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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity (7300 Views)
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Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 10:35pm On May 24, 2020 |
Aiyaya, see hidden comments I can't even follow up and read up all the contributions 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 10:37pm On May 24, 2020 |
Mstick: Nadia buari is married o and have four kids. At topic, honestly, this place is very toxic. What I see here can destroy families, relationships etc. No room for second chance, being objective. Everything is so self centered. The characteristic that's has destroyed Nigeria and we don't know that yet. It's always women versus men instead of voice of reason. Honestly, I pity the small children that visit this place. They will swallow everything they read here and self explode 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 10:40pm On May 24, 2020 |
pDudd:Thank you. I called you because I know you as someone who despite the fact you live in a western country, you still have very African values. Thanks for your contribution 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Mstick: 10:42pm On May 24, 2020 |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 10:45pm On May 24, 2020 |
Mstick: I thought u mean Nadia and her kids. I get you now. I didn't know much about her upbringing sha |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Mstick: 10:47pm On May 24, 2020 |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 10:48pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic: |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 10:51pm On May 24, 2020 |
sassysure: I am aware of this culture in Igbo land and it is been referenced a lot of here. I believe this throws another dimension (cultural) to the discussion because I know divorce/separation seems least embraced in Igbo land. 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 10:54pm On May 24, 2020 |
pDudd:U are actually wrong. You only know about your tribe and not other hundreds of tribe littered in the continent, Africa. I'm igbo and anambra precisely from awka senatorial zone. Our laws forbids that. The same way it forbids a man who gives a young maiden belle to waltz in to claim the child anytime he want. I grew up with this law and unless they abolish that today, it's still in place. So don't rope all in one basket. In abiriba, abia state, it's the wives family that marry off their sisters daughter. Is this the norm, no but it's the practice over there. I have been to one and even though we found it weird, it's still their cultural practice and we respected that. Imagine roping Egypt and Nigeria as the same culturally or even south Africa. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 10:58pm On May 24, 2020 |
sassysure: @bold: In Yoruba land, once a guy claims a child, the baby is accepted by all and sundry in the guy's family and position of the babymama 'elevated.' Ti obirin ba ti bimo fun eni, o ti koja ale eni. Once a woman has your child, she is now more than your concubine. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 11:03pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic: Are you from Akwa Ibom? |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Kennedyiheme02: 11:03pm On May 24, 2020 |
doitforyou:I'll raise my love child in my house.. if the wife has a problem with it.. she should pack and go.. its a choice ahe has to make.. a wife is only a wife.. cant give me conditions in my own house 2 Likes |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:04pm On May 24, 2020 |
bukatyne:I don't know about other parts of igboland o in my side, this is a no go area. Also, we hardly divorce. Actually, we don't divorce. Its the family that will divorce you guys traditionally when your case is extreme e.g., u are a killer, u panel beat your spouse etc, they always have your medicine no matter how bad and far gone you are. If it's a man who panel beat his wife, her people or his people will give him a dose of his medicine and her family will take their daughter and kids away from him. U are forbidden from marrying again. And u will be heavily fined. If u have repented and your conduct is accepted by all and sundry, u will start wooing your wife afresh. All through the time she is with her people, u will never fail in your obligations to your family. And if the women came for your case, sorry will be your last name. It's working for them actually. Help in keeping the execcess of spouses in check. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:05pm On May 24, 2020 |
bukatyne:I couldn't have explained this any better than you. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 11:07pm On May 24, 2020 |
sassysure: @bold: Interesting. While I think a some of our cultural beliefs and practices need total overhaul, the good ones should be fine-tuned to fit today. Nice one. When a person knows marriage is permanent, they choose with more intention and behave well in the marriage. How is adultery treated generally? Apart from the love child. 2 Likes |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Kennedyiheme02: 11:08pm On May 24, 2020 |
Richy4:actually any one can be paid to play the role of a mother.. there are kids who love thier nannies and can cry hell the day their nannies doesnt show up.. any woman can show love to kids.. you can actually buy a mother figure with money... how on earth would you buy a father? So a nanny that cooks, feeds, bathes the kids.. how do you think kids see her?.. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:09pm On May 24, 2020 |
bukatyne:No, I just like how it sounds. Apostle Johnson Suleiman also uses the expression a lot when preaching |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by bukatyne(f): 11:11pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic: Ok, it means beautiful / beauty. 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:11pm On May 24, 2020 |
Jullima:Is there such a woman Because this is even the best solution, just as men do with theirs. 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:13pm On May 24, 2020 |
bukatyne:That's the culture in yorubaland and I can't fault it at all. I respect people's culture a lot. We don't do like that. When u here of sperm donor, come to my side. So men are wise, either u wear raincoat or u rush and marry her before she born. It was so bad before, if the family is aware she is preganat, even if u marry her, that child isn't yours. We have one in my family. The mum don't like the babe and she took in, her people got to know, finally marriage happened. She gave birth. Lived with them as first son until he became an adult and they told him he don't belong to my family. Crazy tradition. A man who is not fertile will allow another man to father his kids and those kids are his legally. A family that has only female daughters may get male children from one of the daughters before she marry even if its her present husband as her boyfriend who impregnated her As long as he didn't marry her till she give birth, voila, child belongs to her family. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:26pm On May 24, 2020 |
rockstarB:This is a question I should have included in my first post to put the whole thing into perspective and I hope to see answers to it. You understand completely. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:28pm On May 24, 2020 |
bukatyne: Most women will sit on it as long as the man is still performing his husband and fatherly duties. Generally, they don't care much. I will give you an example, a woman who lost her husband and is still young needs a man. Some women who are friends with such ladies lease out their husbands,they can even continue having kids through such arrangements. But it's mostly with women who are alone and without any man. The wife will come for your head if its a fellow married woman like her or a young girl. And may take you to kinsmen court. Court ùmùnna. For a married woman, it's a no no, unless your husband can't perform again, u will show respect by going outside and be discreet about it. If you as a woman is floriking and at a point get pregnant, they usually pass it off as the husbands since t makes no difference as the child belongs to the man anyway but u will be heavily punished, even send home to your people at a point. Like that example I gave, that man paid for all the anti whatever, cs etc, the husband people made sure he parted with enough cash yet the child wasn't his. That girl will.pass him.on the street and simply greet him like every other person. City lives have corrupted the culture a lot but still in the city, some of their activities are monitored. There is always town people to treat your fukk up if your spouse complain 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:29pm On May 24, 2020 |
Acidosis:Why won't you accept it in comparison to why it's easier for a woman to accept it? This is the purpose of the thread and not the question of just accepting it itself. It's the why. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:33pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic:I wonder. How many women will drop their baby with the wife of man? 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:34pm On May 24, 2020 |
ibkayee:If you take a moment to move past my word choices & sentences and maybe just try to explain why it's easier for women to accept a lovechild as opposed to men, you will begin to see what the OP is about. Forget about me using finances as my reason. Lots of other people have brought up other reasons besides finance but you're stuck on my word arrangement. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:40pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic:It's easier for a woman to ACCEPT because it's easier for a love child of her husband to be raised by the babymama outside their marriage. Except shes snooping around, she might not even get to know the child like that. ACCEPTANCE is different from TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD. E.g I accept that my husband has a love child outside, even tho I am not responsible for the child. Now reverse the scenario for a woman. It is easier for the husband to trust his babymama to care for her own child, way better than his wife would. 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:42pm On May 24, 2020 |
sassysure:And all of that is contingent on the man accepting the child, is it not? If that man had refused to accept the child, will his kinsmen force it on him? |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:42pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic:You can edit your post before it gets to front page 1 Like |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:46pm On May 24, 2020 |
sassysure:Which part of Igbo land are you from please? |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Nobody: 11:53pm On May 24, 2020 |
Romangalactic:It's the tradition actually. He has to accept the child but he can send the wife home. Normally, cases like this are resolved. Wife will eventually come back. Her people will come and beg. Serious begging and appeasing. We have received kids from asaba into our extended family. The father, a married man with 5 kids live in Germany while his kids and wife are in the village. I don't know if he is aware of those kids before or not. A boy and a girl. The wife just accepted the kids as hers. They came at age 7 and 10 and they call the wife mummy like her children yet they still have their mummy in asaba. They go on school holiday to stay with their mum and her family. So as the wife accepted those kids, a man should accept such from his wife also though it's not a frequent occurance. |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:53pm On May 24, 2020 |
rockstarB:I have done so |
Re: Why Men Find It Hard Accepting Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity by Romangalactic(m): 11:55pm On May 24, 2020 |
sassysure:Wow, you're saying the man must accept his wife's lovechild I have never heard of it before. Which part of Igbo are you from |
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