KingSatan:


I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Nope. You were talking about her husband loving the boy unconditionally. That was what I responded to.

PrimadonnaO:


Nope. You were talking about her husband loving the boy unconditionally. That was what I responded to.

That was a mistake. My Apologies

Right now. I don't think we have parents on nairaland. All they probably are still immature, really.

Or is it too many movies or what? A child stole at 12 and somebody is asking what he stole, really and is even calling him a thief. See ehn, it's taking me a lot of willpower not to use derogatory words but for the life of me I can't stand the shallow reasoning.

The man really has to reach a compromise. The child doesn't deserve to be abandoned. If the child fails to change after some sort of strict conditioning then you can say you tried.

Failing to try at all means you failed all together.

KingSatan:


I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Perhaps, she needs to clarify this. How did he take them as his own when he won't let his stepson live with him... knowing full well that the boy is in dire need of his mother.

crackkhaus:
I've always said it and I will keep saying it...no beef against single mothers, but I'll be damned to let anyone close to me get married to one.

No son or brother of mine will get my support if they choose to go through with it even after I have tried to discourage them.

Life is already too complicated, don't complicate further with your own two hands and two eyes open.

Single mothers should marry single fathers and vice versa, they are meant for each other and both understand where they're coming from.

He who has ears, let him hear...

....You ve said it all.

Why are you deliberating on the woman's financial status? I. Never said it is wrong for her to foot 70bills, that's her business. I had mentioned her financial stand, to remind you that she has the money, therefore the husband should accept the boy, since she can foot the child's bills.

Yes, she said the child is now different, he now steals. What made the child cultivate this bad habit? She said he was starved.....etc. Why is the husband so inconsiderate? I wonder what he would have turned to if he wasn't a poor broke husband. The lady should be careful.

KingSatan:


You are right to an extent but do you also recall that the "Boy" in question is totally different from who he used to be?

Do you also recall that his mother confirmed his thieving attitude?

Have you cared to ask what he stole?

The man contributing %30 might just be his current financial status. IT IS NOT A CRIME FOR A WOMAN TO BE DOING BETTER THAN A MAN FINANCIALLY. HOWEVER, THE MAN SHOULD BE CHALLENGED TO DO BETTER AND HE NEEDS TIME!

Yes, the boy should be given a chance. But this woman is not a wise woman. I am sorry

There are better ways of handling this issue.

THE MAN IN QUESTION HAS NO CONVICTION THAT THE BOY CAN BE INFLUENCED POSITIVELY BECAUSE HIS MOTHER HAVE NOT DONE HER HOMEWORK. No man would hear these scary things and allow the boy in so easily. He needs to be convinced.

THE BOY NEEDS A FATHER FIGURE! That's for sure.

Yea I know of a relative who had kinda issue.. She had the boy when she was 16,then got married but had 5 girls no boy. The issue now is, the joy has turned into a criminal, joined bad gang, everyone has lost hope in him unfortunately. Having a child out of wedlock shouldn't be a condemnation though

PrimadonnaO:


Perhaps, she needs to clarify this. How did he take them as his own when he won't let his stepson live with him... knowing full well that the boy is in dire need of his mother.

I believe the man loves this boy. But he is scared.

He is scared of the future of their other kids.

Ehiscotch:
Right now. I don't think we have parents on nairaland. All they probably are still immature, really.

Or is it too many movies or what? A child stole at 12 and somebody is asking what he stole, really and is even calling him a thief. See ehn, it's taking me a lot of willpower not to use derogatory words but for the life of me I can't stand the shallow reasoning.

The man really has to reach a compromise. The child doesn't deserve to be abandoned. If the child fails to change after some sort of strict conditioning then you can say you tried.

Failing to try at all means you failed all together.

or they send him to boarding school.. It's really a very simple something

KingSatan:


I believe the man loves this boy. But he is scared.

He is scared of the future of their other kids.

He doesn't know the boy so there's no love there. What about sending him to boarding school?

Oche211:
I keep to one rule...
No matter how young, beautiful or intelligent a single mother is, I will never go close to her.
Never enter any relationship with her.
I will kill any feeling at all for her.
Single woman, especially the unmarried ones are full of baggages and shits.
They can give trouble for a lifetime.
Especially the unmarried baby Mama's, run as far from them as your legs can carry you unless you are a man that love trouble.

unmarried single mother and unmarried baby mamas na Married one you for collect before?? how dumb

LilMissFavvy:
Why are you deliberating on the woman's financial status? I. Never said it is wrong for her to foot 70bills, that's her business. I had mentioned her financial stand, to remind you that she has the money, therefore the husband should accept the boy, since she can foot the child's bills.

Yes, she said the child is now different, he now steals What made the child cultivate this bad habit? She said he was starved.....etc. Why is the husband so inconsiderate? I wonder what he would have turned to if he wasn't a poor broke husband. The lady should be careful.

My Dear, why not see it my way for ones?

Because she makes more money should not be a yardstick for such a critical decision. Remember this is a very delicate issue? What if the boy comes into the house and corrupts the other children?

Why call him a poor and broke man? He contributes %30 for crying out loud.

This man didn't reject the boy from the onset. This man didn't reject the boy because he isn't the biological father? This man has a perfect relationship with the girl child.

SweetCunt97:
Yea I know of a relative who had kinda issue.. She had the boy when she was 16,then got married but had 5 girls no boy. The issue now is, the joy has turned into a criminal, joined bad gang, everyone has lost hope in him unfortunately. Having a child out of wedlock shouldn't be a condemnation though

This is such a sad story. I pray he is salvaged

SweetCunt97:
He doesn't know the boy so there's no love there. What about sending him to boarding school?

They both lived together and had a good relationship. The woman confirmed it here

I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

KingSatan:


They both lived together and had a good relationship. The woman confirmed it here

I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Hmmmmm, the man changed the agreement. But from what d woman is saying, the man is not even doing his doing as the man.

I think what the OP is advising is that a " pilfering" child should be cast out because his "pilfering" could rub off on the other properly trained children.

What Logic.

PS: except the child is yours biologically.

You people should have the fear of God in you all.
We are talking about a 12 year old boy who has been separated from his parents and is about to be rendered homeless.
You say you dont want to know what he stole, whether its food or money for food if he's being starved where he is, but he is a thief that shouldn't be allowed to live in his step father's home. It shouldn't be his step dad's problem abi, yet you people will continue to sleep in church and mosque claiming to be believers. Disgusting.
How can you be so callous towards a 12 year old child? Why should this even be a debate?
I wish social services in Nigeria will take their jobs seriously.
We all have a responsibility to protect Nigerian children whether they are strangers, your step children or whatever.
Such a shame.
His father failed him, his mother failed him, his step father failed him and most people on NL also failed him.

KingSatan:


This is such a sad story. I pray he is salvaged

I seriously doubt. He's in too deep. Someone that had the audacity to steal 1000$ from an aunt that came visiting from d us

SweetCunt97:
Hmmmmm, the man changed the agreement. But from what d woman is saying, the man is not even doing his doing as the man.

He is trying. He contributes %30. We should not condemn him for his financial status. It could be the woman.


What if he is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that?

Ehiscotch:
Right now. I don't think we have parents on nairaland. All they probably are still immature, really.

Or is it too many movies or what? A child stole at 12 and somebody is asking what he stole, really and is even calling him a thief. See ehn, it's taking me a lot of willpower not to use derogatory words but for the life of me I can't stand the shallow reasoning.

The man really has to reach a compromise. The child doesn't deserve to be abandoned. If the child fails to change after some sort of strict conditioning then you can say you tried.

Failing to try at all means you failed all together.

Honestly, most Nigerians have wickedness entrenched in our hearts. There is no way we can explain this, other than wickedness.
You see why the country cannot move forward, when we cannot stand for justice and say no to what is unfair?
You see why our leaders never give us justice, when they were chosen from amongst us, who don't believe in doing the right thing?

Ehiscotch:
I think what the OP is advising is that a " pilfering" child should be cast out because his "pilfering" could rub off on the other properly trained children.

What Logic.

PS: except the child is yours biologically.

Speak for yourself.

If he is allowed to come into the house without a second thought and he rapes his sister or steals from the house, what will you say?

What if this boy refuses to change?

What if he is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that?

Do you think bringing it to Nairaland was the best step to take?

A man is saying "I am Scared", the woman is running to the internet and you are running your mouth on my mentions.

KingSatan:


He is trying. He contributes %30. We should not condemn him for his financial status. It could be the woman.


What if he is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that?

Well, it's better for the man to contribute more. Yea I doubt she'd agree but there's a way around all these e.g Boarding school

Woman marries a man with two kids from a former union.

Woman refuses to accept older child because of his bad influence.

Man provides for the home — at least 70%.

Reaction.

"The man should pursue that wicked woman away. she is coming between him and his children."

"The boy was not stealing until the woman came. I don't believe the woman, she is wicked".

" The woman has come to destroy the peace in the home"

" Stepmothers are the worst — always setting preferences and causing division in homes".

eyinjuege:
You people should have the fear of God in you all.
We are talking about a 12 year old boy who has been separated from his parents and is about to be rendered homeless.
You say you dont want to know what he stole, whether its food or money for food if he's being starved where he is, but he is a thief that shouldn't be allowed to live in his step father's home. It shouldn't be his step dad's problem abi, yet you people will continue to sleep in church and mosque claiming to be believers. Disgusting.
How can you be so callous towards a 12 year old child? Why should this even be a debate?
I wish social services in Nigeria will take their jobs seriously.
We all have a responsibility to protect Nigerian children whether they are strangers, your step children or whatever.
Such a shame.
His father failed him, his mother failed him, his step father failed him and most people on NL also failed him.

Do we have social services in Nigeria

SweetCunt97:
Well, it's better for the man to contribute more. Yea I doubt she'd agree but there's a way around all these e.g Boarding school

I WILL GIVE YOU A MEDAL!

The man should be encouraged to do more. %30 is not enough.

Boarding school is also another option to explore. Secondly, the woman should engage her husband in a heart to heart.

She can say something like, "I will personally monitor him and work on him till he changes". Please give him a chance.

This man loves the boy but he is scared.

IF you have raised kids you will understand. One negative influence and the child is gone

KingSatan:


He is trying. He contributes %30. We should not condemn him for his financial status. It could be the woman.


What if he is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that?

Women have been living with step children since time immemorial, and we all stand to condemn them when they maltreat their wards. Infact, many of you would advice the woman to accept wholeheartedly a child born when her husband cheats (which isn't t even the case here, as the boy in question was even born before the husband ever met his wife)
I'm sure you support the Saints GEJ or PMB, who you won't label as thieves ( depending on your affiliation), yet you have labelled a 12 year old boy a thief.
Same way you would probably label a 13 year old girl child sleeping with her father's mate as a prostitute, regardless if she was raped or coerced into it.
You people should have the fear of God o.
Can you say you never took money out of your mother's purse to buy sweet or any nonsense snacks when you were around that age?

KingSatan:


Speak for yourself.

If he is allowed to come into the house without a second thought and he rapes his sister or steals from the house, what will you say?

What if this boy refuses to change?

What if he is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that?

Do you think bringing it to Nairaland was the best step to take?

A man is saying "I am Scared", the woman is running to the internet and you are running your mouth on my mentions.

Sorry if you took it the wrong way but that is primarily what you are driving at, especially when you keep on hinging your argument on the fact that the boy has been rejected and is a thief.

I don't know why you are choosing to focus on the negative character of a young boy who has been abandoned by his father and now he is being tossed around and unwanted.

I have seen something similar which is why I want to overlook his negative character.

Besides, for you to conceive the thought that the boy can be capable of rape man, I rest my case. There is no remission for you on this, lai lai.

xendra:
unmarried single mother and unmarried baby mamas na Married one you for collect before?? how dumb

Lolz....
Relax old lady, I am not responsible for your frustrations...
Channel it somewhere else.
Ladies like you walk around with so much bitterness, anger and resentments.
Quick word of advice, no man wants an old serpent in his house. Be guided.

eyinjuege:


Women have been living with step children since time immemorial, and we all stand to condemn them when they maltreat their wards. Infact, many of you would advice the woman to accept wholeheartedly a child born when her husband cheats (which isn't t even the case here, as the boy in question was even born before the husband ever met his wife)
I'm sure you support the Saints GEJ or PMB, who you won't label as thieves ( depending on your affiliation), yet you have labelled a 12 year old boy a thief.
Same way you would probably label a 13 year old girl child sleeping with her father's mate as a prostitute, regardless if she was raped or coerced into it.
You people should have the fear of God o.
Can you say you never took money out of your mother's purse to but sweet or any nonsense snacks when you were around that age?

I am not your agemate Mr.

My Thought level is quite different from yours and that is "perception".

For your information, i am not condemning the boy in totality or saying the boy should be cast away just as his mum's immediate relatives have done.

This man loved and loves this boy wholeheartedly. He is only Afraid since the boy have cultivated bad habits.

There are better ways to handle this situation. The woman hasn't done enough and she ran to Nairaland. Next thing she revealed his financial status.

Do you think it is proper?

See this woman for who she is.

The other Child born out of her previous marriage is still living with the man and has a perfect relationship with him.

Think about that.

KingSatan:


I WILL GIVE YOU A MEDAL!

The man should be encouraged to do more. %30 is not enough.

Boarding school is also another option to explore. Secondly, the woman should engage her husband in a heart to heart.

She can say something like, "I will personally monitor him and work on him till he changes". Please give him a chance.

This man loves the boy but he is scared.

IF you have raised kids you will understand. One negative influence and the child is gone

Lol. I've not raised any kids but looking forward to doing so soon.

SweetCunt97:
Lol. I've not raised any kids but looking forward to doing so soon.

May Your Heart Desires Be Granted.

Raising children is another journey entirely. Even when you think they are all grown, you still can't get your eyes off them.

KingSatan:
Dear Nairalanders,

This is my response and opinion on the subject that "No Man Should be Encouraged to marry a single mother". It is actually a response to Vyvyanvyvy 's thread on Her husband's decision not to take back their son as agreed before marriage.

Please Click this link for her post https://www.nairaland.com/5731810/husband-doesnt-want-son-come

Over the years, i have disagreed with people who conclude that single mothers marry because they are looking for a "Father Figure" in the life of their children and never because of love. Maybe i was wrong to disagree with them as this story is an eyeopener on how this set of manipulative women always resort to emotional blackmail in order to shame the man when he refuses to give in to their demand of total commitment to their love child or children. The most amazing thing is that her children have a father, but they are never going to blame him for abandoning them or quitting the relationship. They are never going to send the kids to their biological relative or even give the "New Husband" the honour of renaming the children after him. Some of these women even go as far as creating room for segregation.

Now lets get down to business by critically analysing her story.

1. This woman had 2 children (12 and Six years old) from a previous relationship. The Father of her Children is Currently in Italy and told her to move on with her life as he has done. Good Lord knows why he abandoned his own family (Since there is a 3 years gap between the 2 kids, i will assume the first was 3 years old when he left)

2. She claims not to have Her Ex husbands contact or that of his siblings. This should tell you that this woman never had a good relationship with her husband's people and the reason for that is unknown.

2. She got married to this Man 3 Years ago and the marriage has produced a girl who is 2 years old and she is pregnant for another. Good Lord knows this woman loves kids.

3. Before her marriage with the new man was consummated, she confirmed that her husband ACCEPTED THE KIDS LIKE HIS OWN. Was he pretending? I dont think so.

4. Due to financial challenges, they moved to a smaller apartment and lived together with the Girl Child while the boy was sent to live with her elder brother and his wife. All through this period, the man never maltreated the girl child or rejected her.

5. Things got better 3 years later and they moved into a bigger apartment. Life has been good to them at least.

6. Her Husband has reneged on their agreement to bring in their son into the new apartment to live with them. We don't know his reasons but maybe, she will give us a clue in the next point. Remember, the Girl child still lives in peace with him in the house, he treats her just right and they have a perfect relationship.

7. This woman confirmed that her son is now a petty thief. In a space of 3 years, He was caught stealing and beaten like an animal. Whatever he stole is none of our business.

8. She pleaded with her husband to allow the boy to come and live with them and he said NO, his reason "he doesn't want him to damage our children". "Children" includes the girl child from the previous marriage I believe.

9. This boy has been rejected by his mothers immediate relatives (Her brother and Sister) due to his strange behaviours and thieving nature.

10. She claims she foots %70 of the bills in the family. Who knows? Married men will agree that when a woman resorts to emotional blackmail, this is her usual line.

11. This woman reconfirmed that her son is more important than her marriage. Here "I will not take him anywhere why does he have to live like an orphan whyle im alive ? To be honest My son is more important than my marriage and it’s my responsibilities to protect him"

12. Have you also observed that this woman Never talked about "Loving her husband"? Another confirmation that love never existed in the beginning.


My Good Friends, from the points listed above, you will agree with me that this woman married her current husband because she wanted a father figure for her children.

Anyone noticed how she isn't talking about her daughter with the man in question?

Which man will watch a thief come into his house in broad daylight and do nothing about it?

Or you think the man has no clue about your her son's sudden change?

All i see is a man who fears for the future. It's just like asking this woman to accept her Ex-husband just because he promised that he will always love her. Time Changes and People too.

What if the husband is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that without a second thought?



My honest advice to this woman is to go back to single parenting. She cannot continue to be married as the marriage was a sham in the first place.

I believe if her current husband is given an opportunity to tell his own side of the story, ears will tingle.

To the young man out there who is about to make this mistake of a lifetime, please read this thread and reconsider.



Mods Of Honour

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
RoyalRoy
OAM4J
dominique
Sissy3


Special Guests of Honour

Daddytime = Veteran in Marital affairs like me i think.

Gofront = Regular Nairaland Troll (No Offence Please )

Ubunja = Controversial Online Malculinity Coach.

Pocochantas = My Favourite African Feminist, Electronic Fight-Mate and Nairaland's Favourite Evening Newspaper

Oyindidi = Poco's Apprentice

Davash222 = Nairalander

AreaFada2 = Nairalander

xendra = Another Upcoming Yoruba Feminist.

Modified
Omar09

SATAN

There... I made it perfect.

Good points tho.

Where the hell is CAPSLOCKED? IS HE BANNED AGAIN?