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In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:34pm On Feb 23, 2020
Don't raise another's child. If you're in that mood to do it then find your cousin who has a kid she can't raise then adopt the kid. Atleast that's your blood there.

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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:35pm On Feb 23, 2020
Ok your story is one sided but will still give a councillor advice which are:
One since today is the boys birthday, take the boy and your woman out (Engaged & girlfriend are two different words with different meaning)... Do it for your woman and for the boy.. during the outing reassure her you love her in words and actions.
Secondly, note: if you have sex with her after the dinner or outing wait till early morning 4am but if there where no midnight rump then by 8-10pm depending on your bedtime talk with her (Tell her your mind, gaurd your word don't talk like you dislike the boy if not she will not see reasons with you)... What to say are... Mummy you know very well I love you and would be marrying you soon but I have some thoughts going on my mind in regards to our boy (our)... I don't want to raise this boy and the end someone else will come and claim him, I like the boy that is why I beat him to correct him you know am a man and the way you treat a child being a woman and the way a man treat his child are not thesame, this boy(use the boy's name oh) when we have trained him will surely return to his father or his father will definitely come to claim him so I suggest we return the boy to the father or family. Give her time to think about it.
You just did the word time to do the actions
Meet your woman parents ask for her marriage list this singular action clear show you have being thinking of her future with you but the boy is standing on the way.
Note: never tell her your family will not accept the boy because she will hate your family forever.
Lastly bro if she refuse to do your bidding .... If you can't let her go then train the boy but my advice is let her go .. because it takes the spirit of God in a man's life to remain faithful in a union.
Wish you the best of luck... Always refer her as your woman since you have engaged her not as an ordinary girlfriend (fuckmate to be precise)

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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by MickzyDonald: 3:35pm On Feb 23, 2020
Dande55:

Olosho no deh hard dictate one. E be like seh you be olosho chief. grin
Thats me o
If you are in the process of sex and u are tired just feel free to call me for party I'm always available at your disposal

1 Like

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by MickzyDonald: 3:36pm On Feb 23, 2020
Dande55:

Olosho no deh hard dictate one. E be like seh you be olosho chief. grin
Thats me o
If you are in the process of sex and u are tired just feel free to call me for party I'm always available at your disposal

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:36pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
all single moms have automatically lost the ability to love a man? Don't be silly.
A man can marry a girl who isn't a single mother. But the moment she gives birth, the child becomes her number 1.
That's women for you. Whether before or after, we want the man to help RAISE THE KID.
Doesn't mean we don't love him still
obvious coming from a lady. Wouldn't expect anything less.

41 Likes 1 Share

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Dande55: 3:36pm On Feb 23, 2020
MickzyDonald:

Thats me o
If you are in the process of sex and u are tired just feel free to call me for party I'm always available at your disposal
Olosho chief priest grin
I'm not like you, I will pass.
Have a nice day.
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by jawalis(m): 3:36pm On Feb 23, 2020
You really sounds like a gentleman. But here’s the problem. Don’t you think she’s humbled cos of the fact that she’s a single mother (After One) and she knows for sure that NO MAN WILL ACCEPT HER WITH A CHILD THESE DAYS. Let her not behave well or be comported like all those shit of good girl she’s faking and see if anyone will look her direction. Forget her humility or whatever mask she’s putting on as a camouflage to wipe off her ugly past. And you are calm enough to believe or assume she’s decent. Where’s the decency in ladies Nowadays. Listen; because she’s not used to social Media doesn’t make her trustworthy, it might be due to circumstances. Who knows where she met her ex who’s the father of the boy. Her so called decency decency or other freaky questionable qualities that got you attracted might be a product of her lesson leant in the harder way. Btw, she’s just 24 and already had a 4yrs old boy and you believe she’s good, decent, churchy and lots of shit. Bro stop thinking with your heart. Let your brain take charge of the reasoning. She told you over her dead body! Meaning she’ll chose the child over you and you are there protecting her and feeling butterflies for that chameleon who already manipulated you and already on the verge on caging you into taking responsibilities for her looseness. And she’s expecting you to condone what her own mother cannot tolerate. What a pity. Paying his school fee isn’t bad. Honestly. You can do more if you have the financial capacities but not at the expense of your happiness. From your words here: it’s clear you aren’t comfortable with the whole thing and she’s not ready to let go. There are lots of single girls out there who you can wife. Forget about these feeling issues. It weakens you.

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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by XhosaNostra(f): 3:37pm On Feb 23, 2020
WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown
Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice

OK, 1st of all I don't think you're as nice as you believe yourself to be because of the bolded. With that said, I also understand your predicament. This happened almost overnight, so you're going to need a bit of time to adjust to the changes around your home. However, regarding the little boy, if you really are the kind of guy you perceive yourself to be, you'd take this opportunity to mentor the child so he can become as great a guy as you are wink All he needs in his young life is a good, male role model & what a great candidate you are, Mr Nice Guy! grin You know this child has no father or rather, doesn't have one that is interested in his upbringing. It would be a shame if you also turned your back on him without even trying to turn him around. Not trying to guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to do, but sometimes all a person needs is someone that cares. This child has already been abandoned by two people in his life, the biological father & the granny. Only God knows what kind of trust issues & worthlessness he's going to grow up with if he doesn't get stability in his life soon. Think of it as a humanitarian act tongue

Now about the child's mother. I personally don't think it's right for her to tell you to do things for this child, while she's not putting the same amount of energy into demanding that the biological father owns up to his responsibility. It's just not fair. It should come out the kindness of your heart.

I hope things work out for you guys. It's an unfortunate situation because there's an innocent child involved, who's not responsible for the choices his parents made.

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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:37pm On Feb 23, 2020
daddytime:
Wow.....

I'm sitting here and just wondering how you'd handle your own blood if he or she turns out to be more hyper than your babe's son.

You mentioned how you hate noise of any sort, let's just say you definitely ain't prepared to have any kids of your own.

It is obvious you have zero love for this kid and I'm afraid to tell you that, you can't love a momma and hate her toddler kid. From the woman's side, that'd be a no-no.

It's best to "die" this relationship and bury whatever it is you feel for this woman because e no go work.

It's a good thing you are letting it out on how you truly feel instead of to go dey use shame chop winch.

Exactly!
Your last sentence tho! You're from the south?

1 Like

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by MickzyDonald: 3:39pm On Feb 23, 2020
Dande55:

Olosho chief priest grin
I'm not like you, I will pass.
Have a nice day.
just in case you are tired
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:40pm On Feb 23, 2020
Dande55:

Had it been you are not raising your own daughter as an olosho in advance, I would have called you a hypocritical old cargo.
you can call me a hypocritical old cargo, I don't mind cause I don't even know you.

20 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by SmellingAnus(m): 3:40pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
This thread would soon get run down by Nairaland's alphas. None of whom would put their sentiments aside and comment without bias...
Op it's obvious the relationship wouldn't work out well because you do not love the child. It's not the womans fault but yours. The child might not be bad but your dislike for raising up another man's son would blind you of any of the kid's good points.
You mentioned that you love peace. If you have a child with your girlfriend, would he/her disturb too?
Don't waste either your time or hers. Simply let go now...
But if she's so good as you have portrayed, know you might be throwing away a diamond to later pick up a mere stone.
matured advice... Something tells me you have a kid at least...

1 Like

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Dande55: 3:41pm On Feb 23, 2020
ubunja:
you can call me a hypocritical old cargo, I don't mind cause I don't even know you.
What do I expect from an old baby daddy suffering from amnesia.
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:43pm On Feb 23, 2020
Dande55:

What do I expect from an old baby daddy suffering from amnesia.
you expect a debate. I won't give it to you. Cause this is my last message from me to you.

27 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:43pm On Feb 23, 2020
undecided

ubunja:
obvious coming from a lady. Wouldn't expect anything less.
if i were a male your answer would be different?
Don't hide the fact that you have nothing to type with that, 'Obviously coming from a lady. Wouldn't expect anything less', statement.
People aren't mathematics, okay? We don't solve our problems with formulars but a fair amount of logic and emotions.
Your comments have only the latter.
Quote me logically next time.

12 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Newyam: 3:44pm On Feb 23, 2020
The problem here is that you are still seeing the boy as another man pikin and nah dis problem wey your babe dey get with you.

You have to accept the boy, accept the fact that children can be stubborn too. No dey dey unnecessarily harsh with d guy. Treat the guy as your son, that is what he deserves.

Now, if d woman is a good lady, then marry her but you guys should have a discussion on the guys future.

One of my babe den was raised by a man who is not even her father but married the mother. Even up till now, she still dey live with the man.

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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Dande55: 3:44pm On Feb 23, 2020
ubunja:
you expect a debate. I won't give it to you. Cause this is my last message from me to you.
E pain am. Lonely old baby papa cry
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:46pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
This thread would soon get run down by Nairaland's alphas. None of whom would put their sentiments aside and comment without bias...
Op it's obvious the relationship wouldn't work out well because you do not love the child. It's not the womans fault but yours. The child might not be bad but your dislike for raising up another man's son would blind you of any of the kid's good points.
You mentioned that you love peace. If you have a child with your girlfriend, would he/her disturb too?
Don't waste either your time or hers. Simply let go now...
But if she's so good as you have portrayed, know you might be throwing away a diamond to later pick up a mere stone.
Interesting words. Judged him based on how he presented the matter but in between line you never figured the fact that he can't accept the boy which in his mind, he have decided what he ask was the way to go about it not all this write up ...
One can throw away Gold to pick Stone if it gives him peace of mind. So people who dress in rags are rich but afraid of the unknown... Just living a quiet life

3 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:47pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
undecided

if i were a male your answer would be different?
Don't hide the fact that you have nothing to type with that, 'Obviously coming from a lady. Wouldn't expect anything less', statement.
People aren't mathematics, okay? We don't solve our problems with formulars but a fair amount of logic and emotions.
Your comments have only the latter.
Quote me logically next time.
people are mathematics that's why governments have analysts and statisticians who analyse everything data to forecast people's future moves from voting to spending habits. If you didn't know, you now know.

18 Likes 1 Share

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by daddytime(m): 3:48pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
Exactly!
Your last sentence tho! You're from the south?

Niger Delta man oh!

3 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:49pm On Feb 23, 2020
SmellingAnus:
matured advice... Something tells me you have a kid at least...
nope
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Clinghton: 3:52pm On Feb 23, 2020
If you can't withstand quit before you tie the knot.

Single Mon are best with with older man.
Eg, widowers

17 Likes 1 Share

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:53pm On Feb 23, 2020
ubunja:
people are mathematics that's why governments have analysts and statisticians who analyse everything data to forecast people's future moves from voting to spending habits. If you didn't know, you now know.
and they do a better job than psychologist?
Ted Bundy killed over 30 women because of his traumatic childhood. Not because 1 + 1 equals 2.
Fair amount of logic and emotion.

12 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Headlesschicken(m): 3:54pm On Feb 23, 2020
undecided Yuh peace of mind should always remain the ultimate...

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:54pm On Feb 23, 2020
Raising another man's kid is for losers who can't make their own kids.

Dude find your own girl to impregnate. Those balls are not for decoration.

53 Likes 9 Shares

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 3:57pm On Feb 23, 2020
Mandelus:

Interesting words. Judged him based on how he presented the matter but in between line you never figured the fact that he can't accept the boy which in his mind, he have decided what he ask was the way to go about it not all this write up ...
One can throw away Gold to pick Stone if it gives him peace of mind. So people who dress in rags are rich but afraid of the unknown... Just living a quiet life
that's why i told him to let go...
He cannot get over the thought of raising another man's child. He might never...
So he should let go...
Doesn't change the fact that she may be gold and the next woman a common stone.
But what ever gives him peace.

4 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ubunja(m): 3:59pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
and they do a better job than psychologist?
Ted Bundy killed over 30 women because of his traumatic childhood. Not because 1 + 1 equals 2.
Fair amount of logic and emotion.
if people were not numbers who were predictable how will psychologists even be able to do their job? FYI Psychologists follow patterns and methods written down to follow. It's all predicted. Like maths.

1+1=2.
Traumatic childhood is the maths. All rapists, murderers etc have a form of childhood trauma. That's the maths I'm telling you. It's all predictable. Its all numbers.

27 Likes 3 Shares

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Igetmyown247: 4:00pm On Feb 23, 2020
WilliamsTheGrea:


Do you think it's easy to look a child who you didn't give birth to biologically and invest your money and time in that child?

I'm not impotent I can have my own child. I want to take care of my own child.

There’s nothing wrong with loving that child like your own. He’s only 4yrs old and can be disciplined but not by spanking, he needs love and fatherly figure. He’s innocent and deserves nothing but love.
If you’re on here ranting about how you can do this and can’t do please let that woman go with her son so she can’t find someone else that will love them both.

8 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 4:01pm On Feb 23, 2020
kiss

Clinghton:
If you can't withstand quit before you tie the knot.

Single Mon are best with with older man.
Eg, widowers
i tried to tell Martinez39s this but his ego wouldn't let him accept that most single mom's aren't interested in young guys, like himself but more older and mature males. Like single dads and widowers

5 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by carpdiemz: 4:02pm On Feb 23, 2020
WilliamsTheGrea:
Hello everyone, my name is Williams, I'm a young guy of 26 years old currently engaged to a very pretty young lady who is 24 years old

I do business online and earn good income before I decided to find a lady and settle down with and luckily I found a good one who is decent and don't flirt around or do social media's like whatsapp or Facebook. Hardly receives calls, not friendly with males lol (I managed to woo her through a church member)

We have been 1 year into the relationship now and we are to get married next month but guys the problem I am having now is that she has a child for another man which is her ex she was with when she was young she gave birth at age 20, we dated for about 7 months before she told me this.

Ever since then I haven't really been myself, the child is a male child who lives with her mother but recently the mother called her to come carry the child as she can no longer look after him due to him being a very stubborn boy, the child is 4 years old.

Now she has gone to bring the child to our home, a two bedroom apartment, I'm a kind of guy who loves peaceful environment with no single drop of noise, now ever since the child came in about a week now, I have not had peace, we have quarreled several times because of the child, I'm not really comfortable with the child because I can't love another man's child as my own

My girlfriend is yet to give me a child of my own, the child runs around and doesn't listen except when beaten and each time I beat the boy up when he does wrong my girlfriend looks at me with hatred like I'm maltreating the boy because I'm not the father.

Please guys help me I don't know what to do but I can't cope with the child, I remember paying the child school fees about 3 times since we are together because the child's father isn't doing anything at all.

Now today is the child's birthday and she is asking me for money to get him cake and take him out.


My people of nairaland I cannot accept another man's child no matter what I love the mother but not the child the connection is just now there because the boy isn't of my character I'm a calm man, very calm but the boy is very radical and stubborn children irritate me so much.

I don't know what to do.

Each time this child topic comes up between I and my girlfriend she becomes bitter.

She says she will never take the child to the father or the family of the father that she must raise the child herself.

I don't think I can help train anothrr man child whom in the end will go and find his father after he is all grown.

Please I need advice, she says over her death body will she return the child to the father

I'm not comfortable in my own home.

A lot of things running through my mind like to break up with her for peace to reign

Or rent another apartment for her and the boy to go live in.

Please I need matured advice



I will advice you to move on with your life, it’s very dangerous in this Africa context , if the father isn’t alive it’s different, I don’t want to hear any story on here saying a single mum plan with her former baby daddy to kill her boyfriend or husband ..... I’m just having d thought though not saying she’s dat type , if the baby is a girl is different . I will never do that unless the former boy friend is very rick or lives abroad , sorry I will never advice u to marry such woman

6 Likes

Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by XhosaNostra(f): 4:06pm On Feb 23, 2020
Chocolatte01:
and they do a better job than psychologist?
Ted Bundy killed over 30 women because of his traumatic childhood. Not because 1 + 1 equals 2.
Fair amount of logic and emotion.

No, he actually had a good upbringing- being raised by his grandparents. His issues developed after discovering that that his "sister" was actually his mother( he was raised to believe she was his sister because she had him at a young age) & also the fact that some girl he was engaged to, dumped him. I think the later is what really set him off because all the women he murdered had a resemblance to his former fiancee.

1 Like

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