₦airaland Forum

Somehow you're like my sister. Very goal oriented. She and her guy are always talking of scholarship or business or selling something. I envy her ehn.
My girlfriend hmmmmn, I no even know wetin she want for life. Very lovely girl but she never even they talk better talk. Na chioma and davido talk she dy make me talk. I no dy see future with her but I pray she evolves. I just feel maybe its her age.

Whereas there is this girl I like that's still you OP. Always asking of how to improve herself. Problem is she wants marriage and me I never dy capable yet. This life sometimes ehn....e no dy balance at all. OP no be everybody go be like you sha, if you know he doesn't want to try then leave him since he is not living up to ur expectations.

If you love him and love all the qualities he has and he too wants to be with you please dont break up with him.

Give him time to breath. I know you have lot of aspiration and you want the best for him just give him space to decide. He hears all you have said dont push him from pillar to post let him make the decision. This one tell him ok what do you want to do now. Definitely he wont say nothing let him pick one if he says nothing leave him . Make your own way follow your own part advice him when need be but dont push . Too much pressure is on him now and as a man he is considering alot of things. You are talking but you are not communicating.
Communicating is different from just talking.

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams,my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. Its a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also hes the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and thats because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship


7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

You are a blessing to him and I hope he realize it before it becomes late.How I wish I had a girl like you years back..

Sonfethopia:
He would have taken the fed. Job from the dad while finding a suitable one. Him nor know say lecturer job na d best. U have free time for even ur own business unlike bankers. And he can take blocking too like all of them do. In a year he go be like yahoo boy

See were ur mind just go guy blocking straight u bad ooooh

Acmepreneur:
I'm a witch? Lol
Money is very important to me and to everyone. My siblings and I suffered due to poverty and we shouldn't be where we are today if not for poverty. My siblings won lots of things at junior level that was snatched away from us at our very own eyes. I don't want that for my children, I pray they are intelligent though

Don't allow your past to blind you from seeing the big picture. In this part of the world we have been conditioned to think that only money=happiness. (Am not saying money does not bring happiness).

Am just saying Don't be a lover of money to your own detriment... you think money will make your children to have a better life than yours. Have you stopped to think that what if my parents had money would I have turned out the way I am today. Everything happens for a reason. Who know if your parents where rich, that could have ended you becoming a drug addict or something.
Your parent's poverty did a lot for you than you think. For starters it has made you very ambitious, and probably helped you found yourself.

I believe this may have not be possible if they where rich...You seem like a smart person. Think about it. Look at your boyfriend, I think his problem is as a result of he has most things handed to him, that he keeps making decisions that end up losing them. Just imagine that would have been your reality.

Ps: just a word of advice, dump that dude, a man who does not listen is doomed to fail. At least based on the kind of person you are, he won't be suitable for you.

AfroKnight:
Like I said, there’s encouragement and there’s nagging. You don’t seem to know the difference. The way you wrote this story actually makes me believe the young man is better off without you in his life.

Hmmn, I don't think I complain, I don't have time to do nagging

padi94:
Don't allow your past to blind you from seeing the big picture. In this part of the world we have been conditioned to think that only money=happiness. (Am not saying money does not bring happiness).

Am just saying Don't be a lover of money to your own detriment... you think money will make your children to have a better life than yours. Have you stopped to think that what if my parents had money would I have turned out the way I am today. Everything happens for a reason. Who know if your parents where rich, that could have ended you becoming a drug addict or something.
Your parent's poverty did a lot for you than you think. For starters it has made you very ambitious, and probably helped you found yourself. I believe this would not be possible if they where rich.
You seem like a smart person. Think about it. Look at your boyfriend, I think his problem is as a result of he has most things handled to him, that he keeps making decisions that end up losing things. Just imagine that would have been your reality.

Ps: just a word of advice, dump that dude, a man who does not listen is doomed to fail. At least based on the kind of person you are, he won't be suitable for you.

I don't know how to dump people

Acmepreneur:
I don't know how to dump people

It's an art learn it... or do d reverse psychology thing where you make him, make him think he dumped you.

Daum:
Somehow you're like my sister. Very goal oriented. She and her guy are always talking of scholarship or business or selling something. I envy her ehn.
My girlfriend hmmmmn, I no even know wetin she want for life. Very lovely girl but she never even they talk better talk. Na chioma and davido talk she dy make me talk. I no dy see future with her but I pray she evolves. I just feel maybe its her age.

Whereas there is this girl I like that's still you OP. Always asking of how to improve herself. Problem is she wants marriage and me I never dy capable yet. This life sometimes ehn....e no dy balance at all. OP no be everybody go be like you sha, if you know he doesn't want to try then leave him since he is not living up to ur expectations.

I understand what poverty is, I don't want that. Boredom makes girls to gist celebrities, maybe you should try to discuss important life with her, and people in history that have achieved greatly for themselves and humanity. I have many women in my mind who were innovators, they are just my friends in imagination. I don't like celebrities or care about their existence at all

padi94:
It's an art learn it... or do d reverse psychology thing where you make him, make him think he dumped you.

But I love him very much, and I'm not sure I can date someone else again or have feelings for someone else. His love is already spread in my brain

padi94:
It's an art learn it... or do d reverse psychology thing where you make him, make him think he dumped you.

He's my first love, first relationship

Acmepreneur:
But I love him very much, and I'm not sure I can date someone else again or have feelings for someone else. His love is already spread in my brain

The the opportunity cost analysis, at what cost are you willing to cling on to love, your children's future is there, your ambition, the business, your sanity, etc.

Ps: am not giving you reasons to breakup with him am just, helping you to prepare for the consequences of what you do or don't do. What do you know, he might change, and become all what you want. Like they say, that's the only thing that is constant in life.

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

Hmmn, not easy like that. Men of today are nothing to write home about, he's still better than many guys.

Sonfethopia:
He would have taken the fed. Job from the dad while finding a suitable one. Him nor know say lecturer job na d best. U have free time for even ur own business unlike bankers. And he can take blocking too like all of them do. In a year he go be like yahoo boy

He's a billionaire in his head and the job is too small for him

internationalman:
Keep asking unrealistic question, we all know you can't leave him and your guy knows this fact..


Start acting like you are already seeing someone else and watch him turn around for good.. It works all the time.

Nothing hurts a niggar more than the thought of his bae shacking up to another guy...

He knows I don't do such things, not even yeye friends with males. I can't even tell a lie that to him, he would know I'm just threatening.

Booked

BigTableShaker:
What tribe is your bf pls? I can't talk about a particular tribe.

u want to shake table abi?

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

feminist at work!

Lol, u sound like a nag. If u so love him, gather money from him with what u got and start a business and then you be in charge. Don't kill d brother.

Since you have earmarked next year as the expected year to settle down, I don't see how your guy is going to tick all your boxes. If I tell you I didn't had a deep-throathed laughter at your ultimatum, I would be telling a lie. How come you suddenly realised that age is an opponent you must defeat? It is even more worrisome that you can't invite him to see your parents. It shows an indictment on your part to his personality. Why stay with someone whom you ain't proud of? This is a fatal character misjudgment.

The problem here is compatibility, it is one of the reasons couples don't enjoy their marriages. And there is nothing you can do about it unless he decides to jettison his ideas to embrace yours, since you believe in the infallibility of your views.

mrblessed:
Since you have earmarked next year as the expected year to settle down, I don't see how your guy is going to tick all your boxes. If I tell you I didn't had a deep-throathed laughter at your ultimatum, I would be telling a lie. How come you suddenly realised that age is an opponent you must defeat? It is even more worrisome that you can't invite him to see your parents. It shows an indictment on your part to his personality. Why stay with someone whom you ain't proud of? This is a fatal character misjudgment.

The problem here is compatibility, it is one of the reasons couples don't enjoy their marriages. And there is nothing you can do about it unless he decides to jettison his ideas to embrace yours, since you believe in the infallibility of your views.

Yes, I must marry next year. I can't wait till I'm in my late twenties, I hate marrying at 26,27,28,29. I seriously hate it

Samuels90:
Lol, u sound like a nag. If u so love him, gather money from him with what u got and start a business and then you be in charge. Don't kill d brother.

I can do that for him, but I don't have. Hes the one that can do that

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams,my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. Its a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also hes the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and thats because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship


7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Aunty, yoy see the handwriting on the wall, BREAKUP, DUST YOUR SANDALS AND RUN!!

People like your boyfriend are why i bash men on nairaland, so that they don't end up like him.


Your boyfriend will only drag you down with him into mediocrity, he will most likely want to use pregnancy to trap you.

Meet someone who is going in tye same direction as you are, who can match you in terms of ambition.


Would like to hear his own side of the story too though.

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.
I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.
When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams,my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now
Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2million to start a business etc.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.
Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it
My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.
So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. Its a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also hes the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and thats because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship


7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Mindset and Proper Communication is the key to a successful relationship, not money and ambition

Lets say you read what you wrote from a neutral point or you reverse the case and put yourself in his shoes then you would understand the cause of friction

* you started off by saying this ; "This my guy is not serious at all" .. Flipping it, lets assume your boyfriend also hold the thought of you in a negative way: "This my girl is too greedy and loves money too much."

* I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.... --- You sound manipulative without even knowing it, you believe change is the only permanent thing and you are soft with people because you think you can change them... how would you feel if instead of accepting you your boyfriends constantly tries to change you? what if you being an introvert isn't cool with him and he starts forcing you to parties, lecturing you on how going out boost career prospects? you clearly don't accept him for who he is so leave him, break up and look for who fits your ideal man

* I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams--- You claim to be ambitious but the real question is are you successful ? perhaps the main reason he isn't buying your ambitious story is because with all your big plans and big dreams, big business fancy talks you haven't shown your self as a success in his eyes, and he feels if with all your masters talk and business talk you haven't helped your own self why should he abandon the career path that pays him 90k to follow your own dream that pays you next to nothing? Maybe he is a realist and not a dreamer and wouldn't take stupid uncalculated risk in the name of dream

* Masters degree isn't a means to earn more money as many believe or boost your certificate, in real world masters just sharpen your skills, before you force masters on him again, try and select an MSC coarse for him, check out all the courses module he would take for the 2 years and tell your self in all honesty which of this courses would make him better and worth his while for loosing 90k job?



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mrblessed:
Since you have earmarked next year as the expected year to settle down, I don't see how your guy is going to tick all your boxes. If I tell you I didn't had a deep-throathed laughter at your ultimatum, I would be telling a lie. How come you suddenly realised that age is an opponent you must defeat? It is even more worrisome that you can't invite him to see your parents. It shows an indictment on your part to his personality. Why stay with someone whom you ain't proud of? This is a fatal character misjudgment.

The problem here is compatibility, it is one of the reasons couples don't enjoy their marriages. And there is nothing you can do about it unless he decides to jettison his ideas to embrace yours, since you believe in the infallibility of your views.

I'm proud of him, I just want him to be respected. Money and position is respect. I'm a realist, people are not angels, thats what they respect.
I don't visit his parent because I was no where, now I can because I'm better.
Since I discovered how humans are physical, I don't trust anyone with some things again. I live with people physically, if I'm your friend, I know that being nice to you and making you a parasite is the only thing that can sustain the friendship and thus, I keep it like that.
If I want to visit people, I look my best because people are attracted to beauty and money.
I'm going to visit lecturers, I buy gift, thats because that is what would make them think you are a responsible person.
Myself for instance, don't care about materials or physical, I'm a very deep person, that really put me in a mess, and since I got that logic, I'm physical with people.
Coming to your inlaw house with no money, no matter how Godly they are, they will fill somehow. I can't type again, I hope you understand sha

Enskynelson:
You two are far from being on the same page. It is like an Eagle dating a chicken - you want to fly and he seems satisfied on the ground. My advice is that, if you don't want to come down and live on ground like chicken, since he is not ready to fly, then you have to go your separate ways. Otherwise, your dreams and ambitions will die on the ground when you marry him.
Take solace that you have talked these to him many times and he refused to listen. I do have some friends like that. Pick a Federal job, my friend opted to go do M.Sc that the job will be waiting for her. Before she could finish the Masters, the opportunity was no more. She has since been regretting that decision. Sit him down and give him reasons you two cannot continue. Marriage is for a life time an these days, trust me, people are looking for those that will lift them after marriage.

I love the chicken and eagle example, OP this just the best advice/example

Acmepreneur:
I can do that for him, but I don't have. Hes the one that can do that

well if u got the bizness plans he should get the funds, cos u got the motivation and things will get better before the marriage. You know him better though, wish u luck girl.

He is behaving like my dad...i learnt alot from it.. talking about ideas...lemme pm u....if we could share one or two ideas

Acmepreneur:
I'm proud of him, I just want him to be respected. Money and position is respect. I'm a realist, people are not angels, thats what they respect.
I don't visit his parent because I was no where, now I can because I'm better.
Since I discovered how humans are physical, I don't trust anyone with some things again. I live with people physically, if I'm your friend, I know that being nice to you and making you a parasite is the only thing that can sustain the friendship and thus, I keep it like that.
If I want to visit people, I look my best because people are attracted to beauty and money.
I'm going to visit lecturers, I buy gift, thats because that is what would make them think you are a responsible person.
Myself for instance, don't care about materials or physical, I'm a very deep person, that really put me in a mess, and since I got that logic, I'm physical with people.
Coming to your inlaw house with no money, no matter how Godly they are, they will fill somehow. I can't type again, I hope you understand sha

You sef the talk go front, talk go Back
Check the chicken and eagle please......

why don't you spend all the time wasted nagging him on making money? I know you are jobless but want the innocent man to focus all his life on chasing money to satisfy you

it is obvious that your man does not like being push around.

Zeal is everything... Once it's not there forget it.


Well if you a student or graduate of civil engineering/building technology my signature will do you all sort of good.