₦airaland Forum

Babyforever:
So when do you intend to officially get divorce and get married i mean at 46 you're still young and you have all this going on for you i mean a girl in her early 20s won't mind getting married to you.....Just think about it i know you like it don't I'll leave it here so you can decide

Na so

Your story was pathetic but where fear of God rules many evils intended to do will be difficult ,I am not talking about perfection here but God's fear puts us in check.

Where is the Part 2? What's next after situation became better? Did the woman seek to return to "her" home?

God have mercy!!!

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

You are 200% right, talking from experience.

Why do we have lots of broken homes and divorces in this country.
Is it related to the economic situation?
Have seen couples earning 300k plus separate sef. Lawd av mercy.

eni4real:
That's better than Nagging!
Not too expensive!!

It is not. Add medical Bills say 4M

If she is going to the USA to have the baby be careful she does not run away with the child.

Finally you will need an egg? Do you have relatives who will provide egg for you? Like your sisters or so.

Do your calculations and go for it.

Mafo! I am with you.

You need to investigate the real reason for the promotion and salary increase.....(check this out) and what your wife did/still does to earn it.
Sudden end of sex with partner is a sign of cheating / forced to do it somewhere else.

Make una know those men wey marriages dey sweet.
Husband money na "our" money.
Wife money na ONLY "her" money!
Man nor ever tell everything...if you know you know.
Oga! God save you o
Self preservation na the first rule.
Take care of ya pikin but don't look back just move on.

onecoder:
Why do we have lots of broken homes and divorces in this country.
Is it related to the economic situation?
Have seen couples earning 300k plus separate sef. Lawd av mercy.

Finance !

No more "good" women who pay a man's bills

The ones around now are beating and abusing as they pay his bills

F.A.K.E story

Ybaby:
...... [/b]the bible said worse than an infidel not me.[b]

There is biblical permission to treat men who cannot provide for thier own as worse than infidels

It is in the bible

You quoted out of context. That was not wat apostle Paul meant.

Out of point.

You will understand if you read the city study before the book study.

faithfull18:
Hmmn, this sounds like fiction. I don't support divorce but if adultery is involved with evidences, then separation is advised. Biblically, either partners are expected not to marry again but you know in our present world, we read and act upside down.

I've seen something similar happen in real life

That's why I am giving the story the benefit of doubt

Did anyone see the part where his life changed for the better after he stopped fucking that adulterous woman?

My brother don't ever Bleep that woman again in your life or after life. Love your kids and let the kids know you love them.

Secure a future business for yourself while you are still on this 500k job just incase.

Don't live an expense life, save more and invest more. Don't because of your new salary move your kids to much more expensive schools.

Finally pray more, may you never again in your life fall from grace to grass in jesus name. AMEN!

Am happy for you, continue to remain a gentle man!

tunmiluabi:
Glorious! Thanks. In my marriage I was the one deprived of affection and everything that comes with being married. I never for once looked else where and never discussed with anyone except now on this forum. I have always known that my condition was not permanent. I and believed that I was going rewrite my own story. All I wanted was a go at an opportunity and for her to stand by me and which never came. But when it finally came, the deed has been done. Forgiveness is grace, I have done that already. I swear I have nothing against her. To be honest, she doesn't even know that I have a job. She only knows I am not dead. She has called to let me know that I should work hard to help raise my kid. I am sure she is surprised, I send money to her account on a monthly basis for our kid's upkeep. There is no need for me to brag to her about my current status. If she finally knows, it will great for her. I believe the greatest gift in life is not just knowledge or wisdom but grace to believe, believe, and believe again. At the moment, I have not taken a decision on what next line of action is but what I do know is that she is not in any of the my plans. At the moment I am concentrating on re-certifications that I have not done in years. I will update you guy as LIFE gives me more "feedbacks".

Dear Op, i salute your courage , not many men will go through this and things remain this calm. I was in your shoes too, he deprived me of intercourse on the ground of not wanting children and all the while was having affairs, to make matter worse he told all sort of lies against me to his family,while i kept my peace.

Thk God you are doing well, I also advice that you continue to work hard to improve yourself , maintain your discipline and pls dnt forget to keep in constant touch with your child, she is the most important asset and u dont want negative influence, try and build a bond with her on they days u spend with her it is very important

As for your wife, leave her to be judged by her actions, mark my word, she will come begging on her knees.

As for love, keep an open mind ,if it comes u re aleady wiser

I salute you again and I know you will do well, keep going and may God honor you more

Obingene:
Hian!!

Cold shivers ran down my spines as I read this.

I'm so not enthusiastic about marriage anymore.

Honestly.

What men go through... It's only God that will help... When you have everything, it becomes our thing, but when she has it... It becomes her thing

Blackbishop:
You just nail my thought about marriage on the head. Most successful men don't get a woman to tie Dem down. It is just business as usual ... Sex get pregnant and I take responsibilities..

Lobatan.

And that's the real problem with marriages today. I think many are just business deals which leaves a soulless marriage, with divorce inevitable.

pfadom:
Where is the Part 2? What's next after situation became better? Did the woman seek to return to "her" home?

God have mercy!!!

Return ke....

She has seen the man finish and she now has many boyfriends who provide for her.

I doubt she is bothered

The Complexity of Life- Brilliant, Straight....., Yet........

tunmiluabi:
I appreciate your lines and I thank you for making me understand a lot of things I might not have known. Also permit me to look at your feedback line-by-line and word by word.

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My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together:

If it takes 3month for a man to deliver to his family in time of tribulations and challenge. What time frame might we allocate to woman to heal after being involved in a life threatening accident that took away all her great attribute for performing any role as a wife? Can we say 3month, 3years etc. Same question can go the man what if?

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.:

Are you telling that marriage is so Artificial that the society need to redefine its requirements... Maybe there should be a law that states explicitly - that considering the natural state of mind woman and the maximum period for a woman to go from an Angel to a monster... A divorce proceeding can commence after one year when either of the party is not able to provide a certain percentage of material expectations, Maybe it should be a criminal offence? Maybe we will all sit and think well before we get into an "artificial contraption".... pls just saying. Are your telling me that WOMAN is inherently weak and deprived of any sense of good judgement and GRACE? Are you indicating that the WOMAN is mentally and spiritually WEAK by nature. My parents, in the face of the worst situations they have lived together for 55years, even they still hold hands till date. I take inspiration from their life. My mother at no point in time said anything bad about my father even when we knew he was wrong, neighter did my father. I am not perfect, but I have foundation that kindles my believe. Even the best and the richest people have their problems?

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supersede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him:

If the man is infidel because he cannot provide, what is a woman who cannot BELIEVE and see through the situation. The word INFIDEL as used in the Quran needs not be taken out of context context. Muslims on the forum can expatiate. I would like to know.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - [b]she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband:

Yes I agree. As human we are capable of doing what pleases our hearts. I would have believed aside fro wisdom, mental and spiritual resilience takes precedence in all life matters. The consequence of a life without them is glaring. If the WOMAN can see through nine months of excruciating pains and still was able to give birth even when there no guarantees that child will live. What do you think is the lesson learnt? All she does is BELIEVE. It just like attending primary, secondary, university and even spending a lot on master degree for rare knowledge. Still life does not guarantee anything to anyone. Its never weakest or the strongest that wins the race of life. Its our capacity to wait for that CHANCE and TIME that matters. Opportunity come with preparation. Is the resilient WOMAN able to stand FAIR and FIRM. I believe it take a special WOMAN to see this.. There are so many. We have women who are married to the poorest of the poorest men and still come out unshakened. I will share a typical example with you if time permits. There are so many men who are married to women with terrible life challenges long before they got married... So are even disabled and even cant bear children. It takes the special MAN to see beyond the situation. There are so many. I really think you line undermines the natural capacity of the spiritual resilience of a woman. I have a mother you know.. I can still remember events.

See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel:

Yes it true again.. They are only emphasizing the place of the MAN in a home. His failure is the failure of his family. He has to perfect his ways to enhance his family. Failure to do is tantamount to a gave consequence. There is no point for me to even tell the position of the Holy Books on the woman who betrays her husband... When we use the Holy books for definitions that requires more explanation and we refuse to STANDOUT, we will be digging more holes than we can fill. So I will be staying away from using the Books. We need to remember that our children can either be male of female. Our position goes a long way in shaping their future. If we teach your children to make money we need to emphasized that life is beyond the materialism that come with it, hence he/she might priorities money over affection, and would prioritize lust or love. There are still so many rich who are not happy and there some many wealth married woman who are not. Same goes for single males and females. Rather than living our lives, our deprivation and fights through our children there is need to always emphasis the grace that comes with living with or without the wealth that comes with living. The truth is that any of these does not guarantee any happiness for anyone no matter you status or state of mind in life.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing :

I would beg to disagree. It takes a great family to stay together in times of challenges. It takes grace for them to overcome. It takes a wise man/woman to see through the situation. If man is lazy, I agree it is terrible, if a woman is lazy it terrible. But take it or leave it, Living is choice but life does not even guarantee you a happy ending. So behind a a successful woman is a man with grace and behind a successful man is a strong woman. If your read through history most great people rise though the ashes and with the support of the Special people who are able to trust and believe in them. It does go a long way.

My overall take on your position: No aspect of life is guaranteed not even to the richest, poorest, the strongest or weakest. No amount of hard-work will position you. If LIFE chooses they can remain poor for life, for all it cares. Time and chance are spiritual. It for the SPECIAL ones only and its not negotiable. If that time comes and life imposes a marathon on you, you can step aside, continue or start all over again. You can even fill yourself with HATE. Life does not speak our language. I am a living testimony to this. I graduated as computer Engineer (not with the best of grades though). I believed I could never get a job I so desired, not to forget that I had in my SSCE (6 - A1, 1 -A2 and C4 in English). What if I was not educated. I will sit down now and blame myself as if education guarantees wealth. In the face of challenges we all need some one to lean on. I have had my share of brilliance and struggles, have no doubt that either of these can surface at anytime. There are some many of our sisters and brother suffering absolute injustice but because the society dictates how we much react, and who is responsible for what roles, they keep quiet and die in their silence. I started a business which took us so far but was not really promising. Although that was one business I always loved and cherished but life gave it bashing. If the one you married ans trust can not see your struggles but spit it in your face. Its time to redirect your energy not matter the consequence. Thanks to my upbringing and the support of my Aged parents and siblings. If I may tell, my wife too finished with a distinction from Yabatech but all she got for SALARY did not pass for brilliance. She is tremendously brilliant. Still, we lived on the low...

I never realised what I thought was not useful 14years ago was going be my JOKER. I was forced to go back, dusted my books and fought to be relevant again. On the day of my interview they did not believe I was so CHEAP. The agreed take home with benefit salary was R115,000 naira per month. But to my surprise, the offer received had a different amount. I give God the glory and still cry till date. Never realised I could earn that much despite lack of real profession engagements. I passed test with minimum of 80%. I cried and cried when I saw the results. But grace smiled on me. Please note that I only received my appointment sometimes in November 2019. It was a prioritized position. I asked myself WHY NOW? Not after I have lost everything. I will forever be grateful to friends who stood with me not by me, who saw me responsible enough to feed me when I had nothing to eat, who borrow me clothes and shoes for my many interviews. I thank my my friend who borrower his best Suit for the last interview. I also thank the one that gave me his shoes and tie as well. I did have my times and I thank thank God for the experience. But most importantly my aged parents who said they don't want to hear complain, they wanted me to live again. I am a generally happy person, I am not perfect, I get angry, I cry and I will not claim to be a saint in the challenges that ended my CHERISH MARRIAGE. There is really no gain without pain... It was my journey and I embraced with all sense of dignity. For the record I NEVER HAD ANY WOMAN EXCEPT MY WIFE. Moreover, I did not have time... I was only dedicated to overcoming my challenges.

We can say whatever we want to say. Life will never pay a good person with evil. It will only test your resilience to see if you can manage the situation. Constituency and dedication is gift I will continue to cherish. I did not let my challenges change my person, I still smiled, even when close friends and family members knew I was not happy. The bathroom was my friend, that was my space to cry and when I am done crying I will leave and smile again. Nobody till today know why I moved out (at least from me) but I will keep it like that. I will have nothing to gain or loose. I only decided to tell my story after many advice on similar issue on this forum. I get taken aback by the comments and wonder why we can sit behind the desk an spit FIRE instead of reconciliation, yet we want to have a relationship or we already have one. In a relationship you will never know the truth. Be quick to judge but be patient to spit it out...

Thank you.

tunmiluabi:
Glorious! Thanks. In my marriage I was the one deprived of affection and everything that comes with being married. I never for once looked else where and never discussed with anyone except now on this forum. I have always known that my condition was not permanent. I and believed that I was going rewrite my own story. All I wanted was a go at an opportunity and for her to stand by me and which never came. But when it finally came, the deed has been done. Forgiveness is grace, I have done that already. I swear I have nothing against her. To be honest, she doesn't even know that I have a job. She only knows I am not dead. She has called to let me know that I should work hard to help raise my kid. I am sure she is surprised, I send money to her account on a monthly basis for our kid's upkeep. There is no need for me to brag to her about my current status. If she finally knows, it will great for her. I believe the greatest gift in life is not just knowledge or wisdom but grace to believe, believe, and believe again. At the moment, I have not taken a decision on what next line of action is but what I do know is that she is not in any of the my plans. At the moment I am concentrating on re-certifications that I have not done in years. I will update you guy as LIFE gives me more "feedbacks".

honestly, you are the true definition of a "Real Man ".

zeb04:
your story is almost like mine.(except there was no violence).

We didn't have financial challenges but by the second year, we were practically quarreling almost every week.

My husband stopped showing affection(it was just unbearable). so i resulted to getting it someplace. Every time he sees my chat with those guys, it made him so angry but well to me he wasn't showing affection or attention either so I continued.

Anyways finally, we decided to go our separate ways. I never called, blocked his family and everyone out of my life. I was angry because I felt,if only he treated me how I wanted to be treated then ........

He was angry because why can't my wife just stop chatting with this people.

It took 6 months seperation to realise that we wanted our marriage backk. But in that time, I realized that no matter now much you date before marriage,marriage and life still bring their own problems.

Most issues in marriage will be sorted out if we react with peace and love.

Everyone has baggage, since you know of your partner's short coming, see a counselor,sort them out.

The next spouse(we day dream of and glorify in our head) still has their own issues. You wouldn't know until you marry them.

God will never do the work in our marriage. Even if he brings the next person, you will still have to weed the grass,sow the seed, harvest it. (You will still have to work on that marriage).

Take this time apart and just REST, then evaluate your marriage and see if there is any Window of opportunity to make it work.

As in you were sleeping with many men while married because of no affection from your husband? Wow. Is this how easy women turn to cheap thots?

Just say you were looking for excuse to whor.e around abeg

klbakare:
Did anyone see the part where his life changed for the better after he stopped fucking that adulterous woman?

My brother don't ever Bleep that woman again in your life or after life. Love your kids and let the kids know you love them.

Secure a future business for yourself while you are still on this 500k job just incase.

Don't live an expense life, save more and invest more. Don't because of your new salary move your kids to much more expensive schools.

Finally pray more, may you never again in your life fall from grace to grass in jesus name. AMEN!

Am happy for you, continue to remain a gentle man!

His life changed when he stopped eatting his wife's sweat.

Eating a wife sweat keeps a husband in a broke place.

faithfull18:
Hmmn, this sounds like fiction. I don't support divorce but if adultery is involved with evidences, then separation is advised. Biblically, either partners are expected not to marry again but you know in our present world, we read and act upside down.

if there are proof of adultery, the innocent mate has the right to remarry.

Ybaby:
It is not. Add medical Bills say 4M

If she is going to the USA to have the baby be careful she does not run away with the child.

Finally you will need an egg? Do you have relatives who will provide egg for you? Like your sisters or so.

Do your calculations and go for it.

Mafo! I am with you.

Still better than Nagging!!

Getting donors can't be difficult.... once the payment is right!!

Mariangeles:
When God is involved, it is not.

So u think God wasn't involved in his?
Wake up bro

My dad told me when l was young that


"when you share responsibility with a woman, you must be prepare to share power at home"

sincerely, Lagos is one of the tough place to live on earth when you loose your job.

if your wife/husband can not bear the burden, the best is to separate (not divorce) to avoid domestic violence

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46
Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

It may take a while but please forgive yourself and forgive your wife. Mistakes were made both ways. Divorce is a lie from the enemy. It is not easier out there. Make what you have work again and it can...
The couples that remained together dont have 2 heads. Forgiveness and persistence is why they remain in the game. You both need sometime, take a little time to heal but please make peace again. Shame the devil and reconcile when you are both ready...

Ybaby:
My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together.

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supercede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband.


See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel.

Teach your sons how to make money. Let the girls go to school and let the boys learn to trade and go to school.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing

Ire o

May God never allow me encounter your likes!!! Amen.

Life is full of mysteries. Today you're big, tomorrow you might be very broke. One needs a woman who stands by you through thick and thin until you find your feet again. Not a fair weather wife. I now really appreciate my cousin's wife who stood by him when he lost his job and was hustling up and down for 2 years before he found his feet again.

May God never allow me encounter your likes, Amen!!!

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

Well
Not all the time

But sometimes
When a problematic wife pushes a man to the brink...
It just gives him the extra push.


These things are happening
And I feel so sorry for a lot of men out there in Nigeria

Its painful

Will i be able to cope with sure woman in future? To get married is more scarier nowadays.

Do I need to be married?No

Mariangeles:
When God is involved, it is not.

Money expose so many people.
Money will unveil a creature to its original person.
This is what money did to this woman.