want to see his mum around!!!

Georgina is more homely, get the Mother's blessing and she is enjoying the one big family now!!!!

For your information, he is not even African, he is Portuguese!!!

African women and their oversabi!!!!

Just because a Man marry them, they want to be forming authority and territory.. For where??

You are not even an Authority in your career yet.. You want to be forming Authority for those that are bigger than your husband !!!!

Family is everything!!!

She either join the Family or go back to where she come from!!!!

My Family can visit me anytime!!!

What is visiting without staying anyway??

AmTruth:
Easy!Easy!! Easy!!!

Allow her to ventilate na!!!

YungJo207:


And who set those rules? You said in America and I have given you example of American citizen I know ...so I don't understand what you are driving at.

K

brownemmanuel43:
I will rather remain single than getting married to somebody that will block/stop my relatives from coming around.
Well I don't blame them ladies, I will rather the weakling man that will allow such nonsense.
Even girls I have dated knows this, I don't joke and I will never joke with my relatives.

You don't have to be single... Just dump her territorial arse!!! Don't allow nonsense to corrupt you!!!
Family is everything!!!

eni4real:
Tell that to Cristiano Ronaldo who dumped Irina Shayk because she doesn't want to see his mum around!!!

Georgina is more homely, get the Mother's blessing and she is enjoying the one big family now!!!!

For your information, he is not even African, he is Portuguese!!!

African women and their oversabi!!!!

Just because a Man marry them, they want to be forming authority and territory.. For where??

You are not even an Authority in your career yet.. You want to be forming Authority for those that are bigger than your husband !!!!

Family is everything!!!

She either join the Family or go back to where she come from!!!!

My Family can visit me anytime!!!

What is visiting without staying anyway??

Good luck man!!

Misscongenialit:


Good luck man!!

Goodluck to Everybody
Goodluck Nigeria eh

gforce5:
Marriage in this part of the world is a complicated issue. We tend to mix religious doctrines and african culture into how a marriage is supposed to be and the result ends up causing so much problems for the parties involved. Nigerian men tend to use the religious doctrine of "a wife must submit to her husband" while forgetting that a man must respect and adore his wife as well. Women use the doctrine of "a man must leave his father and mother to join his wife and become one" to have control over the man. The African culture of "when you marry someone, you marry their family" does not help matters.

The key issue is having a balance. It is very important to have a balance between your wife and family. Another problem is social class. Rich people have extended family issues but it is not amongst themselves. Most family surrounding food and lack of space in the house is due to poverty. People from affluent/hard working families do not have these kind of issues. In fact, the worst thing that can happen to anyone (especially a woman) is to marry a someone from a very poor background. They are very parasitic in nature. Always want to take. Most guys from poor backgrounds rely on the "headship" aspect to reinforce their "authority" in the home. They cannot compete with their wife's family and as such, can only rely on the "alpha male" aspect to maintain their dignity. Women from poor homes are just as bad.

Balance is a key issue. Women in general are selfish and very competitive by nature. You just have to be smart when dealing with them if you want to have a long life.

This is a mature comment. You have spoken well.

eni4real:
Tell that to Cristiano Ronaldo who dumped Irina Shayk because she doesn't want to see his mum around!!!

Georgina is more homely, get the Mother's blessing and she is enjoying the one big family now!!!!

For your information, he is not even African, he is Portuguese!!!

African women and their oversabi!!!!

Just because a Man marry them, they want to be forming authority and territory.. For where??

You are not even an Authority in your career yet.. You want to be forming Authority for those that are bigger than your husband !!!!

Family is everything!!!

She either join the Family or go back to where she come from!!!!

My Family can visit me anytime!!!b

What is visiting without staying anyway??

wow

So many exclamations, so angry at someone you can't reach

Calm Down bro, you seem to know all about CR7's family. Do you live with them, perhaps?

Just be calm, the internet is not worth all these exclamations.

A lot of Nigerian women have family living with them, the way most of you project Nigerian women on the internet, is a far cry from the reality and that is why I say most of you are clearly unmarried.

And marriage is a union, it is two people's decision to make. Demonizing one part, is making Nigerian men look like spineless twits that need women to constantly hold their hands and tell them what to do.

Wow! This is becoming more Educative.
Thanks for the contribution

gforce5:
Marriage in this part of the world is a complicated issue. We tend to mix religious doctrines and african culture into how a marriage is supposed to be and the result ends up causing so much problems for the parties involved. Nigerian men tend to use the religious doctrine of "a wife must submit to her husband" while forgetting that a man must respect and adore his wife as well. Women use the doctrine of "a man must leave his father and mother to join his wife and become one" to have control over the man. The African culture of "when you marry someone, you marry their family" does not help matters.

The key issue is having a balance. It is very important to have a balance between your wife and family. Another problem is social class. Rich people have extended family issues but it is not amongst themselves. Most family surrounding food and lack of space in the house is due to poverty. People from affluent/hard working families do not have these kind of issues. In fact, the worst thing that can happen to anyone (especially a woman) is to marry a someone from a very poor background. They are very parasitic in nature. Always want to take. Most guys from poor backgrounds rely on the "headship" aspect to reinforce their "authority" in the home. They cannot compete with their wife's family and as such, can only rely on the "alpha male" aspect to maintain their dignity. Women from poor homes are just as bad.

Balance is a key issue. Women in general are selfish and very competitive by nature. You just have to be smart when dealing with them if you want to have a long life.

safarigirl:
wow

So many exclamations, so angry at someone you can't reach

Calm Down bro, you seem to know all about CR7's family. Do you live with them, perhaps?

Just be calm, the internet is not worth all these exclamations.

A lot of Nigerian women have family living with them, the way most of you project Nigerian women on the internet, is a far cry from the reality and that is why I say most of you are clearly unmarried.

And marriage is a union, it is two people's decision to make. Demonizing one part, is making Nigerian men look like spineless twits that need women to constantly hold their hands and tell them what to do.

Don't mind the exclamatory marks.. Honestly the emotions were not that high.. I have forgotten that it speak volumes to writers who interprete what we type here.

Back to the topic, i just want Africans to know that when you marry here, you marry your spouse family!!

Someone even said, they can only visit and leave the same day, that is the point where I got pissed off!!! What??
My mum, brother, sister, Father, will come and leave the same day? Because of you??

What an insult!??

That wife need to know that to be a Woman is not a day job!!!

She has to learn maturity!!!

And one of the maturity, is to peacefully live with his Husband's family members as one!!!

All the paranoia and premonitions shall not be entertained by me!!!

Zackattack:

I wanted to say 'I feel sorry for your husband and his people', then I realised, you and your types are classic submissives, but come to a faceless forum to miss-lead single ladies and rant about all the things you don't have the will power to do in your homes.

don't feel sorry for my husband. he's mature enough to know the importance of setting boundaries in marriage. what has 'being submissive' got to do with this topic? don't worry, when you get married turn your house to a holiday resort by cramping it with relatives from both side....whatever rocks your boat...case closed

eni4real:
You don't have to be single... Just dump her territorial arse!!! Don't allow nonsense to corrupt you!!!
Family is everything!!!

baba u dey correct, I kan cum and kill myself unto say i wan marry, na big lie

Zackattack:

I wanted to say 'I feel sorry for your husband and his people', then I realised, you and your types are classic submissives, but come to a faceless forum to miss-lead single ladies and rant about all the things you don't have the will power to do in your homes.

don't feel sorry for my husband. he's mature enough to know the importance of setting boundaries in marriage. And what has 'being submissive' got to do with this topic? don't worry, when you get married turn your house to a holiday resort by cramping it with relatives from both side....whatever rocks your boat...case closed

majestique:


my dear, I'm happily married with a child so focus on your own development first and when you're mature enough to divorce yourself from the apron of your family, go pick a wife. you think marriage na girlfriend & boyfriend matter? una eye go clear soon!!

Its understandable if a man is tided to his family like apron blood is thicker , buh when he is tided to his wife apron ... then such males aint fit to be a father cos they produce losers.
Madam marriage is not a war or power tussle nor contest of ownership, when ur children grow n another woman keep ur son @ distance from you then you wil weep n rmember these day.

nwanneni:
It's like you don't know how father in laws like to look down on son in laws and feel they know better
I am not bringing another captain in my house that will want to challenge some of my authorities na.
Very natural phenomenon,not about me hating my partner's people.
MILs to me can stay as long as they want but FIL?HELL NO!

And you guys are here back lashing women . Just see what you wrote...this is exactly the issue that causes the issues between wives and mums-inlaw. Someone coming to run your house.

Amtruth
Bigiyaro
youwanbanme

Can you guys see that it's not peculiar to women. See your fellow man

brownemmanuel43:

baba u dey correct, I kan cum and kill myself unto say i wan marry, na big lie

If you don't dump her, you will begin to see things her way.. Women are powerful with mind control!!!

Resist her and she will flee like the biblical Devil !

eni4real:
Don't mind the exclamatory marks.. Honestly the emotions were not that high.. I have forgotten that it speak volumes to writers who interprete what we type here.

Back to the topic, i just want Africans to know that when you marry here, you marry your spouse family!!

Someone even said, they can only visit and leave the same day, that is the point where I got pissed off!!! What??
My mum, brother, sister, Father, will come and leave the same day? Because of you??

What an insult??

That wife need to know that to be a Woman is not a day job!!!

She have to learn maturity!!!

And one of the maturity, is to peacefully live with his Husband's family members as one!!!

All the paranoia and premonitions shall not be entertained by me!!!

having family around depends on who you marry

Some of you seem to be speaking generally, when you should be speaking individually. Each individual is different and while compromise is good, you should not go out of your way to make your spouse uncomfortable in their own home, or what is the point of the marriage?

Some people actually do not like company. Some people grew up as an only child, they are not used to company or family being around. So, having half of your ten family members living with you, would be an inconvenience.

Some people have trust issues. Perhaps they were molested as kids by a family member, and are wary of family. Do you think they will be comfortable having your family members around, and thinking of their child being safe with one uncle? Bear in mind, you cannot vouch for anybody.

What is the size of your house? Having an extra person or more, is more people, more load, less privacy

Have you thought of that?

You cite CR7 that lives in a mansion, his mother can probably be in the house and you won't notice, can you compare that to living in a 2-bedroom house?

Each couple is different, each person is different and you need to consider that difference when making such decisions.

Funny enough, growing up, my mother's family lived with us. At aome point, my aunt, her husband and kid even lived with us, but I don't think I can live with so many people now. Of course, I like company, I can't stay in a house alone, so, one sibling around occasionally, would be nice, but that's me. Whoever you end up with may be different.

So, go for a character that can at least meet you halfway on that. Not that you will go and marry a recluse and start putting your foot down for her later, so that someone will come and demonize her on the internet.

Many are just misunderstood, it is not that they are evil.

Hmmmmn!!!
Food for thought.

youwanbanme:





Its understandable if a man is tided to his family like apron blood is thicker , buh when he is tided to his wife apron ... then such males aint fit to be a father cos they produce losers.
Madam marriage is not a war or power tussle nor contest of ownership, when ur children grow n another woman keep ur son @ distance from you then you wil weep n rmember these day.

Michellekabod2:
exactly ,if you wanna make rules or be strict let it apply to both sides(his family and your family) since you both own the home

God bless you

AmTruth:
For me I think women always get it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative.

As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This sends a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this.

My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I defined it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife.

So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confesses that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No!

Women should understand that these our relations have played very important role in the major parts of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible.

Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life.

Kneel down hia lemme pray for you... God bless you continually!