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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury (43578 Views)
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Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:34am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Girl I’m full of stories with this one but I can’t talk about my actual patients because of HIPAA. It’s hard even when you’re just a temporary care giver. this young man in his 20s working under my DH had an accident one day at work. ‘Lucky’ for him it happened at work so it was obviously ruled as work-related injury. That’s why he was able to get 100% of all the benefits he was entitled to. Got his early retirement based on injury. That means his full retirement pay plus disability pay. Got all his medical expenses paid for. Therapy upon therapy. Was in a skilled nursing facility for a long time before he went home with home health and outpatient physical and occupational therapy. Now he’s able to write with his hands but still wheelchair-bound. They say he will never walk again. Their house was set up for disability access, with the necessary hand bars and ramps he needs to move in and out by himself. he of course has his motorized wheelchair and is able to move himself somewhat from location to location. He’s also starting to learn handicapped -driving now. So hopefully soon he can start driving himself places. With all the help from professionals and the fact that the wife doesn’t really have to work for money if she doesn’t want to, she is still having a hell of a hard time. Poor child (she’s early 20s) lost so much weight and was having a legit breakdown. Imagine doing this without any of the help/amenities I described above. I mean I know there must be people out there who do it. But I can’t even offer anything that remotely sounds like judgement to them. Hathor5: 12 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:34am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: If your aunt could do it, what then gave you the impression that others haven't done even more? I once left Lagos for 2 months to take care of a relative in the hospital. I left my job (business), left everything behind. Some of us also took our grandparents in for years. My grandmom couldn't even walk on her on for 2 years before she passed on. We do basically everything for her and hired a maid to assist because someone has to stay with her whenever my parents go to church, outings, market, etc. This is the reality in many homes in Nigeria. There are families with children suffering from congenital and genetic malformations, stroke, etc. There are no support systems here yet we don't see these people on the street, except the few "Northerners begging alms.." It simply means they're getting help from people like you. 7 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Hathor5(f): 10:36am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Acidosis: Your point is? 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:37am On Jul 10, 2020 |
thorpido: Okay like home health. That’s good to know. I wonder how expensive or affordable they are though. Thanks |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Unnerve: 10:40am On Jul 10, 2020 |
miniziter:Is it lack of sex that's her problem, or lack of money? I can't make heads or tails of this. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Hathor5(f): 10:42am On Jul 10, 2020 |
cococandy: Why would we show any empathy for her if Acidosis can stay in a hospital to look after a relative for two months? His entire family has done this and much more. No biggie. It's easy. We should call them names for complaining IN THE NAME OF JESUS. I just hope to have a nurse like you whenever I have to go to a hospital. Don't want any heartless creature to attend to me. What can you expect from people who think it is ok to chop off hands if someone steals because they are hungry. I guess Jesus also taught them not to feed the hungry but mutilate them. 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:42am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Unnerve:both ? Maybe if she has one, she will feel less frustrated with the other. 4 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:44am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: My point is we shouldn't justify the woman's consideration/decision to abandon her husband. The moment you're married, you've become a family. It shouldn't matter whether extended families come to our aid or not. These same extended families will be heavily criticized when they come to claim inheritance. 3 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:50am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Acidosis: Who was justifying her decision to leave? 6 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Hathor5(f): 10:50am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Acidosis: I agree with you that marriage is for better or worse but not every human being is equally strong to cope in her situation. I don't have a problem with you taking a stand that one should remain with their spouse till the end but I have a problem when you and your friend claim the moral high ground where you don't have it. If you want to be the better Christians behave like that. 3 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by miniziter(m): 10:52am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Unnerve:Both. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Sixfeetbelle: 10:57am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Perogbangba: Leaving the marriage may be the best thing for her mental health. We don't want a case where wifey poisoned husband cause she was frustrated with his 'uselessness' 5 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Hathor5(f): 10:57am On Jul 10, 2020 |
miniziter: And she told you? Who is she to you? 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Hathor5(f): 11:00am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Sixfeetbelle: You have raised an important point. There have been many cases of abusive caretakers in challenging and overwhelming situations like that. No matter how ideological we want to be on NL in reality we are human and flawed and in situations like that stronger or weaker than we thought we were. Having said that something tells me the story is fake anyway. 5 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Unnerve: 11:01am On Jul 10, 2020 |
cococandy:Then I figure getting some sort of financial intervention (government, philanthropy, family members who still care, etc) is the best step forward if she really wants to stay. This is because I can't quite see any benefit in considering the option of getting a side nigga. I mean, having a sick disabled husband at home and banging another man outside is simply more stress on her time and attention, even worse if this man will not be providing the resources needed for her to take care of her husband (and I'm pretty sure no side nigga will do that). So between the option of just getting another man for sex and totally leaving her husband, the latter actually seems like the more 3 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Unnerve: 11:14am On Jul 10, 2020 |
miniziter:Ahh you're the one with the story. So in addition to my response to the lady above, she has to pick one problem. Someone who is seriously in need of money and experiencing the fatigue and mental drain that a lack of it can bring, definitely should not be having thoughts of dicking, plus she has a little child too. What time will she even have for the side nigga? I'm beginning to believe this here is a hypothetical story but since we're all playing along, please tell 'her' to pick the battle she wants to fight and if fighting isn't even something she's willing to do anymore, then leaving her husband completely is the most reasonable thing to do. 4 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 11:16am On Jul 10, 2020 |
I agree on the money part. If I were to choose too, I think money is more important. For me money would definitely come first. Between the option of leaving or seeking extracurricular sexual satisfaction, if I were the disabled person, I’ll probably choose the latter. Saying ‘might’ because I can’t know this for sure. But I feel I’d rather not lay in my own excrement for days and days because my caregiver left me while I’m waiting for someone in my family who previously didn’t care to start caring. That’s very risky. if I were bedridden without any possible way of meeting his needs permanently and my husband stays by my side to nurse & provide for me. Yes, I’d forgive him some extramarital dalliances. It might hurt and would be hard to come to terms with. However this is not to say that I don’t recognize it can come with complications. Might even end up making the person leave once they start falling for the side piece. That’s why it’s not easy advice to give. Unnerve: 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Hathor5(f): 11:18am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Unnerve: My thoughts exactly. And it's been only two years. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Unnerve: 11:35am On Jul 10, 2020 |
cococandy:Me thinks having the financial resources for homecare solves every/most other problems in this situation. The sex part & needing a side guy should not be coming up at this point. Lol |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Unnerve: 11:35am On Jul 10, 2020 |
Hathor5:Too early |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by thorpido(m): 2:31pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
cococandy:Well,they are not cheap.The cost range is about N100k - N150k a month.They provide 24 hrs services or you could have only day service. 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 2:32pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
thorpido:Nice. Not bad for a full month of care actually. But it would be unaffordable for some families. 4 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by thorpido(m): 2:37pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
cococandy:It's really for those in the upper echelon of the society. 3 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 3:48pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
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Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by bukatyne(f): 3:57pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
NerdyRudeGyal: God give us the courage and strength to do and stand for the right things no matter how hard, unconventional, unpopular, unpleasant or inconvenient they are. Amen. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 5:41pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
pocohantas: why the lame generalizations, was it so necessary women that fall short of severe illness, to the point of been incapacitated are mostly milfs & aged women there grown children easily fill up ... my landlady in her early 50's suffered cancer for more than two years up till stage 4, her husband never relegated her back to her family, alway willing & ready to spend when needed, she died last month tho., the husband works onshore, not alway around should he av resign, if not for the grown up children would it not av been more appropriate to take her to her family. some situation just warrants it It doesnt matter how relentless you try to alway paint men as evil, buh the fact is men can't multi task like women, to combine chores, baby sitting with work .. possibility of getting sacked is 90% 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by miniziter(m): 5:43pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
Hathor5:Her friend is my neighbor and I heard them discussing it. The friend (neighbor) even ask me and her husband to advise her on what to tell her. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by miniziter(m): 5:44pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
Unnerve:Come to Okada to capture the true life story. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by miniziter(m): 5:45pm On Jul 10, 2020 |
Unnerve:Come to Okada to capture the true life story. Sometimes the hormone responsible for sex will act o. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 1:44am On Jul 12, 2020 |
cococandy: Nice story, but last last sha, you would advise her to leave since the situation isn't getting better right? let's face reality. What is worrisome to me is the man who never even worried about his child (the toddler), I mean this is his child, even if the mom died at child birth, will he throw the child away? So the man was just an irresponsible man, he should be held responsible. He doesn't represents all Men, so let's clear the air on that. 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:49am On Jul 12, 2020 |
My point is not that all or even many men are like him. I’d be scared if they were. My point is that people judge women differently and always expect more from us. Even when it’s humanly difficult to give more. They use God to try and make you feel guilty. To guilt you into giving your last breath. See as no one judged him for any of the things he did (which my aunt would have been sacrificed for if she did half of it). The judgment only came when he totally stopped caring and asking about his wife and kid. Like they were strangers he was happy to be away from. So, OP ( if a real person ) should be very easy on herself. truthsayer009: 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by miniziter(m): 6:15am On Jul 13, 2020 |
cococandy:The family in question can't even afford one quarter of it. |
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