bukatyne:
Infidelity with children is different for men & women.

Husband:
A husband cheats and has a kid. He can decide to run a parallel family or bring the kid home if the marriage currently has no kids, no boys etc. The worst he will do is to bring the child home as 'his brother's child or uncle' s child' that is lie about the relationship. At No POINT is the wife deceived that the child is hers.

Wife:
She cheats and gets pregnant. Except the husband has established he is impotent or did not sleep with her during the window, he will automatically assume her child is his. So the husband invests all resources in a child that is not his right from when she is pregnant.

There is also wear and tear that comes from pregnancy and childbirth. So the husband probably ran out at 2am to get Ghana Jollof + Port Harcourt Boli for a child that is not his; he endured all the discomfort and abstained from sex for months for a child not his; the wife's body changed and he had to work with her through it for a child not his; he kept vigil when the baby was ill; he cheered when the baby took her first walk; when he grew his first tooth.

Paternity fraud is the difference between love children of cheating husbands/ wives.

Cc: Romangalactic

Very apt!

bukatyne:
Infidelity with children is different for men & women.

Husband:
A husband cheats and has a kid. He can decide to run a parallel family or bring the kid home if the marriage currently has no kids, no boys etc. The worst he will do is to bring the child home as 'his brother's child or uncle' s child' that is lie about the relationship. At No POINT is the wife deceived that the child is hers.

Wife:
She cheats and gets pregnant. Except the husband has established he is impotent or did not sleep with her during the window, he will automatically assume her child is his. So the husband invests all resources in a child that is not his right from when she is pregnant.

There is also wear and tear that comes from pregnancy and childbirth. So the husband probably ran out at 2am to get Ghana Jollof + Port Harcourt Boli for a child that is not his; he endured all the discomfort and abstained from sex for months for a child not his; the wife's body changed and he had to work with her through it for a child not his; he kept vigil when the baby was ill; he cheered when the baby took her first walk; when he grew his first tooth.

Paternity fraud is the difference between love children of cheating husbands/ wives.

Cc: Romangalactic

we are not talking about deception by the woman here.
We are talking about a woman bringing a kid that is not his and being honest about it(my dear husband,when you were abroad , I made a mistake and I am pregnant ) versus a Man bringing a kid that is not hers.
What is the difference?

No one is comparing paternity fraud with a love child because the former is purely deceit! We are comparing a love child from a man and a love child from a woman(with no deceit).

Why do think one is more tolerable than another?

You are woman(except you are a male behind this moniker),you should know better that raising a child is not just a man dropping money. If a man brings in a love child will the lady not nurture,groom and take care of the child?you think flinging cash is more than bathing a kid thrice a day,watching over the kid feeding the kid,,sleeping with the kid when admitted in the hospital(most men cant do such), changing nappies at night etc

As a single father(I am engaged to the mother of my kid though),he came to spend last Christmas with me,it was hell. He will climb everywhere,put my phone in the toilet,switch on the gas,not to talk of him waking up at night severally..I just couldn't do anything, I was tied down. I realised that taking care of a child is worth more than the money I send monthly for his upkeep.


So please concisely state the difference between a love child from a man and a love child from a woman,if both are honest about it!

Romangalactic:

Goodness,thank you so much for this breakdown. I don't understand why there are people still finding it difficult to accept that there is a very big difference between a husband having a lovechild and wife having a lovechild.

The intricacies involved, financially big part, are just different. Everyone knows that when a child is not able to eat good food or attend a good school, and he has a father,it is him that will be looked at as useless. Whether the wife contributes financially to the house or not is not an onlookers concern.

there is no difference between a love child from a man and woman,both invest(however differently).
You are comparing paternity fraud with a love child to excuse men infidelity.

Why not compare a love child(openly confessed) of a man and also a love child(openly confessed )of a woman...
What is the difference?

Dont tell me cash please, cash is nothing compared to grooming and nurturing a child

Kingarthur21:
a myopic and sexist gibberish you put up.

No man/woman should be deceived/forced into raising a child from wedlock.
There is no excuse for it,you talk like one from the medieval times.
DNA disruption?family tree?
In the 21st century you are analysing from a sexist lens..

In as much as I hate modern day feminism,I agree it was needed to some extent to put sexist men at bay

Didnt you read the part where I said it solely depends on the wife to decide whether she also wants to be in the life of the said love child? Neither the wife nor the husband should be forced. Read my post again.
I also said, a man can decide to raise the love child, if he so wishes to.
My point is, in case of love child from a man, it is easier for him to raise the child outside his home. His babymama can take care of the child while he supports in a fatherly way. It's not same for a woman.
A woman that has a love child in a marriage cannot raise that child with the father of the child while still married to her own husband. At least it wont be that easy. That is the part where paternity fraud comes in

Kuns84:
It's like someone has hacked Kingarthur21's account.

no one did..the fact I am pro man doesn't mean I should always cheer irresponsible behaviours from some men.I will have daughters some day.

descartes400:


We would very much like you to keep us updated on your condition...since you said you have been undergoing treatment for its reversal secretly...we hope its successful....as per the "the plan" yes its very good to be cautious...it is the rational thing to do...

Thank you bro

doitforyou:

No where did the OP talk about paternity fraud nor a man marrying a single mother. This is a case of a known love child. OP, if paternity fraud is included please update your OP. I am sure most people wouldn’t approve of paternity fraud, that’s a whole different thing.

It isn’t always the case a husband isn’t aware of a love child.

Perhaps I misunderstood the OP. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll edit it.

Kingarthur21:
no one did..the fact I am pro man doesn't mean I should always cheer irresponsible behaviours from some men.I will have daughters some day.

Good for you but I think you're firing all the wrong shots here.

Paternity fraud is very much relevant to this discussion.
. and as much as it is WRONG, you cannot equate the level of sacrifice, deceit and trauma it brings to a situation where a man has a baby mama on the side! ..Reasons? Well, I don't think I can explain it better than Bukatyne has.

Kuns84:


Good for you but I think you're firing all the wrong shots here.

Paternity fraud is very much relevant to this discussion.
. and as much as it is WRONG, you cannot equate the level of sacrifice, deceit and trauma it brings to a situation where a man has a baby mama on the side! ..Reasons? Well, I don't think I can explain it better than Bukatyne has.

bro,if you have being reading mynposts on this thread I was not comparing paternity fraud to a man love child.
The former is purely deceit and I will advice any man to leave the lady. Except a man marries a single mom or choose to adopt a child he should not be deceived or forced to cater for a child.

I was comparing a love child from a female(which she openly confesses from the onset) to the love child of a man(which he also openly confesses)

The Op was subtly using "providing cash" as a pass of bringing in love children.


Edited:
The op said the work of a mother can be done by anyone but a father's work cant be done.

Would a sane person type that?

Romangalactic:
It's my opinion that he has the right to do so because it is his money that will be used to take care of the child. The role of a mother can be performed by anyone if you pay them to do it and people need jobs.......

but you can't pay someone to financially provide for a child he did not father

The entitlement of men though, like everything has to be their way becos of a minute sense of ego which they think is high and over bloated,

@first emboldened, no man has the right to bring in the result of infidelity even if he is the only financial provider, this is like saying cheating is a right, or breeding like dogs outside the home is also a right, when you force a wife to accept such, an evil step mother is born, an innocent child will suffer for what isn't it's fault, and an evil wife is born,

@ 2nd emboldened, if money is the only important necessity to take care of a child, all kids should be taken from their home and put in a facility since Op thinks parental bond, togetherness, and a homely environment is nothing, and all parents should send monthly payment for their upkeep, since according to Op's opinion(an opinion he decided to air publicly for everyone to read, thereby making some delusional minds that can't think straight, see it as the right thing) it is right, when it can never be right.

@3rd emboldened, I don't see anyone forcing a man at gun point to father a child that is not his, he has the option of walking away before attempting to marry the mother, if it is about paternity fraud, that is an entirely different matter.

Imagine what the OP is trying to 'rationalise'...

I generally have no sympathy for Nigerian men who are victims of partnerity fraud, ride on daughters lol

Kingarthur21:
we are not talking about deception by the woman here.
We are talking about a woman bringing a kid that is not his and being honest about it(my dear husband,when you were abroad , I made a mistake and I am pregnant ) versus a Man bringing a kid that is not hers.
What is the difference?

No one is comparing paternity fraud with a love child because the former is purely deceit! We are comparing a love child from a man and a love child from a woman(with no deceit).

Why do think one is more tolerable than another?

You are woman(except you are a male behind this moniker),you should know better that raising a child is not just a man dropping money. If a man brings in a love child will the lady not nurture,groom and take care of the child?you think flinging cash is more than bathing a kid thrice a day,watching over the kid feeding the kid,,sleeping with the kid when admitted in the hospital(most men cant do such), changing nappies at night etc

As a single father(I am engaged to the mother of my kid though),he came to spend last Christmas with me,it was hell. He will climb everywhere,put my phone in the toilet,switch on the gas,not to talk of him waking up at night severally..I just couldn't do anything, I was tied down. I realised that taking care of a child is worth more than the money I send monthly for his upkeep.


So please concisely state the difference between a love child from a man and a love child from a woman,if both are honest about it!

The difference is that the love child of a married man can be healthily raised outside of his home if his wife doesnt agree to raising and nurturing the child like you put up here. Can a woman raise her own love child outside her home if her husband doesnt agree to being a part of the childs life? Will it be easy for her to do that? Especially if the baby daddy isn't all that. Basket mouth has a love child that doesnt live with himself and his wife, they have a good marriage and the kid is doing okay with the babymama.
You need to ask yourself why its easier for women to feign paternity fraud rather than come out clean to their husbands.
I'm not saying there arent men that would raise love child of their wives tho.

ibkayee:
Imagine what the OP is trying to 'rationalise'...

I generally have no sympathy for Nigerian men who are victims of partnerity fraud, ride on daughters lol

It doesnt make sense for any woman to pin a child of mr A on mr B. There is no rationality behind that. It's totally absurd. No man deserves that, at least not without his knowledge

ibkayee:
Imagine what the OP is trying to 'rationalise'...

I generally have no sympathy for Nigerian men who are victims of partnerity fraud, ride on daughters lol

Why don't you have sympathy for Nigerian men who are victims of paternity fraud?

Kuns84:


Good for you but I think you're firing all the wrong shots here.

Paternity fraud is very much relevant to this discussion.
. and as much as it is WRONG, you cannot equate the level of sacrifice, deceit and trauma it brings to a situation where a man has a baby mama on the side! ..Reasons? Well, I don't think I can explain it better than Bukatyne has.

Dont mind him.

DontBullshitMe:
Imagine waking up to evidence of your wife's infidelity every day of your life. . .

Also, imagine waking up to evidence of your husband's infidelity everyday of your life.

Kingarthur21:
no one did..the fact I am pro man doesn't mean I should always cheer irresponsible behaviours from some men.I will have daughters some day.

I pray the daughters will be truly yours some daughters of God are already cheering on paternity fraud here.

pansophist:
There are men who marry single moms and became good fathers to her kid(s), it's about letting your partner know what they are getting into, not by deceit. So therefore, its left for a woman to determine if she will confer parental care to her step child, especially when the man is showing his fatherly responsibilities.

Editted

Nice.

Kingarthur21:
we are not talking about deception by the woman here.
We are talking about a woman bringing a kid that is not his and being honest about it(my dear husband,when you were abroad , I made a mistake and I am pregnant ) versus a Man bringing a kid that is not hers.
What is the difference?

No one is comparing paternity fraud with a love child because the former is purely deceit! We are comparing a love child from a man and a love child from a woman(with no deceit).

Why do think one is more tolerable than another?

You are woman(except you are a male behind this moniker),you should know better that raising a child is not just a man dropping money. If a man brings in a love child will the lady not nurture,groom and take care of the child?you think flinging cash is more than bathing a kid thrice a day,watching over the kid feeding the kid,,sleeping with the kid when admitted in the hospital(most men cant do such), changing nappies at night etc

As a single father(I am engaged to the mother of my kid though),he came to spend last Christmas with me,it was hell. He will climb everywhere,put my phone in the toilet,switch on the gas,not to talk of him waking up at night severally..I just couldn't do anything, I was tied down. I realised that taking care of a child is worth more than the money I send monthly for his upkeep.


So please concisely state the difference between a love child from a man and a love child from a woman,if both are honest about it!

I am surprised this is coming from you.

Kuns84:


Well, perhaps he's been so much bullied and subjugated by females on this forum. So much so that he now suddenly panders to the (f) audience for likes and cheap acceptance.

It's either that or his account has been hacked.. coz the thirst and desperation I sense from his comments doesn't strike me as the same person

Lol
He should ask himself why its easier for women to feign paternity fraud instead of coming out clean. Then he will get his answers to the difference between love child of a man and woman

Men find it hard to accept children their wives had from infidelity because:
1. It reminds them of said wife's infidelity
2. It is the duty of a father to provide for the needs of his children, so if the child is not his, why should he accept it
3. The child is not a part of the family, ie the child is not his blood.

Those are the 3 major reasons I can think of.

Wrong post

rockstarB:

It doesnt make sense for any woman to pin a child of mr A on mr B. There is no rationality behind that. It's totally absurd. No man deserves that, at least not without his knowledge

angelfallz:


Why don't you have sympathy for Nigerian men who are victims of paternity fraud?

OP reeks of entitlement, it's terrible no matter which gender does it, but OP is using technicalities to dismissively rationalize why one is more 'palatable' and therefore 'acceptable'. A good portion of them have this mindset so whenever they get cheated on or there's paternity fraud, I just...look lol

I won't say there's absolutely no case that I have and will have sympathy for, it's just that whenever a case comes to my attention, empathy is rarely part of my immediate emotional response, knowing how they'd be if the shoe were on the other foot lol

Biglittlelois:



I am surprised this is coming from you.

ii am not a sexist. I am pro man,but that doesn't mean I will cheer them when they misbehave

Kingarthur21:
there is no difference between a love child from a man and woman,both invest(however differently).
You are comparing paternity fraud with a love child to excuse men infidelity.

Why not compare a love child(openly confessed) of a man and also a love child(openly confessed )of a woman...
What is the difference?

Dont tell me cash please, cash is nothing compared to grooming and nurturing a child

An openly confessed lovechild either way, and my opinion still stands.

Anyone can groom and nurture a child as good as the biological mother if you pay them to do it. My mother can do it for my child & my sister or relative can do it too, all free of charge even. But financial provision for a child is not something you can outsource to anyone so yes cash is absolutely more important.

rockstarB:

.
I'm not saying there arent men that would raise love child of their wives tho.

So why are you hell bent on making it seem like men don't accept love child when you very well know that some do?

angelfallz:
Men find it hard to accept children their wives had from infidelity because:
1. It reminds them of said wife's infidelity
2. It is the duty of a father to provide for the needs of his children, so if the child is not his, why should he accept it
3. The child is not a part of the family, ie the child is not his blood.

Those are the 3 major reasons I can think of.

Thanks for your concise answers and not attacks on my person. Much respect

ibkayee:


OP reeks of entitlement, it's terrible no matter which gender does it, but OP is using technicalities to dismissively rationalize why one is more 'palatable' and therefore 'acceptable'. A good portion of them have this mindset so whenever they get cheated on or there's paternity fraud, I just...look lol

I won't say there's absolutely no case that I have and will have sympathy for, it's just that whenever a case comes to my attention, empathy is rarely part of my immediate emotional response, knowing how they'd be if the shoe were on the other foot lol

Hmmmm interesting.
This is off topic but I'll still ask you;
Do you also have this same mindset when men are:
1. the victims of rape
2. the victims of domestic violence
3. the victims of gender bias

Romangalactic:

Thanks for your concise answers and not attacks on my person. Much respect

You're welcome