Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

Newly registered username, another tale.

I swear i never wanted marriage, but i am giving it my best.
You my dear have married a person thst loves being married than building a HOME.
it's not too late to walk away and start all over.
You will loose all before now but at least you will not lose more, after now.
May the forces of life be with you.

Reach out to her family member down here. They could be able to talk some senses into her.

Let her know as well, that whatsoever she's doing or up to. The future of her kids are at stake too.

But maybe your own GRA GRA too much for Naija too?! Cos for her to change in just few months... E get why!!

Sankabson:
Reach out to her family member down here. They could be able to talk some senses into her.

Let her know as well, that whatsoever she's doing or up to. The future of her kids are at stake too.

But maybe your own GRA GRA too much for Naija too?! Cos for her to change in just few months... E get why!!

You are right bro, I had plenty gra gra back in Naija and I think she has psychologically programmed herself before arrival to come take her pound of flesh here. There is complete breakdown of communication with her family as they are on her side, always encouraging her to call the police on me. All they say is ''No gree for am o, he think say na Naija he dey. Show am well well, you have rights there and the govt. would support you''

I would have love to advice you accordingly ,if only you told us earlier that you just signed up this moniker in other to hide your real identity ....this might a tale.

nifemi25:
I would have love to advice you accordingly ,if only you told us earlier that you just signed up this moniker in other to hide your real identity ....this might a tale.

Not a tale bro. This is my life right now, I swear! I am in a very messy situation and cannot reveal my identity cos a lot of people we know are on nairaland.

I am already angry for matter weh nor be my own..bro seriously she's your end,you better leave now ,go to somewhere where she can't see you again ..then she knows what abroad is all about ,I hate Nigerian women they are a mess of themselves when they get abroad.

Saying 'I am not a saint. I was hot tempered but I have changed' is you first trying to put yourself in a good light before the audience. You then went ahead to spend time describing your wife as complete devil. And then I wonder what the point of creating this thread is. You want us to help you call your wife names and encourage you to do the things you want to do anyway? You're the one telling the story; of course, she'll be the villain/protagonist in it.

Lol... I smell fake story biko. A man, even though a loggerheads with his wife, won't come online to write such a long epistle without any reminiscence of good old times. You can't tell me you married a witch from the onset.

Ok... you've gotten us to comment. Lol

Aliii:
I am already angry for latter weh nor be my own..bro seriously she's your end,you better leave now ,go to somewhere where she can't see you again ..then she knows what abroad is all about ,I hate Nigerian women they are a mess of themselves when they get abroad.

OP, I guess this is what you want to hear. Lads hating and bashing Nigerian women for the actions of some. As if we all hate Nigerian men for the rape stories we read everyday.

etrange:
Saying 'I am not a saint. I was hot tempered but I have changed' is you first trying to put yourself in a good light before the audience. You then went ahead to spend time describing your wife as complete devil. And then I wonder what the point of creating this thread is. You want us to help you call your wife names and encourage you to do the things you want to do anyway? You're the one telling the story; of course, she'll be the villain/protagonist in it.

Lol... I smell fake story biko. A man, even though a loggerheads with his wife, won't come online to write such a long epistle without any reminiscence of good old times. You can't tell me you married a witch from the onset.

Ok... you've gotten us to comment. Lol

I thought I was the devil but she is a bigger devil now. Problem is that her actions would send us all back to Nigeria broke and battered. We have had a few good times and more bad times. The marriage hasn't been an easy one and we've both been at fault. I thought that by moving them abroad and eliminating the distance, some of our problems could be easily worked on, but this is apparently creating bigger problems that can ruin us. Are you married bro? Sorry to ask you but you sound like a single guy, no offence.

Danfo. Drop me here

etrange:


OP, I guess this is what you want to hear. Lads hating and bashing Nigerian women for the actions of some. As if we all hate Nigerian men for the rape stories we read everyday.

bros come Yankee make you know weytin dey sup..have you ever asked why they marry in Nigeria AnD never think of taking their wife along with them ,they will cuz you unnecessary problem..oga should have married someone else there, continued his life and send them money for up keep ,life continues..even his guys warned him ooo,he nor hear .

LinLinGentle:
Hi all, this is purely to rant rather than seek advice

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I succeeded and they finally arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I had an insight into my issues and I have now seriously calmed down as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of this. First thing she did when she got her was to shut all my family members off. She said she did not want to have anything to do with any of them again and they should all mind their business. She was also not keen to kickstart her career and all she does is endless picture taking and social media hyping of herself. You would never even think that she is a married woman!

She has become a more toxic person that she ever was, very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, always ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with her constant noises and door slamming, threats have trippled … Madam is now so fierce that I am now the house chicken. Just few months here o! She tells me that she will show me for al the gra gra I used to show her back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman her but I no wan hear as per responsible family man wey I be.

The popular threat within two months of arrival is ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this seriously before but she has started following through with this by constant police calls and spooky career ending accusations.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical after an argument and sometimes damage things from anger. She does this and dares me to do my worst.

I discovered that signed up on dating sites just within a few months of arrival here and when I caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that ''Na only chat you see me dey chat with guys abi, you will soon see them fucking me in your own house! Wait for it and let us see what you would do about it''

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them herehoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my Pali and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

IT'S SO MESSED UP!

I don't pity you rather would I give an Advice

next time learn to know Leopards don't change their skin and next time always know Bros before hoes and lastly Love with ur Head and not necessarily ur heart.

You got what you wanted nigga so enjoy just ur meal and leave us Tf alone

tyup:


I don't pity you rather would I give an Advice

next time learn to know Leopards don't change their skin and next time always know Bros before hoes and lastly Love with ur Head and not necessarily ur heart.

You got what you wanted nigga so enjoy just ur meal and leave us Tf alone

Ouch! that hurts!

So, she's paying you back for "all the gra gra you used to show her back in Nigeria" and you are here complaining instead of apologising for all the gra gra you used to show her back in Nigeria?

Next time she beats you call the police on her, I guess, after punching yourself in the eye so it is black. Also record her gra gra as evidence. That should show her, perhaps.

P.s. This is not advice.

Sankabson:
Reach out to her family member down here. They could be able to talk some senses into her.

Let her know as well, that whatsoever she's doing or up to. The future of her kids are at stake too.

But maybe your own GRA GRA too much for Naija too?! Cos for her to change in just few months... E get why!!

If you think this would work then sorry it's far from sense

LinLinGentle:
You are right bro, I had plenty gra gra back in Naija and I think she has psychologically programmed herself before arrival to come take her pound of flesh here. There is complete breakdown of communication with her family as they are on her side, always encouraging her to call the police on me. All they say is ''No gree for am o, he think say na Naija he dey. Show am well well, you have rights there and the govt. would support you''

Oh Wow! Then this is the best time to move close to GOD. He's the only one that save and bring peace to your home. Naija! Is not smiling now O.

LinLinGentle:
Ouch! that hurts!

Sorry bout that man but why would you bring her over in the first place damnn don't tell me you don't know she's like this bfr you decide to bring her over

Besides you should have been buoyant at least to a level bfr you even taught of anything of such

can you see how you've invited a mad man into a house with a finger and can't push him away with 10fingers now? u caused it all man

Sankabson:
Oh Wow! Then this is the best time to move close to GOD. He's the only one that save and bring peace to your home. Naija! Is not smiling now O.

He'll spend Years getting the Peace from God like you've suggested. you wount involve God first but when there's a real time escalation that's when we remember God is smwia

my Dear God is busy with this Pandemic ravaging the world at the moment. stop asking him to disturb God so He can concentrate and flush out this pandemic once and for all

Gbege!!!

Another fake story

LinLinGentle:
Hi all, this is purely to rant rather than seek advice

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I succeeded and they finally arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I had an insight into my issues and I have now seriously calmed down as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of this. First thing she did when she got her was to shut all my family members off. She said she did not want to have anything to do with any of them again and they should all mind their business. She was also not keen to kickstart her career and all she does is endless picture taking and social media hyping of herself. You would never even think that she is a married woman!

She has become a more toxic person that she ever was, very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, always ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with her constant noises and door slamming, threats have trippled … Madam is now so fierce that I am now the house chicken. Just few months here o! She tells me that she will show me for al the gra gra I used to show her back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman her but I no wan hear as per responsible family man wey I be.

The popular threat within two months of arrival is ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this seriously before but she has started following through with this by constant police calls and spooky career ending accusations.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical after an argument and sometimes damage things from anger. She does this and dares me to do my worst.

I discovered that signed up on dating sites just within a few months of arrival here and when I caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that ''Na only chat you see me dey chat with guys abi, you will soon see them fucking me in your own house! Wait for it and let us see what you would do about it''

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them herehoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my Pali and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

IT'S SO MESSED UP!

It's not messed up, she isn't doing anything different from "anyone arriving Eldorado" for the first time.
I am pretty sure you were a social media and pics worm during your first months.

Obviously you guys already had issues and you taught distance was the problem, so you brought her closer and issues are still there.
Anything she does now will be tied to your pending issues.
Just let her enjoy settling in... There is massive difference between living in Nigeria and living abroad,
The instant eye opener is so shocking and hard to believe.

I still tell everyone that gives me an ear, you haven't lived life if you have never being outside Nigeria, Africa in short.

fix a secret camera at home

Aliii:
bros come Yankee make you know weytin dey sup..have you ever asked why they marry in Nigeria AnD never think of taking their wife along with them ,they will cuz you unnecessary problem..oga should have married someone else there continued his life and send they money for up keep life continues..even his guys warned him ooo,he nor hear .

For all it's worth, I live in Canada. I don't argue that some women don't cause problems for their husbands. I am saying a lot of women still live well with their husbands after coming abroad so saying 'I hate Nigerian women' is sexist and over reaching. We men have our faults too. Some of us live in the Western world where women have equal rights with men and yet we try to subdue our women with the fear that they will be difficult to manage if allowed to explore. At the end, this makes them turn against us. A lot of homes are broken here cause some Nigerian men can't bear the slightest hint of equality. My point is, if the OP's wife is terrible (neglecting the dangers of one sided stories), then she should be criticized and not 'Nigerian women'. You don't bash all women cause of the action of some. If we treat men-related issues like this, nobody will like Nigerian men as well.

Fake fake!!

travelland:
A jobless troll on the prowl. I'm sure fellow jobless people will give him attention. Shior

Going about with anger in your heart looking for who to devour. Please tone down the aggression with some iced water

LinLinGentle:
Ouch! that hurts!

The reponse of a mature husband or a teenage trol? u are fooling yorsef!

UKmigrant:
It's this kinda women, they go around with anger in their heart looking for who to devour. Tone down the aggression with some iced water

Ouch! that hurts! Lol that's a fake troll story

Guy, what was the foundation of the marriage. For Niaja you used to be the don in the house now in jand you cant try what you used to. Sorry. Always treat your partner right. She is paying you back.
My advise is beg her for forgiveness and promise her to be a good husband. Or have a secret camera installed in the house and record her attacks on you and use it against her. Tell her if she tries you again you will take it to the police and have her deported.
Dont thank me

Chapapa!

You need to make a move before she makes another. Get some evidence and present to the police. Then get a new apartment and leave her.

If you take one step away from the devil and the devil takes two steps towards you...guy run oo.

I will hate to see you create another thread, how she jeopardized your career and life.