₦airaland Forum

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

OK1:
you disclaimed any intentn of painting her the devil n yourself a saint, but dats exactly what u did.

you mentioned somewhere in ur lengthy post dat she was trynna "get back at you", u never bothered to tell us what (or maybe the things) u did, must be unforgivable.

why would any normal woman be trying to throwaway the life most other nigerian women would kill for just to drag u down...i guess u'll say her village pple eh

why do i hv d feeling NL now hire writers to create threads with fake a$$ stories

lekki1444:
yes but domestic abuse is not one of those

etrange:
For all it's worth, I live in Canada. I don't argue that some women don't cause problems for their husbands. I am saying a lot of women still live well with their husbands after coming abroad so saying 'I hate Nigerian women' is sexist and over reaching. We men have our faults too. Some of us live in the Western world where women have equal rights with men and yet we try to subdue our women with the fear that they will be difficult to manage if allowed to explore. At the end, this makes them turn against us. A lot of homes are broken here cause some Nigerian men can't bear the slightest hint of equality. My point is, if the OP's wife is terrible (neglecting the dangers of one sided stories), then she should be criticized and not 'Nigerian women'. You don't bash all women cause of the action of some. If we treat men-related issues like this, nobody will like Nigerian men as well.

LinLinGentle:
You are right bro, I had plenty gra gra back in Naija and I think she has psychologically programmed herself before arrival to come take her pound of flesh here. There is complete breakdown of communication with her family as they are on her side, always encouraging her to call the police on me. All they say is ''No gree for am o, he think say na Naija he dey. Show am well well, you have rights there and the govt. would support you''

LinLinGentle:
You are right bro, I had plenty gra gra back in Naija and I think she has psychologically programmed herself before arrival to come take her pound of flesh here. There is complete breakdown of communication with her family as they are on her side, always encouraging her to call the police on me. All they say is ''No gree for am o, he think say na Naija he dey. Show am well well, you have rights there and the govt. would support you''

monfizzy:
I’ve read all through the thread and this only strengthened my resolve not to get married anytime soon or best put marrying anyone who doesn’t welcome the idea of living in Nigeria while I visit annually aside. I’m a British citizen in my early 30’s seriously considering getting married but in a dilemma of trying to find a balance of either bringing my to-be wife to the U.K. or leave her in Naija with both having it own challenges. However, leaving a woman in Naija seem a lesser evil.

Not particularly surprised by this story coz I’ve had friends who made the mistake of bringing their spouse here all regretting, about 8 in 10 marriages of Nigerians who brought their spouse to the U.K. packed up within 1-3years. A friend is now a stranger in his home and gradually sliding into depression just after a year the wife moved here.

Surprisingly, any girl I get to talk to and give the impression that they’ll live in Naija expresses their discontentment with such arrangement, so they’re looking for who to use and move abroad and destroy their life. Maybe I should just marry a Caucasian and forget about my desire of getting married to an Igbo babe so as to avoid unfortunate stories like this. It’s well

optimusprime2:
I agree with u,first of all,we need to know the country where the issues happens .it depends on the immigration law there.if it's Europe ,I think d woman does not know that she is under the man in terms of residency right.She is only allowed into the country because of the marriage and d ability of the man to provide for her.so she may be deported on some conditions if the marriage does not exist again.i am not so sure about this ,but I think it is so .secondly ,the woman does not know that coming to Europe does not give you automatic right to stay and people work to stay and survive .I know alot of woman are I'll adviced to take fast route by marrying a citizen or somebody with a permanent stay .I have seen women being exploited by men because they need papers to stay,some women even end up claiming asylum .on the long run,it's the woman that wil lose because life in Europe is not as easy as people think.in addition ,if children are involved ,it becomes extremely difficult for women to live as single parent depending on the age of the children.Most women want to live an independent life in Europe . to balance my advice ,some men are also guilty of some vices ,if d man is a Womanizer ,the woman may be tempted to pay back in return.so the man must check is own side too and make amends .Also I think ,if there is a divorce ,the man will not lose his right to stay or have permanent residence and cannot be deported because he is working and has worked for some years contributing to the pension scheme .also I think when a divorcr process is initiated,one year of re consideration is given to the couple to decide if they really want a divorce.i think the couple shud use this period to assess and see if they can make the marriage work .Generally I think women are short sighted and don't think about the future,the woman is ill-advised and has not sat down to know what she will lose .I don't know how long she has stayed since she came ,I think she risk being deported if the maraige fails .pls consult a lawyer,this are my own view





I understand you brov, however if you don't mind, which country happens to be the location of this predicament?

Because the solution to all this, is as easy as pie if you happen to reside in Europe, especially if they "your wife" are on dependent visas/residency status... You don't even need to send her to Nigeria for her to feel that cold bite of reality.

etrange:
Saying 'I am not a saint. I was hot tempered but I have changed' is you first trying to put yourself in a good light before the audience. You then went ahead to spend time describing your wife as complete devil. And then I wonder what the point of creating this thread is. You want us to help you call your wife names and encourage you to do the things you want to do anyway? You're the one telling the story; of course, she'll be the villain/protagonist in it.

Lol... I smell fake story biko. A man, even though a loggerheads with his wife, won't come online to write such a long epistle without any reminiscence of good old times. You can't tell me you married a witch from the onset.

Ok... you've gotten us to comment. Lol

LinLinGentle:
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

igbowoman:
Says who?
Do u know how long the record is and other criminal records he may have and that was the last straw?

LinLinGentle:
I have tried to convince her to come back to Nigeria before the lockdown, but she said she would never step out of the country until she gets her Pali. She said she has no business in Nigeria and even if her mum dies before she gets her Pali, she would not move an inch.

I have honestly tried almost everything. I have begged for peace, prostrated, cried, moved out, moved back in when I was piling up more debt, called pastor and his wife who have now given up on her case due to her non-compliance with spiritual advice. I have made multiple attempts to sit her down to have a heart to heart, but it's always the same roadblock. She sees me like some piece of shit that doesn't deserve her. I have seen some chats where she was talking to family and friends about how she plans to divorce me and re-marry here once she gains her grounds.

TheArchangel:
Watch war room, muscle up and dress sexily, sex her like a stallion, always cook nice meals for her and the kids, give her money always, ignore her tantrums and pray without ceasing.
It is your marriage and you should keep it or die keeping it... Lmao


Don't quote me please, that's the bullshits they preach to women when she is going through hell, so I'd think you also need it.

Spanishmilf:
The only thing OP can do is to call cops or immigration officer on your wife. If she use 7-9mnth in ICE center her brain will settle. Note they won't deport her if u have a very extremely lawyer. Just that she will stay longer in immigration camp. Her gra gra will be reduce to 0,just try that and come give testimony

segun688:
This is very apt. The lack of objectivity in the post is astounding. A woman suddenly just wants to destroy him and their children and indirectly destroy herself for no reason at all? He keeps downplaying his own part by saying 'he is not a saint', so is he well aware he did things as well. Ultimately, we are all responsible for our actions, but no one is ever completely innocent. I think he should also dig deep and be honest about the contributory actions he enabled as well. Even Jezebel didnt mess with her husband's prosperity!

Badgers14:
I hope you had a conversation with a divorce attorney prior to filling one.

Not sure which country you reside or which state (if U.S). Sometimes the situation might even be worse when you fill for divorce, like if you have to share your property 50 50 and pay spouse support... she will take half of your property and will never get married again or even want to work because the spousal support will stop.

This is one of the reasons why divorce is sometimes bloody... check OJ Simpson.

People are upset the woman is trying to reap where she did not sow... clean out the guy and guy man don't want to smoke back from ground zero...

Not admiring the bloody divorce tho..
I know a guy that went through this one time.. he kept calm played along, have his men dem in 9ja hype up the lady, around one of the holiday season sent a car to Nigeria told the let's visit home, she gave her a list of what to buy for her and for her whole village..dude purchased all...

On arriving to Lagos after clearing the airport... he took away everything from her including her passport, and filed for divorce in Lagos... this was a very carefully laid out plan...it was an ambush. She was served paperworks the same day she landed in Nigeria. That's all he needed, to serve her the paperwork, she thought it was a joke... she was a no show during proceeding and divorce was granted. It costs a bit a of money but wayyy less than he would have spent in the U.S.

Again, not recommending anything just a story on how people go crazy during this divorce process and also to ask questions prior to filing, like questions on how to come out on top...

People that live in communal property states, some intentional rack up debts , re mortgage the house, like taking off all the meats in the bone then file... knowing that they would lose the bone but again they have securer to "meat" to help them back up from ground zero. It's all about planning.

Cheer up my guy, I have heard so many of these stories from guys in the U.S and Europe and it's not even funny.

etrange:
For all it's worth, I live in Canada. I don't argue that some women don't cause problems for their husbands. I am saying a lot of women still live well with their husbands after coming abroad so saying 'I hate Nigerian women' is sexist and over reaching. We men have our faults too. Some of us live in the Western world where women have equal rights with men and yet we try to subdue our women with the fear that they will be difficult to manage if allowed to explore. At the end, this makes them turn against us. A lot of homes are broken here cause some Nigerian men can't bear the slightest hint of equality. My point is, if the OP's wife is terrible (neglecting the dangers of one sided stories), then she should be criticized and not 'Nigerian women'. You don't bash all women cause of the action of some. If we treat men-related issues like this, nobody will like Nigerian men as well.

Changethechain:
BROTHER GET A PERMANENT RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HER....THAT WOMEN WILL MANIPULATE THE SYSTEM, KICK YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND BRING A MAN TO LIVE THERE..IF YOU LIKE DONT USE YOUR HEAD...THIS HAS HAPPENED TO A LOT OF OUR BROTHER

LinLinGentle:
I thought I was the devil but she is a bigger devil now. Problem is that her actions would send us all back to Nigeria broke and battered. We have had a few good times and more bad times. The marriage hasn't been an easy one and we've both been at fault. I thought that by moving them abroad and eliminating the distance, some of our problems could be easily worked on, but this is apparently creating bigger problems that can ruin us. Are you married bro? Sorry to ask you but you sound like a single guy, no offence.

golddust6000 post=89879730

Even white men are getting smarter in Europe .You will a white man living with a lady ,they are not married but with one or more kids together .when they are tired of the relationship,everybody go their separate ways .this is done to avoid legal matter in divorce .this trend is comon in Europe ,single mothers .Things are changing and people are no longer seeing the need for marriage again .alot of our women come to Europe and want to live like Europeans .some are so lazy and don't like to work and expect the man to labour his life out.the funniest thing is they claim equaluty at home and even tell you that the man is not the head of the home .when it comes to paying bills ,they don't claim equality.Sorry to all the women especially the good one who don't display such attitude .I must say the case is also vice versa,I have seen some useless men also in Europe who maltreat their wife .Generally life abroad is different from naija and the game is different and you play it differently .all marriage are destined to break abroad but it takes a watchful couple and patience to keep your marriage .children are destined to be spoilt abroad except a watchful eyes and prayers






:
if you marry white woman in Europe I know, the moment she have baby just forget about the marriage. I know thousands of case like this. Even European men don’t marry their women. If you want to live long as a man just stay single, you can live forever.

Badgers14:
I hope you had a conversation with a divorce attorney prior to filling one.

Not sure which country you reside or which state (if U.S). Sometimes the situation might even be worse when you fill for divorce, like if you have to share your property 50 50 and pay spouse support... she will take half of your property and will never get married again or even want to work because the spousal support will stop.

This is one of the reasons why divorce is sometimes bloody... check OJ Simpson.

People are upset the woman is trying to reap where she did not sow... clean out the guy and guy man don't want to smoke back from ground zero...

Not admiring the bloody divorce tho..
I know a guy that went through this one time.. he kept calm played along, have his men dem in 9ja hype up the lady, around one of the holiday season sent a car to Nigeria told the let's visit home, she gave her a list of what to buy for her and for her whole village..dude purchased all...

On arriving to Lagos after clearing the airport... he took away everything from her including her passport, and filed for divorce in Lagos... this was a very carefully laid out plan...it was an ambush. She was served paperworks the same day she landed in Nigeria. That's all he needed, to serve her the paperwork, she thought it was a joke... she was a no show during proceeding and divorce was granted. It costs a bit a of money but wayyy less than he would have spent in the U.S.

Again, not recommending anything just a story on how people go crazy during this divorce process and also to ask questions prior to filing, like questions on how to come out on top...

People that live in communal property states, some intentional rack up debts , re mortgage the house, like taking off all the meats in the bone then file... knowing that they would lose the bone but again they have securer to "meat" to help them back up from ground zero. It's all about planning.

Cheer up my guy, I have heard so many of these stories from guys in the U.S and Europe and it's not even funny.

adigun98:
Op I don't know if this is true or not but if it is you're In one deep poo,I'm not married yet but let me first commend you for your patience all these while cos you would have had different bad thoughts against her ...
Don't mind those telling you to convince her to come back to Nigeria cos that bullshit won't work , person wey don dey find opportunity to do all she's been doing now won't want to move an inch ..
Here's the only solution,like someone posted above she's your wife and you can still woo her and you should know her soft spots try exploring that and talk sense into her ,make her know you're not the only one who's gonna go down if things go south but she and her kids too but if she doesn't change bro I suggest you go spiritual about it before she ends you .

Eberechiru:
For your information am a guy and the other day I saw a post where a man beat up his wife and decided to post it online saying she can call the police you can imagine the height of insolence.

Just because in Africa it’s the norm to treat women as trash and if she speaks out they’ll say she being rude. His talking about the woman he married for Christ sake he must have seen something in her that he like its not like she proposed to him, he proposed to her and why would she in just month act up in such a horrible way... And as usual we are saying it’s all the woman’s fault typical black stupid mentality......

Potch:
We should be careful of gender profiling and hasty generalisation. Nothing gladdens a man's heart than waking up every morning with your wife and children beside you. How do we raise a good family when husband and wife live thousand miles apart?

Many women are good and bringing them abroad will not only strengthen their husbands financially but also contribute to raising wonderful families. We have seen cases where husband loses his job shortly his wife arrives, and the wife continues to shoulder the responsibilities until the man is back on his feet. It is just that these days, we marry for wrong reasons, and top on the list is physical appearance.

No marriage is perfect but when lives are at stake, it is better to go separate ways.