₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
was the man violent or not while in Nigeria?

Just a simple question

Was the woman violent or not in Nigeria and abroad?

Just a simple question.

The system has picked up the real violent person and she is now suffering for her crimes.

etrange:
For all it's worth, I live in Canada. I don't argue that some women don't cause problems for their husbands. I am saying a lot of women still live well with their husbands after coming abroad so saying 'I hate Nigerian women' is sexist and over reaching. We men have our faults too. Some of us live in the Western world where women have equal rights with men and yet we try to subdue our women with the fear that they will be difficult to manage if allowed to explore. At the end, this makes them turn against us. A lot of homes are broken here cause some Nigerian men can't bear the slightest hint of equality. My point is, if the OP's wife is terrible (neglecting the dangers of one sided stories), then she should be criticized and not 'Nigerian women'. You don't bash all women cause of the action of some. If we treat men-related issues like this, nobody will like Nigerian men as well.

Would you have said same thing about religious extremists?

eyinjuege:
I just tire.
They will vilify Nigerian women but will never take accountability for their own contribution in the problem.
How can you beat someone and expect love in return? You cheat on someone and expect loyalty? You can't grow maize and expect to reap yam na.
I always encourage such men to marry oyibo sharparly, and save a sister the drama. At least with oyibo woman, most of those ones who have evil spirit resident in their hearts receive instant deliverance.
As a black man, if you beat oyibo woman you will pay. Perhaps even with your life. It's not as if their oyibo men don't do domestic violence o (they also have a degree in that, and their's too can be very subtle. Naija men are still learners in the art of manipulation of DV cases) , but other men will never support such. You expect to find such practices in men who have been to prison several times, thugs etc, but certainly not a Dr.
Their own men cheat too, but they know the scores that a divorce is imminent if caught. They won't blame anyone else but themselves for their indiscretions.
I'm really disappointed in the OP. He needs to accept responsibility for the part he played in the breakdown of his marriage .
As a Dr, you meet victims of domestic violence including children all the time.
What the feck are you gonna tell 'em? Huh?
When you're the commander in chief of perpetrating it.
Who wants such a Dr to treat them or their family members?
Imagine how severe the incidents with his wife must have been to have involved the police several times and human rights commission in Nigeria.
Anyway, he's taken the right step of initiating a divorce. Get one and move on. They're both not good for each other.

@bold


In all fairness I have to say that many Nigerian men, even on this forum, disapprove of and condemn domestic violence.

Hathor5:
@bold


In all fairness I have to say that many Nigerian men, even on this forum, disapprove of and condemn domestic violence.

Domestic violence is never acceptable and perpetrator should always be made to suffer for it. The world has focused too much on domestic violence perpetrated by men and this is why many women think that they can commit it and get away unscathed. The OP's wife is learning the hard way.

jumpymonkey:
No she can't!!! And that is why she is very desperate. OP is truly being victimised and this is why the law is flogging this violent woman's ass.

Yes she can.
There is no desperation there if you want to emigrate abroad, especially if you are a medical practitioner or in the medical line.
Provided you have a bit of money to do the exams and travel which family can always support you with
Infact, they are such hot cakes that you will be courted by employers as though you were cocaine. The need for Drs and nurses abroad has even gone higher now with this nonsense pandemic.
OP himself stated she was a professional back in Nigeria with a good job in Nigeria. The other people have come up to say she is a medical practitioner and OP himself a Dr.
It's a bit too early to talk about flogging asses here, as social services work takes a long time to be resolved in the UK, and things are even slower with the lockdown and pandemic.
If OP already has a documented record of violence against this woman in Nigeria that has even involved the human rights commission as opined by the counterposts, then he might be in for long thing.
If OP is not innocent in all of this, then he needs to face the ants he has invited to invade his home.
He initially had my sympathy, till the counterposts came up so I wish justice is served in this case and everyone gets what they deserve - both the wife and OP.

jumpymonkey:
Domestic violence is never acceptable and perpetrator should always be made to suffer for it. The world has focused too much on domestic violence perpetrated by men and this is why many women think that they can commit it and get away unscathed. The OP's wife is learning the hard way.

I do not approve of any kind of violence no matter who the victim is. Children are the victims of domestic violence too but in Nigeria people justify it with 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. There are many victims, men, women, children. The reason why the world has been focusing on women is because men are stronger and therefore there are more female victims. We need more awareness.

eyinjuege:
Yes she can.
There is no desperation there if you want to emigrate abroad, especially if you are a medical practitioner or in the medical line.
Provided you have a bit of money to do the exams and travel which family can always support you with
Infact, they are such hot cakes that you will be courted by employers as though you were cocaine. The need for Drs and nurses abroad has even gone higher now with this nonsense pandemic.
OP himself stated she was a professional back in Nigeria with a good job in Nigeria. The other people have come up to say she is a medical practitioner and OP himself a Dr.
It's a bit too early to talk about flogging asses here, as social services work takes a long time to be resolved in the UK, and things are even slower with the lockdown and pandemic.
If OP already has a documented record of violence against this woman in Nigeria that has even involved the human rights commission as opined by the counterposts, then he might be in for long thing.
If OP is not innocent in all of this, then he needs to face the ants he has invited to invade his home.
He initially had my sympathy, till the counterposts came up so I wish justice is served in this case and everyone gets what they deserve - both the wife and OP.

Then she should apply on her own for her own visa then and stop bickering around and leave this man alone. It is not by force to stay married to a supposed violent person. She should have filed for divorce in Nigeria then if really she is not a mischievous person. As for the DV in Nigeria case they should bring all their evidences together and make a case. I hope they have the resources to try a DV case that happened in Nigeria in the UK. They don't need anyone's permission to do this. I hope at the end of it all, she gets a medal of honour though.

When l saw the thread l read the Op story and left but then a thought came to me to revisit the thread and chip in some words only for me to see series of counter posts and countered countered posts.

For the sake of the children and families on both sides of the divide,both parties should reconcile.lf it is to reconcile and part ways temporary for sanity to ensue do so.But if it is to part ways permanently let it be amicably.

cococandy:
Don’t you guys know it’s only women who lie on the internet to garner sympathy

The moment he said “I’m not a saint”, my mind already told me he F’d up. If it were minor offenses he committed, he wouldn’t even think he did anything at all.

Nothing surprises me on nairaland anymore.

doe:
If it's not working, go your separate ways. No be by force

Please tell them o. What exactly are they fighting for? They should tell their sister to divorce in peace. It is not by force to be married to a man.

Kindly post link to the counter thread here

eyinjuege:
Yes she can.
There is no desperation there if you want to emigrate abroad, especially if you are a medical practitioner or in the medical line.
Provided you have a bit of money to do the exams and travel which family can always support you with
Infact, they are such hot cakes that you will be courted by employers as though you were cocaine. The need for Drs and nurses abroad has even gone higher now with this nonsense pandemic.
OP himself stated she was a professional back in Nigeria with a good job in Nigeria. The other people have come up to say she is a medical practitioner and OP himself a Dr.
It's a bit too early to talk about flogging asses here, as social services work takes a long time to be resolved in the UK, and things are even slower with the lockdown and pandemic.
If OP already has a documented record of violence against this woman in Nigeria that has even involved the human rights commission as opined by the counterposts, then he might be in for long thing.
If OP is not innocent in all of this, then he needs to face the ants he has invited to invade his home.
He initially had my sympathy, till the counterposts came up so I wish justice is served in this case and everyone gets what they deserve - both the wife and OP.

jumpymonkey:
Then she should apply on her own then and stop convulsing around. As for the DV in Nigeria case they should bring all their evidences together and make a case. They don't need anyone's permission to do this. [/b] I hope at the end of it all, she gets a medal though[b].

No, I hope at the end of the day she gets justice and OP also gets justice. It could favour either of them, so I hope it favours whoever is speaking the truth- it may be the OP or the wife.

Both the @op and counter post are professional liars.
They fit each other.
It's only the kids I feel for.

OFEMANUGURUMARA:
Kindly post link to the counter thread here

Not counter thread but counter posts.
Check earlier posts where 2 other monikers came and started speaking about the OP and wife's situation, jobs, where they lived, their children etc. Not long after, all of them deactivated. So I'm sure they all know each other.

Anyway, I wish them well. The matter no consign me, make I face the one wey dey my lane.

bizz:
U sound so bitter and annoying
If you can't read and comprehend, don't reply and post here
Kindly get a life

This is a public forum where everyone is free to express their opinion without being rude. I suggest YOU get a life as well. I merely stated my opinion and I didnt insult anybody. You are the rude and annoying one here not me.

If you had treated her well in naija you wud'nt be experiencing all these now. Most women with very hard heart will seize every given opportunity to get even on you if you ill-treat them. You have wronged her in the past and she wants to get even. You might have forgotten but the heart of a woman never forgets. Though she is going extreme but there is no smoke without fire.

.

So this doctor is here again to tarnish the image of his wife. When will you rest Mr docki. You go from one blog to the other creating fake username to justify what you did to a loving and loyal woman. Why not tell them on this forum how you use to beat your wife black and blue in Nigeria. Why not tell them on this forum how the police has arrested you on various occasion in Nigeria for beating up your wife. Remember to also let people hailing you on this forum know how you have a case with the human rights commission back home over your senseless beatings and abuse. Good thing you moved her to the UK last year. How have you been treating her since she moved to the UK?

You don't allow her to work, the moment she picks a shift with her agency you run away from the house so she can stay with your three kids. Don't forget the first kid isn't hers but she cared for the kids and lied to immigration the kid is hers to bring the boy here. You kept using the boy against her in the UK to disrespect her and lie to the police. You put cameras all over the house because you were expecting her to beat the boy one day so you can file child abuse against her but God pass you.

Kindly tell this forum how your wife has not been able to have just £50 in her name since she moved to England because you don't allow her work. You don't even give her money for food rather keep the food in your own bedroom. Tell people here how you use to seize her mobile phone not to get in touch with her family and friends back home and you did not allow her to keep friends in England. You've broken her phone on two occasions in your Plymouth abode and she kept hanging on to the marriage to make it work.

Kindly explain to this forum how you login into her social media account to chat with her male friends by trying to be her to see if she is dating anyone. You are the same person using her email address opened on your laptop to contact social workers that everything is fine when she reported you. Have you also forgotten all the threats you made to her if she ever end your career here and how you will end her life. You were only lucky to make a first report against her which were all concocted lies and she was giving a retraining order. You can go ahead and get all the restraining order you want in the UK but very soon you will roast.

She kept quiet all these while to save your career as a medical doctor but don't worry as the evidences against you are quite overwhelming. You can keep running for the little time you have but just kiss your career goodbye. This lady don too suffer and it will soon be payback time. Everything you were able to get away with in Nigeria has been unravelled. This is England you know and not naija�

Keep writing your fantasy stories

Ofemanugurumara, here's one of the counterposts . Start from page 19.
There's a 2nd one someone else quoted up there

You are right bro, I had plenty gra gra back in Naija and I think she has psychologically programmed herself before arrival to come take her pound of flesh here. There is complete breakdown of communication with her family as they are on her side, always encouraging her to call the police on me. All they say is ''No gree for am o, he think say na Naija he dey. Show am well well, you have rights there and the govt. would support you''

You made her so she is just exploring her advantage

Just beg her to let go the past, promise her you would never abuse her or lay a finger at her again till the word ends......

Just is just revenging and the antidote of revenge is true love and sincerity......


I would advice you to proceed on your divorce even after the divorce keep calling her, helping her and beg her... to come back
Take out and even redate her again, later on she will be the one convincing her families you have changed


Be the man and keep the marriage, your material
Issue is not even an issue if only you follow the right step......


Again you have to also appease her family members too and not just her start with her family members and explain how thier advice to her can ruing your relationship and cause her more damage than good


In all this you need to completely change for good

Judgement written all over your post. Assuming that the man is guilty and he is the one who owes the woman an apology, how daft of you . Please get the contact of the said woman and link her up to your own brother and advise your brother to follow all your advice. Yeye advice from a brainless fellow!

gregyboy:
You made her so she is just exploring her advantage

Just beg her to let go the past, promise her you would never abuse her or lay a finger at her again till the word ends......

Just is just revenging and the antidote of revenge is true love and sincerity......


I would advice you to proceed on your divorce even after the divorce keep calling her, helping her and beg her... to come back
Take out and even redate her again, later on she will be the one convincing her families you have changed


Be the man and keep the marriage, your material
Issue is not even an issue if only you follow the right step......


Again you have to also appease her family members too and not just her start with her family members and explain how thier advice to her can ruing your relationship and cause her more damage than good


In all this you need to completely change for good

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SAINT AND MY WIFE IS NOT THE DEVIL. I HAVE JUST BEEN UNFORTUNATE TO BECOME A VICTIM OF MATRIARCHY WHICH MANY MEN SUFFER ABROAD...

I have been hustling abroad for a few years while wifey was working in Nigeria and living with children. Marriage has always been turbulent and we even almost got divorced after I travelled out. We somehow worked on our issues with the help of pastors, family and friends, and after a few years of ''roughing'' it abroad to pave way for them, I finally succeeded and my family arrived a few months ago.

I used to be hot tempered, but I have had enough time to gain insight into my inadequacies and reflect on them. I am now significantly calmer due to the determination to make my marriage better and as per ''abroad levels''. My wife on the other hand is fully taking advantage of me and the environment we find ourselves in. First thing she did on getting here was to cut of my entire family. She said she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. She has also not been too keen to kickstart her career, as all she does is endless picture taking and editing for social media hyping. I know this might be due to the initial ''euphoria'' phase cos she is coming abroad to a big house, big car and having no limits on most things we used to manage back in Nigeria, and she thinks things are bread and butter. You would never think for a second that she is a married woman if you check her profiles on social media!

She has become even more toxic person than she ever was in Naija. Now very bossy, never backs down, always the attacker, ever ready for a fight, lazier, always on social media, communicates with me as little as possible, embarrasses me in the neighbourhood with the constant noises from our house, and finally her threats have now tripled! Madam is now so fierce that I have become the house chicken. Just within a few months of being here o! She tells me that she will show me for all the ''gra gra'' I used to do back in Nigeria. Friends advised me against bringing this woman here but I no wan hear word as per responsible family man wey I dey claim to be.

The popular threat is usually ''I will end your career''. I wasn't taking this too seriously initially, but she then started following through with the threats by constant calls to the police and other services, making spooky and baseless career ending accusations and allegations against me.

I have never been the one to first lay my hands on her, but I have spilled drinks on her before when she attacked me. My wife now gets very physical without having any element of self control, fear or restraint after the simplest argument and sometimes, she damages things out of anger. She does this so often and never hesitates to dare me to do my worst.

I discovered that she has signed up on dating sites and when I even caught her chatting about sex to a particular guy in our area, she said that it was all my fault. She did not apologise for this. She even referred to it one time after an argument that if I am convulsing like this over just a sex chat, she's waiting to see what I'd do when I see a man on top of her.

My productivity at work has declined significantly and I am now on the verge of depression. Neighbours called the police on us one time after a lot of noise from out house. She accused me of domestic violence. The police had to separate us and I was stuck at home for an extended period and could not go to work due to this. I am now being investigated for domestic violence, which is a serious crime as madam wants it and I have had to report the situation to my company! The whole thing is so messy that I am scared that I have not seen the worst yet.

I am so afraid of losing it all and returning to Nigeria broke cos I spent my last card and even racked credit card debt to bring them here hoping to pay off gradually. I still have a few years to get my citizenship and if I lose my job now, that is the end for all of us!

For now, I don't know what is going to happen to us, as this woman is so determined to cause great and irreparable damage that could ruin our lives, just to get back at me and she is being cheered on by her family and friends.

THE SITUATION IS SO MESSED UP!

UPDATE:

Divorce has now been filed. I also recently got lucky as I was able to secure a restraining order when she messed up again and hit me daring me to do my worst. I called the police and made a proper case and she was arrested. She has been banned from the house for a month. The police advised me to talk to my lawyer and extend indefinitely if I want to. I hope to get this done ASAP. The law here does not only protect women but also protects innocent men. All you need is patience and wisdom. Thank you all for your ideas. Still several hurdles to cross but I am on the winning side for now.

I came late to this post... happy you got the best advise to help you.... dunno the advice you’ve gotten so far Buh if you don’t do have spy cameras to record event of things please do

.

I am not asking you to believe me nor seek your validation. There is two sides to a story and that's why this disclaimer is out there. If you can read just a part and make up your conclusion then fine, other people will look at the two sides before making generalisations.

Have you seen both of them to see who is capable of beating the other. You rather ignored the valid points giving by a woman who has been in constant abuse for over five years for "beating". If only the wife had listened to advice he would have been cooling his bum in the prison but she rather believe in working in the marriage and saving his career. I hope the Op also told you how many times his relatives reached out to the wife to save his career?

Very soon update will be given on him on the blog

How do you know that the person is same with the one u maybe thinking...

why did she followed the man abroad after all the maltreatment?

007inc:
Be a man, u didn’t handle d situation well at the initial stage.
This is what what u should have done :
Plan a family trip to naija , seize her passport n dump her here. Then get urself a new wife . That woman will eventually kill u.

I like how you're thinking

Segzy19:
Lol! You smell fake story. Then give us the real gist since you knew what happened

He has a point and I won't blame him. Bloggers these days have made us doubt every single story published on forums like these

They have evolved to call themselves CONTENT CREATORS and that's exactly what OP is!! He has even deactivated his fake profile

adewumiopeyemi:
I gues she has already cut the distance with her family She no what she is doing
Thank God is not in Canada if it’s is Canada
Mehn they focus more on woman no matter what even the woman is guilty

Even better! Much easier to attack a lone wolf

pokipoki:
Dude, I had similar problem in 2017. The marriage was becoming hellish. Luckily for me, the first day I started working abroad, I made it a compulsory to save money no matter what. When I got tired of the drama, I relocated back to Nigeria . My plan is to finalize the divorce and arrange my way back.
Bottom line - There are always alternatives. Dont be stuck in an unhappy life. Life is short!!!

Why did you leave her there? Why not bring her back to Nigeria, render her broke, destroy her passport and return to the US. Nigeria is meant for animals

Vulcan24:
Dear Friend

am a married man with enough experience
the handwriting has always been on the wall, but the fear and social stigma some good men feared of failed marriages kept you(us) going

you have started fighting fir your life, sanity and future, bear in mind the consequences of all your actions on your children

I am not saying and would never advise you to take such a woman under your roof again(although we haven't heard her own side) but on basis of this values you presented here and because it is a situation many of us are familiar with, we believe you might be telling the truth

please don't stop untill she's utterly destroyed, I mean rendered incapable of sabotaging you.

she's no longer your wife

She will come back with sober stories or plot bigger styles, be prepared

stay sharp

THIS! So many rare gems littered among the replies!!

lols naija women sef. fastmove

Eulalia:
Hmm... We women are chickened brains at times. This is obviously bad advice from friends with this local mentality they have about womens right being protected abroad hence wanting to leverage on that to be acting unruly and disrespectfully to their husbands. Whatever happened to submmiting to our husbands as the Bible commands? Or even try to maintain our traditions and culture when we get to the white mans land.


You should have just tripped them back to Nigeria on one Summer or December period like that and leave her behind after the whole thing let her learn her lessons. Divorce is never an option and im not an advocate for divorce.


Anyways, glad you have everything under control now. You really meant well for her but her local mentality could not allow her enjoy all that.

You sef shift one side. So you need a bible to tell you to act like a human being? What separates you from other animals then?

Do you know it is even the religious ones that do the most?

mikywonder:
My brother na u Bleep up
Chai same thing dat ended my cousin bro's carer
Fear woman

These Cousin brother people again.

Abeg which school una go?

Cephas11:
Some people are so fking daft..For him to have genuinely created an account to pour out his heart to people on here should have firstly be seen as courage in seeking advice but trust me we have more sadist here than anywhere else....I pray you pull through this bro...This type of news has been on the front for a long time...Stay safe and be ahead of the game..record her codedly when she starts her madness

You neva see something