AfroKnight:


I’m just curious.

And no, there is no insult waiting for you just around the corner. Just curiosity. Your point of view is quite interesting. Unflattering for us men, though. I just wonder if your thoughts on the matter were influenced by marriage or not.

Thanks.

I am not worried about insults I have a very sharp mouth myself.

Happily married 19 years

My thoughts are from observation of the imbalance in the society between men and women especially in Nigeria.

At least in the UK or USA if you choose to build Amazon with a Bezos, you get to walk away with 25% of the wealth you quit your job to build - but if you try this nonsense in Nigeria as a woman .... you get to open a thread on NL and recieve some sympathy and some sneers

I study people, culture and make an logical conclusion plus I have a calling to help women choose a better mate so kids donot hawk or beg or suffer.

I hope I have satisfied your curiosity.

favour32:
Wetin quantum theory or Laplace transformation get to do with love/relationship?
If you dey find 100% package product for this world you no go see.

Abi o

I think you are correct.

Hathor5:


It does not work that way. When we first fall in love, we fall in love with the image of the person, which is 80% the making of our fantasy because we don't know know the person yet and don't have the full true picture of them. As we discover their true self we stay in love, fall deeper or fall out.

Ah swear. I have learnt the hard way what the Americans say; no one likes a smart ass. Now this one is turning it upside down- again.

Snipespeter:
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all.
You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh

Who your 'intelligent' conversation epp? Abeg leave the young man alone With your busy body. He is just an extreme introvert, and absolutely nothing is wrong with him. They do not like talking and that doesn't mean they are not intelligent madam.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.

I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .

I'd like to know what you think

The thing darling via that your bf is a theoretical guy and you just happen to like practical guys.. it’s that simple

You don rest the case.

Amotolongbo:
Some people are like that, while having a conversation with people, they aren’t so up and sound as they are expected to be. But when they are on their own meditating and strategizing, they come out with a near perfect answers and solutions.

Please don’t tell him bluntly if you know you are tired being with him and wanna quit the relationship. Don’t leave a bad blood behind while saying goodbye

Honestly @dear OP, perhaps you are the swift and sound type in reasoning, while your partner is a very relatively sluggish one in intellectual reasoning, there will surely be problem in synchronizing his response with your question and expectations because he may need extra time to think over it before he can give you the right answer.

Another problem I can see in this kinda relationship is that you seem to be the type that already have and answer to any question you ask your partner and expecting him to give that exact answer you have in mind. No, things don’t work that way. We are all products of different backgrounds, families and environments. This makes us to give different opinions and responses to the same interviews and questions.

You can also help him, developing interest in many fields such as politics, sports, entertainment et al. For example, listening to the news together and watching the news and discussing on political issues together.

This life no balance at all

No Adam's offspring is 100%.
Weigh your options....

Snipespeter:
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all.
You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh

LOL
r u playing semantics?

Interesting discussions here

Wetin Women Really Want Abeg?

Snipespeter:
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all.
You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh

Mad oooookk

Physika:


Now this girl should "mind her business" abi.
No let your NL girlfriends see this oo.

My Nairaland girlfriends ke? Lmao!

Snipespeter:
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all.
You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh

God bless you abundantly...you just said my mind.
ur first to comment worth am

it means you dont initiate interesting topics and he hasnt much of cool dudes as friends. another pointer is that he is attached to his mobile phone and only sounds interesting in chats over the phone. right or wrong? take him to parties, give him mad sex and chat about it, visit friends with him, bring him gradually out of his cocoon and let him experience the world. make him more outgoing and extrovert in nature.

holysaint1:


didnt want to pitch in before but its like you still dont get the point even after all the comments.

Now you pointed out that you are an introvert, which means you`re quite knowlegeable on things or discourse you interested in(i know cos am an introvert too). so with this point established, why not try to spice up the convo anytime you both discuss, like bring up comical topics and buttress on them.

Another point is, if you both live in the same state, you can go on outings together more often. This helps alot as you get to share the experience, and get to know what the other practically enjoys doing. And such moments or things that happened during such outings can be ur discuss topic.

Hope this helps.

Happy sunday.

You made good sense, what I intended to put down, but I guess her mind is made, and not ready to even help him at all. If he says things off point, identify the correct point yourself, focus on it, while they both deliberate on it, that way you know a partner truly interested and can stand the challenge no matter what. All these relationships of Nowadays that can't stand near experience of Titanic ship love experience sef. She even said she's chopping for a replacement already while in this one, like imagine!! Why not quit to look for a replacement instead. Any thing one sows he reaps.

HarunaWest:

Any brilliant guy is a smart guy...I often dull some conversations atimes cos i feel its not intelligent enough to be discussed. Am well read very educated and vast.
I may start a conversation about the Neanderthal but you wouldnt comprehend cos you are used to the Homo Habilis or The big bang theory..So i just keep shut.
Am sure thats what is going through your guys mind. The sort of interest he has is way beyond normal and no one will seem to understand him.
Is his favourite music genre Reggae or Afrobeat?

I faced the same thing with the op, I think I'm smart and vast but my ex isn't smart at all.
He embarrassed me severally in presence of my family and friends, he is only good at issues concerning witches and he sees everything as a witch. We were once having a chat and he got up to chase a lizard saying it's his village people. He used cane to flog a rat to death one day cus the rat was "listening" to his conversations. He moved out of his master bedroom and called his friend over to his place for vigils after he heard a "spiritual snake" hissing.

While I love to talk about anything intellectual, from the Van Allen belt, to horse riding, to quantum physics shown in the flash to Auguste Picard's adventures to even scientific explanation for hypnosis, human psychology bla bla bla.

I stayed with him because he loved me for me, was loyal to a fault and he loved to pamper me but I couldn't bring myself to love him equally. At best I pitied him. I won't add him on social media because I didn't want him to drop embarrassing comments on my timeline. He calls like 15 to 20 times a week just to check up on me and if I have a headache, he will panic.

I started teaching him everything from how to operate a phone, dress smart, throw away dead underwear, correct spellings. I even helped to regulate what kind of pictures he posts on Facebook and the way he poses in the pictures.

I decided to leave when he said I was ashamed of him despite everything he did for me and I was sleeping with my male friends. He said I don't call more than 3times a month which is true because he already calls too much and even if I call, he can't hold a conversation.

He's caring to a fault. Should I have stayed with him?

Lol, it can be very frustrating, from your words you are the hype active type.
Now talk to him, get interested in his own things too, n challenge his intellectual if he beats you, then he isn't just interested in things u are interested in.
If u he doesn't change n u cnt cope move on

I am just worried about the degree of harm you have done to the word "smart." Next time when attempting to describe your guy who has poor and inanimate communication skills, use the word "conversationalist." That is, "Help, my guy is not a good conversationalist. "

You don dey chat with another guy, and you feel the guy is super intelligent like he is the best thing that ever happened after isaac newton..

I no get advice sha coz u already made up ur mind..


E go clear for ur eye very soon..

Amotolongbo:


Another problem I can see in this kinda relationship is that you seem to be the type that already have and answer to any question you ask your partner and expecting him to give that exact answer you have in mind. No, things don’t work that way. We are all products of different backgrounds, families and environments. This makes us to give different opinions and responses to the same interviews and questions.

You can also help him, developing interest in many fields such as politics, sports, entertainment et al. For example, listening to the news together and watching the news and discussing on political issues together.

Very insightful comment!!

Nicely put

yenereal:


So what do you girls contribute during chats with fellow guys? Do you need screenshots of my chats with girls to make you keep quiet? They'll be like "Awwwn tanchu", "I'm blushin", "Kk" etc.
Now your guy is chatting the same way and you are complaining. That's to tell you what guys pass through every day.
Let me expose you, I'm sure you want your guy to be naughty or use swear words so that you can enjoy his chat. It has nothing to do with your energy quantization or quantum theory you said (Lol).

Obviously, he may be a shy type or you are his first gf or he doesn't really expand his horizons in terms of reading thus making it difficult for him to think outside the box.
So if you are considering quiting, who would you leave him for? Is it a crime if you teach him or assist him? Unless he has another weak point, like not working or abuses you, I see no reason why you should leave him, because if all guys or everyone was to take the decision you're about to take, most of us would be without a partner.

God bless you bro.

They say trash most times. I find it hard to connect with those flows with my girl also.

Everytime I try to initiate intelligent and intellectual grills, she has nothing to say.

Spiff20:
You think it's easy changing a full grown man? She might have to carry out that job description for the rest of their relationship till she gives up. In this 21st century being dumb is a choice, take it or leave it.

Being dumb is not necessarily a choice. Just because learning comes easy to you doesn't mean it comes easy to everyone. There are people who want to learn but because they find it too difficult or impossible, they give up. Intelligence is trait. Some of us are lucky to inherit it, others are not.
I imagine saying being dumb is a choice must be as hurtful to people who are dumb and can't help it, as saying homosexuality is a choice, is hurtful a lot of us that didn't choose to be gay.

Console yourself with this: you can't find everything you want in your ideal man/woman in one person.

Tell him that you will like him to be contributing meaningfully to the discussions and suggest what he can do to help him become more informed. If he doesn't change after your suggestion, then, you can move on.

[quote author=cynosuree post=


Do u flow normally when you are together? As in, your conversations in real life now is OK??

Your answers to this matters though.

Some people are chats sick, as in don't really derive much joy on it.

Buh as long as u guys are well to do physically now when u are together, it's nothing to worry about!

since you won't be talking on Whatsapp when u marry, nah face to face!!


Conversations is important oo! buh in reality now, that's d deal of it not one online chats you call conversation.

Here are the advice I will give u.
But first Are u guys in the same country or in a distance relationship?

(1) you can help ur guy to grow in the area(s) of his weakness(es) cuz nobody is perfect. There are women that got married and encouraged their husbands to enrolled into universities to obtain degrees. I dont think this is enough reason to stop loving your guy or write him off or be tired of the relationship or move to another guy. The guy u wanna leave him for are u sure tomorrow you wouldn't get tired of him too?

(2) I think you want him to talk like your ex(es) or to talk like a man u admire so much but u can't be with that particular man. You forget people are created in different ways but you just wanna change him by force. Since both of u loves each other, things can work out for both of u. Dont lose ur man cuz of this.

(3) Maybe during conversations you usually keep quiet and want only him to talk. And you want him to answer your questions the same way ur ex(es) or your colleagues does or to use the same approach ur ex or friends used. Why should u be comparing his chats responses with those of ur friends since u claimed to love him?

(4) Maybe he is passing through alot but you have not given him a listening ear to find out what he might be going through rather u are after his approaches of engaging with u in discussions.

(5) Do you even bothered to find out how things are going with him?

(6)Is also possible that your friends might have started influencing u or telling u to leave him. But don't forget that in life you dont compare cuz those ur friends may not be happy that u have a good guy.

(7) Are you sure u are open to this your guy or you are hiding things from him? Is funny how most women behave , if a guy asked u have eaten is it a crime? It shows that he cares.

( Maybe you are hard on this your guy, maybe you want to push him away then u are seeking the opinion of people to justify your plans or reason(s) .

Dont push this guy aware cuz of his approaches of answering questions or not holding conversations for too long. I hope you didn't hurt him or made him to switched off. Find out what he likes or two of u can read books together and discuss about it. From the look of things this guy really loves you cuz I can imagine the attitudes you must have been giving him and disrespect he must have been getting from u and still he had not complained or published ur attitude on a social media seeking opinions from people.
Love is patience.

From the look of things I think this might be a long distance relationship.

U will still go and build a Man for yourself. Because he isn't interested in unproductive arguments now,he is not smart. My dear, you too should learn how to be quiet, you can't bend everyone to your taste. Who knows,ur talkative attitude do piss him too off,buh he chose to tolerate it due to the love he has for u.

Sadteen:

Being dumb is not necessarily a choice. Just because learning comes easy to you doesn't mean it comes easy to everyone. There are people who want to learn but because they find it too difficult or impossible, they give up. Intelligence is trait. Some of us are lucky to inherit it, others are not.
I imagine saying being dumb is a choice must be as hurtful to people who are dumb and can't help it, as saying homosexuality is a choice, is hurtful a lot of us that didn't choose to be gay.

we are in the 21st century where information is rampant and easily accessible if you hold a smartphone. Why will anyone be determined to be dumb? As for your sexuality, that's a different scenario entirely.

Abbeylanre15:
U will still go and build a Man for yourself. Because he isn't interested in unproductive arguments now,he is not smart. My dear, you too should learn how to be quiet, you can't bend everyone to your taste. Who knows,ur talkative attitude do piss him too off,buh he chose to tolerate it due to the love he has for u.

keep promoting mediocrity and wonder why we have mediocre leaders.