Seconded

lefulefu:
wat u should do? call im out for starters.at least the air ticket money he should send it back to u since he"s playing u

I wanted to type something lengthy but I just realized, no need for that. Your issue is simple, low self esteem. You don't believe you deserve or can get a better person.

luminouz:


So you believe her story?

I don't!!

luminouz:
Well, I seriously dey doubt her jare

i had to dig up this thread. this is the thread we met in, in October 2014. edited: link to thread removed for privacy.

i'm not bothered if anyone doesn't believe my story. i understand the fake stories on nairaland the last few years has made it difficult to believe people with true life experiences. it doesn't change the fact that mine is true, down to every detail up there.

The answer to ur questions is within u. But for me I will gladly advice u to run for what u will regret later...... If eventually u send ur nude pic as requested by him baby by now it will be used against u as a threat, My peace of advice to u ..... DON'T TRY IT OOOOO......
Plz move on don't let anyone hold u down u deserve best and we surely find that soonest...
*I PRAY FOR YOU*

Sister D, come down to Nigeria stay with this guy for 1 month, learn him more and now determine steps to take. Make sure he will not kidnap you oo

Georgekyrian:
Sister D, come down to Nigeria stay with this guy for 1 month, learn him more and now determine steps to take. Make sure he will not kidnap you oo

Bros, if na your sister. Is this the advice you'll give her?
Op is just too insecure.

azvm:
2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo.

. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?

*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.

pls work on your self esteem. Stop being a walkover. I'm sure you are a fine babe. I'll advice you to find love over there, where you are. Don't you attend church over there or supermarkets or other places, where you can meet guys?

Forget about the Mr C. This Mr C guy has seen how desperate and needy you are. I know you are still trying to give him benefit of doubt but cases like this never end well. Stop trying to make it work. And stop giving him audience. Block him and move on cos I know he'll come on stronger to 'sweet talk' you again once he sees this thread.

Knowing people like you, they'll still not listen and they'll get their hands burnt!
Long distance relationship should be avoided at all costs.
Love matter ehn... E dey always tie wrapper.

First of all, the guys ranting here against what you want to do are simply jealous that someone else is about to get the luck they've been praying for, so don't act based on their advice

The only advice I will give you is to follow your heart, nothing guarantee success in life, you can take that action of sponsoring him abroad and it turns out to be the best decision of your life, it can also end up as a disaster

Just live a little bit carefree, take whatever you see, live itself is an adventure

azvm , the said guy will contact you after seeing this thread. He will try to explain his actions, assure you of his love, promise you heaven and earth. I just want to say, don't fall for it.

You want to import wahala to yourself! A guy who ghosts you at will, insults you without qualms, throw your hurts in your face, cheated on your unreservedly and went ballistic cos of money! Good luck!

On a bright note, whatever mistake we are destined to make must be made...this could be yours

[quote author=azvm post=91688118]2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo. we met in Religion where we were encouraging one suicidal, depressed dude in a thread. he PMed me abt liking what i wrote then the friendship began. we had things in common, had interesting discussions, talked about ourselves and families, problems, etc. we agreed to be in a ldr, communicated mostly over email, whatsapp texts. we've done video calls too several times and till three years ago but i put a stop to them bc he was always asking me to show him parts of my body

2016. i was doing a school research project i needed a website for. C told me he knew someone in Nigeria to build it for me, said he would pay him the money, about $100. after the website was built , a week later he started hampering me to return the money, hurling insults at me, telling me i stole his money and he would tell everyone i took his money and ran. i told him i thought the money had been a gift. we were in a relationship, i didn't think i had to return it. after all the verbal abuse i sent him the money -actually sent him more than $100, then he was happy. it wasn't until i told him how bad his behavior was towards me that he apologized. after this, he wanted me to visit him in Nigeria (we had talked abt me visiting Nigeria since 2015) but i couldn't make it. he soon quit talking to me, disappeared. i didn't hear from him at all for three months, no calls, no nothing. i ended up meeting a man here, a Jamaican. i wasn't attracted to this man, we weren't in a relationship. i don't want to get into these details but i was sexually assaulted and lost my virginity, at 29. i reported to the police last year, it's still an ongoing police case. i somehow blame C. i've felt if he hadn't disappeared i wouldn't hv fallen into the hands of this rapist. C knew my goal was always to save myself for marriage like i had been doing.

rewind. some background. before i met C, i was in a relationship when i was 25, in 2012.
2012. i met a yoruba guy my Uni. he was an international student. we never had sex due to me wanting to wait for marriage. we kissed, hugged during our weekly outings. we saw each other once a week for movies, dinner, bowling. he ended up cheating. 7 months later, i broke up w him. this dude is history but is who i consider my ex if you ask who my ex is. i consider this relationship my first ever relationship, the only real-life relationship i've ever been in all my life, though a non-sexual one.

back to C.
2017. he did encourage me after i told him what had happened to me, provided moral support. but he then disappeared again. when he contacted me four months later, i was upset, we exchanged some words over email- mostly me calling him dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, which were all true. he took things too far and was verbally abusive calling me horrible names and using the things i've told him about myself to insult me, like the sexual assault. he apologized later but i was quite hurt. we decided to start anew for a relationship mostly doing whatsapp texts and email as usual. he isn't a phone call person, he has the tendency to need his space for a week a two- i never complained.

2018. he disappeared again this time for 8 months, from april to november, no communication at all. i had told myself to forget about him. he suddenly called my phone one november afternoon 5 times. when we got to talking he confessed he was engaged to an igbo girl in Nigeria, was busy making preparations for the marriage but her family were making too many financial demands so he opted to call it off. i was shocked to hear he had been engaged. i told him he only contacted me again since the marriage plans didn't work out. he apologized, said it's me he wants to marry, i'm a simple girl, i'll give him peace of mind, blah blab blah. he wanted us to start where we left off. i told him i no longer trusted him but said we could try again, see where it goes

2019. we continue and things were fine till Valentine's Day. a week before V-day he said he loved me, promised to never leave me again. on Valentine's day i got no Valentine's message from him either or email or whatsapp, no call, nothing. meanwhile i would see him on whatsapp. fast forward to two weeks later i needed a logo for a blog of mine. i found a guy on nairaland for it. initially i wanted to send C the money to give to the guy but i decided to send him the money myself, i sent him the money then C started ignoring me. long story short the guy didn't send my logo after receiving the money. i told C, asked him to call the guy for me to release my logo, he refused. after this, i stopped communicating with C myself this time, he didn't contact me either, not till later last year

2020. fast forward to last month he told me abt his laptop which got damaged after a power outage. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on whatsapp the next day, i was doing my best to make him feel better, asked him what laptop he's using now, other questions to show him i care. all of a sudden he went of on me calling me deplorable n all sorts of names, saying stuff he knows will hurt me. i dunno maybe he was having a bad day or what. i told him i was planning to buy another laptop for him but he carried on insulting me. i blocked him. asides, his communication towards me recently has been sexual -he's always talkn abt wanting to make love to me, how attracted he is to me ( he has my pics ), how i'm his fantasy. he emailed me days later talkn abt me being the love of his life. he first refused apologizing for all his insults said over whatsapp, he said he doesn't need to apologize before i forgive. he finally said "i'm sorry ok" days later, i told him there's no more relationship. he says he doesn't want to let me go, i'm the only one who understands him. lately i've been thinking abt sponsoring him or going to nigeria to marry him. despite the fights he hs been my friend over the years. plus i'm thinking being in the same place may help us bond a lot better, start a family someday. my fears are he may not be a good father or husband, will be abusive, or i may find out he's got a wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?

*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.

[/quot

I don't think you love yourself enough. It's glaring that this relationship is toxic and one-sided yet you are still considering sponsoring & marriage. Time they say is the revealer of one's character. Over time, he has consistently shown you that he is not stable nor loving. What other evidence do you need?
My dear, love is not enough. His character is wack, dont settle for such a person.

My main advice to you is, learn to build healthy self- boundaries around your life. Stop allowing him to mess with your emotions
A word is enough for the wise.

@azvm that C is bad news. He lacks manners and definitely not a gentleman. He's going to ruin ur life if you sponsor him abroad.

You already got all d red flag. D human is simply a time waster babe, please move on.

[quote author=Callie post=91691397][/quote]As in, the guy lacks good character. And I can bet my last kobo that he'll be an abusive husband. If d Op doesn't give him money he requested for immediately, he'll nag her to death.

Georgekyrian:
Sister D, come down to Nigeria stay with this guy for 1 month, learn him more and now determine steps to take. Make sure he will not kidnap you oo

The guy does not deserve her. He's nothing but an emotional hold digger

azvm:

i had to dig up this thread. this is the thread we met in, in October 2014. edited: link to thread removed for privacy.

i'm not bothered if anyone doesn't believe my story. i understand the fake stories on nairaland the last few years has made it difficult to believe people with true life experiences. it doesn't change the fact that mine is true, down to every detail up there.

Don't sponsor him! He'll dump u and get a younger woman.

lefulefu:

i doubt if na naija girl
no naija girl can be as foolish as this
most babes wey i know wen dem don hit money and want to help someone na their brothers or younger sis dem dey first help before thinking of any boyfriend.na only guys dey make such silly mistake of helping girlfriend while ignoring their own siblings.Though many of us guys don dey wise .And of all places na nairaland im come dey help person.i am just hoping dis is a made up story .

Do you know if all her siblings are grown and in the abroad? Oti be

azvm:
i'm Nigerian by birth. my siblings are abroad too. i do hv cousins, nephews in Nigeria but we're not close

That ur C is married! He simply fell into hard times and wants to use you as an escape route. Happens all d time. Don't like any man deceive u

lefulefu:
so u want to sponsor a nairalander u met here overseas over the ilusion of love bah
u never sponsor ur own brothers overseas o
na one guy here wey probably dey play u u wan send overseas
see as i juts dey look u

Bro free her now,
things may work fine for them,
really there is love in between them, just that the distance does not guarantee safety and their ages worked together...
No hard feelings but 6 years of relationship worths it forget the ups and down.

Na the guy luck, make him flex...

Nukubib:
Bros, if na your sister. Is this the advice you'll give her?
Op is just too insecure.

What's wrong with the advice?
If you are the guy or the guy is your brother...

lefulefu:
ohh the guy has even played u already sef'
thank God u have learnt ur lesson if this story is true
for anyone who wants to sponsor someone overseas first sponsor ur own siblings before u thinking of one random guy or babe to sponsor over the illusion of love.If u sponsor another person while living ur own sibling to rot in naija then God will never forgive u for ur foolishness

You took this out of my mouth


She is just desperate because of her age

My advice is that I don't like the fact that he couldn't get somthing tangible doing for all these years..... I really needed him to have his own money so his true feeling towards you will show up..... From everything you said.. There was no and is still no good love stories... Only break up and make up.

I dnt want you to be his ladder to Europe.... If you can, come to naija and spend one month. Go out a lot and meet people you might just be lucky for a man. My gal also met me hopeless, intervened and we are so oo good 2geda..but that is me. Don't know what his might turn out to be. Cuz I know a lot of guyz are just looking for ladder to climb and run away

Mayb the distance has been the problems. But when you return take your time to study him.. And possible mix with others.. Dont evn know why to say.. Cuz we might never really know people from the inside

OP the handwriting is very clear on the wall ooo please cut all ties with that guy before you come here and be making another trend on how he broke ur heart and took your money and you later found out that his married

Please to avoid stories that touch please stay away from him and focus on your life

There are better guys out there pray that one day you will meet one

sonofthunder:


Egungun be careful na express you dey go...........

This is the best response so far.

azvm:
2014. i met a guy on Nairaland, i'll call him C. i'm not a new member, only using a new moniker. I was 27, him 29 (now we're 32, 35). i'm yoruba, him igbo. we met in Religion where we were encouraging one suicidal, depressed dude in a thread. he PMed me abt liking what i wrote then the friendship began. we had things in common, had interesting discussions, talked about ourselves and families, problems, etc. we agreed to be in a ldr, communicated mostly over email, whatsapp texts. we've done video calls too several times and till three years ago but i put a stop to them bc he was always asking me to show him parts of my body

2016. i was doing a school research project i needed a website for. C told me he knew someone in Nigeria to build it for me, said he would pay him the money, about $100. after the website was built , a week later he started hampering me to return the money, hurling insults at me, telling me i stole his money and he would tell everyone i took his money and ran. i told him i thought the money had been a gift. we were in a relationship, i didn't think i had to return it. after all the verbal abuse i sent him the money -actually sent him more than $100, then he was happy. it wasn't until i told him how bad his behavior was towards me that he apologized. after this, he wanted me to visit him in Nigeria (we had talked abt me visiting Nigeria since 2015) but i couldn't make it. he soon quit talking to me, disappeared. i didn't hear from him at all for three months, no calls, no nothing. i ended up meeting a man here, a Jamaican. i wasn't attracted to this man, we weren't in a relationship. i don't want to get into these details but i was sexually assaulted and lost my virginity, at 29. i reported to the police last year, it's still an ongoing police case. i somehow blame C. i've felt if he hadn't disappeared i wouldn't hv fallen into the hands of this rapist. C knew my goal was always to save myself for marriage like i had been doing.

rewind. some background. before i met C, i was in a relationship when i was 25, in 2012.
2012. i met a yoruba guy my Uni. he was an international student. we never had sex due to me wanting to wait for marriage. we kissed, hugged during our weekly outings. we saw each other once a week for movies, dinner, bowling. he ended up cheating. 7 months later, i broke up w him. this dude is history but is who i consider my ex if you ask who my ex is. i consider this relationship my first ever relationship, the only real-life relationship i've ever been in all my life, though a non-sexual one.

back to C.
2017. he did encourage me after i told him what had happened to me, provided moral support. but he then disappeared again. when he contacted me four months later, i was upset, we exchanged some words over email- mostly me calling him dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, which were all true. he took things too far and was verbally abusive calling me horrible names and using the things i've told him about myself to insult me, like the sexual assault. he apologized later but i was quite hurt. we decided to start anew for a relationship mostly doing whatsapp texts and email as usual. he isn't a phone call person, he has the tendency to need his space for a week a two- i never complained.

2018. he disappeared again this time for 8 months, from april to november, no communication at all. i had told myself to forget about him. he suddenly called my phone one november afternoon 5 times. when we got to talking he confessed he was engaged to an igbo girl in Nigeria, was busy making preparations for the marriage but her family were making too many financial demands so he opted to call it off. i was shocked to hear he had been engaged. i told him he only contacted me again since the marriage plans didn't work out. he apologized, said it's me he wants to marry, i'm a simple girl, i'll give him peace of mind, blah blab blah. he wanted us to start where we left off. i told him i no longer trusted him but said we could try again, see where it goes

2019. we continue and things were fine till Valentine's Day. a week before V-day he said he loved me, promised to never leave me again. on Valentine's day i got no Valentine's message from him either or email or whatsapp, no call, nothing. meanwhile i would see him on whatsapp. fast forward to two weeks later i needed a logo for a blog of mine. i found a guy on nairaland for it. initially i wanted to send C the money to give to the guy but i decided to send him the money myself, i sent him the money then C started ignoring me. long story short the guy didn't send my logo after receiving the money. i told C, asked him to call the guy for me to release my logo, he refused. after this, i stopped communicating with C myself this time, he didn't contact me either, not till later last year

2020. fast forward to last month he told me abt his laptop which got damaged after a power outage. i started looking online to buy another laptop for him ( i didn't tell him ). my plan was to surprise him, send it to him for his birthday in October. we chatted on whatsapp the next day, i was doing my best to make him feel better, asked him what laptop he's using now, other questions to show him i care. all of a sudden he went of on me calling me deplorable n all sorts of names, saying stuff he knows will hurt me. i dunno maybe he was having a bad day or what. i told him i was planning to buy another laptop for him but he carried on insulting me. i blocked him. asides, his communication towards me recently has been sexual -he's always talkn abt wanting to make love to me, how attracted he is to me ( he has my pics ), how i'm his fantasy. he emailed me days later talkn abt me being the love of his life. he first refused apologizing for all his insults said over whatsapp, he said he doesn't need to apologize before i forgive. he finally said "i'm sorry ok" days later, i told him there's no more relationship. he says he doesn't want to let me go, i'm the only one who understands him. lately i've been thinking abt sponsoring him or going to nigeria to marry him. despite the fights he hs been my friend over the years. plus i'm thinking being in the same place may help us bond a lot better, start a family someday. my fears are he may not be a good father or husband, will be abusive, or i may find out he's got a wife in Nigeria. what do u guys think i should do?

*he's still on nairaland though not too active. he may or may not see this thread... it wouldn't matter either way.

It will end in tears. You need to study him more. All these reappearing and disappearing like rent-a-ghost are not good signs o

SweetCunt97:
@azvm that C is bad news. He lacks manners and definitely not a gentleman. He's going to ruin ur life if you sponsor him abroad.

You already got all d red flag. D human is simply a time waster babe, please move on.

You tink its easy waiting on somone for seven years ND not misbehave..?

Go get a man ND stop talking ppl down..... Yes sh shld thread carefully not say that the guy if not good outrightly

100% ladies would also dump a guy in a very long lasting relationships especially distance one

Angelacruz:
Babe abeg i take God's name beg u,block dat guy in every possible way.He is married n wat to scam u of ur money n valuables.He is an ingrates,a thief,an internet fraudster etc.If u dnt give him a strong warning n block him,it will definetly end in customized tears.The handwriting is on d wall n it's clearly written.Please move on.HE DOES NOT LOVE U,HE IS an INTERNET FRAUDSTER.Pls be wise dis is Nigeria

Stop saying nonsense in name of advice joor.. ode, why would you call the guy a scammer? Where in the passage did he scam the girl? Learn how to advise with your sense intact....

Well @ op, the truth is you are in love and no amount of advice would make you change your mind on what you have already decided on..


If I were you , i would find a time to meet and study him for a while, all these online relationships cant compare to interacting physically....


Your chance now is 50/50on whether he loves you or not.. but I dont think the guy can scam u of your money .. , cos if he was going to do that , he would have arranged billing format for you teytey and u no fit escape than to pay cos una don dey close and emotions don dey for u....

And just like you've said, I would say find time to have a bond with him first and find out him true character.. he might me going through hard times, and besides, no be every body fit dey committed to online relationship, some people fit see am as time waster... come naija con see am, no matter how smart and cunny he is, you would know his true character within 2months.. you got to sacrifice your time if you dont want to regret..

And if you geh the money to send him overs ( if you don't have time to come naija) then go ahead but hope for the best in him and prepare for the worst.. live na 50/50

lefulefu:
so u want to sponsor a nairalander u met here overseas over the ilusion of love bah
u never sponsor ur own brothers overseas o
na one guy here wey probably dey play u u wan send overseas
see as i juts dey look u

e no bad na,
that's y u see most family are still struggling to survive in 9ja even when they get person for abroad....I kw of a family that have roughly 4 person abroad ,yet they still day tenant hux for 9ja ,it's o pathetic,

Angelacruz:
Babe abeg i take God's name beg u,block dat guy in every possible way.He is married n wat to scam u of ur money n valuables.He is an ingrates,a thief,an internet fraudster etc.If u dnt give him a strong warning n block him,it will definetly end in customized tears.The handwriting is on d wall n it's clearly written.Please move on.HE DOES NOT LOVE U,HE IS an INTERNET FRAUDSTER.Pls be wise dis is Nigeria

@op, life na risk oh, and if u going to take a risk, let it be calculative risk

azvm:
ok, tnx. my story is 200% true. everything i've written is what i've been through. i just wanted to hear people's thoughts on what i should do.

How can someone treat you like sh1t and you're finding it so difficult to let go?

You have low self esteem!

seanwilliam:

Stop saying nonsense in name of advice joor.. ode, why would you call the guy a scammer? Where in the passage did he scam the girl? Learn how to advise with your sense intact....

Well @ op, the truth is you are in love and no amount of advice would make you change your mind on what you have already decided on..


If I were you , i would find a time to meet and study him for a while, all these online relationships cant compare to interacting physically....


Your chance now is 50/50on whether he loves you or not.. but I dont think the guy can scam u of your money .. , cos if he was going to do that , he would have arranged billing format for you teytey and u no fit escape than to pay cos una don dey close and emotions don dey for u....

And just like you've said, I would say find time to have a bond with him first and find out him true character.. he might me going through hard times, and besides, no be every body fit dey committed to online relationship, some people fit see am as time waster... come naija con see am, no matter how smart and cunny he is, you would know his true character within 2months.. you got to sacrifice your time if you dont want to regret..

And if you geh the money to send him overs ( if you don't have time to come naija) then go ahead but hope for the best in him and prepare for the worst.. live na 50/50

I don't think OP is in love, she is just agitated by her advancing age and thinks this guy is her last chance to get married

SavageResponse:


I don't think OP is in love, she is just agitate by her age and thinks this guy is her last chance to get married

no matter what a lady cant risk something like this if she's not in love.. she would rather be the player.. she's in love and emotion is leading her now....

I still agree with you to some extent sha

The signs are there beside you know what is best for you..