Hathor5:




It's not about talking or not talking but the quality of the conversation.

you can't have it all

Let me simply advise u on how u can help him. It is as simple as giving him a topic u will like to discuss with him prior to the day u guys are gonna meet. Of course, u will have to do that with maturity. I use this trick to carry any lady I found interesting to talk but who might not share similar interests with me or perhaps are not that current. Trust me he will do anything to make sure he holds his points before u guys meet if truly he's into you.

U can follow this format;

ME: (just in d middle of discussion), This incident of George Floyd really hit me. I can't still stop thinking about it he lost his life just like that

SHE: George Floyd?? Who is he?

Me: he is an African American murdered recently in Minneapolis in USA by a USA police officer. He was accused of spending fake $20 at a grocery store. Americans and their racism!! I'm sure the guy was murdered because he's black

Her: (crying emogy)...

Me: I'm even thinking we talk about this when next time we meet.

This might look like ya forcing thing. But really to me, it is not. We are simply bringing out the best in each other. It is almost impossible to find a partner that will fit into all u want. U will have to build the castle yourself!

Hathor5:


It does not work that way. When we first fall in love, we fall in love with the image of the person, which is 80% the making of our fantasy because we don't know know the person yet and don't have the full true picture of them. As we discover their true self we stay in love, fall deeper or fall out.

Wow! You have finally worded my phobia of relationships I try to start when I don't know the person organically or from a save, neutral distance at first.

Hathor5:

It does not work that way. When we first fall in love, we fall in love with the image of the person, which is 80% the making of our fantasy because we don't know know the person yet and don't have the full true picture of them. As we discover their true self we stay in love, fall deeper or fall out.

No wonder a lot of you keep getting screwed in your romantic relationships.

A grown person who has attained mindfulness follows the process of knowing a person first, getting a big enough picture of them that goes deeper than a projected image before falling in love.

Yes. You are very right. I'm also an introvert and yet I try to know something about everything.

cynosuree:
You don't have to be social to be able to contribute intelligently to a conversation. I'm an introvert, not social at all, and I can contribute to pretty much any topic

cynosuree:
I didn't say I want someone who knows quantum physics. I was only trying to emphasize that I'm not expecting him to be an Einstein, I just want him to be able to engage me in normal conversations.

didnt want to pitch in before but its like you still dont get the point even after all the comments.

Now you pointed out that you are an introvert, which means you`re quite knowlegeable on things or discourse you interested in(i know cos am an introvert too). so with this point established, why not try to spice up the convo anytime you both discuss, like bring up comical topics and buttress on them.

Another point is, if you both live in the same state, you can go on outings together more often. This helps alot as you get to share the experience, and get to know what the other practically enjoys doing. And such moments or things that happened during such outings can be ur discuss topic.

Hope this helps.

Happy sunday.

jelel6:

Wow! You have finally worded my phobia of relationships I try to start when I don't know the person organically or from a save, neutral distance at first.

This is the sensible way to go before entering a relationship. You should not have a phobia for maturity.

Only kids, teens, or shallow adults fall in love with an image of a person.

SVandal:


If you want someone to talk quantum theory and mechanics, get a nerd. Your boyfriend is clearly not the chatterbox.

IMO, he's the definition of a "real man" - talk less, act more.

cynosuree:
I didn't say I want someone who knows quantum physics. I was only trying to emphasize that I'm not expecting him to be an Einstein, I just want him to be able to engage me in normal conversations.

XXLMANDIGO:
What level of education did he attain & What attracted you to him in the first place, His Gorgeousness or his Mandigo?

Tertiary.

Physical attributes at first.

Acidosis:

How is it your business? Leave him to live his life or move on.

cynosuree:

Well, it goes both ways, if you want someone to talk with, get yourself the chatty type.

Ok. No need really to tell him he's dumb.

You're not intellectually compatible and there's no fixing this so you might as well just break-up.

You deserve a stimulating conversation and he deserves someone that'll not look down on him.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

Some woman are truely stupid, no pun intended, you just found yourselve a better guy and then what? He is not smart, make him smart, bring up conversations that will make him talk smart.

I believe you will not take much of it if he tells you what he doesn't like about you... If you feel you want a perfect man then ask God for permission to mould your own type of man.

jeff1607:

you can't have it all

Nobody said so.

jelel6:


Wow! You have finally worded my phobia of relationships I try to start when I don't know the person organically or from a save, neutral distance at first.

It is good to know oneself.

Romangalactic:

No wonder a lot of you keep getting screwed in your romantic relationships.

A grown person who has attained mindfulness follows the process of knowing a person first, getting a big enough picture of them that goes deeper than a projected image before falling in love.

Congratulations on being the grown mindful person.

U can be chatty and not being able to engage intellectually. So don't mix it up. The op from my observation isn't a chatty type, but simply like engaging in conversation that stimulate intellect.

SVandal:


Well, it goes both ways, if you want someone to talk with, get yourself the chatty type.

How old are you and your boyfriend ?What's his level in command of English, like is he fluent, does he discuss football and politics like most guys? Does he have articulate knowledge of things, can he transmit his knowledge to skills and abilities that are beneficial to him, is he resourceful? If all these are in the positive you definitely have no problem.

We cannot all be the same or possess equal brain power in this world, the result will be chaos .The world is stratified to allow balance , there are sportspersons doing well, Musicians , Artisans and different people of other fields.

Don't make the mistake of comparing him with your Ex or your friend's lover because you will regret this in the long run. Inasmuch as you care about each other stick with him, Grow with him and you will both be happy.

cynosuree:
Tertiary.

Physical attributes at first.

Hathor5:

Nobody said so.

ok ma

Scholar94:
Let me simply advise u on how u can help him. It is as simple as giving him a topic u will like to discuss with him prior to the day u guys are gonna meet. Of course, u will have to do that with maturity. I use this trick to carry any lady I found interesting to talk but who might not share similar interests with me or perhaps are not that current. Trust me he will do anything to make sure he holds his points before u guys meet if truly he's into you.

U can follow this format;

ME: (just in d middle of discussion), This incident of George Floyd really hit me. I can't still stop thinking about it he lost his life just like that

SHE: George Floyd?? Who is he?

Me: he is an African American murdered recently in Minneapolis in USA by a USA police officer. He was accused of spending fake $20 at a grocery store. Americans and their racism!! I'm sure the guy was murdered because he's black

Her: (crying emogy)...

Me: I'm even thinking we talk about this when next time we meet.

This might look like ya forcing thing. But really to me, it is not. We are simply bringing out the best in each other. It is almost impossible to find a partner that will fit into all u want. U will have to build the castle yourself!

@bold:

Solid!

Hathor5:


Congratulations on being the grown mindful person.

Are you sure this is not the OP's alternate account

StubbornGENIUS:
Are you sure this is not the OP's alternate account

It's the second time I am supposed to be someone else. Interesting. Everyone is someone else on this forum allegedly.

Hathor5:


It's the second time I am supposed to be someone else. Interesting. Everyone is someone else on this forum allegedly.

Am not accusing you or anything.It's just the way you are responding to comments

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

You have your priorities mixed up but that is just MY opinion.

Is he a provider and protector?

Leave him! Find a communicator, someone that can hold an intellectual conversation about different topics but he better be able to grind hard for you and your kids or his intellect will be nothing different from those monday morning newspaper stand readers discussing what Buhari are for breakfast while their own kids never chop.

Take a sheet of paper write all you dislike about side and on one side all you like if provider, protector, dependable, kind, loving, helpful, loves God enter the right side then my advise will be to join facebook group for your intellectual side.

I love to gossip & banter and my man has no idea of who bobrisky is - so we talk about other things and I know where to go to for gossip and current affairs e.g Nairaland banter

Scholar94:
Let me simply advise u on how u can help him. It is as simple as giving him a topic u will like to discuss with him prior to the day u guys are gonna meet. Of course, u will have to do that with maturity. I use this trick to carry any lady I found interesting to talk but who might not share similar interests with me or perhaps are not that current. Trust me he will do anything to make sure he holds his points before u guys meet if truly he's into you.

U can follow this format;

ME: (just in d middle of discussion), This incident of George Floyd really hit me. I can't still stop thinking about it he lost his life just like that

SHE: George Floyd?? Who is he?

Me: he is an African American murdered recently in Minneapolis in USA by a USA police officer. He was accused of spending fake $20 at a grocery store. Americans and their racism!! I'm sure the guy was murdered because he's black

Her: (crying emogy)...

Me: I'm even thinking we talk about this when next time we meet.

This might look like ya forcing thing. But really to me, it is not. We are simply bringing out the best in each other. It is almost impossible to find a partner that will fit into all u want. U will have to build the castle yourself!

Most sound men dont talk much..... some do but most sound men come to thier woman for peace and step down NOT for intellectual banter. You will be surprised with his guys he may talk a bit more.

cynosuree:
You don't have to be social to be able to contribute intelligently to a conversation. I'm an introvert, not social at all, and I can contribute to pretty much any topic

Well, I can tell you're the inquisitive type. Do you feel like you can't connect with him emotionally? Well itt's true, he's blocking you out mentally.
Now, you feeling bad won't help, just carry positive vibes - find other things to keep you busy...
What you seek, you find.

Acidosis:

How is it your business? Leave him to live his life or move on.

Now this girl should "mind her business" abi.
No let your NL girlfriends see this oo.

@Op, this is simple.
Thinking, reasoning and speaking are all learnable processes. It only takes little effort to come by them if at the willingness is there.

Discuss this shortcoming in the most romantic way and most appropriate time. I believe that your man will be better in communicating what he already knows. Let him HV another reason to rejoice for ever meeting you apart from the ones he currently has - he learns from you!

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

What smart about things happening around you.
They are mostly mind numbing stuff.
Why don't you talk quantum mechanics with him.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

Any brilliant guy is a smart guy...I often dull some conversations atimes cos i feel its not intelligent enough to be discussed. Am well read very educated and vast.
I may start a conversation about the Neanderthal but you wouldnt comprehend cos you are used to the Homo Habilis or The big bang theory..So i just keep shut.
Am sure thats what is going through your guys mind. The sort of interest he has is way beyond normal and no one will seem to understand him.
Is his favourite music genre Reggae or Afrobeat?