Op should not listen to this crazy talk.

We should stop normalizing nonsense, men and women alike.

olabrinks:
You want to call off the marriage because of some flirtatious messages? Though, not justifying but how many women leave their husbands because of cheating? I’ve realised that a lot of men are seriously emotionally weaker than women, and they really do not know how to use wisdom to handle situations. Go and complain to your people na, they will tell you to manage your wife and that is just the truth. There’s nothing better outside that you are looking for. Marriage comes with ups and down, and unless your life is at risk, you’re suicidal or something very significant has happened, you better stay in one place.

Why not sit your wife down and talk. Why not try to patch the underlying issues in your marriage ? Do you think marriage is child’s play, something you can just leave anytime you like? Na wa oh

I see the sarcasm now. Lool. Nice one.


Seriously though, we should stop normalizing infidelity, men and women.

Kamani8:


Lol

Not just that.
Op should work on his looks.
Look sexy so your wife won't have a reason to cheat

blovesther:
that is one problem with our men. they think they have every reason to cheat while the woman is to bear regardless of what it is or what comes out of the cheating

a cheating husband is not in any way comparable to a cheating wife. Worst case scenario he fathers a bastard outside whom the wife cannot in any way on earth be deceived to accept and cater for as her own child but a cheating wife will bring another man's child to the husband and he will spend his resources on taking care of a child who is not his.
A cheating wife automatically makes the husband to start doubting if the children he's killing himself to provide for are truly his but a cheating husband does not have such influence on his wife she just feels disrespected that's all

History555:
I need candid advise pls no insults. I got married 2years ago, of recent i noticed my wife has been spending so much time online. Not that its unusual to me because i know shes kind of addicted to her phone.
But suspicion made me pick the phone on several occasions but it was paasworded. Finally i was able to discover the password after many trials and to my surprise she has been chatting steadily, morning and night with this guy.
Not only that the guy calls her sweet names and she responds. Even to the extent of telling her he wished they were married. Her response showed she was receptive to the idea. Then she asked him why he did not make a move since and he blamed his financial status.
In summary i hve seen enough, though i hve neva confronted her. My plan is to inform my people b4 calling the marriage off.

not enough to call off marriage. has her behaviour changed since then?

History555:

l hve been going tru her phone for almost a month. Last week monday i sat her down and asked her if she is happy in this marriage, she said she is happy and asked why. I told her don't bother. But i think your phone makes you happier.
I expected her to decode that there is trouble brewing somewhere

she is bored and looking for attention thats all.

History555:


My dear cheating starts in the heart before the practical begins to manifest

you would only act when she is about to practicalize. As for now just keep her under watch.

History555:


My dear, you and i know that humans will neva admit to being caught in the act especially for something they are doing secretly.

dont conftront her yet. just watch and continue monitoring.

History555:
I need candid advise pls no insults. I got married 2years ago, of recent i noticed my wife has been spending so much time online. Not that its unusual to me because i know shes kind of addicted to her phone.
But suspicion made me pick the phone on several occasions but it was paasworded. Finally i was able to discover the password after many trials and to my surprise she has been chatting steadily, morning and night with this guy.
Not only that the guy calls her sweet names and she responds. Even to the extent of telling her he wished they were married. Her response showed she was receptive to the idea. Then she asked him why he did not make a move since and he blamed his financial status.
In summary i hve seen enough, though i hve neva confronted her. My plan is to inform my people b4 calling the marriage off.

What do you want to inform your people about her ❓

That she is a flirt or she has gotten a better man than you

Look guy, something is missing in your marriage

Seat her down and find out from her what the problem is

It could be lack of communication

It could be lack of respect, love and absence of peace

It could be lack of attention or affection

Women are like flowers, if you attend to them, they will blossom to your happiness

I am not going to blame her yet until you talk with her

If the sweet words she is hearing from that gist partner is what is glueing her to the guy, start yours

Men are able to deceive women and get into them through their sweet mouth

If you are hard on a woman, she must, I repeat, she must look for a guy that is soft to suppress your hardness

And if you are unfortunate she gets sex satisfaction out side, then consider her gone because you have lost her to another man or men

blovesther:
Don't call off the wedding....if you guys doesn't have a child yet, just pray for God to give you one soon and by that time, she will be looking at her phone and there will be no chance to use it because of the child's care.

though you can confront her so as to scare her and possibly make her change but if she doesn't feel remorseful and probably doesn't want to change, please show her the exit door

seconded

Kamani8:


Sorry to hear this op.
Just pray for her to stop. Go on your knees and pray.
Also work on how you look. Be sexy and try to satisfy her in bed.
Also don't look at her phone so u don't see what u dont want to see.
Try also to stop those behaviour that could make her look outside.

Again pray for her, she will stop.
Prayer is the key

Pray for her to stop cheating, you say?
Another one said, pray for her to have a child so she can stop cheating?

Where are these people from bikonu?

Budline1:


Change you say?

Possible but not certain.

Just do it first let see
I am currently dealing with a woman like that if i give her full time attention then she will change

Budline1:


Change you say?

Possible but not certain.

Inbox me for more talk sha if you realy wanna know what's up

J111333:
Pray for her to stop cheating, you say?
Another one said, pray for her to have a child so she can stop cheating?

Where are these people from bikonu?

Don't mind them. Many are doomed to be hopelessly stupid.

GreatResearcher1, you need to read this topic, and see the kind of advice simps and women are giving the op.

frozen70:


What do you want to inform your people about her ❓

That she is a flirt or she has gotten a better man than you

Look guy, something is missing in your marriage

Seat her down and find out from her what the problem is

It could be lack of communication

It could be lack of respect, love and absence of peace

It could be lack of attention or affection

Women are like flowers, if you attend to them, they will blossom to your happiness

I am not going to blame her yet until you talk with her

If the sweet words she is hearing from that gist partner is what is glueing her to the guy, start yours

Men are able to deceive women and get into them through their sweet mouth

If you are hard on a woman, she must, I repeat, she must look for a guy that is soft to suppress your hardness

And if you are unfortunate she gets sex satisfaction out side, then consider her gone because you have lost her to another man or men

How old are you?

I really want to know if I could excuse you from your comment because you just spoke like a 16 year old.

Emotionally and psychologically, you are not fit to be in a relationship.

Nuel4:
a cheating husband is not in any way comparable to a cheating wife. Worst case scenario he fathers a bastard outside whom the wife cannot in any way on earth be deceived to accept and cater for as her own child but a cheating wife will bring another man's child to the husband and he will spend his resources on taking care of a child who is not his.
A cheating wife automatically makes the husband to start doubting if the children he's killing himself to provide for are truly his but a cheating husband does not have such influence on his wife she just feels disrespected that's all

that is the defense men are putting up. in order not to take care of another man's child from a cheating wife....is it not better he doesn't know because what you don't Know will not kill you than what the men do to women by bringing another child in from their mistress? my brother what goes around comes around

cooooooks:
This is where you make a mistake. Not all of us chest and I for one will never advocate staying in an unfaithful marriage.

hmmmmm and please don't be polygamous especially if your tradition doesn't go against it for women.
if you want your wife to be an angel, you should first create an heaven

olabrinks:
that is it ohh. Flimsy messages, and you want to end your marriage? This man has not seen anything yet, That’s why it’s always good to be best friends with your wife/husband. That’s what will sustain your marriage.

yea, marriage according to my husband is another institute where you learn different things.
poster probably don't trust his wife and doesn't know what she is capable of doing, else this matter is very simple to deal with.
worst come to worst, he can pick up the wife's phone to chat the guy man to man.
I even do that at times to my husband if I sense fowl play from a lady

Belafonte:


Are you saying married women with children do not cheat?

Why are you women so unrepentantly deceptive?

lolzzz not all women dear......I believe this couple(poster) have communication and trust issue.....else this thing is very simple to deal with.
Is not easy starting all over again so its better they sort it out and continue the marriage because the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know

Kamani8:


Lol

Not just that.
Op should work on his looks.
Look sexy so your wife won't have a reason to cheat

Abi ooooo and also works in his words(by also calling the wife sexy names ) probably they aren't sexy enough.
hahhahahah

blovesther:
Don't call off the wedding....if you guys doesn't have a child yet, just pray for God to give you one soon and by that time, she will be looking at her phone and there will be no chance to use it because of the child's care.

though you can confront her so as to scare her and possibly make her change but if she doesn't feel remorseful and probably doesn't want to change, please show her the exit door

lol childcare won't change anything

DaudaTheSexyGuy:
When chatting with a married woman you have intentions of banging later there are somethings you should not put in writing

coded guy. Also, make sure she calls when she is free. don't ever call her at ungodly hours and when she calls, make sure you don't speak until she does. save a marriage. stop leaving loose ends

blovesther:
not at all..... you want give me?

I thought as much and ehn I wan give u ni so that the next advice u go give go dey on point

grossintel:
You want to call of a marriage of 2 years over a chat with no prove she's actually cheating for real. Let's be rational here, what she's doing is wrong but could also be as a result of emotional distress. It could be that your marriage larks romance and affection and you should talk with her over this.
PS Nairaland romance section is filled with jambites, many of them are still under 16 and calling your wife a LovePeddler, SMH.

Bro, why do we like putting the pressure of making the marriage work and romantic on the man, why?
What happens to the woman making the relationship better so that they can bond more.
Probably the man is thinking and hustling to bring home money to feed the young family, yet we need to pile more pressure on him to make the marriage romantic.
Seems we give a lot of women soft landing or soft spanking when they go off the track a lot.

olabrinks:
I just gave birth a month ago, I’m still very much on my phone. Having a child doesn’t stop a woman from adultery, that’s not the issue here. Their underlying issues need to be resolved.

It does mean u cheating abi?

History555:
I need candid advise pls no insults. I got married 2years ago, of recent i noticed my wife has been spending so much time online. Not that its unusual to me because i know shes kind of addicted to her phone.
But suspicion made me pick the phone on several occasions but it was paasworded. Finally i was able to discover the password after many trials and to my surprise she has been chatting steadily, morning and night with this guy.
Not only that the guy calls her sweet names and she responds. Even to the extent of telling her he wished they were married. Her response showed she was receptive to the idea. Then she asked him why he did not make a move since and he blamed his financial status.
In summary i hve seen enough, though i hve neva confronted her. My plan is to inform my people b4 calling the marriage off.

Pm me...

frozen70:


What do you want to inform your people about her ❓

That she is a flirt or she has gotten a better man than you

Look guy, something is missing in your marriage

Seat her down and find out from her what the problem is

It could be lack of communication

It could be lack of respect, love and absence of peace

It could be lack of attention or affection

Women are like flowers, if you attend to them, they will blossom to your happiness

I am not going to blame her yet until you talk with her

If the sweet words she is hearing from that gist partner is what is glueing her to the guy, start yours

Men are able to deceive women and get into them through their sweet mouth

If you are hard on a woman, she must, I repeat, she must look for a guy that is soft to suppress your hardness

And if you are unfortunate she gets sex satisfaction out side, then consider her gone because you have lost her to another man or men

And when has losing a woman to another man been unfortunate?
Abi na even best thing to happen to a man.
A cheating wife runs away from her hubby to an Ex or side bobo and you call the hubby unfortunate?
Instead of him to go to church for Thanksgiving.
So you actually think feeding, housing, clothing etc a woman in marriage is to the man advantage? That the woman is doing the man a favour for doing that? I think you overestimate you women's value in marriage.
Let the side bobo carry the liability for 2 months now weda him eye no go clear and gets tired of an Unproductive Liability that has all the time in the world to look for what to do to support the home rather using such precious time to hook up and chat with a side bobo.
I blame guys a lot. If we say make men no marry now so that the Unfortunate woman will be on the street now running up and down on how to survive and pay her bills, they will say we are crazy.
If the job of the man is to make sure another man doesn't get my woman, then pls tell what is the work of the woman too?
A consumer? Financial drainage? Liability? Sex object? Unproductive, unrepentant serial cheating liability?
Spits*

specialbobby:
Op pls do secret investigation before you let your family know about it
And give her more attention more than you do before and see if she's gonna change

Gbam. You need solid proof before you can confront her or her family. She will deny and twist everything against you without solid undeniable proof. Get screenshots of all chats and save them on your own device. Install a spyware on her phone, so you can listen to conversations, see messages and chats and know her location.
Don't mind all those ladies advicing you to talk to her, endure, pray or patronise her, they are birds of the same feather. You are still young, you can easily find a more loving and appreciative spouse. Life is short and you must not compromise your peace of mind.

If it were a woman a larger percentage of you guys here would have advised that she 'fight' for her marriage. Men obviously can't take 1/10th of what they steadily dish out

emmaodet:


And when has losing a woman to another man been unfortunate?
Abi na even best thing to happen to a man.
A cheating wife runs away from her hubby to an Ex or side bobo and you call the hubby unfortunate?
Instead of him to go to church for Thanksgiving.
So you actually think feeding, housing, clothing etc a woman in marriage is to the man advantage? That the woman is doing the man a favour for doing that? I think you overestimate you women's value in marriage.
Let the side bobo carry the liability for 2 months now weda him eye no go clear and gets tired of an Unproductive Liability that has all the time in the world to look for what to do to support the home rather using such precious time to hook up and chat with a side bobo.
I blame guys a lot. If we say make men no marry now so that the Unfortunate woman will be on the street now running up and down on how to survive and pay her bills, they will say we are crazy.
If the job of the man is to make sure another man doesn't get my woman, then pls tell what is the work of the woman too?
A consumer? Financial drainage? Liability? Sex object? Unproductive, unrepentant serial cheating liability?
Spits*

You are over reacting

Every man knows the value he places on his woman, like wise every woman knows the value she places in her man

So it depends on the value

Understand it from that angle

No man or woman is doing favour for marrying the person they get married to

It is the synergy that matters

Love and value.

It is found in both sexes

blovesther:
lolzzz not all women dear......I believe this couple(poster) have communication and trust issue.....else this thing is very simple to deal with.
Is not easy starting all over again so its better they sort it out and continue the marriage because the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know

Which yeye communication issues, they did not have communication issues when she decided to marry him, abi? How come they had communication issues and he was able to communicate the proposal to befriend her, engage her and eventually marry her? We like to behave like oyimbo forgetting we are different. Did your mother have communication issues with your father?

She just want to have her cake and eat it. From what the OP said, the old school sweetheart is not doing well financially, and that was the main reason she chose the OP. She married the OP because of financial security and not love. Now she wants to receive financial security from the husband and love from her old school sweetheart.
It's annoying the way nairaland ladies talk as if women has nothing to offer in a relationship or marriage and expect only the guy to give everything - financial security, love, emotional security, sex, etc, while the woman watches telemondo or zeeworld, buys expensive cloths, do expensive make up and hair and occasionally open her legs for the guy to do all the work.

CsRockefeller:


How old are you?

I really want to know if I could excuse you from your comment because you just spoke like a 16 year old.

Emotionally and psychologically, you are not fit to be in a relationship.

That's your thinking and we can't be reasoning the same way because my brain is with me and your brain is with you