₦airaland Forum

Maybe I should give my opinion having lived in the UK, Canada and Australia.

What you need to find a good partner is God! That is my belief as a Christian.

Crispels:
If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

leftoid crap. U might as well castrate yourself

White girls are dating black guys now over the skinny beta white cucks because of this sissy pandering

Women are looking for a second daddy figure in a man and you are here spewing your sissy campus indoctrination

You just showed how insecure you are and how desperate you want to fit into your Liberal crowd

cuck sucker

If you have money and you have a big d1ck, you can date ANY woman ANYWHERE in the world. Thank me later.

There is diversity in cultural practices,Americans have their culture and Africans have theirs.

Crispels:
Lol. No vex. I’m only trying to share my experience. I know a lot of people will find it helpful. I also found the previous threads helpful - so I decided to also add to the conversation.

I find your experience and exposition quite insightful and remarkable

I really love this writeup, clear concise and honest. With your experiences with pleasant foreign women why would anyone want to go for a rude Nigerian lady?

Despite this I'm sure that some women on this forum will not listen. They can't understand that one does not wake up one morning and decide to avoid dating Nigerian women and they can't treat guys around them like trash and expect them to still line up for marriage.

Ariza:
Mtcheeewwwwww

All of you should go to bed already, you have all overworked your brains today.

What of some of us that are just waking up..

Am Still reading it oo�

Kweensavvy:
Lol OP this issue has been over flogged okay?

Lol. And he has not added any new info either.

Much ado about nothing.

One point that I find interesting about us is the way we complain about the attitude of Nigerians abroad. This is just a reminder that shoe get different sizes. You live in Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Enugu, Ibadan etc dey show people from your remote village pepper say you be city man or woman with serious oppression but when you enter the foreign end you start preaching. You get back to Nigeria after 4 weeks vacation and you won't let people hear word with coded oppressive attitude about your better exposure

Joefat:
I've a lot in my head right now, new 17 cases if covid 19. Possibility of two weeks indoor, foodstuff for common man about to get out of reach, audio palliative all around.. And u are bringing this to my table.. Pls next.

We heard you before

HeavenlyCherub:
Honestly I think you have good points in your paragraphs. I agree that as women we shouldn’t single out every man who isn’t walking in their purpose at that given time. However I would never advise anyone to settle.

Some of the financially challenged/student men who come to the US, a very large percentage have taken advantage of good women all in the name of love. I can only use myself as an example. I have dated guys who weren’t stable financially so I can only try help my fellow sisters.


Man 1: Yoruba guy - I dated him for 5 years. Great guy however refused to self improve. He did yahoo. I found out about it and tried to make him stop and do legit as I wouldn’t want our foundation built on potential blood money. He refused a legit job and informed me he knew “the life he wanted for himself and 9 to 5 was not it.” This is because he was consumed by lifestyle and driving range rovers and a Porsche’s. I stuck with him for love but I refused to marry him or his proposal as he didn’t believe in taking care of a woman. He was very selfish (during the course of a 5 year relationship this man never gave me any assistance for upkeep - mind you I didn’t need his money as I do very well for myself but every woman wants their man to be able to support and provide in small ways. This shows me you’re stable and can support our family should we hit hard times. He would always ask me why I need money and what I do with the money I earn. $10 to buy a panty he could not even do, but he stayed embellished in Gucci, LV and Prada. He also had a baby on me and begged me to raise the child with him if it was his after dna...I was scared toput myself in that position as a time when I have to depend on him will come and he would not man up as he should so I broke it off. He proposed I said no. . No way I can submit to a man like that?..

Man 2: was an international student, the devil himself in human form, they say respect them, support them and let them reach goals.. this guy I supported financially for months, paved a way for him to get his paperwork.. loved and supported. He was nice at first but when we started dating he started changing. Abusing me for not giving 5k usd and not wanting to marry him for green card... I thank God for protecting me from that one chance. He is the biggest regret and bad mistake I ever made in my life. So disheartening you support someone and they physically, verbally abuse you and blame you for the wrong going on in their life... read my story on my profile from 2 years ago for more context Note: I myself am not perfect and I’m constantly working on self improving and strengthening my bond with Christ. I’m big on giving advice to others so they won’t repeat the same mistakes I have made.

My aunt always told me never to date down. Never settle and I did. All the women waiting...wait for Gods time don’t force or rush things because you want to get married. You will end up with someone who puts baggage on you and breaks you emotionally, physically, financially etc. Let Go and Let God. If it’s his will for your life it will be. Don’t leave worse off then you started.

I also have a friend she married someone coming straight from naija. They lived as man and wife 3 years. He got his green card and went back to Nigeria to marry his real girlfriend.

I truly dislike when men put down women like this post. Marriage is not an accomplishment. It will be nice to find a compatible companion but sister- you are enough as you are. Don’t let anyone rush you. Some are happy but many more want to get out of the marriage you are rushing to. Be wise and Let God lead.

Pray for God to give you discernment. Marriage is life and that’s a long journey. Don’t end up with the wrong person because of societal pressure and advice from OP above. I have said my own

Quite sad you had to deal with people like that. I'll drop a little one for you. It appears you're locking up but don't. It might prevent you from meeting your dream man ok? Keep an open heart and don't let those experiences influence your thinking and decisions. I'm touched by your story and I wish you the very best.

Thing is, I do not understand the need for men, especially most nigerian men, to define the lifestyle of single ladies in a way that suits them, and then trying to force everyone to accept their thought process and opinion as 100% correct, it's already becoming a desperation, bordering on mental illness and psychosis,

It will be best if everyone can focus on themselves to become a better person, be useful to the society and family, cos life isn't that hard, too much focus and over thinking things make it seem difficult, but it isn't, when you free your mind completely, nothing will bother you, especially other people's way of life and love life, when you follow these basic principle, everything will become easy,

Enough said.

What's with all these counter threads about ladies living abroad .

Whether in Naija or abroad, there are lonely women scattered all around the world and at the right time, their men will find them.

scoundrel:
...and the response threads keep coming. *eye roll*.

Hi...

From your write blackman has a VERY BIG problem
Is it a curse I don't know,

when I relocated to another extreme part of naija, I experienced the same problem u narrated here, people were evasive, unwilling reluctant to render assistance (not financial assistance o) to me, all because I was new then.

Uptil now I am still baffled and shocked at the attitude

Crispels:
Lol. Not all black Americans are like that tho. I have great black American friends. The problem is: so many Nigerian immigrants come here “extremely hungry for success” and they end up achieving a lot within a short time - which sometimes lead to tension between immigrants from Africa and native black Americans. They believe we are taking their positions in America after our ancestors sold them during slave trade and that we didn’t experience the difficulties they experienced - slavery, fight for civil rights and stuff like that.

Many Nigerians abroad are also too loud as well - they tend to show off their landmark successes and some now have the mentality that “if an average Nigerian can come from a village in Nigeria to become an Engineer or a Millionaire(in dollars) in the US, then any native black American who is struggling to be somebody in life as an American is lazy and unserious”. The black Americans hear and see these things and they feel insulted that after we(not us but our ancestors tho) sold them to slavery, we still have the effrontery to come to America to ride them anyhow we like. They believe Nigerians thrive in America because they made it possible for us: they are the ones who fought for equality in the US and stuff like that.

That is why many black Americans feel weird when some statistics show that over 77% of black doctors in the US are Nigerians and that majority of the blacks being admitted to ivy League schools are Nigerians and Nigerian - Americans. They feel that we are reaping where we did not sow and many of our fellow Nigerians are also not humble enough about their successes. They blow their trumpets so loud that it invites envy from black Americans and even immigrants from other African countries.

About two months ago, I was in Washington DC when one of my professors(who is a White American) confessed to a diverse gathering of people that Nigerians are very smart, hard working and talented(I was the only Nigerian there). Immediately after my professor said it, one other African immigrant there began to feel uncomfortable and she had to say it publicly that “Nigerians have not done or achieved enough to earn the hype people have for them in America”. I just smiled and kept quiet. I’ve learned not to be too loud about myself in the US because when they see that you are moving faster than them, they may begin to see you as a threat and plot bad things toward you. Many Nigerians abroad also need to learn this - it’s better to be humble and not make noise about your achievements.


In the end, as a Nigerian in the US, I do not have any superiority or inferiority complex towards anyone - regardless of race,nationality, sex, orientation or social status. In fact, it saddens my heart when I see African immigrants and black Africans having misunderstandings. The reason being that: these black Americans are also our brothers and sisters if we want to be true to ourselves. All my black American friends have Nigerian DNA. In fact, some of them are over 87% Nigerians(according to the results of their ancestry/DNA test). So, I see no reason why we all(black Americans, Nigerians, Nigerian -Americans, all African immigrants) cannot love each other and support ourselves.

Many Nigerians and Nigerian -Americans need to be more humble about their phenomenal successes as well albeit people should not try to downplay the immense efforts, pains, sacrifices, hard work and drive that most Nigerians abroad pour into life to achieve great things.


[/b]Finally, we all should not dwell in the past. We cannot change what happened during the slave trade - it was an unfortunate incidence but that is now history. More so, we were not the ones that sold them into slavery and not all African immigrants have condescending opinions about black Americans. Majority of us love them and we see them as a part of us. African immigrants should see black Americans as their brothers and sisters, vice versa. We all need to work together and put our differences/biases aside. [b]

IN THE END, WE ARE ALL AFRICANS! ONE LOVE!!!

I love your measured and considered comments......... I can see you are firmly on the path to great success in America. kudos

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

[s]

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

[/s]
Nonsense post! Because you are in America you now think their matriarchal society that has never worked for them is better than the society that God and nature bestowed on mankind that has proven to work for us? Nonsense again

Nice writeup but I'm wondering why I didn't spot words like, gonna, wanna, ain't in the piece. Are u sure u are in America abi na Amerika you dey school?

Ariza:
Mtcheeewwwwww

All of you should go to bed already, you have all overworked your brains today.

lmao

This is so far one of the best threads i come across so far .....the op really "hit the Nail on the head". This thread not only helped me to confirm things i already know, but it also showed me things i didn't. Good job

RuudVanNisteroy:
What about the Africans that went to high school in America. You should hear the stories of how they were treated by black Americans.
They just have little respect for Africans attributes and once they hear the Nigerian accent it is over for you.

U know high school are full of teens and kids. Those are the most meanest and insensitive set of people on Earth. They can literally bully their fellow teen to commit suicide.

Dem don cook you. You go soon wash payint.

The American model does not support marriage. Take it or hug transformer. Marriage is not a Democracy.

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

Spreading some knowledge. Patriachy is dead in the western world, you must also get in the kitchen and cook.

Finally, a thread without the usual Nairaland bickering and gender wars.
Nice one Crispels. Your post was really worth reading.

SweetCunt97:
Yes! Nigerian men need to drop that male dominance bullshit. You both can't be working and you expect her to slave away in the kitchen all by herself while you watch television.. No no no.

Anyways, we'll get there some day, afterall the west had male dominance some decades ago before the rise of feminism breaking their women free from the shackles of male dominated oppression.

That's not the point of this write up. Can't believe that was the only thing u saw in this write up. And besides Nigeria men don't have such mentally again.

I definitely see the avoiding Nigerian men that grew up in Nigeria

OP, please ignore those who are saying the issue has been addressed, please always share your experience. Someone might learn something new, education never stops, God bless you sir.

Can I buy you a drink?

In America, if you break up, she gets 70% of your networth.

The system does not support normal family tradition. Useless equality BS.

HappyNigerian:
[s][/s]
Nonsense post! Because you are in America you now think their matriarchal society that has never worked for them is better than the society that God and nature bestowed on mankind that has proven to work for us? Nonsense again

Just here to read comments

Ariza:
It is getting too much abeg, talk something else.

Size noise hypocrites You people hate the truth. Look at the way you were dancing azonto to the other thread because the lady be Dey support owner. I experience this same thing in Russian.this owner character of always wanting a standard man.. imagine person go Russian girl the girl go happy talk to person but when you try to talk to one Nigeria she go Dey form .