this is so more of my last relationship, I swear I tried my best to make things workout because she is good girl, not until gradually I started loosing interest in her

You're not asking for too much o.

Communication, frankly, is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of any relationship.

Never negotiate that.

Buy him books on how to converse with the opposite sex (and humans generally).

Tell him politely that poor conversation is a deal breaker in every relationship.

He can learn if he doesn't allow his pride to blur his sense of reasoning.

If he gets angry and avoids you for correcting him, then he was never meant for you.

Even in the bible it's written, he who the Father loves he chastiseth.

If someone who claims to love you sees you doing wrong and doesn't point it out to you, then he never loved you in the first place.

Q.E.D.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.

I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .

I'd like to know what you think

the truth is that most people only read what concerns them and never bother about anything else. And that is why he was able to make a good grade in school. If u like him so much get him some adventure novels get him to read them and u people discuss the characters in the book I'm sure if u can get him to read as much as possible, there would be a change.

Spiff20:
we are in the 21st century where information is rampant and easily accessible if you hold a smartphone. Why will anyone be determined to be dumb? As for your sexuality, that's a different scenario entirely.

Is it everyone that can learn or assimilate the information on the internet? I don't think the dumb people I have met were determined to be dumb. They are just frustrated that they struggle to learn virtually everything that comes easy to people like us. They want to learn but they can't so they stop trying. Nobody sets out to be dumb as the word "dumb" carries a lot of negative connotations and stigma. So why would a right thinking person want to be associated with such a word? As for my sexuality, it isn't any different. I have tried to change it but I see that I can't and that is why I get sad when people say I chose to be gay. Sexuality and being dumb aren't too different in the sense that both are biological and can't be changed

jansonn:
Chai, this life!! And me dey find girl I can discuss politics, nature, medicine and all that intellectual sturvs and all the girls I meet are as dumb as a chicken only Instagram and billing, even the fashion they claim they know and the movies they watch, they can't identify Sylvester stallion, they still call him Rambo for goodness sakes!! Let's chat pls, am really sapiosexual and am done with these "pretty" girls

u be yeye person oh see how u make laugh uncontrollable.

I can tell You the Bleep in this fuckery tale... Your yeye ranting just explain how quick and are. You love the guy base on is cuteness after the whole sex escapade You find out that is communication style is too relax and i don't care much . Making You feel used. Simple, it really hurting You.

Aunty, lets just be truthful. You've been together for 6 years and you are reporting this now? Does it mean you have not directly or indirectly tried to let him know about his flaws It's unfair. The truth is; someone else is around and you are looking for an excuse to justify your conscience.. He loves u, and all that,, but..... conversation bla bla bla. Leave him and he will find a better replacement that will appreciate him for who he is. STOP COMPARING JARE; nothing kills a relationship like that. Thank you.

Snipespeter:
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all.
You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh

No be small thing bro.. the matter tire person

deavicky:
u be yeye person oh see how u make laugh uncontrollable.

Lol, how person go do naa

Sweeetheart:



is just like you're talking to me in that post. one idiot I dey run package with is always complaining about my domination in our conversations


thank God say I just dey trick the idiot. I would be so foolish to marry that kind in my house

Is your father any smarter?

Coming on the internet to ask for opinions on such a minor thing as poor communication with your supposed boyfriend means you don't even know what relationship is all about.

javijabor:


Is your father any smarter?

you think all Fathers is like your dumb father ?


you this naive kid that jump like monkey on post that transcend your common sense

SweetCunt97:
have u taken ur drugs this evening bayi

i do not take drugs, i give...

maybe u need tricyclic antidepressants

athaliya:


I faced the same thing with the op, I think I'm smart and vast but my ex isn't smart at all.
He embarrassed me severally in presence of my family and friends, he is only good at issues concerning witches and he sees everything as a witch. We were once having a chat and he got up to chase a lizard saying it's his village people. He used cane to flog a rat to death one day cus the rat was "listening" to his conversations. He moved out of his master bedroom and called his friend over to his place for vigils after he heard a "spiritual snake" hissing.

While I love to talk about anything intellectual, from the Van Allen belt, to horse riding, to quantum physics shown in the flash to Auguste Picard's adventures to even scientific explanation for hypnosis, human psychology bla bla bla.

I stayed with him because he loved me for me, was loyal to a fault and he loved to pamper me but I couldn't bring myself to love him equally. At best I pitied him. I won't add him on social media because I didn't want him to drop embarrassing comments on my timeline. He calls like 15 to 20 times a week just to check up on me and if I have a headache, he will panic.

I started teaching him everything from how to operate a phone, dress smart, throw away dead underwear, correct spellings. I even helped to regulate what kind of pictures he posts on Facebook and the way he poses in the pictures.

I decided to leave when he said I was ashamed of him despite everything he did for me and I was sleeping with my male friends. He said I don't call more than 3times a month which is true because he already calls too much and even if I call, he can't hold a conversation.

He's caring to a fault. Should I have stayed with him?

Nah you tried..The witchcraft part got me laughing

GOOOGLE504:

This happens a lot too but I've never looked at it from this perspective o. So they usually imagine guys are dumb when we don't answer the way the expect.

sometimes when you answer them with great logic, they suddenly go quiet n defensive. Then you start hearing things like, you think I am dumb abi, I am just trying to be reasonable here here. They will make you apologize. The best thing is just to give them the floor n follow them with style but the will conclude that one has nothing to offer.

madjune:
How old are you both?

Hmm. Don't know how to deal with this but, i could reckon you both might be products of these new private schools on Ibadan express.

First, when you go through school, reading to pass exams and have good grades; you lose out from the education of life.
And you'd have nothing to contribute when life throws the first tests at you.
Start by telling your boyfriend your observations.

Secondly, either get him to watch more CNN, read TIme magazines, get on Twitter. Etc.
Let him immerse himself in current topical issues.

Thirdly, push him into the streets.

@bold:

Hahahahahahaha

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.

I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .

I'd like to know what you think

Boo don't worry. Men are dumb: dumb dumb dumb

I perfectly understand what you are going through. In any relationship conversation occurs happens more than all other activities put together. Simply means you will spend more time conversing with this guy dan any other thing. Lots of things "everything you want in a man" in your relationship with this guy will change over time but conversation will always remain.

There is only one qst to ask yourself "can I do this(not have meaningful conversations) for the rest of my life?"

Imagine if he uses ur own bad attributes against u because I Kno u are not 100% perfect. U Kno get talk at all .

What do women really want?





I sha know that taking care of the bills is more importanter than holdinga conversation

Now babe, I think you are part of the reason why guys think women are hard to understand. How can u mention so many good qualities a man possess and still fault in for just one, babe no one is perfect, learn ways on how to help him.

If u bring a topic and he doesn't know what to say, please narrate it all to him that's your own way of showing that you love and care for him also and you are willing to help him grow.

What about meeting a guy that cannot speak not good English but manageable English and he has all these good qualities will u leave him just for that small faults.

Please let leave all these small talks. Ladies will be the one to say he is handsome, polite, hardworking, good in bed and take good care of me then same ladies will spoil it with he can't speak English he calls wrapper, lapper or he snores heavily I can't stand it or he doesn't socialize, please just remember you too have your own faults just because he is not saying it doesn't mean you are perfect.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.

I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .

I'd like to know what you think

Since he loves you and you love him too, I think letting him know his flaws will be a good way to go. Sounds harsh but it’s not. You might be helping him and the relationship at the same time. Find a time he’s in a good mood and chip in what’s bothering you. Possibly the way you ask him will unlock some explanations you don’t know about. Or maybe he’s still trying to understand you and your interest so as not to bore you with lengthy talk you won’t be interested in.[color=#770077][/color]

MedicH:


i do not take drugs, i give...

maybe u need tricyclic antidepressants

Just waybill it

You are right.

frozen70:


You are lucky the only problem you find in him is his in ability to go into debate or argue in topics of your interests

Why not accept that single fault and deal with it

You can't get all in one package, honestly you can't

I suggest also you send a link to topics and issues of your interest let him read then when you are seated, you raise it up from there he may pick up

Then if you feel you can't cope, don't tell him that he is not a good candidate in that aspect, just walk out in a matured way but don't feel bad when you decides to come back and another has taken your place

You can not have everything in relationship, unless you want to remain single.pick the good side of him and ignore the rest.

Ishilove:

Buy mud and mould her.

No I can't. Whites have girls like this.

This just sounds like the guy I'm with. Very handsome, nice, kind, church guy, very caring, communicates very well. He's only flaw is that he's not intelligent. He can't hold a conversation at all. His other good qualities outweigh the fact that he's not smart. Op, if you were in Elelenwo, Ph i would have said you're describing exactly the person I'm seeing

I understand how you feel, i have dated someone like tht and for me it was a major turnoff, As time went on i had to quit.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.

I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .

I'd like to know what you think

I'll advise you leave him that way...if you finally mould him to your social likeness, I believe it will come back to hunt you cos both of you will not be on the same page when the arguments arise.

He will put more of his time in those things you mentioned above and there will be less or no time for you: at this stage, you will no longer feel comfortable with him because of the changes.

Let me tell you my own story as a football lover.

When I was dating my first girlfriend...she is very loving and caring and beauty is her other name,but she is so quite and can't engage me in any social or personal conversation and that makes her presence very boring. I tried changing her to my type of person.

I took her along whenever I want to go and watch football match just to socialize and familiarize herself with different things. What broke my heart was when she chose to support other football club from my own,who introduced her to football match...yeah; I didn't see that coming. My sister, the arguments wen we begin get no be
hereoo...because, we com become opponents and gradually, reality began to set in.

Whatever you decide to do...remember that;there is always a reaction for every action. My kobo

HarunaWest:

Nah you tried..The witchcraft part got me laughing

It wasn't funny back then, I felt torn between what I want and what I should want

cynosuree:
Good morning. .
I'd like to know what you think

Simply reading all you wrote here, one can easily decipher that you are the talkie-talkie type of person.

D most suitable dude for you is a good listener.
Dont expect d dude to be a talker overnight. Help him to be a good listener instead.
Give him time.

Have you not heard that Opposites attract?