₦airaland Forum

Monfeels:
I want to share my problem with you guys in the hopes that maybe I'll get some good advice or at least some insight into my problem.

When people first meet me their impression of me is that I'm good looking, cool and intelligent. Most girls usually assume that I have a girlfriend or a legion of side chicks that I Bleep whenever I want to.

The truth about me is that I've never been in a proper relationship with another woman before. All I've had is sexual partners that I stop talking to after I have sex with them, and girls I get intimate with just to control them and get them to fulfil my desire of having a female to own, please me and do my biding, and then I get bored of them and cease contact and move on like I never knew them.

The reason for this behavior is that I don't possess the emotional resources needed to engage in a healthy relationship with another human being. I have no empathy and I usually feel no guilt or remorse for my actions. It's impossible for me to care genuinely for another person. I don't feel people's pain or suffering and I'm not moved by the death of family members or friends. I simply do not care for any other person but myself. I've been this way for a very long time. I lack the ability to maintain relationships with people hence why I lose friends often. Relationships are usually a means to an end for me and when that end is met, I become irritated by the person I've gotten close to.

Despite the fact that I don't see the point in relationships, I still find that I get jealous of couples in healthy relationships. It's not like I want to experience what they experience, just that I am envious of the fact that they are participating in something I can't participate in.

When I find a girl that I want to get close to, I'm usually consumed with jealousy over her previous relationships, and over any current relationship she has with any member of the opposite sex, even if it's merely platonic. All I want is for her to devote all her time to me and shower me with attention and love. The problem with all this is that I don't want to reciprocate this behavior. In fact the idea of devoting attention to, and showering affection on someone else irritates me. It's all pointless, but I enjoy when it's done to me.

Another weird side to all this is that I don't just want to control the girl, I also enjoy making her feel bad, but in a way that makes her crave for me more. I enjoy poking holes in herself esteem, making her second guess the presumably good qualities she thought she possesed, making her not feel wanted by me, and making her do more to please me.

I don't love women, I only become obsessed with them. Obsessed to the point that I'm constantly tortured by thoughts of them being sexual with another guy especially when it's someone she has dated before. I want her all to myself and even if she had sex with someone before I met her or before we became close, I am filled with anger and jealousy whenever the thought crosses my mind, and I want to punish her for that. It's like I want to erase her past and replace it with me. I want to be all she's ever had. I don't want anyone else in her life and I don't want anyone else in her past.

All this must sound crazy to you guys but this is my reality and it's eating me up. I need advice.

Goalnaldo:
I took the test see my results

Monfeels:
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MOnkeyBabe:
This one has avoided me but he's the first man I've been able to love UnconDitionally. There is a SPiRitual connection with his name. That is what may have been keeping me. After believing or praying to God, the task of trying to change him as DiffiCult as it seems, makes my life whole. Should be he's my purpose Of CReatiOn. People would say I'm nuts. But I know there are no mistakes this Time BeCause I'm woRkinG with the SPiRit of God.

alasan007:
If you have watch money heist Berlin has same disorder with the op I guess you need a psychologist or a therapist I just hope you ain’t paranoid aswell, perhaps it’s because of your uprising we’re you in any way abused while growing up? I don’t know we have people like this in Nigeria too it’s a mental disorder

DeckXavier:
Op, you're a dark triad man!!
Don't think of it in its absolute term, it's more of a spectrum, perhaps you find yourself at the extreme.
I am one as well, only that I am a bit empathic.

Everything has to go my own way in a relationship, I make sure it stays that way.
I am sort of selfish and self centered myself, I don't know if it's bad.

Monfeels:
I want to share my problem with you guys in the hopes that maybe I'll get some good advice or at least some insight into my problem.

When people first meet me their impression of me is that I'm good looking, cool and intelligent. Most girls usually assume that I have a girlfriend or a legion of side chicks that I Bleep whenever I want to.

The truth about me is that I've never been in a proper relationship with another woman before. All I've had is sexual partners that I stop talking to after I have sex with them, and girls I get intimate with just to control them and get them to fulfil my desire of having a female to own, please me and do my biding, and then I get bored of them and cease contact and move on like I never knew them.

The reason for this behavior is that I don't possess the emotional resources needed to engage in a healthy relationship with another human being. I have no empathy and I usually feel no guilt or remorse for my actions. It's impossible for me to care genuinely for another person. I don't feel people's pain or suffering and I'm not moved by the death of family members or friends. I simply do not care for any other person but myself. I've been this way for a very long time. I lack the ability to maintain relationships with people hence why I lose friends often. Relationships are usually a means to an end for me and when that end is met, I become irritated by the person I've gotten close to.

Despite the fact that I don't see the point in relationships, I still find that I get jealous of couples in healthy relationships. It's not like I want to experience what they experience, just that I am envious of the fact that they are participating in something I can't participate in.

When I find a girl that I want to get close to, I'm usually consumed with jealousy over her previous relationships, and over any current relationship she has with any member of the opposite sex, even if it's merely platonic. All I want is for her to devote all her time to me and shower me with attention and love. The problem with all this is that I don't want to reciprocate this behavior. In fact the idea of devoting attention to, and showering affection on someone else irritates me. It's all pointless, but I enjoy when it's done to me.

Another weird side to all this is that I don't just want to control the girl, I also enjoy making her feel bad, but in a way that makes her crave for me more. I enjoy poking holes in herself esteem, making her second guess the presumably good qualities she thought she possesed, making her not feel wanted by me, and making her do more to please me.

I don't love women, I only become obsessed with them. Obsessed to the point that I'm constantly tortured by thoughts of them being sexual with another guy especially when it's someone she has dated before. I want her all to myself and even if she had sex with someone before I met her or before we became close, I am filled with anger and jealousy whenever the thought crosses my mind, and I want to punish her for that. It's like I want to erase her past and replace it with me. I want to be all she's ever had. I don't want anyone else in her life and I don't want anyone else in her past.

All this must sound crazy to you guys but this is my reality and it's eating me up. I need advice.

XhosaNostra:
Lol, I know what you mean. I believed mine was a twin flame We had insane telepathy & could read each other's minds. The very 1st time we broke up & weren't on speaking terms, I bumped into him at the mall but we ignored each other. Without words I heard him say he misses me Later that evening I "felt" him in my room. It was the closest to insanity I've ever been my entire life. I started doubting my mental state at that point, but lo & behold, he showed up a couple of days later telling me of all the strange things that have been happening to him since we broke up. He said he felt me in his room etc. Mind you, I didn't tell him my own experience because I didn't want him to think I was an obsessed psycho lol. Another thing he would shiver when we were together. Things got so strange to the point where he started suspecting I had done something evil to "catch him" as he put it. But on my side I was also mystified & baffled by the things that were happening. I would talk to friends but they didn't understand the things I was going through. They'd just tell me to move on & forget about it. How do you forget about something when everywhere you turn you're constantly reminded about it? One day I switched on the TV on some talkshow & one of the guests was his namesake! His name is not popular so I was scared to death by the coincidences that were popping up everywhere as if they were trying to make sure I never forget. Another time during one of our many reconciliations, he told me that every time we reconciled it felt like "heavens were rejoicing"...I've always felt that but of course I never said it out loud because again, I didn't wanna seem crazy. There's a lot I could say, but trust me, I understand your situation. You'll be able to get through it like I did. I don't know if you'll ever stop caring about him though, but you'll learn to live without him if you so choose to remove yourself from the toxicity of the relationship. Wherever I am I always know how my ex feels. Time & distance didn't change that. But it just wasn't meant to be & I made peace with that.

Monfeels:
You are attracted to people like me? Hmm interesting.

Would you meet me in person if you had the chance?

Monfeels:
Is that you on your profile?

Your face looks appealing

Torturing you would give me so much satisfaction.

Monfeels:
Is that you on your profile?

Your face looks appealing

Torturing you would give me so much satisfaction.

XhosaNostra:
What happened in that relationship from your teens? That could be where it all began.
I knew someone who told me that he lost his 1st love because she was forced to marry someone else. I think that experience had a tremendous impact on him because he'd fight tooth & nail to avoid situations where he'd have to be vulnerable. He also CRAVED affection, but when he felt himself reciprocating, the inner conflict would start. I was often left feeling that he preferred any other girl to me. But of course that wasn't the case because he couldn't stay away either, when I'd send him packing. Sometimes I felt he resented me for making him feel because he'd do things to hurt me on purpose, so I'd break up with him, which gave him a fleeting feeling of relief, I guess. But he'd always return lol. He once admitted that he didn't like feeling out of control with his feelings, he preferred no attachments because that's the only way he'd have full control over his heart. It's almost like love embarrassed him if that makes sense. Like he felt it weakened him as a man or something like that. It's difficult to love someone like that. In contrary to their behaviour, they have a difficult time letting go. They're obsessive & stalkerish when they succumb to their emotions, even if it's for a brief moment.

zimdante:
That guy is normal believe, a guy i know gets erection whenever he sees a woman been battered or tortured, he told me he fantisizes about bleeping a lady while he is strangling her.
and kissing a girl he just stabbed.

MOnkeyBabe:
The most Painful part of it is that he doesn't want to Get married to them

Eyeness:
You need therapy. You are just a toxic person. Simple.

Narcissism, obsessive, sadism, dare I say even an antisocial personality. Gotta blame your upbringing.

Are you Igbo? Or the only son in your household?

The truth is going to be hard for you to swallow. You most likely don't want to change. The reason is simple, there's no advantage changing will bring you. Nothing is in it for you.

Changing a personality disorder is almost impossible, even for therapists.

I wish you luck tho. May you starve of narc supply

PrimadonnaO:
The Lord will surely keep His daughters from people like him...

IbrahimSkiba:
You are not even ashamed of what you are?

Aivydouglasik5:
yeah another typical example is Niklaus in The Originals

Naija246:
you just described me
I have subconsciously developed hatred for women.
God help any woman that's gets attracted to my money and wants to date me.
She go see something

XhosaNostra:
I'd say you're a narcissist, but you're self aware. People like you usually have deep-seated abandonment issues or suffer from fear of rejection. You only skim the surface when it comes to emotions, so noone can get close enough to inflict any sort of pain. Get them before they get you type of thing. Underneath the seemingly uncaring facade, there's actually an extremely sensitive person that's scared to death of getting hurt, so they put up all these defences to protect their mushy core. Something like a human crustacean One person will manage to break down your walls though, mark my words. But it'll only take one person. It won't be easy sailing. There'll be a lot of vacillation between enmeshment & suffocation on your part. Good luck to the poor girl

Divay22:
I think so too. Just to draw attention.
Lately we've been seeing controversial issues and they are always from new monikers and painfully their stories get to front page.

DeckXavier:
I don't consider myself to be abnormal, sorry. Don't think me to be a deranged psychopath on the loose, I feel for people, it's just that I feel less.

PrimadonnaO:
The Lord will surely keep His daughters from people like him...