2buffagain:


You mean until a rowdy child that doesn't belong to him was brought into his house that he couldn't put in order because that's not his child and the mother won't let him?

You people should try and see some things from a man's perspective too.
Men are not just ATMs. He is dealing with a lot emotionally too...
The 7 month long deceit has been on his mind, combined with the new reality of that deceit when the child moves in, and the reality of being unable to take specific action on said child because the mother will remind him that is not his child (except when it comes to the finance, making him a maga).

If women expanded their mind and saw some things from the perspective of men sometimes, there will be fewer fights.

madeinnigeria:
Hope you know its just a 4yr old kid he's talking about..seven months deciet but he still decided that he wants to get married to her. The problem for him is because the child is living with them now. If he's not interested he doesn't need to bring the issue here he should call it quits and not guilt trip the lady because she has a kid.

2buffagain:


Sometimes it takes some time for reality to set in.
He was still high on her manipulations after the 7 month reveal.
He was still sorting out his emotions.

As time passed, and reality of what his life would be became korokoro, and how he would essentially end up being a maga, he has come to the conclusion that the best choice for him in this scenario is to subtract himself from the equation and start something pure as he always intended.

Serves her right. Next time she won't hide such important details that long from a man she is dating.

madeinnigeria:
after reading his story he definitely has only one problem "the child" and i wonder, when he has his own 4yr old throwing tantrums will he send him or her away? Because after finding out she had a kid he still wanted to marry her. If you love someone be it single or not you have to be ready to work together thats why marriage is for better for worse not for better for cherry picking.

madeinnigeria:
after reading his story he definitely has only one problem "the child" and i wonder, when he has his own 4yr old throwing tantrums will he send him or her away? Because after finding out she had a kid he still wanted to marry her. If you love someone be it single or not you have to be ready to work together thats why marriage is for better for worse not for better for cherry picking.

2buffagain:


You must be a female.
Your solipsism is extreme.

With his own 4 year old, it will be his child and he will have every motive to wade through that personal storm.
Get it. This 4 year old.... is. not. his. child.

madeinnigeria:
So i must be a female before i can show love, have empathy towards others. When you realise a child is a child whether blood related or not you'll understand my point of view better.

Korllami007:


Another man's kid is different from his kid that he contributes in bringing into existence and has been in the kid's life from day one the kid comes into existence. So don't compare them; they are two different things.

What your kid will do to you that you will overlook or count as nothing; someone else kid will do the same thing to you and you'll be furious about it.

madeinnigeria:
I am guessing you see those who adopt kids even after having their own as crazy. Life is not that complicated its not until you father a child biologically you can show love.

2buffagain:


Not when you get tricked into it like she did him.

2buffagain:


Adopting is VERY different from the unfair dynamics that already exists when stepping into a single mum situation.
The man will always be an outsider. You see that even in the OP's write up when he tries to correct the boy. That is when she reminds him that that is not his child.

So if she herself knows that, then what is the point of him still financially supporting them like a maga?

With adopting, there is no pre-existing dynamic.
BOTH parties are equally getting to know the child, much as it would be if the child was BOTH of yours.

Two very very different things here.

madeinnigeria:
I am guessing you see those who adopt kids even after having their own as crazy. Life is not that complicated its not until you father a child biologically you can show love.

madeinnigeria:
There's no where in the story that says the girl is using him as maga or whatever. He's an adult ig he feels like an outsider he shouldn't have gone to marriage stage the start complaining later

2buffagain:


Did you even read the OP.
She did hide it from him. For almost a year!

Sexyolori:

because she was getting to know him. you're don't expect her to drop such info at the first point of meeting...

Sexyolori:

because she was getting to know him. you're don't expect her to drop such info at the first point of meeting...

Sexyolori:

because she was getting to know him. you're don't expect her to drop such info at the first point of meeting...

WilliamsTheGrea:


Yes she doesn't. She doesn't even have friends, she is always at home most times, only goes out when I tell her we should go out or except she goes to her trainee work as an auxiliary nurse but she is done with that...

ubunja:
and those men after raising other men's kids what thanks do they get? Remember that famous American NBA star raised by a step father when awarded an award got up to thank only his mother. Not even one mention of step dad. Even though its step dad who spent his life teaching the boy basketball and spending his time and money. Being a step father is a thankless job.

DiplomaticFatma:


@ubunja I don't know about your wayward life o, but I can easily tell you that all your points are intact die... There was this girl staying with us from the age of 12, her mum and dad were alive but they brought the girl to my parents to help them to take care of her, my dad sponsored her sec school, she went to nursing school before tertiary institution, if my Dad has #200 and we all go to him that Dad we are hungry o, he will give the #200 and told we his biological children to go and meet our mum to give us money to eat because if he did not give the girl the money no where she will get money to eat. So after this girl graduated from tertiary institution and got a better job got married to a wealthy guy, if I tell you say over 6 years don comot for our side she never use one day come our house to come check on us, and she dae always send money to get parents wie be say them never use one day send her or check on her when she dae our side. I told my Dad one day that if God one punish her make she see me for road and call me "my brother" the wie I go stone her ehn.

Seuntek:
I was in a relationship with a single mum for like 3 months, sometimes around last year. There are somethings i observed during the relationship. (1)d lady was still communicating with the father of d child (2) The child is number one and her ultimate love (3) She still love the father of the child secretly, because she will tell me some things he's good at frequently.

OP, once u are in a relationship with a single mum, u are number 2 to her and there is one thing I'm very sure of, she will still be avin sex with her ex if he's still alive.
.
Don't trade ur joy out of pity or being a good samaritan. If u can't eat it, don't smell it. Peace.

topsquino:


Trust me. It sucks.

But we should thank God for that

It's because we easily change our minds and analyze a lot that we can see through women's manipulations, pretense, duplicity, and prevarications.

From the result of my research, I found than a vast majority of male germinis aged 30 or above think and have views like ubunja.

topsquino:


Have found a way to tame my mind.

Naturally, you are always hyperactive and restless.

Here are some solutions

1. You need to learn how to mediate. These songs will help. Listen to the following songs. Check Youtube for these: 1 hour of best relaxing music, 2 hours of relaxing music chinese bamboo flute, 2 hours of the best traditional chinese music relacing music, greatest budhaa music of all time, and powerful music to remove negative energy, the best of leo rojas.

2. Take lemon, lime, or grape. You can mix it with honey. It helps a lot too

3. Do any form of exercise that will increase your heart beat.

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Sexyolori:

because she was getting to know him. you're don't expect her to drop such info at the first point of meeting...

WilliamsTheGrea:


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