₦airaland Forum

Bbbwings:
I'm picturing the lady with glasses on punching away on a scientific calculator every night
How did she arrive at 70%

pocohantas:
I am not TALL, but I am definitely not short or average. I went to represent my boss at a meeting on Thursday, took this pic. Do I look short?

eduman365:
When issues get complicated, the woman must find a way to placate the husband into accepting the boy to live with them, but she must also reason along the man's line of thinking... When you quoted me initially you saw what I suggested; taking the boy to a boarding school and having him come home during the holidays. The neighbours are already used to calling baba this, baba that, when another child comes into the equation, questions will arise.

I am not against the poor little boy staying with his mother, just trying to see things from the man's perspective. You keep calling him an opportunist, whereas the woman never mentioned that he couldn't feed himself. There is no crime in your wife paying more for family expenses if she has more. Men from this side of the world have been told they must be financially superior to their wives or never marry her and that is why a lot of single ladies find it hard to find a husband, and if they eventually find one who earns lower, the society, people like you will tag them opportunist and gold diggers... It is very unfair.

No wonder African men die earlier...

Thetechhub:
You all supporting the woman are just being biased and making senseless comments. We have not heard the man's part of the story. The woman was not married before, if she did she would know the relatives of the man who has traveled abroad. Another thing is, the man accepted to marry her with the kids but now he doesn't want the boy but the girl is with him. And the OP brother and sister doesn't want the boy. The man might have found out something and maybe that's he's reason for not taking in the boy. Something is definitely fishy somewhere. You can't force the man to allow the boy come stay.
Remember we are Africans. The man probably is trying to avoid something. The op knows better

Ishilove:
Slayer!!

No you don't look short. I wonder why you look short in those beach pictures

Mstick:
I read a comment of yours castigating women and how they treat their helps and all that and in this thread you're supporting a man that is refusing to allow his wife's child and the half brother of his own kids a home and a family unit just shows how desperately wicked and biased you're.

The truth is you may think nairaland comment is just for "fun" but you don't know who's reading and digesting the words you and your likes write on here.

So many homeless kids and you see nothing wrong in this young child being a statistic.

You say you're married right?! You may think you've got your sh8t figured out but you never know the tide of life. Take it from me.

CeterisXVII:
Stop talking like a daft person. There are men that have 5 kids, and still marry other women who will come in to take care of such kids. Too many examples of this abound, especially in Muslim families.

Even if a man has 3 kids outside, the wife has no choice, but to accept them as long as he told her BEFORE the marriage, about those kids. Go and check. Such things are common everywhere in dis Naija.

franconian:
No, her son is the responsibility of both parents. She should channel some of her energy into getting in touch with the father, she had her first two kids for the same man 6 years apart, it can’t be true that she does not know his people.

Amumaigwe:
Feminist, na them. He is likely shutting the ex out of his children lives in to spite him, yet expect another man to perform the roles he is preventing her children's daddy from performing.

Deepthoughts:
Please how do you make all that money?,n why can't you take the children bact to their biological father?,how are you sure that your present husband wouldn't maltreat the boy?,these are some of the reasons why it's very important to think deeply n to consider different scenarios before acting in every situation less we move from frying pan to fire.

Purifiedsoul:
Madam unless your son is a bastard or illegitimate child, then you should trace his father where ever he is and send the child to him.
The child deserve a better life.
But if u insist on bringing the child to your new matrimonial home after your husband CLEARLY told you he doesn't want the child in his household, then believe me you'll ruin your marriage.

Tallesty1:
You can chose to see it as the same, it is all okay but that's not the reality.

A child belongs to his father unless in certain situations where the father bluntly rejects the child. Now, when a woman is raising a step son, she's sure that this child belongs to the family she's is also part of.

But when you're raising the child of single mom, it is different, the father usually shows up and the mother will have no option than to hand him over.

This happened just last year.

Nobody in outside knows that Hillary doesn't belong to the man we thought is his father, none of our mates, just the elders and they're quiet about it.

Last year, the kinsmen where sharing something, when it came to Hillary's turn, he was told that he was not part of them. Obviously that was the first time he was getting to know to about it because he was broken.

He told his mother to tell him who his father is, she did after much persuasion and now he's working on reuniting them since the man is still unmarried.

Now how about the man that raised him? Well, he lost all and is about to lose his wife.

This here is the difference and it's so in many places.

The man has a lot to lose and the woman doesn't lose anything. Women don't fight step kids because they will be taken away, they fight them because they want their own kids to be first in everything.

This here is another different.

Sometimes our opinion and view of people doesn't change reality. I am a live and let live person but people still kill each other.

My independent view of life is not the reality, that's my point.

I am not. Like I said, I was raised by a single parent so my opinion here is greatly influenced by life experiences. If for any reason I ended up being a single parent, I will forget marriage.

Why?

Because it's a disaster waiting to happen.
The daughter too doesn't have a father around and she's not hopeless, this is where you lots are supposed to take a break and ask "but why"

His brother doesn't want the boy to stay with him, in fact none of her siblings want anything to do with the boy.

Take a break now and ask "but why"

Like I said, the problem in issues like this is that we all get emotional and fail to see things from the husband's perspective.

There are so many homeless kids around everyone in Nigeria, how. Many are you training? None I guess, then if this is witchcraft, you're a witch.

You don't know what happens to a man when what he has invested in emotionally and financially is taken away from him. This OP didn't move on because they broke up, she moved on because she got tired of waiting, believe you me, she will go back to the man if she comes back.

I'm not I a nice guy when it comes to unwillingly shouldering other people's responsibility.

Life expectancy in Nigeria is too short for me to pierce myself with unnecessary sorrows because of something that is formless and directionless as love.

The man agreed initially to take the kids but later changed his mind about the boy "ask why"

Congrats to him for now. Shits usually don't happen in sowing stage. Wait until reaping stage then you will see that blood is thicker than water

I have addressed this already. How I as an individual see a child doesn't determine how a child will be treated. If I am marrying a single mom, it is on a condition that I will adopt the child with the consent of the child's dad. Count me out of anything other than this.

Look around the world.

Do you see how messed up it is?

All these were done by human beings. Humans are among if not the most dangerous creatures on earth.

Be very careful around one or it will end in tears.
There is a limit to the amount of help I can render to a stranger.

The child is my wife's child, yes but the child is also another man's child.

See, it is easier to adopt kids with unknown origin than to take l a woman with her child when the father is still out there.

An entirely different scenario.

CeterisXVII:
Why don't you people read the story through all the different pages before commenting? The boy's father abandoned her and left for Italy. She doesn't know where his relatives are now located....

payperpost:
then do it

this is probably why the first man run away, you women nag a lot, give that man a breathing space or watch him ran away like the first one, we don't want too much liabilities, we need rest of mind, stop nagging him.

sweetdude001:
Ur huSband is not a bad man, its apparent u Neva loved him u jus wanted someone that d marry u in d first, u r saying son, ur son, watching out for ur own which u do av a right to, he also as a right to watch out for is daughter too, ur son is more important to u, his daughter is more important to him too, in life always put ursef in peoples opinion before u judge, u cant abandon ur son but stop acting like ur husband does not have the right to have some reservation... To be honest d situation he is is not a very pleasant 1, I am sure had it been d boy stayed wit u from d onset he d not av a p... Stop thinking abt u, think about his feelings too, as a woman u wnt accept dis if reverse was d case, if u did u d make d childs life hell jus like ur brothers wife... That's d nature of u women.

oodua1stson:
it's like you want to be unfortunate in life. O Fe soribu? Who is talking like a daft person?

If you are not daft you'd know and see all around you how mostly women hate their step children. 99 out of 100 cases of abuse towards step children comes from the stepmothers and not the stepfathers. Women want their own children to be a cepted in a new marriage but if the tables were turned they become demons to the man's children

Smile4mee01:
@ Guys : Learn from this. Never , ever agree to marrying a single mother.

There is a reason why Male Lins kill cubs before they take over territories.

Its not emotions, its logic for your own good.

My 2 cents#

PinkHealthGroup:
Why do I have the feeling that you are paying for your husband's love because you want to be mrs. Somebody? You make me 70% of the income yet you have no say? Go get your son!! His behavioral issues may stem from a broken family. Also, your son can be m8streated and called a thief because your relatives do not care. Never pick a man over your children. When he married you he should have had enough love for you and your children.
My father married my mother with her two children from a prior relationship. He loved them and us all the same. A man who cannot avcept your son does not accept you. Your children are the future. Stop letting that society use mrs.title to deprive you from being an excellent mother. Go get your son!

kid7soccer:
but he has people please send your son to your husband people

Babaibejii:
Please take this boy to his father's people. Its same as being with his father. That way you can both care for him from a distance and regular visits while you focus on building a new family wirh your husband.

Psoul:
The conclusion was drawn from the premise you provided.

Meanwhile, the boy was not living with the mother when the man married her mother. The woman was living with the little girl alone so the man took both of them in.
So what are you trying to say.
Get ur mind out of the trash

franchasng:
Accepting to be a stepfather of a child that is not biologically yours is quite different from treating children well. They are two different things. Is it better he accepts the child into his home and starts to maltreat him or he stands his ground that he doesn't want him in his home but can render financial support to him while he lives with his mom's family members

In Nigeria, so many history made Nigerian men to stop taking total custody of a boy that is not their biologically son because history in Nigeria shows that the boy will always run back to his father when he grow old due to Nigeria's tradition, so no man will want to be a fool at the end.


Didn't you read that the man accepted her daughter


The man isn't maltreating the boy, you guys on this thread have poor understanding of a topic.....not accepting to be a stepfather of a boy that is not your biological son and treating a child living with you badly are two different things, or is it too difficult for your brain to comprehend Or do you prefer he pretends and accept the boy in his home and start to maltreat him like most women would do


Use your head, stop being emotionally dishonest okay

Mstick:
You're just muddling a whole lot of nonsense together and it shows you're the one that doesn't understand the topic.

Can't you read the OP's submission that he doesn't take care of her daughter financially or did you choose to be blind to that?!

Nobody is asking him to be a step father to those kids because he made that choice when he married OP or is your brain too tiny to process that?

A man saw a lady with two kids and he PROMISED to take care of them without being forced but goes back on this isn't a good man and anyone that sees nothing wrong with this is also evil as he is.

How does he even sleep at night knowing his pregnant wife isn't happy?

The mindset of most of you Nigerian men is so rotten thats why after 5 decades of Independence we're still moving around in circles. So because he may go back to his father when he grows up that's why you feel it's better to be abandoned?!

Are you sure you're normal?! So what may or may not happen in the future is what should be considered when talking about the physical and mental well being of a child. Who raised men like you? Infact who's that woman married to a man like you?

I shudder to think about her future with you because it obvious you're not sympathetic.

A child is being starved and beaten and you see nothing wrong with that. The man is already maltreating that child, he doesn't need to lay physical hands on him for it to be maltreatment. His decision regarding that boy is already pure evil and maltreatment.

Like I said tides turn. You've a wife and kids right?!

Keep giving such advice till when your love one is at the receiving end.

CeterisXVII:
You are mentally unbalanced. Go back and read your first post. You did not say the stepmother treated the kids badly.

What you said was that the woman cannot accept it, if her husband were to bring in his 2 children from outside.

And I told you that it is not true. Women have been accepting their husband's children from outside, for years. In some cases, a man even purposely remarries to get a wife, who would take care of his kids.

Treating the kids well or not, was not the topic of the matter in your post. Now you have changed your mouth, to start saying that stepmothers maltreated their stepchildren.

Was that what you said originally? Oga, only silly people issue curses, when they run out of valid points to make. All those your curses will go back to your own head. Back to sender...! Ìranù oshi ...

QwarkdFerengi:
Madam, you shouldn't be tired if you are seeking for a solution. Reading your posts, I saw a pattern.
Let me begin by saying the father of your son did an introduction. Are you sure no dowry were paid? Because this automatically makes those kids his even if another man raised them as you were the only one who left his family claiming you were being maltreated. So I guess you know the last location you left the family and you can go there to look for their whereabouts and possibly get their exact location except you decide not to. I say this because lots of females tend to alienate a dad from his kids thinking it's the right thing because you are obviously thinking on your own. Now this is the result of it all.
You now stopped talking to your present husband because he disagrees with you? You are making the same mistakes all over and I guess you are impatient. Sorry to say that. You left your first inlaws custody because you claim they maltreated you. Why can't you bear it, raise your kids while their father abroad gets stable and start sending you funds? But you chose to leave. Now living with someone else with kids again and you are starting same cycle again because I guess your next decision is listening to stupid advices like you did in the past and moving out of your current home because you don't want to be patient.
The best thing for you to do is locate your previous inlaws. Don't say you don't know where they are. You do. Take the boy to them because if you think you taking those kids away is to punish the family, you are making a big mistake. You are punishing those kids and ruining their lives with your selfishness and blaming it on your current husband who might have asked you to return those kids but you are being stubborn thinking you can manipulate him.
Go and return those kids so they can be properly taken care of and you should focus on your present husband and make your home a happy one.

oodua1stson:
1st off, I did not curse you. I asked if you want to soribu when you said all the elders in your family are daft. You can't be rude to me and expect me to be nice to you. Besides, I did not quote you or mention you so koshi danu

CeterisXVII:
Then he should not have married the mother. If the son was his biological son, would he have refused to take him in, even if he was found to be involved in different vices?

CeterisXVII:
The stuvpid stepfather is the cause of this nonsensical nonsense.....why promise to accept the woman's kids, only to take one and change your mind down the line?

Amumaigwe:
Her son should be in his father's house. It does not stop at winning custody suit in the law court. She cannot eat your cake and have it.

Blyzz:
Bro it a Favour. Taking care of another man's child when he's not financially buoyant, you think it easy? Who will marry second hand woman, unless the man has a kid elsewhere, then the marriage will be in a state of equilibrium.

Thetechhub:
but the boy is not his son so if doesn't work here.
He probably found out something he don't know before. If the woman had remained unmarried and face her two kids these wouldn't have happened. But in this case she shouldn't see the man as the problem cause it's not his fault. She should talk to his relatives and friends to help her talk to the man

CeterisXVII:
Another stuvpid piece. Isn't marriage about companionship? Why should the first man she had children for, abandon her to go abroad? If he had been sending money to her to take care of those kids, do you think she would have married someone else?

And the guys family maltreated the woman when she was still staying with them. They have not come forward to ask of her since she left them, and have not given her any assistance.

How are you sure they will not maltreat or be cruel towards her son, if she sends him to live with them? The child is not a parcel or a baggage to be tossed up and down.

The stuvpid stepfather is the cause of this nonsensical nonsense.....why promise to accept the woman's kids, only to take one and change your mind down the line?

AreaFada2:
Lol. Don't be surprised if it was the man who funded the shop from which she says she pays 70% of the bill.

Women are just not cut out to contribute more to the household financially. If you like pay for her education, train, open shop for her, same thing.

To bring a difficult child you do not have the freedom to discipline like your own biological son is a nightmare. For any self-respecting man. I saw it around my neighbourhood growing up.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I have a grocery shop my late mother funded for me . He can’t maltreat him whyle I’m still there he can correct and punish him if he does wrong but never I will allow him to maltreat him.

desireoge:
Go and bring that poor boy today. If your husband comes home and sees him, kneel down with the boy and the other kids and beg him. Make sure you do not pick quarrel with him no matter how he abuses you. Remain loyal and always make efforts to please him as long as the boy is in your house. It's not easy to marry a woman with kids especially when the man doesn't have kids prior to the marriage. He deserves your respect

oodua1stson:
1st off, I did not curse you. I asked if you want to soribu when you said all the elders in your family are daft. You can't be rude to me and expect me to be nice to you. Besides, I did not quote you or mention you so koshi danu

Thetechhub:
You're the one saying nonsense here.
It's possible op didn't tell her current husband before they got married that her ex husband paid dowry. And since he has discovered that. Raising that boy mean he's raising someone else child because the family will definitely come for him someday. You have not heard from the ex husband to know what really happened before the woman left. Do you even know if they have told her to bring their child and she refused? Now you want the present husband to go and put his head in what he did not start. The man accepted the girl child because she's a girl and you know what that means in our culture as Africans

Belafonte:
To be fair to the stepdad, he changed his mind because the boy he promised to father has also changed. So, technically, he might have an out.