Fear of God. What’s that?

These heathens?

Talk something else .

eyinjuege:
You people should have the fear of God in you all.
We are talking about a 12 year old boy who has been separated from his parents and is about to be rendered homeless.
You say you dont want to know what he stole, whether its food or money for food if he's being starved where he is, but he is a thief that shouldn't be allowed to live in his step father's home. It shouldn't be his step dad's problem abi, yet you people will continue to sleep in church and mosque claiming to be believers. Disgusting.
How can you be so callous towards a 12 year old child? Why should this even be a debate?
I wish social services in Nigeria will take their jobs seriously.
We all have a responsibility to protect Nigerian children whether they are strangers, your step children or whatever.
Such a shame.
His father failed him, his mother failed him, his step father failed him and most people on NL also failed him.

movement2020:
In as much as I agree with lots of submissions, there is still need to ask the woman

Why did your own blood relatives refuse to accept the boy? Probably, due to their financial constraints or the attitude of the boy.

Why is it hard for the woman to find the boy's relative or even get the contact of the father?

Why is the woman forcing the man to accept the boy.? Is ir because she's footing 70% of the bills or because the man once agreed to accept and later rejected. If it was because of the former, the woman should be advised to thread carefully. You don't boast of wealth in front of a man. He would rather not yeild to your request than lay low. That's not ego, that's man for you.

To me, the man is not mad. She need to try as much as possible to exhaust all avenue that could make the man yield to her request. It could be through his parents, close friends and relatives. The woman is trying to make the man look as if he is the demon.

I understand the woman vividly. The only boy for now. She should not use that as a weapon, beclound her decision which might make her loose on both sides. At this stage, separation or divorce is not an option. All she needs is patience and time.

The table will definitely change, the man would bounce back. Do you know some men go broke when their wife is pregnant.? The table would definitely turn around for the man in due course so, the woman should drop her financial stand and use other means to seek the face her husband.

My own final take is, the woman should continue to plead with her husband. She should not use force. She should plead with one her siblings to take the child for a little time. She should send emissaries to her husband. She needs lots of patience.

I believe the man would definitely yield to her demand if it's handled with patience.

How would you as a12 yr old boy feel if you are bounced around relatives while your mother is alive, financially capable and willing to take care of you but she can't because of her new husband?


Pls a very truthful response will suffice.

seanwilliam:
People on nairaland are just talking with emotions and not fact/ reality

...
1. How on earth would you get two kids for a person you dont know his family?? This tells the kind of person u are.. the story is not adding up atall.. I need a very clear explanation for this..
2. Wether u pilfering at age 12 or 21 , na still thief you be, in as much you can differentiate your right and left hand then you know what is bad is bad..if his thieving act is not curbed on time , it might metamorphosed to robbery when gets older...every thief has an excuse or touching story.. so it is the responsibility of the woman to make sure the boy is corrected before it's too late

3. That woman shouldnt be an ingrate haba, single MAN married you with your baggage and you still talking as if it is his right to shoulder your mistakes, well you get luck sha
4. That woman doesn't love the man atall.. he married him for her selfish interest
5. Your own family , I mean your people related by blood cant keep up or shoulder your baggage and u wanna make an innocent man to suffer for what he knew nothing about hahahah. You are very wicked..
6. You're still an ingrate, because afterall the man accepted one of the kids, you are not even thankful, and you washing the man dirty linen outside that he is not financially responsible ( u said he doesn't buy things for the daughter) and that you pay 70 % of the Bill's.. let me tell you one thing, pray the man doesn't get to see this on nairaland because if he does, you are a goner already..


.

No matter how u want to say it, you brought this on yourself.. oyinbo say fool me once, you're a fool , fool me twice then I'm indeed a fool( u give person two kids without knowing him relatives?? Hahaha, you self hear am)..



It is not advisable to marry a single mother. no matter how you want to twist it ,it will mostly end in tears.. reasons are
1. The lady cant love you genuinely, she just wants a fatherly figure for her kiddos( this is clearly seen in her write up)
2. In as much as the her ex is alive, Okafor law would always come to play
3. They are very very manipulative
4. You'll be suffering for crime you didnt commit
And soon..


Well solution for the woman now
1. Follow the husband talk heart to heart , he needs be convinced more
2. Take him to boarding house
3. Find the family of his father
4. Talk to parent or relatives of your current husband so they can beg him on your behalf
5. Dont ever think of divorcing again
6. Do family planning..
7. Reduce your ego and be supportive to your current husband, so he could be financially buoyant too
8. Take him to your own parent and go their time to time
9.Stop shouting he promised he promised to shoulder your responsibility, afterall no be everything wey u self promise people u dey give them.. he also has a good reason of not taking the child, he dey fear make the boy no go affect those little girls ( if you are sensible enough, you should also know he's trying to protect una daughters). No dey paint the man bad abeg.. deep down your heart, you know how you will feel
10. Pray to God to show u the way
Cc. Vyvyanvyvy
Aro1
Ubunja
Johnspute
Martinez39s
What's you people take on this??




.

.

Hey Kingsatan, how hell fire na

Well Spoken Seanwilliam.

Hell is a state of mind.

Good Morning

KingSatan:


I WILL GIVE YOU A MEDAL!

The man should be encouraged to do more. %30 is not enough.

Boarding school is also another option to explore. Secondly, the woman should engage her husband in a heart to heart.

She can say something like, "I will personally monitor him and work on him till he changes". Please give him a chance.

This man loves the boy but he is scared.

IF you have raised kids you will understand. One negative influence and the child is gone

Thank you for this.

Most people condemning the man have no experience with raising children of their own. They don’t understand peer pressure and how malleable children’s minds are. Has anybody asked how come the boy began to pilfer at that age? Where and how did he learn it? What other vices has he learnt?

foolbuster:


Are you telling me if the man was the boy's biological father he would chase him out of his house because he stole?

.

Yet, the biological father has zero involvement in the boy’s life.

The stepdad has done more for the boy recently than the biological father. Why are you not asking for the boy to be sent to his father? We know his real father is alive.

jelel6:


After reading everything this man had to say here, I must say that people are really NOT NICE in this part of the World.

For a man who claims to be a grandfather, I'm truly disappointed to read such statements filled with senselessness and reflection. MY GOD! OH.

So, A MAN to you is 'some' man who sees a 12 year old boy facing life's struggles with the help of his Mom, the only responsible parent left, then decides to marry the mom into his home while leaving the boy to wander the earth alone?

So, A MAN to you is someone who THINKS the place of a 12 year old boy is not besides his mom and his step dad but WITH an Uncle with his wife?

Will this your version of A MAN take this very own uncle's child himself?

And a grandfather as you call yourself have the temerity and self-righteousness to called a struggling 12 year old boy a thief?

What did he steal? It could be a cup of garri when no food morning till afternoon! Perhaps, he saw Uncle giving his own children lunch money to buy biscuits, and couldn't handle the urge looking at uncle's junior munching biscuits buy the corner alone everyday.

So, you're telling us from your experience as a father that when a child makes a mistake, you send them away from the house to live with uncle's and aunties.

How many of YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE STILL LEFT WITH YOU AT HOME? Because don't tell me they don't make mistakes even while leaving with their parents.

You even have the GUTS to talk about a "perfect child". Which perfect child?

Be honest and take a moment to reflect on the atrocities you have committed when you were only 12 years old.

Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. Did someone ship you off to Uncle's and Aunties?

It Sucks to be you Sir. I'm only glad I don't have to ever listen to you TALK.

Thank you so much for your submission Jelel6.

For us to get things right in this part of the world, we must learn to make judgements by analyzing facts without emotional sentiments. As much as I agree with you, I also want to call your attention to FACTS.

As they say, perception differs and so is our judgement.

I don't hate the boy in question nor have I totally condemned him.

Cheers

cococandy:
Fear of God. What’s that?

These heathens?

Talk something else .

Honestly, my heart breaks with the way many Nigerians see things.
I know the deep root of this is because its the woman's child, and they would rather the child suffers for it too.
If this child were the husband's child, they would have started calling the wife all names for not allowing the boy come to live with the father.
They wouldn't just label the boy a thief who will rape his sisters (they probably raped their own sisters)
The advice would be to divorce the wife and he should take blood over spouse.
I hope the OP is able to realise it's her blood we are talking of here too.

Belafonte:


Yet, the biological father has zero involvement in the boy’s life.

The stepdad has done more for the boy recently than the biological father. Why are you not asking for the boy to be sent to his father? We know his real father is alive.

People are not even asking why his father is not involved in his life?

People are not asking why his uncle and aunty rejected him?


This very case has thought me alot about our judicial system.

People with a rational mindset would understand why Nigeria is a mess.

Nothing new to see here honestly.

Any woman’s who hasn’t come to recognize the hypocrisy and selfishness of many men has herself to blame.

Protect your interests always.
I wouldn’t marry anyone who can’t accept my children.
And won’t do anything for anyone who won’t do the same for me.

Have to be able to give what you expect from others

eyinjuege:


Honestly, my heart breaks with the way many Nigerians see things.
I know the deep root of this is because its the woman's child, and they would rather the child suffers for it too.
If this child were the husband's child, they would have started calling the wife all names for not allowing the boy come to live with the father.
They wouldn't just label the boy a thief who will rape his sisters (they probably raped their own sisters)
The advice would be to divorce the wife and he should take blood over spouse.
I hope the OP is able to realise it's her blood we are talking of here too.

KingSatan:


People are not even asking why his father is not involved in his life?

People are not asking why his uncle and aunty rejected him?


This very case has thought me alot about our judicial system.

People with a rational mindset would understand why Nigeria is a mess.

They are only being emotional. And the funny Hong is most of these women would have the very same reactions. Imagine suddenly hearing that your spouses other child will be coming to live with your family after he has frustrated his aunt and uncle. . You sef go protest.

I don’t know what she’s trying to prove to the father of the boy, but she clearly cannot raise the children by herself. If she could she would not have to send the boy to relatives.

Madam Vyvy, you are damaging your son because you want to prove to his father that you don’t need him. Sorry o. Your eye go soon clear.

eyinjuege:


Honestly, my heart breaks with the way many Nigerians see things.
I know the deep root of this is because its the woman's child, and they would rather the child suffers for it too.
If this child were the husband's child, they would have started calling the wife all names for not allowing the boy come to live with the father.
They wouldn't just label the boy a thief who will rape his sisters (they probably raped their own sisters)
The advice would be to divorce the wife and he should take blood over spouse.
I hope the OP is able to realise it's her blood we are talking of here too.

Yet, this boy lived with his stepdad at one time. This boy’s sister from the same father still lives with them. But no, it has to be because it’s the woman’s child. Very funny.

Meanwhile, the man has expressed his reason for not being keen on housing the boy, but that doesn’t matter because, according to you men are hypocrites

KingSatan:


This post was not created to attack women. I have a wife, daughters and granddaughters. Please read the post and be guided

Abeg shut up

femi4:
Man is not clingy or emotional that's why a man can marry 2-3 etc wives

good morning, pls can you help me to unlock an mtn router.

Belafonte:


Yet, this boy lived with his stepdad at one time. This boy’s sister from the same father still lives with them. But no, it has to be because it’s the woman’s child. Very funny.

Meanwhile, the man has expressed his reason for not being keen on housing the boy, but that doesn’t matter because, according to you men are hypocrites

What his reservations/reasons are means nothing in this case. Its irrelevant. Highly irrelevant.
I don't care about that, and neither do the needs of that boy. Even the law cannot be sympathetic towards the man.
The needs of that boy supersedes any reason of coulda, woulda, shoulda...
We're talking of a primary need of shelter here. It should be provided by the parent, the mother in this case. We're only being polite by "asking for permission" from the husband.
The child should be with his mother, who is his legal guardian. Other things are secondary.
This is not an 18 year old boy you can chase out of your house that he's old enough to start earning and looking after himself.
That child should never be homeless. Remember there is no other parent to push him to.
What OP is doing is actually child neglect, going towards abuse of that child is not housed immediately
If the husband wants to move out because of this, then let him do so. She never hid her background from him, and yet he chose to marry her. What did he think would happen to her children? They will magically disappear or she should kill them?
Please, let's be realistic, practical and not sentimental here.
Imagine someone telling me it's rational to neglect your child and allow him homeless. Is it madness ni?

eyinjuege:


What his reservations/reasons are means nothing in this case. Its irrelevant. Highly irrelevant.
I don't care about that, and neither do the needs of that boy. Even the law cannot be sympathetic towards the man.
The needs of that boy supersedes any reason of coulda, woulda, shoulda...
We're talking of a primary need of shelter here. It should be provided by the parent, the mother in this case. We're only being polite by "asking for permission" from the husband.
The child should be with his mother, who is his legal guardian. Other things are secondary.
This is not an 18 year old boy you can chase out of your house that he's old enough to start earning and looking after himself.
That child should never be homeless. Remember there is no other parent to push him to.
What OP is doing is actually child neglect, going towards abuse of that child is not housed immediately
If the husband wants to move out because of this, then let him do so. She never hid her background from him, and yet he chose to marry her. What did he think would happen to her children? They will magically disappear or she should kill them?
Please, let's be realistic, practical and not sentimental here.
Imagine someone telling me it's sentimental to neglect your child and allow him homeless. Is it madness ni?

On the original thread, I mentioned how it was silly if the man to renege on his promise. I wouldn’t advise marrying a single mother but, having made the choice, she must be accepted with all she comes with. The boy must be brought to live with his mum.

However, the man’s reservations aren’t without merit. He has genuine fears, and it’s my opinion that his wife has to assuage them.

What I expect her to do is devise a means to reintroduce the boy into their home with as little friction as possible with her husband. If she’s going to do it disregarding her husband’s fears, then good luck to her. Obviously, it’s not impossible to raise four children on her own, but she won’t have to if she has the wisdom to manage conflict well.

Ulunne777:


How would you as a12 yr old boy feel if you are bounced around relatives while your mother is alive, financially capable and willing to take care of you but she can't because of her new husband?


Pls a very truthful response will suffice.

You want to hear the truth.

The mother is at fault and should be scolded seriously. If she has planned all these earlier before getting into another marriage, she would have either maintained her lane, strive hard to give the kids the best and not re-marry or made sure she stayed her Ex.

Don't let the 12yr old boy becloud you or words of the woman. In every divorce or separation, the children are the victims. Couples should ensure they stay together or remain single especially when kids are involved.

cococandy:
Nothing new to see here honestly.

Any woman’s who hasn’t come to recognize the hypocrisy and selfishness of many men has herself to blame.

Protect your interests always.
I wouldn’t marry anyone who can’t accept my children.
And won’t do anything for anyone who won’t do the same for me.

Have to be able to give what you expect from others

that line "protect your interests always", selfish but has kept many women out of problems.

Army10:
good morning, pls can you help me to unlock an mtn router.

model

I have no single problem with the man not wanting another man’s child. I am not a fan of Telemundo love that accepts people with all their flaws and baggages. Life doesn’t work that way, the earlier some persons begin to accept this, the better for them.

Anyway, If you accept to marry a single mother/father- take whatever comes with it. The only exception should be if they hid certain things from you. Don’t lead them on and stop half way. It complicates things. This is my problem, not whether men should marry single mothers or not.

Ehiscotch:
But a woman can marry a single father right?
Such double standard.

If it were the man's child and the woman rejected him because he's stealing what would y'all say?

Oh, the usual bad stepmother narrative would follow.

I no even blame una, na the people wey dey carry personal matter dey come nairaland thinking they have counsellors here naim I blame.

I have seen children live without their parents before — with friends, relatives — and it's bad. They tend to be very rebellious due to a feeling of rejection. It's not very easy growing away from one parent not to talk of two. The child is only twelve and shouldn't even be called a "thief" or even suffer jungle justice.

I can't blame the woman. I don't care what happened in the previous relationship and we should all stop trying to be experts on this because we are not. People make mistakes; this is real life, shit happens.

Why you too get sense like this....all these people screaming hell..wait till you're in that shoe to know how you would react...you can't use two out of 100 cases to judge all

cococandy:
Nothing new to see here honestly.

Any woman’s who hasn’t come to recognize the hypocrisy and selfishness of many men has herself to blame.

Protect your interests always.
I wouldn’t marry anyone who can’t accept my children.
And won’t do anything for anyone who won’t do the same for me.

Have to be able to give what you expect from others

Lorretta the fake ass are you not already married? Which one is you will not marry anyone.Are you planning to divorce Topaz

cococandy:
Fear of God. What’s that?

These heathens?

Talk something else .

How can a user like u be calling other people heathens You better give another child to my brother instead of planning how to divorce him and steal all his money.Heathens got nuffin on ya

pocohantas:
I have no single problem with the man not wanting another man’s child. I am not a fan of Telemundo love that accepts people with all their flaws and baggages. Life doesn’t work that way, the earlier some persons begin to accept this, the better for them.

Anyway, If you accept to marry a single mother/father- take whatever comes with it. The only exception should be if they hid certain things from you. Don’t lead them on and stop half way. It complicates things. This is my problem, not whether men should marry single mothers or not.

Welcome Poco

An educated woman is a blessing to the world.

As we have female single parents so we have the same exact number of male single parents

A female single parents is as a result of a male single parent

eyinjuege:


Honestly, my heart breaks with the way many Nigerians see things.
I know the deep root of this is because its the woman's child, and they would rather the child suffers for it too.
If this child were the husband's child, they would have started calling the wife all names for not allowing the boy come to live with the father.
They wouldn't just label the boy a thief who will rape his sisters (they probably raped their own sisters)
The advice would be to divorce the wife and he should take blood over spouse.
I hope the OP is able to realise it's her blood we are talking of here too.

Talk about the case at hand

Belafonte:


Yet, the biological father has zero involvement in the boy’s life.

The stepdad has done more for the boy recently than the biological father. Why are you not asking for the boy to be sent to his father? We know his real father is alive.

Because the father obviously does not want to have anything to do with the woman and his children so why force the boy on him when the mother is more than willing to take care of him. Also the father cannot be easily reached he is out of the country.

You say the stepdad has done more for the boy, What has the step-dad done for the boy? the boy never lived with him. Are you sure you read the story?

The woman's husband agreed to shelter her 2 children before he married the woman, why are you people pretending not to know about this.
Besides what exactly did he think was gonna happen if he chose to marry a single mum out of all the single ladies out there, and then go a step further to agree to shelter the woman's kid. Abeg you people should call a spade a spade, the man should man up to his responsibilities and give the boy a home, its not as if he will be taking care of him anyway.

.

lalasticlala

I see nothing wrong in marrying a single mother.

I'd take her over a girl that has aborted even half time.

A single mother with only one child o... preferably girl.

I wouldn't want a woman who has two sons already.

Kids might grow up and threaten to beat one up simply because they taller...

24kmagic:


Lol
Why didn't you allow me finish before mentioning me? I booked space earlier.

Our girls need to wise up. At times I see the kind of boys young girls follow and I begin to wonder the rationale behind their choice.

I keep on asking myself each day, how did God create women of the last forty years? Because our mothers made good choices. Could civilization and education be the reasons for this sudden indiscretions from the female folks?

Asin most Nigerian girls are so, so, without taste.
Asin they no get sense. Even the academically brilliant ones are still found wanting when it comes to choosing a man and relationship in general.

Two kids for a man whose relatives I don't know and whom I'm not married to?

Shame Shame Shame.

Liv dem, na suffer dem wan suffer

me a no dey pity any of dem, wetin consignment me.

make i listen to my awilo logomba jare

Ehiscotch:
Right now. I don't think we have parents on nairaland. All they probably are still immature, really.

Or is it too many movies or what? A child stole at 12 and somebody is asking what he stole, really and is even calling him a thief. See ehn, it's taking me a lot of willpower not to use derogatory words but for the life of me I can't stand the shallow reasoning.

The man really has to reach a compromise. The child doesn't deserve to be abandoned. If the child fails to change after some sort of strict conditioning then you can say you tried.

Failing to try at all means you failed all together.

Nairaland is full of kids.. Forget it!!! My older brother married a single mum with an 8yr old son. She has 3 children for my brother now. That boy is presently in the university and now bears my family name cos he has been legally adopted. His father ran away when the mum was pregnant with him.

My prayer is every single mum out there finds a man to love and completely accept her and her child.. Everyone deserves to be loved.

The African society is easier on single dads than single mums. A family will encourage a woman to marry a single father but if their son brings a single mother home..... everybody go wan die. It's a mess, simple!!

melaninpop:



Nairaland is full of kids.. Forget it!!! My older brother married a single mum with an 8yr old son. She has 3 children for my brother now. That boy is presently in the university and now bears my family name cos he has been legally adopted. His father ran away when the mum was pregnant with him.

My prayer is every single mum out there finds a man to love and completely accept her and her child.. Everyone deserves to be loved.

The African society is easier on single dads than single mums. A family will encourage a woman to marry a single father but if their son brings a single mother home..... everybody go wan die. It's a mess, simple!!

the bigotry by members of this forum is colossal. When you disagree with them on a minute thing you are automatically a simp or vagina worshipper.
To them,the opposite of misogyny=vagina worshipping.
They will call themselves alphas yet alphas are strong willed people that break rules and choose a path different from the norm. This people wanna dictate how people should run their lives and set up standards or rules for people,if you don't follow,you are a loser. They have the perfect recipe for life.


When a thread was created by a single father who had an issue with his wife for sending his son out of wedlock to another school,the hypocrites were reminding him of how he is the "head of the house" and how his wife should know her place.

A twelve year old kid steals?for real?they can go ahead and look him up in jail because he is a menace to the society,he is responsible for the calamities on this earth!

Las las their noise ends online,when they log out of this forum they face reality. That is why I never take some people's rants to heart because in real life they may be a disappointment ,online is the only place they can be demi gods