tranxo:


And you are not judgmental? You believe her story, one-sided, without hearing from the father.

To me, the exact thing the father was trying to prevent her from becoming was the exact thing her mother helped her become.

U clearly didnt read her story. Who did she say finally changed her for good?

If God were to punish you every single time you made a mistake, where you be? He gives u room to make errors and forgives u wen u go wrong. If he wanted to be strict he could have killed u straight up wen u go wrong.

The lesson you should take from this is that when correcting someone do it in love.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

You can still explore without doing smoking or doing drugs. My dad is like yours and all He just created between us is a kind of enmity as anytime I remember his act towards me when I was younger I his hatred will grow in mu mind but I don't show it sha. I still maintain my coolness and keep on thinking of how myblive will be better.

Firstnebo:


Felicia don't mind all the negative comments here, your post is very accurate

So many negative comments.
Funny thing Nigerians will be claiming saints but look around the country and tell me whether it's positive or negative people that resides in it.
Still they will claim the best.
Nonsense

They will claim faultless but are very corrupt, raising children withour character.

Strictly raising children won't stop the one that will corrupt from being corrupt.
My dad was very strict while growing up
It affected my relationship with him for a long time
I wasn't close to him
And it really bothered him
He even complained to my mum
Although with time our relationship has gotten better
We relate very well now

But the strictness of many African parents
Alienated there children from them
It even destroys a child's creativity
Compare the level of creativity and innovation of oyibos to Africans
Many parents use beating and rough handling to drive away the creative quotient of there children thereby raising children that can think and reason critically out of the box thinking

And this is one reason Nigeria and many African countries are backward and under developed. Because quality of humans raised don't have creative and innovative mindset. They can pass class academic work, with excellence but put them where to use there intelligence and they will be found wanting.

That's why you see the types of Bill Gates, Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs were academic drop outs but still did excellently with there creative genius.
But where can you find such people in Africa?

Never mind the rebellious INDOMIE generation. You will soon have your children to know how parenting looks like. Efulefu..

Only you will be held responsible for failing or succeeding later on in life... continue exploring sis

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

You life is yours, whatever you do, you reap the consequences. It doesn't matter whether your dad or mum make you do it. Take responsibility for your actions and inactions.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

Stop making excuses for yourself, you spoilt brat
Your past will definitely hunt you one day, then you will appreciate ur parents of being strict

Slynation:

Bro... Don't think you are doing yourself and the kids a favor by not beating them when they go wrong... A good spanking won't kill them as stated in "Proverbs 23 vs 13" otherwise they will develop that mindset of "do it, daddy will not do us anything" as u see me so, i don chop beatings from my parents for this life wey i come because i was so stubborn.... But i later realized it moulded me to a guy of principles today
Lemme give you a scenario, I remember when i was a kid about 7years old, my mom caught me smoking (rolled pieces of paper) red handed, the way she dealt with me ehh, even till tomorrow I'm still running away from anything that emit smoke from the mouth, what if I'm your son and you played deaf ears, don't you think you are doing me more harm than good? Discipline your child very very well if they go wrong, in that way they learn to differentiate between good and bad

I don't mean paying a total deaf ear to their disobedience. I have gone places and have read widely. I have seen things too. There are other ways to let (better ways ) to punish or correct a child.. And besting is the least of them

Kyom20:

U clearly didnt read her story. Who did she say finally changed her for good?

If God were to punish you every single time you made a mistake, where you be? He gives u room to make errors and forgives u wen u go wrong. If he wanted to be strict he could have killed u straight up wen u go wrong.

The lesson you should take from this is that when correcting someone do it in love.

HER STORY right? What's her father's story?

At times both is necessary

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

u are solely responsible for d outcome of ur life and not ur parents

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

Thank your God you retraced your steps if you really did,no one! I mean not even your parents owe you anything in this life,even orphans grow up to be responsible Adults.We know your type in Uni.

That my dear, is your story. It is not the Generalization. I want to assume your parents were well off, otherwise, if food was scarce on your family table, everyone was chipping in somehow - mum and dad working end to end, kids as well: Hawking and looking after each other and you had to struggle to get into Uni, youthful exuberance as you so described would not have been an option. Nonetheless, strict parental upbringing differs substantially from spoiled/pampered/overprotected upbringing. You knew what you knew at the time, when you knew better, you did better... Nothing to do with strict parenting...shikena!

crackland:

All of that happened ONLY because of your bad decisions and the wrong kind of company you kept, it wasn't due to the style of discipline you were given by your dad.

If you had been involved in more profitable things like hanging out with the brightest students who spent their time studying and sitting at the front of the lecture hall, or perhaps you joined a religious Christian group and made friends from there, you would not have had anyone to drink, smoke, party, or do drugs with.

Your mom who wasn't strict, why didn't her relaxed disciplinary style have any effect on you?

Learn to have some personal responsibility for your choices.

I stan

An African adage goes "he whom the gods want to kill they first make mad.

Have this at the back of your mind that you are responsible for what you become in life, parents are there only to offer you guidance and if you chose to derail, that's your palaver.

Strictness, discipline are not as bad as you put it. Have you wondered by students tend to perform better in course handle by their so called "strict teachers/ lecturers".

Judas Iscariot despite being with Christ chose to be way ward, perhaps you were the "black sheep" in the family.

safarigirl:


LOL...e get who dem teach sex education? Some of you just want to talk like people God did not give sense.

Nobody taught me sex education and I don't have any sex partner, nothing spoil.

Abeg, no mind all those people... They are just looking for who to blame for their failure.

Life is a choice, it was their choice to be like that.

VickyRotex:


wawwuuu. first time wey you talk small sense (very very small) but you still spoil am with some dirty words.
Na the only thing in bold make sense, but e better pass all your other posts. I tell you say prayer can move mountains. Halleluyah, the prayer we've been praying for you is working.

help me find one babe for your church now. I no mind that your pastor's daughter or your choir mistress

safarigirl:


LOL...e get who dem teach sex education? Some of you just want to talk like people God did not give sense.

Nobody taught me sex education and I don't have any sex partner, nothing spoil.

pls can i be your sex partner with no strings attached?

OP, nothing do you.
You did the right thing at the right time.
What better time to explore than in the university?
It would have been too early if you were less than 18 years and perhaps a bit too late if you were over 28 years.
I don't know if it had anything to do with strictness, but you wus jus a young gal living da life
You no kill person, na only party you like.

Abegi na u wan be bad pikin. It's all Ur making.

The presence, footstep or shouts of my dad is the beginning of wisdom. CONTINUE TO RIP DAD.

we still make sure his strict rules are obeyed even grand kids sef no say one papa dey like dis and like that so u can't come to the family house and do rubbish.

If not for my parent's strictness especially my old man , while I was growing up , I for don useless by now o. I really thank God for them

rockstarB:
My parents are strict too. I never clubbed nor went partying, It still had to do with my upbringing.
I couldn't bring myself to do those things because of how I was raised, it has to do with you largely, even of they gave you the chance to explore, a child that wants to explore would do that regardless.
Exploration or open eyes dont have to do with clubbing, smoking, drugs and all sort. No parents in their right mind will encourage their kids to explore such path. There are better ways to explore and get the best out of life.

Double blessings for you my sister

edoairways:

She said "My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid. Her father must have warned her which I know for such

It seems you don't know some parents, they don't show compassion. They always dictate, from what you like and don't like, what you wear, what you eat without giving you a chance at all. They don't care how you're feeling when they are doing this. They think they are helping you but sometimes that doesn't help. Every kid is different, what works for one might make the other go rogue

kikelomojessy:
Abegi na u wan be bad pikin. It's all Ur making.

The presence, footstep or shouts of my dad is the beginning of wisdom. CONTINUE TO RIP DAD.

we still make sure his strict rules are obeyed even grand kids sef no say one papa dey like dis and like that so u can't come to the family house and do rubbish.

Just so you know every kid is different, what worked for you might not work for another

I disagree with this bitterly, Correction is useless if the child doesn't understand or see it reasonable to correct them for the wrong they have done, no matter how strict or Godly the parents are, That the problem they correct but they don't give much effort in getting the point across, that's why when they grow out of it their tend to be even worse than their parents ever imagine

That is your problem, your parent can't be half as strict as my father that did not stop me from trying all you did but at the end I still chose to respect the norm of the larger society instead of being a renegade or a nuisance cos I understand why they chose that method.

At times foolish people like to turn their parent to demigods that will understand what all their children with different character need instead of helping the parent to beta their on lives.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it inmakes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

My people say the dog that will get itself lost is one that refuses to hearken to the sound of the hunters whistles.

Why didn't you listen to your Mum. You programmed yourself for your own wildness!

Kyom20:
I can totally relate to this. Nigerian parents often make the mistake of trying to force or suppress their kids to be a certain way so as to avoid them making "mistakes". What they fail to realise is making mistakes and learning is part of life.

This then leads to rebellion because often times these children want to have these experiences for themselves. Its just human nature. What i feel is important for children in this situation to understand is that everything should be done in moderation because at the end of the day its still your life, and you would suffer most the consequences of your actions.

@ op, you are normal and i hope you learn from your parents mistakes when training your own kids.

I Hope this article sheds more light
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20120223/overly-strict-controlling-parents-risk-raising-delinquent-kids

Modified
I really feel the need to add that people on this forum are very judgemental without even understanding where the poster is coming from.
Did any one read her story at all? Her dad was very strict which led to her having to pretend when at home while being a totally different person when out of the house. Can we really say that is a good thing? Or have we never seen this happen in our society? Do we not see that this parenting skill breeds hypocrisy?

Some are even going as far as judging her. That makes no sense, so many people are mistaking strict parents for disciplinarians. The one thing we need to understand is that strictness often results in rebellion which often shows up on in our society as hypocrisy.

The reason why so many Nigerians are quick to judge but what they do in the secret is most disgusting.

She was who she wanted to be. After all, her mum was soft and understanding: why didn't she take her footstep.

People should take responsibility for their actions

Op I'm really sorry for you.
I wish i had the opportunities you have , i would have been everly grateful to my dad(parents).
Your dad wants the best for you and you're here messing up.
FYI, IT'S YOUR LIFE AND FUTURE YOU ARE WASTING AND NOT YOUR DAD'S.
Pray that it will not too late for you to make amends.
Our people say;
Ihe onye iberibe mere mmadu enweghi ka oha ka nke omere onwe ya, maka na nke omere onwe ya ga akariri njo.
Nwanne, you are doing yourself.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

It is a good thing you changed .But never you put your drinking ,drugs etc on your dad.Parenting is not an easy task .The man tried to show you the way.My father drinks then but I have never drank alcohol not because my mum warned me never to drink ...I saw the need not to .So parenting is not easy.The man was only trying to do his best

my mum was very strict.. All those childhood games I been de watch am for window...
But I'm not easily influenced and I have self-control.. Strict parents don't bring up bad kids.