₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Since I decided to break my silence I guess I might as well go ahead and state for the record that I am not

Fuzzywuzzy
Biglittlelois
Fountainofyouth
Helterkeit ? (hope I spelled that right)
Graxie
Ornicus
Brazenbabe
Davangel
Scarletmoon
Breaststroke
Etc.
I mean it’s almost ridiculous at this point to go on and list the accounts I’ve been accused of hiding behind to attack the OP. One person is behind most of the accusations anyway so that kind of makes it clear to a discerning eye that this person has an agenda. It’s up to OP to believe what she wants to believe. But for the rest of readers, I am not any of these accounts so don’t take their posts past, present or future as cococandy’s post.

I’m not new to this forum and I didn’t start agreeing and disagreeing with OP yesterday. I have always been able to state my opinion with my account (if I deem my response necessary at that time).

To the accusers, Please cease and desist. Thank you.

You dey mind them, in their mind any new moniker belongs to me too, even some old monikers, so not new, they can continue crying and wailing about that for all I care, when they are tired, they will move on to other things.

I can't seem to find these women that are independent, intelligent, not interested in marriage and have a successful career in real life.They all seem to be on nairaland and Twitter only.
Even the ones at work who are hitting late 30s and early 40s always seem to want a serious man who is ready to settle.

I'd really love to meet some of you and be friends. I'm married to a woman who wants to be married and all my female relatives want to be married. It'll be nice to meet this care free, successful women who are different and be friends with them.

anslem04:
I am sure you must av come across "rubbing minds" what people share as beliefs, assertion or opinion ... has no relationship with bin a "command" or "an order".
Nigerians can be religious people buh do nigerians practice what religion says.. from politics to business down to marriage. is it not greed, selfishness n one party trying to outsmart the other.
I think nigeria will get better when we as humans start looking inward n acknowledging we are the problem ... not religion, not the system and its not the devil fault anymore.

I agree with what you have said about not practicing what religion says. I am afraid we can clearly see this even on this thread which begs the question why such a religious country is such a wicked place. My theory is that people only remember religion when it comes to dictating people how to live their personal lives and it begins and ends with marriage and sexuality. I do not have a problem with religion as such but I am aware of the atrocities that have been committed in the name of religion(s) and this is why I strongly believe that religion should be a private business. This thread is the digital version of the Crusades.

cococandy:
Since I decided to break my silence I guess I might as well go ahead and state for the record that I am not

Fuzzywuzzy
Biglittlelois
Fountainofyouth
Helterkeit ? (hope I spelled that right)
Graxie
Ornicus
Brazenbabe
Davangel
Scarletmoon
Breaststroke
Etc.
I mean it’s almost ridiculous at this point to go on and list the accounts I’ve been accused of hiding behind to attack the OP. One person is behind most of the accusations anyway so that kind of makes it clear to a discerning eye that this person has an agenda. It’s up to OP to believe what she wants to believe. But for the rest of readers, I am not any of these accounts so don’t take their posts past, present or future as cococandy’s post.

I’m not new to this forum and I didn’t start agreeing and disagreeing with OP yesterday. I have always been able to state my opinion with my account (if I deem my response necessary at that time).

To the accusers, Please cease and desist. Thank you.

that’s how they do , as soon as a set of individuals agree on something, they assume it’s one person.

Acidosis:
Family life can be both a private and public matter. A controversial family arrangement, if left unaddressed, is capable of destroying an entire community.

I'm not surprised reading words like "control", "freedom", and other new age concepts from the West in your previous writeup. Even Donald Trump was accused of controlling people because he instructed citizens to sit at home and protect themselves.

When you make a claim like the one in bold you better back it up or else it is like me saying that Acidosis is the cause of tsunamis. It's just a sentiment, not a fact.

It's funny you mention the West because the "families are the basic unit of a well-functioning society" mantra (families in the traditional sense) is something we have adopted from the West.

Acidosis:
I think your opinion is based on your perception of the moniker. She's one of the few persons here that carry "marriage matter for head" yeah, which isn't bad as many of her antagonists want us to believe.

Even if the purpose is to tell us that marriage is somehow better than work, it's still an opinion although I don't think she's compared both in anyway.

I am convinced a lot of people are threatened by her personality and values about life, marriage and family.

The message I've seen here shouldn't in anyway be a threat. I hold stronger, probably more annoying ideas about career and family.

It's not hard to understand. Degenerates are always threatened by virtue.

I don't how an opinion can trigger people so much. Even the mod said she's pushing her opinions on people, as if she has ever forced anyone to click her threads.

Thread is 24 pages and they are still gathered here. If it gets to hundred pages they'll still be here reading line by line.

There's something about it that keeps bringing them.

They are not triggered by the thread really. They are just pricked by Bukatyne stands for. If any other person had opened this thread with the same words it would not generate this much bile.

Gaggi:
I can't seem to find these women that are independent, intelligent, not interested in marriage and have a successful career in real life.They all seem to be on nairaland and Twitter only.
Even the ones at work who are hitting late 30s and early 40s always seem to want a serious man who is ready to settle.

I'd really love to meet some of you and be friends. I'm married to a woman who wants to be married and all my female relatives want to be married. It'll be nice to meet this care free, successful women who are different and be friends with them.

no one is against women getting married or wanting to get married,, but don’t make it look like without it a woman is incomplete, even after being the best she could be as a woman. marriage does not define a woman’s life . This societal pressure is the reason many women r married n why marriages continue to fail , many women do not want to get married but hv to give in base on much pressure by the society, and it’s not okay n should be condemned.

crackland:
Isn't it funny how right in the same sentence where people should be allowed to have their own choices, yet when the OP has chosen to abide by her religious beliefs and still chose to share tit-bits of it here for anyone who cares to accept it, you claim she is pushing it on people.


Pushing it with what please?
A microphone on one hand, and an automatic machine gun on the other?

Baffling.

Liliantalks:
no one is against women getting married or wanting to get married,, but don’t make it look like without it a woman is incomplete, even after being the best she could be as a woman. marriage does not define a woman’s life . This societal pressure is the reason many women r married n why marriages continue to fail , many women do not want to get married but hv to give in base on much pressure by the society, and it’s not okay n should be condemned.

I could not have said it any better.

Gaggi:
I can't seem to find these women that are independent, intelligent, not interested in marriage and have a successful career in real life.They all seem to be on nairaland and Twitter only.
Even the ones at work who are hitting late 30s and early 40s always seem to want a serious man who is ready to settle.

I'd really love to meet some of you and be friends. I'm married to a woman who wants to be married and all my female relatives want to be married. It'll be nice to meet this care free, successful women who are different and be friends with them.

You have not. I will not even come here to talk about the ones I know and have met. I will engage you on your words.

You have not met any such woman, but if you meet such a woman will you say she is unfilfulled or incomplete?
Will you say she is without accomplishment or not happy?

Mynd44:
You have not. I will not even come here to talk about the ones I know and have met. I will engage you on your words.

You have not met any such woman, but if you meet such a woman will you say she is unfilfulled or incomplete?
Will you say she is without accomplishment or not happy?

I'm not a traditional man, I don't care if a woman is happy or not, I just want to meet that woman. I respect people and their opinions and desires. It will be indeed interesting and fascinating to me if I do meet such a woman.

However, I'm not talking of a bitter woman, a lesbian or an ugly duckling, I'm talking of an attractive, healthy, successful and smart woman who will rather have a career than a family or rather date a man without marriage for the rest of her life.

All I want is to be friends with such a lady. Find out what makes them tick. I'm fascinated with unconventional people because I consider myself one to a large extent.

Liliantalks:
no one is against women getting married or wanting to get married,, but don’t make it look like without it a woman is incomplete, even after being the best she could be as a woman. marriage does not define a woman’s life . This societal pressure is the reason many women r married n why marriages continue to fail , many women do not want to get married but hv to give in base on much pressure by the society, and it’s not okay n should be condemned.

Do you want to get married?

Liliantalks:
no one is against women getting married or wanting to get married,, but don’t make it look like without it a woman is incomplete, even after being the best she could be as a woman. marriage does not define a woman’s life . This societal pressure is the reason many women r married n why marriages continue to fail , many women do not want to get married but hv to give in base on much pressure by the society, and it’s not okay n should be condemned.

Read my post above.

Gaggi:
I'm not a traditional man, I don't care if a woman is happy or not, I just want to meet that woman. I respect people and their opinions and desires. It will be indeed interesting and fascinating to me if I do meet such a woman.

However, I'm not talking of a bitter woman, a lesbian or an ugly duckling, I'm talking of an attractive, healthy, successful and smart woman who will rather have a career than a family or rather date a man without marriage for the rest of her life.

All I want is to be friends with such a lady. Find out what makes them tick. I'm fascinated with unconventional people because I consider myself one to a large extent.

You don't have a problem with it. The OP wrote it to mean any woman that doesnt marry or shoes her work over family is frustrated or sad. That doesnt always work that way

Mynd44:
You don't have a problem with it. The OP wrote it to mean any woman that doesnt marry or shoes her work over family is frustrated or sad. That doesnt always work that way

I'm neither in support of the OP or against her. I respect her opinions. However, i noticed they are alot of smart, unconventional thinking women on this thread and it reminded me that personally, I have never really seen a Nigerian woman in real life who think and speak like these women. They seem to abound mostly on social media.

I'm a man who has gone around a bit, I'm yet to meet one. Any of such women here who doesn't mind being friends can PM me for a strict platonic friendship.

Funny thing is that I don’t even agree with all those accounts on every issue. Some I agree with or disagree with as the case or situation may be. If the accuser wasn’t just merely intent on convincing OP that I’m her enemy, he would have taken more time to go through the account before knowingly stating falsely that they are me.
Discernment is key.

Liliantalks:
that’s how they do , as soon as a set of individuals agree on something, they assume it’s one person.

MMotimo:
bukatyne
bukatyne
bukatyne

Another round of disgusting nonsense. How do you become entangled in stuff like this? I had no idea you had some notoriety here. Always thought you were just another young lady with old fashioned morals and conservative views.

My dear, you have to learn to ignore and not allow yourself to get on the defensive. Don't let anyone control you with their words. If someone addresses you respectfully, you respond. If they cannot be respectful, you should feel no obligation to acknowledge their words. It's not your fault they have poor communication skills. You simply ignore. If you don't know how, watch me ignore anyone that quotes my post for rubbish or passes snide comments about it Do not feel any obligation to argue and convince. What is that bible verse again about contentious arguments?

You should have better things to do with your time than give audience to trolls. It doesn't take deep thought to know that it's thoroughly distasteful to fight and bully online but people are still going to do it. Why? Hurt people hurt people. Never mind what anyone say, a fulfilled,
happy person does not come online and display thuggery because of a disagreement with another's views. Why then would you get into a back and forth with such characters? You have no influence over their lives but they feel a need to pass vile comments because they don't like what you are saying. That's insane.

Apparently, whatever evil threads you have on here hit a number of people the wrong way thus the caustic reactions. C'est la vie! I don't agree with every single thing you write but I respect and uphold your right to say it. You are not going to be able to convince everyone, even Jesus could not so why get distracted with arguments that are going nowhere?

My eldest once said everyone is entitled to their ignorance. Maybe you are the ignorant, maybe it's me, maybe it's your trolls. Who cares! Everyone should be able to enjoy their ignorance. Being constantly argumentative is caused by pride and ego. You know what I've learnt? The smartest people on earth avoid arguments and they are some of the most broad minded persons you will ever meet but empty barrels must to make the most noise! It is a natural act. Don't be tempted to waste your non renewable resource (TIME) on catty arguments. You were made for more.

Like my pastor says, if people can freely boast about degenerate behavior, what is stopping you from speaking about non degenerate behavior? If interpretation of degenerate differs, so be it, differences are allowed.

In summary, learn to ignore. Enjoy your life and use your time wisely


Lest I forget, congrats on your perfect marriage Forget what anyone says, no one enters marriage praying for it to not be
perfect. Na condition dey make crayfish bend.

Brilliant.
At bold.

They are just bitter and envious. The perfect marriage is what everyone wants. One group has tried and failed at it, so it's a case of sour grapes.

The other group are those who do not know anything but want to be seen as part of the "happening" and "woke" crew, so they just do follow follow. It is the second group that I pity.

It will end in tears for them and they'll graduate to the first crew...and the cycle will continue like that.

Gaggi:
I'm not a traditional man, I don't care if a woman is happy or not, I just want to meet that woman. I respect people and their opinions and desires. It will be indeed interesting and fascinating to me if I do meet such a woman.

However, I'm not talking of a bitter woman, a lesbian or an ugly duckling, I'm talking of an attractive, healthy, successful and smart woman who will rather have a career than a family or rather date a man without marriage for the rest of her life.

All I want is to be friends with such a lady. Find out what makes them tick. I'm fascinated with unconventional people because I consider myself one to a large extent.

I think it’s important to consider and distinguish between those who don’t want to/would rather not get married openly and those who don’t want to/would rather not get married but keep it to themselves and go along with it for the sake of peace in a marriage obsessed society (probably more than most people realise). They’re out there, you may well have met some, but 'pointing them out' just isn't the most straightforward

Easy for the Bukatyne to say as a lady. The pressure is never on the lady. She can do whatever she wants in life and no one really labels her.
For the men, if they pursue satisfaction in the current system, they might end up not being so financially made and it's you women that'll still label the men as... and prefer the wealthier men for marriage so as to have the family secure.
So in the real world, the man usually has to abandon passion and pursue money, and he'll smart for it even if he makes it cause there'll still be a void down there.
Yeah, yeah, I know you'll name a few who might have made all the cash while pursuing their passion but the point is life ain't math and it doesn't always work out. So for many men, they choose between getting satisfaction from their societal status or their passion.

I’ve been following this thread and I am happy the absurd narrative that the OP is being bullied has been dispelled. Disagreeing with an OP is not bullying, if you can’t stand for people to disagree or question your posts then a public forum is not for you.

Also, if the OP always says her posts are for women but they are mostly rejected by women and lauded by sexist men, then the OP has to look inwards and ask herself who the real target audience of her OP is.

RealMrNigerD:
Easy for the Bukatyne to say as a lady. The pressure is never on the lady. She can do whatever she wants in life and no one really labels her.
For the men, if they pursue satisfaction in the current system, they might end up not being so financially made and it's you women that'll still label the men as... and prefer the wealthier men for marriage so as to have the family secure.
So in the real world, the man usually has to abandon passion and pursue money, and he'll smart for it even if he makes it cause there'll still be a void down there.
Yeah, yeah, I know you'll name a few who might have made all the cash while pursuing their passion but the point is life ain't math and it doesn't always work out. So for many men, they choose between getting satisfaction from their societal status or their passion.

Might be strange but I have to thank you for taking them to read the thread.

These are the kind of discussions I expected.

Truly, I have heard men say the calling/purpose vs work discussion favors the woman more because traditionally the man provides for the wife so she is freer to discover her calling and pursue it.

I believe it is sometimes a gradual process that requires easing into.

The first stage is to discover it thereafter acquire what extra you need to stand out and then ease into it.

A lot of people would never find it: some might be ready for that plunge in middle age and some are lucky to find it and can afford to pursue at a younger stage.

I pray God grants us the grace and resources to fulfill our purpose.

Amen.

MMotimo:
bukatyne
bukatyne
bukatyne

Another round of disgusting nonsense. How do you become entangled in stuff like this? I had no idea you had some notoriety here. Always thought you were just another young lady with old fashioned morals and conservative views.

My dear, you have to learn to ignore and not allow yourself to get on the defensive. Don't let anyone control you with their words. If someone addresses you respectfully, you respond. If they cannot be respectful, you should feel no obligation to acknowledge their words. It's not your fault they have poor communication skills. You simply ignore. If you don't know how, watch me ignore anyone that quotes my post for rubbish or passes snide comments about it Do not feel any obligation to argue and convince. What is that bible verse again about contentious arguments?

You should have better things to do with your time than give audience to trolls. It doesn't take deep thought to know that it's thoroughly distasteful to fight and bully online but people are still going to do it. Why? Hurt people hurt people. Never mind what anyone say, a fulfilled,
happy person does not come online and display thuggery because of a disagreement with another's views. Why then would you get into a back and forth with such characters? You have no influence over their lives but they feel a need to pass vile comments because they don't like what you are saying. That's insane.

Apparently, whatever evil threads you have on here hit a number of people the wrong way thus the caustic reactions. C'est la vie! I don't agree with every single thing you write but I respect and uphold your right to say it. You are not going to be able to convince everyone, even Jesus could not so why get distracted with arguments that are going nowhere?

My eldest once said everyone is entitled to their ignorance. Maybe you are the ignorant, maybe it's me, maybe it's your trolls. Who cares! Everyone should be able to enjoy their ignorance. Being constantly argumentative is caused by pride and ego. You know what I've learnt? The smartest people on earth avoid arguments and they are some of the most broad minded persons you will ever meet but empty barrels must to make the most noise! It is a natural act. Don't be tempted to waste your non renewable resource (TIME) on catty arguments. You were made for more.

Like my pastor says, if people can freely boast about degenerate behavior, what is stopping you from speaking about non degenerate behavior? If interpretation of degenerate differs, so be it, differences are allowed.

In summary, learn to ignore. Enjoy your life and use your time wisely


Lest I forget, congrats on your perfect marriage Forget what anyone says, no one enters marriage praying for it to not be
perfect. Na condition dey make crayfish bend.

My e-aunt, I am hailing from here.

I can almost imagine you say 'how many times did I call you' after my name.

@bold: I am that truly.

I really really appreciate this post, God bless you.

Learning to ignore, I will do more of that.

@2nd bold:

Thank you I need to own it.

Regards to your family.

RealMrNigerD:
Easy for the Bukatyne to say as a lady. [s]The pressure is never on the lady. She can do whatever she wants in life and no one really labels her. [/s]
For the men, if they pursue satisfaction in the current system, they might end up not being so financially made and it's you women that'll still label the men as... and prefer the wealthier men for marriage so as to have the family secure.
So in the real world, the man usually has to abandon passion and pursue money, and he'll smart for it even if he makes it cause there'll still be a void down there.
Yeah, yeah, I know you'll name a few who might have made all the cash while pursuing their passion but the point is life ain't math and it doesn't always work out. So for many men, they choose between getting satisfaction from their societal status or their passion.

Very interesting contribution. I just crossed out what I disagree with but I do understand where you are coming from. Another reason that shows how limiting societal expectations, religious dogmas and fixed roles are. I don't want to know how many great talents have been suffocated this way.

Acidosis:
Family life can be both a private and public matter. A controversial family arrangement, if left unaddressed, is capable of destroying an entire community.

I'm not surprised reading words like "control", "freedom", and other new age concepts from the West in your previous writeup. Even Donald Trump was accused of controlling people because he instructed citizens to sit at home and protect themselves.

The way people think, talk, comment and type nowadays is really a thing of concern.
Always shouting rule of law, let people live their life the way they want it if they are not harming anybody (and who told them they are not harming anybody), my body my life etc
At this rate, i fear for the future.