₦airaland Forum

VBCampaign:
I noticed that the only two topics on your profile has to do with this subject. You had tried to raise the matter in the first topic but fortunately this one made the front page.

If this thing has been eating you up inside for ten years, I think it is time you either spill the matter to your family and find healing. Or, you see a professional psychologists who can advise you appropriately. I do not see the comments on Nairaland helping you here. And the earlier you deal with this the better before it leads to suicide thoughts.

But if it will help you, let me tell you a few things I know about women having been married to one for over ten years now.

1. Most women say things they do not mean. And being your mother, and not having brought this up since she said it, might mean that she has realized that she is wrong and will not apologise to you out of pride. You could meet her privately and tell her your hurt and ask her to apologize. It may help her.

2. Most women are rabidly jelous. I cannot count the number of times my own wife has accused me of different things. She just cannot fanthom the idea of sharing me with anyone. I have never been unfaithful to her and yet she is never ending with her accusations. I just take solace in the fact that my hands are clean.

3. I am a Christian minister and counselor and I trace every challenge in our lives to one subject: sin. It is actually not the sin of your mother's; she has hers to bear. I am talking about your own sin. If you would be sincere with yourself, you would realize that an over preoccupation with yourself has festered this wound in your heart. It is also the root of unforgiveness; which you have refused to lend your mum. The solution is a living relation with God through Christ.

When you realize that you are a sinner and you find forgiveness with God, you would not find it difficult to forgive your mother - who has obviously sinned against you. It all begins from there: forgiveness. And the real challenge is this: your parent's lives are ending, while yours is just beginning. You don't want to begin your life with this baggage.

If you need more counsel, please reach me on newdejix@gmail.com. I would be willing to share God's word with you more deeply; even as a pray for you that God will heal your heart.

Amen.

Everything was nice until you started blaming the victim... You say it's sin? Haba chief.


If you deal with your clients like this you will end up putting most of them in post counselling trauma even as a Christian counsellor. A trained counsellor knows not to victim blame or make conclusions just from this very limited information that the op has given.


Your counsellor title is questionable. How were you trained? Where were you trained? Which school did you attend and what degree do you possess? What mental health body do you belong to? How did you become a counsellor?

Agba2020:
I've only told this to one person and I've been carrying this one for 9 years now.

This might turn out to be a little long, so bear with me. When I was 17, a few days to my first WAEC, I was reading in the living room when my mom walked in and falsely accused me of sleeping with my own Dad... Oh, I'm a guy btw. I'm not gay, neither am I effeminate.

She claimed she saw my Dad touching me and that he slept with me. I was stunned. I went through different ranges of emotions. At first, I wanted to curse her, then I wanted the ground to swallow me up for real, then I wanted to cry, and then I wanted to scream, tears just filled my eyes, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Why are you doing this?" and then she just walked out. I just sat there losing my mind, I knew it was untrue because there's no way you would penetrate a guy without him feeling it, right? Not to mention the fact that I have no memory of this ever happening. And yet she claimed she saw this happening, if that was true, why didn't she stop it?

Long story short, that was the day my life got turned upside down by my own Mom. The not so funny thing is, she never once brought up that issue again since then, and yet she never apologized for it (not that I'd ever forgive her anyway). Dad has no clue about this issue, by the way.

What is big deal here abeg? Accused you wrongly and then.? Please stop nursing imaginary wound.

[quote author=graciousolo post=91250297][/quote]you are right, this thing is enough to make someone commit suicide he shouldn't list to many of idiots here

mekuso89:
you are right, this thing is enough to make someone commit suicide he shouldn't list to many of idiots here

Suicide? Children of nowadays way of thinking. What if he was wrongly accused by stranger, what would he now do?

Martinez39s:
You should have handled the situation like a man. If my mum accused me of such, I will simply say "I never did such" and continue what I am doing. If she insists, that's her problem. If she demands for answers, I maintain my response and move on. I can even report to my dad if her unnecessary wahala is becoming too much. As simple as that. Life is not hard.

This is why I always encourage men to drill their children, especially boys, in having a tough skin. Just for an accusation, you are crying, upset and saying your life has been destroyed. You no try, you fall my hand. Words/opinions cannot hurt you except you want them to. So if a girl accuse you of rape, you will hang yourself or fall from third mainland bridge?

were is your sense, you need to go find it before I count to five...

Temidayo9:
Suicide? Children of nowadays way of thinking. What if he was wrongly accused by stranger, what would he now do?

And what difference will it make? Will it change the fact that his mama confronted him in such shameless manner?. Children of nowadays won't sit down and think before arguing with there elders

lol..shit mehn nw dats fu.cked up bt dnt tke it to heart or its gonna weigh u dwn bro also I hope say u no turn bobrisky

mekuso89:
were is your sense, you need to go find it before I count to five...

Gerrarahia.

Martinez39s:
Gerrarahia.

lol

After women, then fear Satan.

Well I believe you are man enough now, go tell your mom that you have forgiven her already, but ask her why she ever did that...

It could also help in freeing her from guilt b4 it's too late.

Agba2020:
I've only told this to one person and I've been carrying this one for 9 years now.

This might turn out to be a little long, so bear with me. When I was 17, a few days to my first WAEC, I was reading in the living room when my mom walked in and falsely accused me of sleeping with my own Dad... Oh, I'm a guy btw. I'm not gay, neither am I effeminate.

She claimed she saw my Dad touching me and that he slept with me. I was stunned. I went through different ranges of emotions. At first, I wanted to curse her, then I wanted the ground to swallow me up for real, then I wanted to cry, and then I wanted to scream, tears just filled my eyes, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Why are you doing this?" and then she just walked out. I just sat there losing my mind, I knew it was untrue because there's no way you would penetrate a guy without him feeling it, right? Not to mention the fact that I have no memory of this ever happening. And yet she claimed she saw this happening, if that was true, why didn't she stop it?

Long story short, that was the day my life got turned upside down by my own Mom. The not so funny thing is, she never once brought up that issue again since then, and yet she never apologized for it (not that I'd ever forgive her anyway). Dad has no clue about this issue, by the way.

Well I believe you are man enough now, go tell your mom that you have forgiven her already, but ask her why she ever did that...
It could also help in freeing her from guilt b4 it's too late.

Did your dad not confront her?

Agba2020:
I appreciate your comment bro and while i do agree that moving on is the best course of action, it is really hard, extremely so. It's going on 10yrs now, and i still can't get it out of my head, and i'm tempted to just spill it out and maybe see if i might get unburdened. But it's like having a house with many doors, and there's that one door that you cannot dare open, because if you open it, one of two things could happen, things could somehow miraculously or magically get better (highly unlikely) or you could make things infinitely worse. And there's one thing i learned early in life, it's that no matter how bad things are, it could always get worse, much worse. Anyway, peace brother.

I reason with you @bolded. I understand you're afraid it might destroy the family if you tell your dad but I suggest you talk to your mom about it, otherwise, you may have to carry that burder forever. Be strong bro.

heendrix:
Indomie build up

so she accused you wrongly and ever since then your life spoilt? let it continue spoiling na. mtcheww

sha keep us updated to the monthly level to which it's spoiling

Dude, these are terrible times. We don't need this shit as reply. If your words can't build anyone up, better keep it to yourself.

It's not compulsory to comment.
People are dying because of depression. There's a thin line between life and death. Your words can push someone over the cliff or save him from destruction.

Agba2020:
I didn't report to Dad back then for a few. The first reason being that i was afraid that Dad would throw her out or worse... my Dad has a temper. Secondly, i thought to myself "What if i report this and then she totally denies it?" I mean let's be honest, in Nigeria, when it comes to parents, we tend to put them on pedestals... they can do no wrong. Anyway, those were the reasons why i kept it to myself, but it still haunts me every single day. Oh, and i can't bring it up with them now because they are getting old and that kind of heavy shit could potentially make a person's heart give out.

U just have to let it go and the only way u can do that is to start my telling ur dad or ur eldest sibling first.

I just remember this song: 'sweet mother I no go forget you, for this suffer wey you suffer for me oh'. Nonsense sentimental stuff! It's high time people realize that mothers can be evil; the real terrible demons destroying the lives of their children.

Anyway, the op is sounding like his conscience is not very clear, otherwise he would have boldly confronted his mom and make sure she explain exactly what she meant and proof the accusation or face serious consequence.

On a more positive note, irrespective of whether your mom was right or not, and irrespective of how you feel, you need spiritual regeneration. You need to let go of the past, let go of the hurtful feelings. You can do all these and many more by staying connected with the source of your being!

MNDY:
The best thing to do is to ignore and try to forget about it and live your life.

I have a weirder mom. She says she hears voices telling her dark things mostly. Sometimes I feel like she is a witch. Whenever she starts speaking of what she claims to have heard or seen in a dream, I excuse her.

She had once told me that she saw that I would die after finishing school. I made serious trouble over it and warned her sternly because it destabilized me. With time, I have learnt to live with her by not taking what she says serious.

Very fetish, she can start saying all sort of things sometimes. But ever since I clashed with her and warned her with threatening her life to never involve me when saying her things, she has stopped referring to me.

Ewu, I thought you wanted to say something meaningful

Is your mom possessed?

frozen70:
If you want to forget about it, pls do and be happy

If you think you can't forget about it and she still does worst thing, report to dad and let it be settled

But left for me, forget it and forgive her

We forgive others not because they deserve it but because you need peace of mind

Millions of teenage boys have been abused like this, but they won't speak up, am shocked he was able to speak, I have a friend who's mother apprentices molested at age 11.. This boy grew up and told no one...

The psychological damage goes a long way into manhood. ..

When u see most men messed up , u ask why are they like that, most times their boyhood was destroyed with stuff like this.

Is not about forgiveness, this young man head has been damaged... Speaking up in a faceless forum shows how deep his damage is

Agba2020:
Maybe "ruined my life" was a bit of an exagerration, that was mostly so people would check out the thread. It definitely ruined my relationship with not only her, but my Dad as well, because since she said what she said i just couldn't stand the sight of my own Dad anymore. There was a time not long after the accusation when he was talking to me and Dad tried touching me on my arm and i just freaked out, i almost jumped away. It might sound funny, but it really wasn't funny to him, he was just shocked and confused as hell, but i couldn't tell him coz i thought it would only destroy the family, so i just shouldered the burden. It didn't affect my sexuality, but it held me back academically and in life. I was isolated because i had no one to talk to.

That’s terrible. I can’t even imagine how you feel. And you’re right. You could bring it up and she’ll deny it. Then It’s one big messy “he said she said” that might end up making you feel even worse.

Does she have any history of mental illness?
It’s so weird

Agba2020:
Maybe "ruined my life" was a bit of an exagerration, that was mostly so people would check out the thread. It definitely ruined my relationship with not only her, but my Dad as well, because since she said what she said i just couldn't stand the sight of my own Dad anymore. There was a time not long after the accusation when he was talking to me and Dad tried touching me on my arm and i just freaked out, i almost jumped away. It might sound funny, but it really wasn't funny to him, he was just shocked and confused as hell, but i couldn't tell him coz i thought it would only destroy the family, so i just shouldered the burden. It didn't affect my sexuality, but it held me back academically and in life. I was isolated because i had no one to talk to.

Sorry to say bt I learnt smtn in life quite quickly, which us basically people can say what they bt aslong as it's not true and u know urself, don't give a damn about it. Just laff, ignore or tell them they are crazy. Yes even a parent can loose their minds and say rubbish. They are human.

Ignore them, forgive them, don't even put it to mind and enjoy ur life. It's pretty simple when u don't give a fvck about trash talk.

Hypnotise:
Op. Just forget about it. Sometimes mothers say some pretty hurtful stuffs.

No, most times they do. If I told you my own story, this place wouldn't be able to contain it. Mine would even sell you out to total strangers and create enmity among her own kids. Mothers aren't just the angels we like to think that they are. Mine certainly ain't!

Agba2020:
I've only told this to one person and I've been carrying this one for 9 years now.

This might turn out to be a little long, so bear with me. When I was 17, a few days to my first WAEC, I was reading in the living room when my mom walked in and falsely accused me of sleeping with my own Dad... Oh, I'm a guy btw. I'm not gay, neither am I effeminate.

She claimed she saw my Dad touching me and that he slept with me. I was stunned. I went through different ranges of emotions. At first, I wanted to curse her, then I wanted the ground to swallow me up for real, then I wanted to cry, and then I wanted to scream, tears just filled my eyes, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Why are you doing this?" and then she just walked out. I just sat there losing my mind, I knew it was untrue because there's no way you would penetrate a guy without him feeling it, right? Not to mention the fact that I have no memory of this ever happening. And yet she claimed she saw this happening, if that was true, why didn't she stop it?

Long story short, that was the day my life got turned upside down by my own Mom. The not so funny thing is, she never once brought up that issue again since then, and yet she never apologized for it (not that I'd ever forgive her anyway). Dad has no clue about this issue, by the way.

Why didn't tell your dad and how did this ruin your life? Don't tell me after mama accused you, you went into gay things or you failed your WAEC? Come of the closet!

Janeberryy:
How did it ruin your life? Or it ruined your relationship with her?

Don't tell me that affected your whole life, like affected your sexuality or your success?

emotional abuse ruin people imagine someone accused you wrongly of what you don't know about and everyone around believe it ..

DeeMain:
One 1 hour therapy session by a competent therapist could heal this memory completely. Why allow this ruin your life and relationships till now? Why allow your mum's weakness or error or mistake to determine your present and your future?

You are now an adult. Take responsibility and heal this issue now. Take charge.

Excellent advice.
I wonder what stops most of us from using the services of psychotherapists, given the many scientifically proven advantages of doing so.
Can it be that we are too religious

Kylekent59:
She loves you so much, more reason she poured out her anger by uttering such words.

shut up

Agba2020:
I've only told this to one person and I've been carrying this one for 9 years now.

This might turn out to be a little long, so bear with me. When I was 17, a few days to my first WAEC, I was reading in the living room when my mom walked in and falsely accused me of sleeping with my own Dad... Oh, I'm a guy btw. I'm not gay, neither am I effeminate.

She claimed she saw my Dad touching me and that he slept with me. I was stunned. I went through different ranges of emotions. At first, I wanted to curse her, then I wanted the ground to swallow me up for real, then I wanted to cry, and then I wanted to scream, tears just filled my eyes, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Why are you doing this?" and then she just walked out. I just sat there losing my mind, I knew it was untrue because there's no way you would penetrate a guy without him feeling it, right? Not to mention the fact that I have no memory of this ever happening. And yet she claimed she saw this happening, if that was true, why didn't she stop it?

Long story short, that was the day my life got turned upside down by my own Mom. The not so funny thing is, she never once brought up that issue again since then, and yet she never apologized for it (not that I'd ever forgive her anyway). Dad has no clue about this issue, by the way.

fucck you with Ur dull brain

If it happened just once, she might have been sleep walking. Or temporarily being remote controlled from the village.

Confront her about it and tell her how it made you feel. Give her a chance to explain and apologize.

Agba2020:
I appreciate your comment bro and while i do agree that moving on is the best course of action, it is really hard, extremely so. It's going on 10yrs now, and i still can't get it out of my head, and i'm tempted to just spill it out and maybe see if i might get unburdened. But it's like having a house with many doors, and there's that one door that you cannot dare open, because if you open it, one of two things could happen, things could somehow miraculously or magically get better (highly unlikely) or you could make things infinitely worse. And there's one thing i learned early in life, it's that no matter how bad things are, it could always get worse, much worse. Anyway, peace brother.

Open your heart to love. You need to learn to love yourself first. Then open up your heart for the right woman who would love you as you are. You don't need your mother. All you need to heal is true love..undiluted, pure affection. Good luck.

Many women are twisted, and need help.
They especially need to be supervised by adults, always.
Excessive liberty to women has not helped them or society.