₦airaland Forum

bigl:
So sorry about your issues bro but i'm sure some of these traits she is exhibiting had always been there but u didn't notice or you thought she will be a better person closer to u and also, in a advanced/developed country.

But unfortunately, most people can't handle success or such environment!

Try and read up on privacy laws as per what u can do with a secret camera, etc then get like 5 or so it! Install and gather video evidence over some days or weeks! Like someone said, move faraway from such woman pls!

If u don't act fast, she will get u all deported and that will be devastating.

Most ladies, knowing fully well that the law favour them in advanced countries end up playing games cos they know the properties will be split and they may end up getting big chunks! So, they marry u, put up a fight, divorce and they earn! They usually go ahead and do that to like 4 men and guess what? They are rich and made!

That's whats up bro! So wise up and get her sorry as.s deported fast if she won't conform!

I am anti domestic violence against women and also against men!

Una dey obodo oyinbo country to have access to better life/opportunities and not settling scores!

But believe me bro, an average naija woman can't handle success! Quote me anywhere!

The guy is a liar. God Almighty will soon expose him. The Lord is near. He will pay everyone according to his deeds.

IDENNAA:
Cc. Sarang

Its either you have comprehension problem or you are just a block head. If you had taken your time to peruse through the thread then you wouldn't write this trash. She was able to oppress the man because of a system that favors women against men but there are men you dont tamper with.

I would divorce her in a heartbeat and hopefully the grass would be greener for her on the other side. There is a very simple way to silence such idiotic women , but you must know the street.

Goan sit down.
Albert Einstein

After treating her like trash abi
Running mouth

cococandy:
Don’t you guys know it’s only women who lie on the internet to garner sympathy

The moment he said “I’m not a saint”, my mind already told me he F’d up. If it were minor offenses he committed, he wouldn’t even think he did anything at all.

I just tire.
They will vilify Nigerian women but will never take accountability for their own contribution in the problem.
How can you beat someone and expect love in return? You cheat on someone and expect loyalty? You can't grow maize and expect to reap yam na.
I always encourage such men to marry oyibo sharparly, and save a sister the drama. At least with oyibo woman, most of those ones who have evil spirit resident in their hearts receive instant deliverance.
As a black man, if you beat oyibo woman you will pay. Perhaps even with your life. It's not as if their oyibo men don't do domestic violence o (they also have a degree in that, and their's too can be very subtle. Naija men are still learners in the art of manipulation of DV cases) , but other men will never support such. You expect to find such practices in men who have been to prison several times, thugs etc, but certainly not a Dr.
Their own men cheat too, but they know the scores that a divorce is imminent if caught. They won't blame anyone else but themselves for their indiscretions.
I'm really disappointed in the OP. He needs to accept responsibility for the part he played in the breakdown of his marriage .
As a Dr, you meet victims of domestic violence including children all the time.
What the feck are you gonna tell 'em? Huh?
When you're the commander in chief of perpetrating it.
Who wants such a Dr to treat them or their family members?
Imagine how severe the incidents with his wife must have been to have involved the police several times and human rights commission in Nigeria.
Anyway, he's taken the right step of initiating a divorce. Get one and move on. They're both not good for each other.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

The part that you're on the winning side makes me super happy, you'll surely overcome if everything you said is really as is

Luckymama:
Lol. Is that not what you would have advised your sister if she came crying to you about problems on her marriage? So a man cannot be a “praying husband?” He cannot go to gym to “keep his marriage”. Na only woman dey pray and keep fit?

You still didn't answer


So no need engaging you further..cheers!

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

You know she's capable of all this yet you took her to where she will gain more strength and ruin you...carry your cross!...Reason why you should know who you wana settle with properly before taking in...All the best in your marital adventures,me i cannot marry a Nigerian lady sha.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

Well bro... I won't give a direct advice cos I barely know you. But respect the fact that you admitted your wrongs back them in Nigeria; that's quite noble of you. But based on the fact that I don't know you in person, I will advise you to stick to your guys back in Nigeria because if this dudes can predict this and warn you against it, then they know more than i do. This is what happens when you marry from a hungry family (no offence).

This are my thoughts:

- That Hanti needs to go back to her (6-children in one room) family.

- To achieve this, work closely with guys both at home and abroad.

- you have to work closely with a lawyer (friend).

- she needs a divorce, don't give it to her cos it will wrack you financially.

In all your plans let it be focused on bundling her back to Nigeria. And to achieve this, you to see this as a "prison break" kinda thing, every party must be seriously involved lawyer friend especially.

But you Bleep up shaa... Why you no marry confirm whitee get rest of mind instead of some hungry Nigerian Hanti?

od501:
Well bro... I won't give a direct advice cos I barely know you. But respect the fact that you admitted your wrongs back them in Nigeria; that's quite noble of you. But based on the fact that I don't know you in person, I will advise you to stick to your guys back in Nigeria because if this dudes can predict this and warn you against it, then they know more than i do. This is what happens when you marry from a hungry family (no offence).

This are my thoughts:

- That Hanti needs to go back to her (6-children in one room) family.

- To achieve this, work closely with guys both at home and abroad.

- you have to work closely with a lawyer (friend).

- she needs a divorce, don't give it to her cos it will wrack you financially.

In all your plans let it be focused on bundling her back to Nigeria. And to achieve this, you to see this as a "prison break" kinda thing, every party must be seriously involved lawyer friend especially.

But you Bleep up shaa... Why you no marry confirm whitee get rest of mind instead of some hungry Nigerian Hanti?

This is exactly what they are. I suspect that the @tuneneabroad moniker is either the violent wife in question or one of her siblings

.

Are you the OP?

To all those saying take her back to Nigeria and seize her papers, I never even thought of that cos my wife is not a gentle soul that you would just take to Nigeria and take documents from. She would make a lot of trouble if I did this, so that was never even on the table. I don't even care if she remains in this country as long as I have some peace in my life and my children are well looked after.

When I initially tried to get us to travel to Nigeria, it was to only to de-escalate the volatile situation, cos it was beginning to look like we were on a slippery slope downhill with the kids being very vulnerable and I thought that the initial shock of moving abroad, was what was getting to her and exacerbating her aggression.

More so, how can you forcefully whisk away an unwilling adult to the airport like a puppy, just to get them to travel to Nigeria with you. This lady had no intention to travelling even after initially agreeing and made me purchase a flight ticket.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

Anyway what you did wasn't bad but on my part
You made a big mistake for allowed her to join you,you shouldn't have done that.
if she still love she shouldn't have gone that far and embrace maturity from both sides

Couldn’t have said it better

eyinjuege:
I just tire.
They will vilify Nigerian women but will never take accountability for their own contribution in the problem.
How can you beat someone and expect love in return? You cheat on someone and expect loyalty? You can't grow maize and expect to reap yam na.
I always encourage such men to marry oyibo sharparly, and save a sister the drama. At least with oyibo woman, most of those ones who have evil spirit resident in their hearts receive instant deliverance.
As a black man, if you beat oyibo woman you will pay. Perhaps even with your life. It's not as if their oyibo men don't do domestic violence o (they also have a degree in that, and their's too can be very subtle. Naija men are still learners in the art of manipulation of DV cases) , but other men will never support such. You expect to find such practices in men who have been to prison several times, thugs etc, but certainly not a Dr.
Their own men cheat too, but they know the scores that a divorce is imminent if caught. They won't blame anyone else but themselves for their indiscretions.
I'm really disappointed in the OP. He needs to accept responsibility for the part he played in the breakdown of his marriage .
As a Dr, you meet victims of domestic violence including children all the time.
What the feck are you gonna tell 'em? Huh?
When you're the commander in chief of perpetrating it.
Who wants such a Dr to treat them or their family members?
Imagine how severe the incidents with his wife must have been to have involved the police several times and human rights commission in Nigeria.
Anyway, he's taken the right step of initiating a divorce. Get one and move on. They're both not good for each other.

Get an immigration lawyer from Nigeria to remind her that once the divorce is complete she has no grounds to stay in the country owning that her children are not citizens. She would have been given a stay on the grounds of domestic abuse if you were the person on the wrong side which doesn't appear to be. And let her know that the police might be acting like they like her now but their almost motives are yet to be unveiled. If the explanation doesn't work go on Facebook search for a group called "my foreign spouse" and join there is lot free advice to gain there. Remind here she has no benefits from the government and can't live abroad with a job if the separation goes through and by chace she gets a stay. Good luck

Oga NOBODY na your friend be OP abi wife friend tell us more.....if the guy wicked why did he take the wife and kids to UK. i beg make we rest these matter joor...Let the woman move on with her life since she cant love him again. I am married with three kids for the past 15 years so i have share of matrimonial palava all in all your woman forgiven spirit will help the relationship more.

Oh Tunde why should I troll you, I mean for what reason when you know deep in your mind I am saying the truth. You got away with domestic violence in Nigeria because the system does not work there. You turned your wife to a drum both inside an outside the home. You won't get away with all these in saner climes. She protected your career more than you protecting it because if she was wise enough she would have reported your ass to the authorities a long while ago when you started your DV attitude in England. You played her by setting a trap for her to get her out of the house by manipulating your first child against her because that's not her child. Haven't you been begging her through your friends to come back home to help take care of the kids. I won't open your yansh more or dignify you with a response because everyone know you are a pathological liar including the authorities. Keep faith as the chicken will definitely come home to roost.

.

eyinjuege:
Why did the OP and the others who countered him deactivate?
The story is interesting, and hopefully the law takes it's course.
Whoever is lying will get their just desserts, be it the wife or OP.
I wonder why OP just glossed over the fact that he was a very violent man towards his wife while they were in Nigeria, even involving the police several times and the human rights commission in Nigeria.
I'm very sure that wasnt just because you gave your wife a slap but a thorough beating on several occasions.
If he truly had a case with the nigerian police and the human rights commission, that is to your disadvantage OP. All these are documented evidence that may be used against you. You were even supposed to file these records and inform the UK government about these before relocating. That means you also lied on your application to get a job in the UK if you didn't declare this. The police report they normally ask for before relocating should have made mention of this too.
As a Dr, you should operate on a higher code of conduct.
So for your sake, I hope those who countered your story are lying, so you truly don't lose all.

How did you know all this inside story?

I still think the marriage shouldn't have continued enough to be transferred abroad. If he was such a violence man here, she should have left his sorry azzz and not follow him abroad. I think the man made a mistake to bring her over....she made a mistake to follow him. Abi if she knew him to be violent, was she expecting a saint in UK or hoping to revenge his old ways? What a dreadful couple!

Glad they are ending it now...I hope the collateral damage will be minimal.

Hmmmm she's too vindictive

obataokenwa:
Na Yoruba woman according to information available. The country na UK.

So this doctor is here again to tarnish the image of his wife. When will you rest Mr docki. You go from one blog to the other creating fake username to justify what you did to a loving and loyal woman. Why not tell them on this forum how you use to beat your wife black and blue in Nigeria. Why not tell them on this forum how the police has arrested you on various occasion in Nigeria for beating up your wife. Remember to also let people hailing you on this forum know how you have a case with the human rights commission back home over your senseless beatings and abuse. Good thing you moved her to the UK last year. How have you been treating her since she moved to the UK?

You don't allow her to work, the moment she picks a shift with her agency you run away from the house so she can stay with your three kids. Don't forget the first kid isn't hers but she cared for the kids and lied to immigration the kid is hers to bring the boy here. You kept using the boy against her in the UK to disrespect her and lie to the police. You put cameras all over the house because you were expecting her to beat the boy one day so you can file child abuse against her but God pass you.

Kindly tell this forum how your wife has not been able to have just £50 in her name since she moved to England because you don't allow her work. You don't even give her money for food rather keep the food in your own bedroom. Tell people here how you use to seize her mobile phone not to get in touch with her family and friends back home and you did not allow her to keep friends in England. You've broken her phone on two occasions in your Plymouth abode and she kept hanging on to the marriage to make it work.

Kindly explain to this forum how you login into her social media account to chat with her male friends by trying to be her to see if she is dating anyone. You are the same person using her email address opened on your laptop to contact social workers that everything is fine when she reported you. Have you also forgotten all the threats you made to her if she ever end your career here and how you will end her life. You were only lucky to make a first report against her which were all concocted lies and she was giving a retraining order. You can go ahead and get all the restraining order you want in the UK but very soon you will roast.

She kept quiet all these while to save your career as a medical doctor but don't worry as the evidences against you are quite overwhelming. You can keep running for the little time you have but just kiss your career goodbye. This lady don too suffer and it will soon be payback time. Everything you were able to get away with in Nigeria has been unravelled. This is England you know and not naija�

Wow! Which kain wahala be this? I still think she could have walked if she wanted to and indeed the injured party...after all she has you and others willing to support her. Na wa o.

.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

I'm really glad the law was on your side in this case. Never bring crazy women from Nigeria to western countries because once they find out how much money the state will pay them in benefits as a single parent, they will 4ck you up!! I've seen a lot of Naija guys that have been kicked out of their own homes or even deported because of a crazy woman. That's the reason why black on black crime is very high because of young black boys being raised by crazy single mums!

etrange:
Lmao... No, I wasn't. (Lord, this was funny).

I was expecting a more objective story. He's the one telling the story and surely, he'll tell it in way that leaves him with little or no blame; that's human nature. But on the other hand, that defeats the aim. If he wants to get sincere advice, he should try to be as less biased as possible. It's not very likely that his wife, who was loving at a point, is just out to destroy him now that she is abroad. Even bad wives still want successful husbands. Something must have triggered her actions and letting us in on those areas would help us come up with better solutions. But instead, he's telling a story of a villain and her victim. Of course, we will all ask him to leave the woman. So I see this as him asking for moral support for what he already wants to do.

We men should understand that this is not Nigeria and therefore family structures can never be like Nigerian. Couples work together to sustain their homes. In some cases, the wives even work later hours. In such a case, for instance, it becomes illogical to expect the wife to serve you dinner and breakfast as she used to do in Nigeria. This is just an example, I'm not saying that's OP's case.

it is ideal for a husband to also speak well of his wife before condemning her but it is not realistic. At this point there is no love only hate, everything he sees about his wife is wrong. Her mistakes become exaggerated and he becomes blind to his own. If at any point he begins to see his own shortcomings then the problem would have been half solved.

What he needs is a therapist not online opinions from a faceless forum. Too bad he already filed for divorce.

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galaxyking1:
Get an immigration lawyer from Nigeria to remind her that once the divorce is complete she has no grounds to stay in the country owning that her children are not citizens. She would have been given a stay on the grounds of domestic abuse if you were the person on the wrong side which doesn't appear to be. And let her know that the police might be acting like they like her now but their almost motives are yet to be unveiled. If the explanation doesn't work go on Facebook search for a group called "my foreign spouse" and join there is lot free advice to gain there. Remind here she has no benefits from the government and can't live abroad with a job if the separation goes through and by chace she gets a stay. Good luck

It depends on her immigration status, if she's still on a dependent visa, that might work, if there are kids involved and the Father wants them to stay in the country, it will be hard for the Mother to be kicked out because the kids need their mum. If she's on an indefinite leave to remain then there is nothing much the law can do unless she poses a serious threat to the man's life and well being.

sisisioge:
How did you know all this inside story?

I still think the marriage shouldn't have continued enough to be transferred abroad. If he was such a violence man here, she should have left his sorry azzz and not follow him abroad. I think the man made a mistake to bring her over....she made a mistake to follow him. Abi if she knew him to be violent, was she expecting a saint in UK or hoping to revenge his old ways? What a dreadful couple!

Glad they are ending it now...I hope the collateral damage will be minimal.

I agree the marriage should have ended a long time ago in Nigeria and they shouldn't have brought their BS abroad. I also hope there is minimal collateral damage for both of them
Some people put up counter posts if you check up there- likely the wife and/or her relatives.
I don't know either of them, and there's really no inside story. I just added his story and the other people's own together. They obviously know him very well, as he has deactivated.
Just annoyed that OP came to paint himself like someone being victimised only to be countered that he has a known documented history of aggression in Nigeria.
Just basic things expected putting his story and that of those who countered him, so no inside story.

The counter post said the wife is also a professional- another medical practitioner. If it's a case of living the obodo oyibo life, she could have equally emigrated on her own without needing the husband to do that. So their issue is definitely more than coming abroad.

mickyeddi:
It depends on her immigration status, if she's still on a dependent visa, that might work, if there are kids involved and the Father wants them to stay in the country, it will be hard for the Mother to be kicked out because the kids need their mum. If she's on an indefinite leave to remain then there is nothing much the law can do unless she poses a serious threat to the man's life and well being.

To have gotten her indefinite, she would have been in this country for 5 plus and it doesn't look so. I think the only grounds she has to stay is through the kids

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eyinjuege:
I agree the marriage should have ended a long time ago in Nigeria and they shouldn't have brought their BS abroad. I also hope there is minimal collateral damage for both of them
Some people put up counter posts if you check up there- likely the wife and/or her relatives.
I don't know either of them, and there's really no inside story. I just added his story and the other people's own together. They obviously know him very well, as he has deactivated.
Just annoyed that OP came to paint himself like someone being victimised only to be countered that he has a known documented history of aggression in Nigeria.
Just basic things expected putting his story and that of those who countered him, so no inside story.

The counter post said the wife is also a professional- another medical practitioner. If it's a case of living the obodo oyibo life, she could have equally emigrated on her own without needing the husband to do that. So their issue is definitely more than coming abroad.

Been catching up since I read your post. I see both his and his wife's alleys countering one another. May God really help them resolve the matter. It is well.

jumpymonkey:
Tell them again o. They don't seem to have realised yet that they are on the wrong side and losing despite their sister getting arrested and charged to court for violence she has committed, a case which she lost, before being banned and relying on public fund for accommodation and feeding. They seem to think she has a case and the UK government would use its resources to pursue their revenge mission. BUNCH OF RETAAARDED IDIOTIC PEOPLE LOCATED IN IBADAN WATCHING AFRICAN MAGIC AND THINKING ITS REAL LIFE. Since name calling has started, take note Ibukun, Adunola and Joshua. Ariyo will soon hear buy gala, buy gala on Iwo road, Ibadan while in a Nissan micra taxi.

please don't take the anger out on ur children they have better chances here in the UK and it will be better to have help their mother stay in the UK, even if the divorce goes through, considering the cost of child care.

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Why did you bring your wife over
You made a very big mistake because that woman will send you back to Nigeria soon

jumpymonkey:
Please direct your stupid requests to the appropriate persons. And if you are not silly, you will not come online to dictate to another man where or how to raise his children. Your opinion was not sought to relocate them and will not be necessary for raising there or where they choose to raise them.

was the man violent or not while in Nigeria?

Just a simple question

If it's not working, go your separate ways. No be by force