₦airaland Forum

francislin:
Good morning guys, hope your night was great.

Am in a dilemma right now actually don't know which decision to take at this moment.

Am so sorry am going to stress you guys with a little long right up.
I met my fiancee with whom we have been in a relationship for more than 4 years now and we are already preparing for marriage before the end of the year.

The issue started when the pastor who is counseling us told us we have to make sure we are open to each other and no secret should be kept away from either of us.

Now the issue is when we got home after the class i told her i don't want to keep secret from her anymore as been advised by the pastor and she also did insisting i start first which i did knowing fully well i haven't been that faithful as a guy to her. Actually when i met her she was a virgin, i was the one who dis flowered her, i knew fully well she has never cheated on me based on my own knowledge and understanding, she has been there for me even right in her days in school while she was doing her ND, she visits me anything she is free and doesn't receive calls from guys as expected from ladies who go about, we know each other password and we use each others phone.

When i told her how many girls have had things to do with while we are dating, how many have slept with while she was in school and even while she is around but unaware, i made sure i clear myself with the hope of entering our marriage without any secret even with those she suspected which i denied initially.

I was so surprised when she told me as well that she had a fling twice swearing its just twice with 2 different guys and am the cause of it. stating she only did it once with each of them out of anger and neglect. Although i knew very well am to be blamed in most aspect which she insisted anytime we had issues i always threaten her with breakup and name calling but i told her that is not enough reason for her to do such a thing because i know myself very well i can't stand the sight of a cheating woman that has always been the major causes of my break up and she has been crying insisting i pushed her when i told her i no longer want the relationship when she was in ND she met a guy when we broke up and when she came back we settled again and she left the guy and said she only slept with him once and the second guy was when she was doing her I.T we also had issue she insisted i was calling her all sort of names and she needed someone to confide in and that was how she did it and she regretted every bit of it and she has been praying to God for forgiveness and she doesn't know how to tell me but she swore with her life that those are the people and times she did it. and she is not happy with herself and begging i forgive her.

I know most people will be blaming me but its not a yardstick for her to cheat considering the fact that we never broke up as such. we have already done the introduction and engagement already about settling the list. Now am having different taught going through my mind, because i can not stand a cheating woman, over the years she has been so supportive and caring she has stood by me and am so very close to her family including her parents and they have been so supportive concerning our marriage plans. we have already bought some things needed but right now am still having such feelings inside me because i never expected such a thing from her everywhere both at my work place and where i live people call her my madam she has access to my house anytime no one will ever believe she can do such a thing deep inside me i believe those are the only people she had something with, she has been crying and apologizing and am tempted to call everything off which she has been pleading but again everything has been set date fixed, church is already aware am just confused since that day have not gotten myself and i just hope am not making a mistake.

However she has promised it can never happen again and if it does happen i should kill her or do whatever i please but am still worried. I don't know if am being selfish or not but am just restless.

Please i need advice here please i don't want to make any mistake any further because have also promised to make amend but the taught of it still coming all the time even when i told her i have forgiven her but i still get to remember it, i have even told her about our tradition severally once a woman is married she can't go out and have decided to be faithful but the taught of it still hurts me. Now i don't know what to do, its still between me and her i never told anyone of it.

Now am thinking if to go ahead or to cancel it am just worried and i know the kind of embarrassment and disappointment the both families might face please i need candid advice thanks and God bless you all.

When you're not ready for the TRUTH, why did you asked for it.

You're not a saint either is she a saint.

If you want openness in your relationship, you need to learn not to judge else you would discouraged her from telling you the truth.

You claimed (or she claimed) it happened in the past when you temporary break up with her, so why do you want to use her past against her if she isn't doing same to you.

You can't stand a cheating wife but you want her to stand a cheating husband? Brother, reason am well now.

You have been with multiple ladies but she has been with only 2 guys aside you?

Your present reaction would discouraged her from telling you the truth in the future or worse, land her in another man's bed.

When you seek the truth from a lady, be open minded, forgive all offences ahead and move forward. Also never ever used what she told you against her presently or in the future.

It takes courage, determination and commitment for a lady to open up to a man.

If you can't withstand the truth she told you, let her go and go find the SAINT you seek out there. If you can find it.

Baba, the babes you bleeped are currently dating some (guys) people who doesn't used their past to judge them. So please get your act together and move on.

Thanks bro

Starz825:
Op...don't be selfish...I stopped reading at the point I realized u were pissed up Abt her cheating on you...wtf...u just confessed to cheating on her with several girls...so why don't u just forgive her and u both move on....
Na wa for you ooo... every body na human being abeg no body is superhuman here....we all have feelings.....pls op abeg u should forgive that lady and move on...
I think what actually surprised and baffled you was the fact that you couldn't imagine she could ever cheat on you..with the way she behaves and all but notwithstanding forgive her and move on..

Girls are humans too with feelings.

chatinent:
OP, you cheated on her several times, you told her and apologized, everything was calm.
.
She cheated too two times severally, and told you with an apology, and you want to die?
.
.

Please get yourself into sth more comfortable like burying yourself.

The last line really got me

BestAccessories:
When you're not ready for the TRUTH, why did you asked for it.

You're not a saint either is she a saint.

If you want openness in your relationship, you need to learn not to judge else you would discouraged her from telling you the truth.

You claimed (or she claimed) it happened in the past when you temporary break up with her, so why do you want to use her past against her if she isn't doing same to you.

You can't stand a cheating wife but you want her to stand a cheating husband? Brother, reason am well now.

You have been with multiple ladies but she has been with only 2 guys aside you?

Your present reaction would discouraged her from telling you the truth in the future or worse, land her in another man's bed.

When you seek the truth from a lady, be open minded, forgive all offences ahead and move forward. Also never ever used what she told you against her presently or in the future.

It takes courage, determination and commitment for a lady to open up to a man.

If you can't withstand the truth she told you, let her go and go find the SAINT you seek out there. If you can find it.

Baba, the babes you bleeped are currently dating some (guys) people who doesn't used their past to judge them. So please get your act together and move on.

Thanks a lot much appreciation , really want to forget about it but the taught keeps pooping up each time.

Sixfeetbelle:
I was in agreement with what you wrote until the last part. There will never be 'a good girl' for someone like the Op.

The problem here is that Op is full of ego and self-righteousness. He wanted a virtuous woman who would be completely loyal to him, despite the cheating on his part, despite the name calling, despite the threats to break up and such, forgetting that people deal differently with emotional issues. He fails to see that being emotionally unavailable was the precursor here (she cheated when they had issues).

Advising him to leave the relationship is good only if Op will endeavour to work on these attributes. Even if he leaves this girl, the cycle will repeat itself with another girl, and may even occur after marriage. If care is not taken, he may abuse her physically.

My two cents.

The girl in question isn't taking full responsibility for her actions but is rather blaming the op for everything. A mistake committed more than once automatically becomes a decision. Though I'm still in agreement with most of your assertions.

blinking001:
The girl in question isn't taking full responsibility for her actions but is rather blaming the op for everything. A mistake committed more than once automatically becomes a decision. Though I'm still in agreement with most of your assertions.

I agree with you. She didn't take responsibility for the cheating but blamed it entirely on the Op.

In short, these counselling thing should be encouraged between engaged people. They both have problems they need to work on.

Haha!! Two church cheaters, maybe you deserve each other

Foolish boy, did you cheat or not? What's the yardstick for your own cheating! Ode lolz! Now it's biting you abi no one has monopoly of cheating, the same wey you are chopping other kpekus, same way your babe is getting banged better sef by some other dick, na so e dey be! You can't give what you don't have neither are you worthy of having what you don't work for! If you are the cheating type and you have a non-cheating girlfriend/fiancee/wife then God just wants to be good to you, but in your case, He rewards you equally with the cheating works of your hand! So enjoy. If you quit that gal, in your next relationship endeavor to be faithful

In 2017 you fučked another man's gal in the name of your ex and you expect someone not to Bleep urs hahaha! All hail the God of karma.

francislin:
Good morning guys, hope your night was great.

Am in a dilemma right now actually don't know which decision to take at this moment.

Am so sorry am going to stress you guys with a little long right up.
I met my fiancee with whom we have been in a relationship for more than 4 years now and we are already preparing for marriage before the end of the year.

The issue started when the pastor who is counseling us told us we have to make sure we are open to each other and no secret should be kept away from either of us.

Now the issue is when we got home after the class i told her i don't want to keep secret from her anymore as been advised by the pastor and she also did insisting i start first which i did knowing fully well i haven't been that faithful as a guy to her. Actually when i met her she was a virgin, i was the one who dis flowered her, i knew fully well she has never cheated on me based on my own knowledge and understanding, she has been there for me even right in her days in school while she was doing her ND, she visits me anything she is free and doesn't receive calls from guys as expected from ladies who go about, we know each other password and we use each others phone.

When i told her how many girls have had things to do with while we are dating, how many have slept with while she was in school and even while she is around but unaware, i made sure i clear myself with the hope of entering our marriage without any secret even with those she suspected which i denied initially.

I was so surprised when she told me as well that she had a fling twice swearing its just twice with 2 different guys and am the cause of it. stating she only did it once with each of them out of anger and neglect. Although i knew very well am to be blamed in most aspect which she insisted anytime we had issues i always threaten her with breakup and name calling but i told her that is not enough reason for her to do such a thing because i know myself very well i can't stand the sight of a cheating woman that has always been the major causes of my break up and she has been crying insisting i pushed her when i told her i no longer want the relationship when she was in ND she met a guy when we broke up and when she came back we settled again and she left the guy and said she only slept with him once and the second guy was when she was doing her I.T we also had issue she insisted i was calling her all sort of names and she needed someone to confide in and that was how she did it and she regretted every bit of it and she has been praying to God for forgiveness and she doesn't know how to tell me but she swore with her life that those are the people and times she did it. and she is not happy with herself and begging i forgive her.

I know most people will be blaming me but its not a yardstick for her to cheat considering the fact that we never broke up as such. we have already done the introduction and engagement already about settling the list. Now am having different taught going through my mind, because i can not stand a cheating woman, over the years she has been so supportive and caring she has stood by me and am so very close to her family including her parents and they have been so supportive concerning our marriage plans. we have already bought some things needed but right now am still having such feelings inside me because i never expected such a thing from her everywhere both at my work place and where i live people call her my madam she has access to my house anytime no one will ever believe she can do such a thing deep inside me i believe those are the only people she had something with, she has been crying and apologizing and am tempted to call everything off which she has been pleading but again everything has been set date fixed, church is already aware am just confused since that day have not gotten myself and i just hope am not making a mistake.

However she has promised it can never happen again and if it does happen i should kill her or do whatever i please but am still worried. I don't know if am being selfish or not but am just restless.

Please i need advice here please i don't want to make any mistake any further because have also promised to make amend but the taught of it still coming all the time even when i told her i have forgiven her but i still get to remember it, i have even told her about our tradition severally once a woman is married she can't go out and have decided to be faithful but the taught of it still hurts me. Now i don't know what to do, its still between me and her i never told anyone of it.

Now am thinking if to go ahead or to cancel it am just worried and i know the kind of embarrassment and disappointment the both families might face please i need candid advice thanks and God bless you all.

In summary, u are of the school of thought that it's not a big of a deal for a man to cheat therefore his woman should forgive him easily but it's a very big sin for a woman to cheat, therefore she shouldn't be forgiven by her man.
Well, if I was ur gf, I know it's not going to be easy but I'm going to break off the relationship, coz a man with this type of ur thinking obviously doesn't have respect for a woman, n therefore would never respect me.
Forever is too long a time for me to settle with someone who doesn't respect me.

Sixfeetbelle:
I agree with you. She didn't take responsibility for the cheating but blamed it entirely on the Op.

In short, these counselling thing should be encouraged between engaged people. They both have problems they need to work on.

Lol.

francislin:
Thanks a lot much appreciation , really want to forget about it but the taught keeps pooping up each time.

Baba you can never forget, just forgive and move on.

Also she need to take responsibility for her actions not blaming you for it.

You didn't drive her to the location, ask her to open her leg to allow the other dicks to enter and enjoy the sex session. SHE DID IT, SHE NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ACT.

You also need to take responsibility for your action and reaction to issues.

Her openness with you, must not make you paranoid or start suspecting everything about her.

You can never successful monitor a lady if you want to be productive and succeed in life. Just trust her and give her benefits of doubt that she has your best interest at heart.

No lady is a Saint, they are necessary evil every man must have in his life.

You just have to understand her to the best of your abilities (because you can never truly understand a lady especially with their sudden mood swing).

YOU CAN'T FORGET, YOU CAN ONLY FORGIVE.

I don't see any problem here.

She was fuccked the same way you fuccked other girls that other men will marry.

Are you stupid?

Is the pusssy not still intact?

You men are sometimes very silly. You go about fuccking other women that other men will marry but refuse to be happy that your girl is fuccked.

Please be sensible and enjoy what is left of her.

Vortex369:
I don't see any problem here.

She was fuccked the same way you fuccked other girls that other men will marry.

Are you stupid?

Is the pusssy not still intact?

You men are sometimes very silly. You go about fuccking other women that other men will marry but refuse to be happy that your girl is fuccked.

Please be sensible and enjoy what is left of her.

Calm down sis, I imagined how you feel reading the story.

No man ever want a cheating wife, it make you feel incomplete or inadequate as a man.

When soldiers go to war, they want to kill the enemy but never want to sustain a gun wound or get killed.

Also many men that Bleep around never want to be at the receiving end but inside life, we all get want we sow.

OP, thinks he is a bad guy dating a saint but there is no saint anywhere.

You cheated on her and she she cheated on you too. Full time score= 1:1. Case closed.

BestAccessories:
Calm down sis, I imagined how you feel reading the story.

No man ever want a cheating wife, it make you feel incomplete or inadequate as a man.

When soldiers go to war, they want to kill the enemy but never want to sustain a gun wound or get killed.

Also many men that Bleep around never want to be at the receiving end but inside life, we all get want we sow.

OP, thinks he is a bad guy dating a saint but there is no saint anywhere.

Justice knows no emotion.

Question is:

Has he ever fuccked any girl that another man will marry?

If the answer is Yes, then he has no moral ground to expect a sterling girl in his home.

Nature pays all back in their coins.

Vortex369:
Justice knows no emotion.

Question is:

Has he ever fuccked any girl that another man will marry?

If the answer is Yes, then he has no moral ground to expect a sterling girl in his home.

Nature pays all back in their coins.

Someone Ex is someone current treasure.

I understand your point, but everything isn't about the OP. Although he is totally wrong to expect that his wife would be a saint.

It's that thought that is currently messing him up (mentally and psychologically). He meet her a virgin, he was the first and feels like a KING.

But life is brutal. That's why I usually pity guys that said they can only marry a virgin after fucking loads of girl. Such guys want a virgin as a wife and very protective of their daughters (they usually born girls) and never want other guys to do what they have done to someone else wife, daughter or sister.

But karma is real and we all have to face consequences of our actions or inactions later in life.

He would eventually get over it with time. It is just natural for a guy to feel inadequate after hearing that a supposed saint isn't a saint but a sinner also.

The lady also need to take responsibility for her actions instead of blaming or blackmailing the OP for her action or decision to accept other people dicks inside her.

BestAccessories:
Someone Ex is someone current treasure.

I understand your point, but everything isn't about the OP. Although he is totally wrong to expect that his wife would be a saint.

It's that thought that is currently messing him up (mentally and psychologically). He meet her a virgin, he was the first and feels like a KING.

But life is brutal. That's why I usually pity guys that said they can only marry a virgin after fucking loads of girl. Such guys want a virgin as a wife and very protective of their daughters (they usually born girls) and never want other guys to do what they have done to someone else wife, daughter or sister.

But karma is real and we all have to face consequences of our actions or inactions later in life.

He would eventually get over it. It is just natural for a guy to feel inadequate after hearing that a supposed saint isn't a saint but a sinner also.

He is criminal to expect a sterling girl at home when he is busy fuccking other ladies that other people will marry without complaints.

In fact I think the OP should be arrested for trying to cheat nature.

Motherfuccker is acting holy, when indeed he is a pusssy stealing criminal.

Vortex369:
He is criminal to expect a sterling girl at home when he is busy fuccking other ladies that other people will marry without complaints.

In fact I think the OP should be arrested for trying to cheat nature.

Motherfuccker is acting holy, when indeed he is a pusssy stealing criminal.

Apologies for finding your comments funny but you're saying the truth which is expected from your perspective as a lady.

BestAccessories:


Apologies for finding your comments funny but you're saying the truth which is expected from your perspective as a lady.

You can accuse me of everything but not of being an hypocrite.

I say it the way it is. I stand for truth and justice and the world hates those.

Vortex369:
You can accuse me of everything but not of being an hypocrite.

I say it the way it is. I stand for truth and justice and the world hates those.

I am not accusing you of anything ma'am.

We are saying the same thing from different perspectives. I understand your perspective and I respect your contribution and opinions.

"I don't know if am being selfish or not but am just restless."
You are not only selfish but you are insecure and not yet mature to get married.

Truth is you will forever be restless with the thoughts of her cheating.
She deserves a better man who will treat her like a human being. Let her go...

Two mumu cheated one is paying for it.... You are a fool boy... U think there see good women out there..
Abi who force u To plan marriage

all this people shouting you cheated, she cheated all nah same thing, I pray same thing happen to Una then you will know how you will feel for body.

men can do it without feeling anything but when ladies does emotional don attached

Is this nigga ok at all? So he has the right to misbehave just because he is a man but the woman should keep herself irrespective of his bad behaviour. Please in the name of God let her go and go for a woman you can use and rub shit in her face.
The bible says love your neighbour as you love yourself but clearly you are a very selfish person and do not deserve a sincere person but someone who is as selfish and self serving as yourself.

... you both cheated but that's the past ...

... my problem is she not taking responsibility for cheating . This alone is a pointer for a toxic relationship...



... but yesterday is past today is a new day ...

mtschew... selfish man

Leave d poor girl alone. U are not holier dan her

Davash222:
I have no problem with her cheating on you then but my concern is, why would she blame you for her promiscuity? Are you the one that opened her legs for those guys to fucck her?

You started first by apologizing for your reckless fuccks then, but she started first by blaming you to be the cause of her well planned fuccks with other guys. She's manipulating you!!

Let her accept full responsibility for her actions, just as you did.

People should stop bringing their relationship issues on nairaland to avoid someone like this very guy I'm quoting spitting out thrash in the name of advice. According to the op, he met the girl a virgin. Those type of girls are fragile when it comes to their first relationship. I'm a guy and I put it to you she is right for saying the op pushed her to do the shit she did, even the op accepted the blame.



Francislin, do what you feel is right but I believe you don't love your fiancee. You're just looking to get married maybe because of pressure from your family and peers and she's presently the only decent girl around you, you think you can get married to couple with the fact you actually disvirgined her.

luminouz:
Men are more territorial than Cape buffaloes or the African lion. They hate the thought of their ladies being with another guy,in whatever form. Truth or dare game is still something he should understand. But since he cheats a lot,to BELIEVE you would be very very very hard

I told him about it myself the next day. That should have been enough reason for him to believe me.

slimzpresh:
I told him about it myself the next day. That should have been enough reason for him to believe me.

True that. Confessing yourself is key. He should have forgiven u

Op you are a greedy fellow. You cheated to,so why sounding so holy. Just forgive her and move on..