₦airaland Forum

djon78:
Good addressing it. People will just be spreading ignorance on this forum.

Do you mind them? It sure amazes me how individuals with little knowledge on a subject matter misguide others, with so much confidence ��‍♂️

.

Damn damn, family matters plenty oo

What even brought me here again.... Yes to read comments..

The husband is manipulative, she is new to the system and doesn't understand anything. He seizes her phone and has even broken her phone on two occasions within the last six months on the basis of he got it for her. He alienated her from making friends or working so that way no one will be able to let her know how to report an issue. He chats through her phone to her friends back home and her family pretending to be her. He even block her friends when they discover she is not the one they are chatting with. Sometimes when he beats her up he seizes her phone so she won't be able to reach out. He was only able to get the restraining order because she consented to it. She went to the court with her advocate and agreed to stay away from him because she is tired already too. Her family back home has been able to reach out to some people in the UK who has helped her to make some major moves which I won't want to divulge. She is currently under the care and protection of the council and been provided for in terms of accommodation and feeding. [/b]Alot of organisations are interested in her case too. She kept quiet initially because she was trying to save his career and protect the kids. He has told her loads of times if she ever makes a report that ends his career he will make sure he kills her which is on tape. He tried to delete most of her evidences from her phone but God pass am. See the way he portrayed a good story here. That dude is a charlatan and he will definitely get served soon. He needs to seek peace with God and beg for forgiveness as he has female siblings and daughter too. Need I tell you that he still has ongoing case with the Nigerian human rights commission over this same DV and he is a regular face with police in Nigeria. He can deceive people here with his tales by moonlight but reality will soon dawn on him.

Do not be deceived!

Your sister was ''HOUSED AND FED'' probably because she claimed she had nowhere to go when she was arrested and restricted from the husband and family home due to her violent nature. The council is more likely protecting the victims(Her husband and children) rather than her.

Authorities would never leave vulnerable children with an abusive and violent man. They considered this man safe with his kids was why they left them alone. If this happened in the UK, I suspect that your violent sister was served with a DVPN (Domestic Violence Prohibition Notice) and later served with a DVPO (Domestic Violence Prohibition Order) after the police took her to court and she lost the case. This simply means that she is the aggressor and the abuser. If she doesn’t calm down and accept her fate jeje, she will further sink into more trouble. You all should just keep pushing her further, while oyinbo police would keep deceiving her with smiles, kindness and tea, making her think she is winning but she is in fact sinking further and might be shifted to immigration detention camp at some point, where she will continue to be ''ACCOMMODATED AND FED'' as you mentioned earlier, before being given the appropriate treatment.

In the document below, P = Perpetrator (Your sister) and V = Victim (Her husband whom she attacks)

Less I forgot, those organisations you mentioned are focusing on your sister and teaching her not to be abusive anymore as stated in 5.3.10

dunk2011:
This your story get k leg..
A friend I know tried it with his wife .. all she did went back to the consulate and get document to travel back..

Isn’t amazing

Because missing passport can’t be recovered

fidelson:
Quietly Deceive her to Nigeria under that you want to inspect properties you are buying & she should also be signatory, or look for 1 good Excuse, take your time to plan it. Once una reach 9ja, use brain carry her passport Run comot the house, go back abroad without letting her know. Trust me my Uncle almost lost his marriage When he took his wife to U.K. Baby dey hot, she discover she can remarry $ women have upper hand over there, he used this method, went back to U.K, gathered enough money & today he is back to 9ja with his family. Case close

So now it’s an unbiased legal system.
Remember how you started your post?

Unserious fellow

Wow! front page....

I read a few comments posted by some trolls who claim they know me and are threatening to update the blog when they have finished bringing me down. Well, if your claims are indeed true, there is nothing to worry about then. Let us all allow an unbiased legal system to deal with the situation while both parties present all evidences they have. It's so funny how people don't know when to advise parties embroiled in a toxic marriage to move on peacefully, instead of triggering them further to take disruptive steps that could ruin the lives and future of some innocent children who were not there when they were happily shagging.

Whoever you are, remember this and inform my toxic ''soon to be ex-wife'' that...

‘BEFORE SETTING OUT FOR REVENGE, FIRST DIG TWO GRAVES: ONE FOR YOUR ENEMY AND ONE FOR YOURSELF'

WHY DID YOU BRING HER TO ABROAD? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD THE MESSY STORY THAT YOU DON'T BRING THEM OVERSEAS.
DIVORCE HER NOW BEFORE SHE KILLS YOU.

etrange:
Saying 'I am not a saint. I was hot tempered but I have changed' is you first trying to put yourself in a good light before the audience. You then went ahead to spend time describing your wife as complete devil. And then I wonder what the point of creating this thread is. You want us to help you call your wife names and encourage you to do the things you want to do anyway? You're the one telling the story; of course, she'll be the villain/protagonist in it.

Lol... I smell fake story biko. A man, even though a loggerheads with his wife, won't come online to write such a long epistle without any reminiscence of good old times. You can't tell me you married a witch from the onset.

Ok... you've gotten us to comment. Lol

To think you even got likes for this poo is most disheartening to humanity

tuneneabroad:
Hello young man. Your lies sounded familiar because you have come here before with different name. You agreed you used to be hot tempered. At what point did you change? I need to be frank here because you may not find anyone telling you the truth. I wish you could really swear by whatever you believed in, either Jesus Christ or native wise that your wife is always at fault. You have never seen anything good in your wife. It would also help us if you tell us how you met your wife and whether she was the first woman in your life. Can you also tell us that you dont have extra marital affairs in Nigeria before you left and when you got abroad? What kind of man are you, the one tied to her mother's apron string or the one that truly love his wife.
I am short of words for now but if all you have said are true, may posterity judge between you and the wife. But if you have come to this platform to tell us lies "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

We know people like you who likes punishing their wife by not allowing her to work, by not empowering her. Some of you are being controlled against your wife by your mother and your family members.

Except your story is purely and 100% true, you will never make it in live, no matter your position now. If you pull down your wife in the public, you will never grow in your endeavours in Jesus Christ's Mighty Name. Amen and all the curses in Deuteronomy 28 shall be your portion EXCEPT YOU ARE 100% INNOCENT in Jesus' name. AMEN

Don't look for anybody when your problems start. Oniro jatijati

Please tell your sister to sort this amicably, they should put their children first in all they do. If the union can't work then they should go their separate ways.

Please don't add fuel to raging fire biko. Na God name i take beg you.. For the children... Your sister's children if at all you don't love your sister's life please consider her children

It's not in vain the Bible says (Psalm 34:14) we should seek peace and pursue it.

because if things escalate the man might decide to end his life after ending that of his wife.. We have seen cases like that.

cococandy:
So now it’s an unbiased legal system.
Remember how you started your post?

Unserious fellow

Park well Anty

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

So sorry about your issues bro but i'm sure some of these traits she is exhibiting had always been there but u didn't notice or you thought she will be a better person closer to u and also, in a advanced/developed country.

But unfortunately, most people can't handle success or such environment!

Try and read up on privacy laws as per what u can do with a secret camera, etc then get like 5 or so it! Install and gather video evidence over some days or weeks! Like someone said, move faraway from such woman pls!

If u don't act fast, she will get u all deported and that will be devastating.

Most ladies, knowing fully well that the law favour them in advanced countries end up playing games cos they know the properties will be split and they may end up getting big chunks! So, they marry u, put up a fight, divorce and they earn! They usually go ahead and do that to like 4 men and guess what? They are rich and made!

That's whats up bro! So wise up and get her sorry as.s deported fast if she won't conform!

I am anti domestic violence against women and also against men!

Una dey obodo oyinbo country to have access to better life/opportunities and not settling scores!

But believe me bro, an average naija woman can't handle success! Quote me anywhere!

Alero3Arubi:
I swear i never wanted marriage, but i am giving it my best.
You my dear have married a person thst loves being married than building a HOME.
it's not too late to walk away and start all over.
You will loose all before now but at least you will not lose more, after now.
May the forces of life be with you.

Some times, I don't pity some men that are going through bad times like this.Sometimes,I think it's karma

etrange:
I am a man. I have my pride. I have my ego. I just try to keep them in check and try to be as fair as the imperfections of my human nature would allow.

You are a good mahn and there is no way on earth with this good head on your shoulder that you will not have a good marriage

etrange:
I wouldn't want a fellow man's career or hustle to be ruined. But the fact is that we are not saints (as the OP also admitted) so we would also like to know how he contributed to the problem. The woman is not here to defend herself and all the OP could say is "I'm not saint". Well, his wife is also not a saint. If he's going to detail all the wife's short comings, he should detail his own too and let us decide who who more 'unsaintly'. I'm not siding the wife (why would I side her?) but this story is totally not objective, not even one bit. This is the kind of story you write when people around you don't agree with your actions so you come online to seek moral support.

@bolded, like I said earlier, even a bad woman wants a rich and successful husband. Like someone said, 'even Jezebel didn't mess with her husband's prosperity'. So why would she come to America with the sole aim of destroying her husband's career? How logical is that? Her actions might be destroying the man's career, no doubt; but like I said, it's not likely that's what she is out to achieve. Something must have triggered her actions but the OP summarised that "something" as "I am not a saint" and then went on to pain his wife in red. Why not tell is how "you are not a saint"? I'm sorry, bro. I'm just not riding with that lack of objectivity.

Exactly! He probably treated her like trash in Nigeria and still is and came here to cry foul

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

You are not a SAINT and your WIFE ISN’T too
Divorce her
She is probably better off marrying someone else

Why did the OP and the others who countered him deactivate?
The story is interesting, and hopefully the law takes it's course.
Whoever is lying will get their just desserts, be it the wife or OP.
I wonder why OP just glossed over the fact that he was a very violent man towards his wife while they were in Nigeria, even involving the police several times and the human rights commission in Nigeria.
I'm very sure that wasnt just because you gave your wife a slap but a thorough beating on several occasions.
If he truly had a case with the nigerian police and the human rights commission, that is to your disadvantage OP. All these are documented evidence that may be used against you. You were even supposed to file these records and inform the UK government about these before relocating. That means you also lied on your application to get a job in the UK if you didn't declare this. The police report they normally ask for before relocating should have made mention of this too.
As a Dr, you should operate on a higher code of conduct.
So for your sake, I hope those who countered your story are lying, so you truly don't lose all.

etrange:
I wouldn't want a fellow man's career or hustle to be ruined. But the fact is that we are not saints (as the OP also admitted) so we would also like to know how he contributed to the problem. The woman is not here to defend herself and all the OP could say is "I'm not saint". Well, his wife is also not a saint. If he's going to detail all the wife's short comings, he should detail his own too and let us decide who who more 'unsaintly'. I'm not siding the wife (why would I side her?) but this story is totally not objective, not even one bit. This is the kind of story you write when people around you don't agree with your actions so you come online to seek moral support.

@bolded, like I said earlier, even a bad woman wants a rich and successful husband. Like someone said, 'even Jezebel didn't mess with her husband's prosperity'. So why would she come to America with the sole aim of destroying her husband's career? How logical is that? Her actions might be destroying the man's career, no doubt; but like I said, it's not likely that's what she is out to achieve. Something must have triggered her actions but the OP summarised that "something" as "I am not a saint" and then went on to pain his wife in red. Why not tell is how "you are not a saint"? I'm sorry, bro. I'm just not riding with that lack of objectivity.

You were right.
I was almost deceived by the OPs narration of the story.
I also wondered why he just glossed over his own misdeeds by only saying I am not a saint, but it didnt just register in my mind to question it.
This NL sha.
People will just bring up stories and if you hear the other side you will wonder if it's the same story.
Why do people want sympathy or advice from strangers but they won't say the truth but give an embellished version?

Sarang:
You are not a SAINT and your WIFE ISN’T too
Divorce her
She is probably better off marrying someone else

Cc. Sarang

Its either you have comprehension problem or you are just a block head. If you had taken your time to peruse through the thread then you wouldn't write this trash. She was able to oppress the man because of a system that favors women against men but there are men you dont tamper with.

I would divorce her in a heartbeat and hopefully the grass would be greener for her on the other side. There is a very simple way to silence such idiotic women , but you must know the street.

cococandy:
Okay

Nobi you wey your hubby carry enter Yankee few years ago ? Jee teelu di gi ofe onugbu...You better respect your husband for that Yankee...many women have gone ooo

Cc. cococandy

Mindlog:
Newly registered username, another tale.

learner,

Depressed101:
learner,

I am more interested in your ID, Depressed101.

Lool nairaland

After heaping insults and Yabbing all Nigerian women now realizing that the OP didn't say the whole story.

Now that he has been exposed, they can now preach that they should tell the wife to resolve amicably.

Some are even saying the story the exposer posted is a lie but they believe totally that of the OP.

The fact that the OP, and those that countered deactivated after the other side of the story says a whole lot.

OP didn't answer all the accusations leveled against him by the moniker that countered him.

Did he beat up his wife - no response
He had a case with human rights commission in naija - no comment
He seized her phones didn't allow her to work - no response etc and etc.

No response to all the accusations .


Nairaland and drama

Mindlog:
I am more interested in your ID, Depressed101.

I know you will be, enjoy yourself

Depressed101:
I know you will be, enjoy yourself

Enjoy myself? Nah, that is work for me.

Mindlog:
Enjoy myself? Nah, that is work for me.

it seems you don't have anything doing this early morning,

Depressed101:
it seems you don't have anything doing this early morning,

It is past 8a.m in my time zone and am off work today.

Don’t you guys know it’s only women who lie on the internet to garner sympathy

The moment he said “I’m not a saint”, my mind already told me he F’d up. If it were minor offenses he committed, he wouldn’t even think he did anything at all.

NoToPile:
Lool nairaland

After heaping insults and Yabbing all Nigerian women now realizing that the OP didn't say the whole story.

Now that he has been exposed, they can now preach that they should tell the wife to resolve amicably.

Some are even saying the story the exposer posted is a lie but they believe totally that of the OP.

The fact that the OP, and those that countered deactivated after the other side of the story says a whole lot.

OP didn't answer all the accusations leveled against him by the moniker that countered him.

Did he beat up his wife - no response
He had a case with human rights commission in naija - no comment
He seized her phones didn't allow her to work - no response etc and etc.

No response to all the accusations .


Nairaland and drama

eyinjuege:
You were right.
I was almost deceived by the OPs narration of the story.
I also wondered why he just glossed over his own misdeeds by only saying I am not a saint, but it didnt just register in my mind to question it.
This NL sha.
People will just bring up stories and if you hear the other side you will wonder if it's the same story.
Why do people want sympathy or advice from strangers but they won't say the truth but give an embellished version?

I think the mistake many men make with women is to show them that you are caring and responsible.
They always take an advantage of that man until the woman loses him..


I really not sure of it's a good thing to love a woman and show it.

I thought I was the devil but she is a bigger devil now. Problem is that her actions would send us all back to Nigeria broke and battered. We have had a few good times and more bad times. The marriage hasn't been an easy one and we've both been at fault. I thought that by moving them abroad and eliminating the distance, some of our problems could be easily worked on, but this is apparently creating bigger problems that can ruin us. Are you married bro? Sorry to ask you but you sound like a single guy, no offence.

Bro dnt mind the foolish Guy, I have been in your shoes, women are terrible and once they move to Abroad they turn to wolves. My greatest fear of migrating with my family. Unfortunately their family and friends dnt advise them rather encourage evil. My advise is for you to become prayerful and use wisdom to manage her, but since she is bent on showing you pls try to divorce her. She will.be at the receiving end and won't get her citizenship out of her foolishness. My only advise is dnt let her send you back home because Naija is bleeped up right now. Please remember you need to be more prayerful and device a means tone happy and not fall into depression. I waih u the best

generationz:
I would like to know how this plays out. May God grant victory to whichever party is telling the truth.

y

AMEN. I wish the guy could type.Amen to.this prayer. God does not support liars. Devil is a list.

Walk away before you lose everything you have worked for in life as marriage is not a must