₦airaland Forum

pippimp:
It's complicated. Hi Dyt. The most important thing you have to bear in mind is the person you eventually marry will not be the same person in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, etc. As human beings we want experiences and those experiences change us for the good or the bad. The ability to have and keep a healthy and happy marriage is the realization that changes in the character, physique and attitude of your spouse will occur and you have to adapt to these changes. When you get a job, have a baby, go to school while working, etc will put pressure on you and definitely alter the way you behave. You and your spouse must adapt to these changes. Another problem is this mindset, especially among women that because you are married your mission is accomplished. Girl, that is when the work really begins. Remember, there was a reason he married you and you married him. It is hard but both parties have to try on a daily basis to keep the illusion going. Not trying to do so is one of the main reasons people cheat. "Oh she's getting fat". "Can you imagine, he now has a pot belly", etc. Believe it or not, my wife literally looks the same way she did the day i met her more than 20 years ago. Yes i know it's hard to believe. It's didn't just happen by magic. As i am typing this, she is downstairs doing jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, and whatever exercises in her regimen to keep her shape and keep looking sexy for me. This after 3 kids. She will put any 20 year old to shame with the way she looks. She's 44 but you'd think she was 24 by looking at her. On my part i'm lucky. My job requires me to be extremely fit and look good so i ain't got a choice. Lastly, finances. If both your finances are screwed up then both of you are screwed. It will not matter how sexy you are or how handsome he is. This is the reason both parties have to plan and make joint decisions in matters relating to their financial future. I had to learn this the hard way early on. Marriage ain't easy but if you can master these 3 core foundations of change, finances, and physical well being you'll always be ahead of the game. Always.

Boss, the bolded nearly tore me into pieces. I just realised that basic theory. Men need to be very careful when it comes to finances. You need to hustle and make sure your wife is doing something. Don't for any reason make her a full time house wife. Savings is very important.

At one point in marriage, the hot sex and mushy mushy disappears what is left is Respect and Friendship.

I use to worry about this word FRIENDSHIP. I wanted to force it on my husband coz I heard a lot a out it.

In my head friendship is talking and laughing 24/7. But my husband is "fluent in silence" content in just laying down and saying nothing.So I felt we didn't have friendship. But now I know better.

2ndly I believed only a Christian man could give you a good marriage. By Christian i mean going to church 2/3 times a week, participating in church activities, doing morning devotion and all,

A man with a good moral compass can also give you a good home. Don't force all of that on your partner. I still do devotions with my kids and go to church every Sunday (with my husband but I don't force him on this one. Secretly I think he is doing it as family bonding time not really for anything else. I will take it)

your marriage must not be like everyone else. I and my husband separated for 6 months when we hit our rough paths(every one said, in marriage you must stick together to work it out blah blah blah. ) how can yoh work it out in the same situation that is choking you. Even at work they give you leave days.


You cannot work it out in that situation. You need to take a break and look at it from the outside. If not you will completely get irritated and start to hold a grudge.

Maobichek:
. I appreciate you for your confidence and boldness. Of a truth, you must be an angel, you will not suffer in marriage and you will not regret being married for any reason, thank you.

Amen

Joycekkh:
I use to think to myself, that if I am a guy, I will get bored of my wife quickly, after few years of marriage, faithful men are really trying. It take a high level of self control to still be attracted to your wife after years of marriage.

Disciplined Men.

coolhuster:
Boss, the bolded nearly tore me into pieces. I just realised that basic theory. Men need to be very careful when it comes to finances. You need to hustle and make sure your wife is doing something. Don't for any reason make her a full time house wife. Savings is very important.

No truer words were ever said.

zeb04:
At one point in marriage, the hot sex and mushy mushy disappears what is left is Respect and Friendship.

I use to worry about this word FRIENDSHIP. I wanted to force it on my husband coz I heard a lot a out it.

In my head friendship is talking and laughing 24/7. But my husband is "fluent in silence" content in just laying down and saying nothing.So I felt we didn't have friendship. But now I know better.

[s]2ndly I believed only a Christian man can give you a good marriage. By Christian i mean going to church 2/3 times a week, participating in church activities, doing morning devotion and all,[/s]

A man with a good moral compass and also give you a good home. Don't force all of that on your partner. I still do devotions with my kids but go to church every Sunday (with my husband but I don't force him for this one. Secretly I think he is doing it as family bonding time not really for anything else. I will take it)


I believe every marriage goes through its rough path. Mine was 2 years into the marriage.

NO. Any man who is liberal, open-minded and ready to keep a home makes a good home. We have Pastors and Reverend fathers who do not have good homes. They attend church service 7/7, do early morning devotion and can recite the bibble very well.

Marriage is just over hyped..

When you go into marriage with so much expectations like your life and happiness depends on it then you have yourself to blame

I'm happy to be a husband and a father. I've basically always had peace and joy in marriage but I was also foolish enough to want to explore outside marriage. I would have easily been burnt by getting caught, having a disease or an illegitimate child but I was lucky or blessed to find my self back before getting burnt. Now I strive to be the best husband and father out there. Curiosity made me explore and I realized there is nothing out there. Some also tried it and it destroyed them and their family.

Marriage is never the same for everyone. Some have it turbulent, some smooth and some neutral. What I believe is that marriage is mainly luck and a bit of effort. Almost a decade of blissful happiness not because I'm special but because I got lucky to get a compatible partner. Some people are good but unfortunate to be married to a person who has little or nothing in common with them.

Plead:
God doesn’t exist.

It's only a FOOL that says in his heart "there is no God"...

you cannot see the end from the beginning (only God has that power)you can't factor in everything before get married ( that's when you will know why the Bible said "the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can understand it. Just know that there is no any magic formula that make marriage work, (though love and money makes it a tiny bit easier)one man's food is another man's poison. Just make sure there is peace in your heart when you take that leap of faith with the one you love and remember, if you are marrying a goat, don't expect him to turn to a sheep cos he married you, if don't like how he goats smells, then don't even marry one hoping body spray and perfs will keep the smell away. Good luck to you.

Gaggi:
I'm happy to be a husband and a father. I've basically always had peace and joy in marriage but I was also foolish enough to want to explore outside marriage. I would have easily been burnt by getting caught, having a disease or an illegitimate child but I was lucky or blessed to find my self back before getting burnt. Now I strive to be the best husband and father out there. Curiosity made me explore and I realized there is nothing out there. Some also tried it and it destroyed them and their family.

Marriage is never the same for everyone. Some have it turbulent, some smooth and some neutral. What I believe is that marriage is mainly luck and a bit of effort. Almost a decade of blissful happiness not because I'm special but because I got lucky to get a compatible partner. Some people are good but unfortunate to be married to a person who has little or nothing in common with them.

I need my stickers oo
I greet you well bros

canDy4eva:
To a very large extent, this is true. How can people jump into marriage WITHOUT ASKING THE FOUNDER OF THE INSTITUTION what he wants you to do!

A man wakes up and boom he is getting married just because he is attracted to a big bom or boob! Trust me it would FAIL!

MEN HAVE REFUSED TO SEEK AND THEREFORE NOT FINDING.

Remember, if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do! Even the upright are prone to faulty foundations if care is not taken.

There is no much talk in this issue, God's way or no way!

God is the only MATCH MARKER, and he is perfect at it.

Sexual Sin should NEVER be the bed rock of any relationship because it's a destroyer of marriage destiny!

God is interested in marriages to work and God hates DIVORCE!

Y should we seek him when he gave us freewill? And how is sex sinful

Samakus:
Just one harmless joke and your ego is already punctured to the point of seeking retribution?

Now we know where the problem was from

To be honest with you Sir.
That was not a harmless joke you made up there.
Please always consider the feelings of others whenever you want to type or speak.

liberalchick:
No, I didn’t marry the wrong person. I am just being realistic, living with someone for the rest of your life will not always be romantic and easy. There are different stages in marriages where it’s excellent, good, bad, sometimes ugly and then neutral.

Also, when people say their marriage is easy, sometimes it’s one sided, they are probably oblivious of their partner’s sacrifice to make the marriage an easy one for them.

This is one of the most profound submissions of a married person I have seen.
"They are oblivious of their partner's sacrifice" AKA COMPROMISE.

Very true.
The moment that partner is incapable of such sacrifices /Compromises, we then see the true picture of the previously pristine relationship.
God help us.

Dyt:
oops, i didnt know i should be subjected to being single just cos my first didnt work
wow
wow
wow

anyways, thanks, your OPINION has been dully noted daddy

I can imagine how shocked you are in today's world of liberal views. Where norms, values, sobriety and divine instructions to live by is thrown into the air at the sight and yearnings of fantasy and vain expeditions. They say 'do what thou wilt' isnt it?

Through the paragraph, all I saw was cloudy flares, if you go on with this mindset I am sure to hear again happen what befell you before. No bad wishing intended!

Secondly, its not my opinion, I live by divine deeds.

Carchoice:
i don’t know why you people are making marriage sound like it’s a war zone. You married the wrong person no doubt. We all get to find out after marriage.

Here’s the truth of the matter, it’s either you married the wrong person or YOU ARE THE WRONG PERSON.

Are you married?

If not, it is an abomination for you to comment this.

If you are, tell us your "sweet" marital experience.

TiglathPILESER:
I can imagine how shocked you are in today's world of liberal views. Where norms, values, sobriety and divine instructions to live by is thrown into the air at the sight and yearnings of fantasy and vain expeditions. They say 'do what thou wilt' isnt it?

Through the paragraph, all I saw was cloudy flares, if you go on with this mindset I am sure to hear again happen what befell you before. No bad wishing intended!

Secondly, its not my opinion, I live by divine deeds.

Your time/input is highly appreciated

Dyt:
Na
lai lai

hit me up but i know you dont have my number no more

Twill shock you.....

zeb04:
At one point in marriage, the hot sex and mushy mushy disappears what is left is Respect and Friendship.

I use to worry about this word FRIENDSHIP. I wanted to force it on my husband coz I heard a lot a out it.

In my head friendship is talking and laughing 24/7. But my husband is "fluent in silence" content in just laying down and saying nothing.So I felt we didn't have friendship. But now I know better.

2ndly I believed only a Christian man can give you a good marriage. By Christian i mean going to church 2/3 times a week, participating in church activities, doing morning devotion and all,

A man with a good moral compass and also give you a good home. Don't force all of that on your partner. I still do devotions with my kids but go to church every Sunday (with my husband but I don't force him for this one. Secretly I think he is doing it as family bonding time not really for anything else. I will take it)

your marriage must not be like everyone else. I and my husband separated for 6 months when we hit our rough paths(every one said, in marriage you must stick together to work it out blah blah blah. ) how can yoh work it out in the same situation that is choking you. Even at work they give you leave days.


You cannot work it out in that situation. You need to take a break and look at it from the outside. If not you will completely get irritated and start to hold a grudge.

@bold:

Interesting coming from you

What brought about the discovery?

egbaguy2:
Twill shock you.....

you haf truly shock me ooo

liberalchick:
An ‘easy’ marriage is not common even for those in-love. Sometimes I think the concept of marriage is unnatural but necessary. If I am single again (knock on wood) in the future, I wouldn’t want to get married again. Some marriages have its ebbs and flows. The first two years can be difficult for obvious reasons. Then marriage challenges in year 8 (that’s generally the time some marriages hit a wall).

DH and I are in cruise control now, children are getting older, careers are taking off with more responsibilities. They say if you make it past year 7-8 unscathed, you are good.

Modified.

Why don't we just ABOLISH this marriage concept.

I think our children's generation would.

Righteousness89:
The Simplest way to a Successful Home/Marriage is not to Marry Just by Sight or feelings.
It is not Enough !

My Advice to anyone is to seek to Hear from GOD for Direction . It saves you from a Whole lot of Stress and Struggles.

I also advice people not to seek GOD with someone in Mind..

Seek For His Choice with an open heart..

Every Man /woman has a designed Perfect better half. But Many of us are either in a Rush or filled with obsessions and infatuations, so we don't hear or see GOD'S Choice..

Secondly, No Matter The Lecture or Marriage seminar you attend before Marriage, if you Don't Follow the GOD Prescribed Principle for Marriage, it will Be Struggle and stress all the way.

What is GOD'S Prescribed Principle for a Happy Home?
Ephesians 5:22-25
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

It's a 2 way thing for both the Man and The Woman...

If you look at the World, it is this principle the devil has used to Destroy and Shatter homes.

The devil Understands the Power and Strength in 2people coming together, so he attacks it with so Many names e.g. Feminist, Equal right, etc..

devil is a very smart guy and he devices various smart means that look good to the eye. All to ensure that Marriages do not Work.

Lastly , I do not Believe in Marry, Divorce/Sepration and Marry again..

I Believe that if it is comes to a point where you come to divorce, then you should Not Remarry Except at the death of your Spouse As that is what My Bible says..

Another Exception is a case where you are not the First Wife or Husband of the Person..

May GOD ALMIGHTY Help us to be Paitent Enough to Hear his Choice for us in JESUS NAME..

You are right.

Just two things.

1, Are you married?

2, Do you think there aren't some who, at some point claimed to have been lead by God on who they married but are just enduring in emotional pains but would stick to it, because they confessed to have prayed and heard from God?

Some of them have been trapped by their conviction. Some may even be marriage counselors.

You think people like that don't exist?

Dyt:
i understand you very well sir but its still my class sire

Owk siress

noble2faith:
Owk siress

Samakus:
Just one harmless joke and your ego is already punctured to the point of seeking retribution?

Now we know where the problem was from

Your joke was not harmless.

Do you have any underlying beef with her, are you the divorced hubby?

Leave the woman alone, and mind your own life.

I no go live me and my wife Dey change for ourselves but e no Dey last. Different religion though,she is best part of me,but sometime she can be annoying. That na woman thing!
Situation do change people,I don’t pray for that situation. As e Dey now me hold steering( the driver) and na she be the conductor. We Dey pray for a safe journey.

Joycekkh:
I use to think to myself, that if I am a guy, I will get bored of my wife quickly after few years of marriage, faithful men are really trying. It take a high level of self control to still be attracted to your wife after years of marriage.

pls can you give details

coolhuster:
Boss, the bolded nearly tore me into pieces. I just realised that basic theory. Men need to be very careful when it comes to finances. You need to hustle and make sure your wife is doing something. Don't for any reason make her a full time house wife. Savings is very important.

Oh! U men really brought out d right words out of my mouth.
I tell u what, finance plays a very big role in a successful marriage. To my friends, sisters and ladies around me I tell them it’s good to be a wife, infact very good, to be a mother is one of d blessings in d world, d tot of bringing a baby to this world tickles my fancy. Trust me that is not just enough for a woman. A woman should not and never be comfortable to just be a mother or a wife.

I will forever use women like omotola, Beyoncé, Ngozi Okonkwo-Iwela and d late Dora Akunyili(RIP) as my role models. God created us for a purpose and we should strive to fulfill it.

To d men also, why be in a hurry to get married when u are not settled financially?by been settled, I’m not saying u should have millions in ur account but just be settled enough to take care of ur family. ( we both should do exploits in our marriage)

Going forward, men and women should bring something to d table, PLAN well before u get married!

canDy4eva:
To a very large extent, this is true. How can people jump into marriage WITHOUT ASKING THE FOUNDER OF THE INSTITUTION what he wants you to do!

A man wakes up and boom he is getting married just because he is attracted to a big bom or boob! Trust me it would FAIL!

MEN HAVE REFUSED TO SEEK AND THEREFORE NOT FINDING.

Remember, if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do! Even the upright are prone to faulty foundations if care is not taken.

There is no much talk in this issue, God's way or no way!

God is the only MATCH MARKER, and he is perfect at it.

Sexual Sin should NEVER be the bed rock of any relationship because it's a destroyer of marriage destiny!

God is interested in marriages to work and God hates DIVORCE!

get out of my head!!!

emerged01:
I no go live me and my wife Dey change for ourselves but e no Dey last. Different religion though,she is best part of me,but sometime she can be annoying. That na woman thing!
Situation do change people,I don’t pray for that situation. As e Dey now me hold steering( the driver) and na she be the conductor. We Dey pray for a safe journey.

zeb04:
At one point in marriage, the hot sex and mushy mushy disappears what is left is Respect and Friendship.

I use to worry about this word FRIENDSHIP. I wanted to force it on my husband coz I heard a lot a out it.

In my head friendship is talking and laughing 24/7. But my husband is "fluent in silence" content in just laying down and saying nothing.So I felt we didn't have friendship. But now I know better.

2ndly I believed only a Christian man can give you a good marriage. By Christian i mean going to church 2/3 times a week, participating in church activities, doing morning devotion and all,

A man with a good moral compass and also give you a good home. Don't force all of that on your partner. I still do devotions with my kids but go to church every Sunday (with my husband but I don't force him for this one. Secretly I think he is doing ital

your opinion of a good marriage is purely biased n religiously sentimental. Marrying a xtian is not a surebet.

duality:
You are right.

Just two things.

1, Are you married?

2, Do you think there aren't some who, at some point claimed to have been lead by God on who they married but are just enduring in emotional pains but would stick to it, because they confessed to have prayed and heard from God?

Some of them have been trapped by their conviction. Some may even be marriage counselors.

You think people like that don't exist?

1. I am Married

2. If you are Privileged to Hear GOD for your Spouse, you will understand what it Means to Live Strugglessly and Stresslessly.

Hearing From God in Marriage does not mean you may not see Challenges.. Challenges may come Put HE will lead you out of it. You will Enjoy Divine Solutions in your Home..

You may not even know how but you will see things Be Solved ..

GOD is not Committed to where he did not Send you!

What I put out is From my Personal Experience...