₦airaland Forum

ImaIma1:
That is what you want to believe.

Those are my definitions below for a clearer understanding of my comment:

A lot: a large number or amount; a great deal.

Some: at least a small amount or number of people or things.

Ur reasoning is top notch.....

mk3jax:
Boys don't appreciate their father under they become a father themselves. The man is expected to takes care of his wife, kids, in law, siblings, parent, cousins, nieces etc depending on his financial ability. You think the money to provide all those comfort will come from siting at home and forming bonding with child. Bonding with kids only works when the job allows.
If you want to know the relevance of fathers, look at homes without one and see how miserable the life of the woman and kids are most of the times. Many of the fatherless girls get pregnant very young while the boys drop from school to go and learn a trade because there is no dad to provide.
Also look at girls that dump new born babies because there is no man to provide for her and the baby. You do not know the value of a man until he either walks away or dies. My mum still misses my dad's contribution to running the home they built together even though he died 14 years ago and all her kids are grown up.

What of in the case where the mother also brings in money for the house, has busy working hours also like the man and still finds time to spend with the children?

The issue is not time. When something matters to you, you will make time for it.

Does your work take up ALL your time? No time at all to hang out with friends, watch soccer, press phone. Or you are working Monday till Sunday from dusk till dawn?

How come mums don't give these excuses. My relative that has been a banker for over 20 years is closer to the children than her husband that has flexible work hours. Time is not the issue.

It's not about time at all. It's personal. It is interest. As long as it is important to you, you will make out time. It is not rocket science.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

You are on point

djon78:
Exactly
He is talking from his own experience
My dad is extremely relevant in the lives of I and my siblings
I talk with him 2 times every week
I talked with him this morning self

That some had bad parenting doesn't mean that's how it is.
Some of us had the best dads you could ever think of
And still enjoying them

congrats 2 den cos such fathers er scarce lik really scarce with d way baby mamas er every whr nw.

Abdul111:
This thing goes both ways in my own opinion. We have men that lost their wives and they raised their kids perfectly alone, however I feel like your father would have relevant to you if
1. He’s a responsible man
2. You’re sensible and understanding
I feel like mothers express themselves more and they show their weakness so children generally feel like their fathers arnt doing enough and their mother deserves all the love. While growing up I was so not close to me father but I appreciate and understand him now more than anything.

If your pops is still alive and he’s responsible enough to always provide your needs without you having to ask twice I think you should stop complaining and make an effort too, initiate a conversation, bring something up, it might be awkward at first but you’ll be surprised how much your father will open up to you and you might even start getting closer to him than your mom

Not all fathers will welcome their child coming to discuss stuff with them, especially when they just returned from work and that is the point of this thread. Some won't even bother with anything that has to do with their kids, especially once they believe their money is enough. As if money can buy that kind of love.

Naturally, I'm closer to my mom but I can tell you that my dad was present in my life all through. He helped take care of us by washing our clothes and making meals when we were much younger. He taught us to develop the reading culture by filling our bookshelves with novels from the school where he worked. That I loved reading today is cause of that action. He helped us in our assignments and quickened our learning process. Lol. I remember telling him once that I prefer mom teaching me maths to him cause he's a disciplinarian. You dare not know 2 + 2. Even my younger sister concurs. That's how committed he was in our upbringing.

Significantly, while growing up, I can go tell my dad anything at any time and he'll listen despite being a principal and a very strict personality. I once had a painful ear problem and I remember vividly going to tell him about it late at night after my mom directed me to. I was crying with tears clouding my eyelids but I remember how red his eyes was from the deep sleep I had roused him from and how he left the bed, got his glasses and a torch and took time to inspect my ear before promising I would go to the doctor to get better. I was 10 then.

Fast forward to now, if I show up in his room to ask him something, he always has this rapt attention on him always, ready to listen and give sound advice. He's always ready to listen and that's what made his strictness mesh with his kindness.

That I remember my dad today isn't because of his financial contribution (my mom worked the same hours he did), but of the sacrifices he made especially.

xynerise:
You can ignore if your father is not among. Your dumb skull should read the title and see if you can't find "most".


Antelope

Lmao I've missed this antelope insult

At OP you are speaking the truth. some men think that their responsibility end at providing the material needs of the family. thereby neglecting both spiritual and emotional needs. there is need to be balanced .

All these women and their male converts won't rest till men are reduced to nothing worldwide... and they'd continue to toil without rest, because their plan won't work

Very funny people Lol

kingreign:
I bet you don't understand the essence of this thread. The essence of the thread is that fathers should do more for their families, their children other than going out there to work, provide funds or food. It asserts that fathers should be more closer to their kids, to imbibe fatherly roles, love and presence in the lives of their kids. I totally agree.

I'd tell you, my son always laughs and smiles and babbles when he hears my voice. When I'm out for long and on opening the door, if he's awake, he starts crying for my attention, and when he sees me close, he starts playing and laughing. Why does he do these?
It's because I take alot of time in playing with him, carrying him, speaking to him, learning and discovering new things with him. I even do his diapers and change his clothes, wash them too very regularly and bath him once a while. My wife was protesting against such initially, but I put it to her that I WANT AND NEED to do these to my offspring. It's not a sign of misplaced priorities or weakness, but rather a form of bonding between father and child.

My man, you too much.

*hits blunt* ...what does a boy of "no more than 4 years" know about life?

kingreign:
Xynerise, my brother man, you aren't far from the truth.

We have a lot of dead beat fathers in these days who's only job is to birth children then abandon the responsibility of grooming their offsprings to be properly train and responsible people.

Some weeks ago, I saw a man parked by a shopping mall, he had his son sit beside him in his car, he was busy smoking and drinking and the poor lad of no more than 4 years old was busy trying to disturb and tell his dad that smokers and drunkards will die young.

I sat in my wife's car just a car space away from them and was shaking my head in great disbelief and shame.

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bukatyne:
We need to update Social Studies text book with all the 'fathers toil day and night, mothers are at home' posts I am seeing all over this thread.

Wives don't work same hours with these fathers? Abi there is a special closing time for men and women?

If we talk of hustling jobs, women don't also stay long hours in the market or cooking?

Yet they manage to know what is going on on their kids' lives. They manage to impact training to the kids.

Fathers, go the extra mile and learn intentional parenting if you don't do so.

And the men wonder why they are easily replaceable once the mothers start earning well enough.

When your presence and absence is same thing once someone else can provide the cash.

Women are actually the easiest to replace...

Ned has 6 and still counting...

@bold, Yet you people insult women who prefer men that can provide. calling them leeches Etc.If that’s man’s primary responsibility? Why is it bad for a lady to expect that from a man she’s planning to mate with?

You can’t choose which side is which when it pleases you. Stick to one.

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
My brother, a father's primary responsibility is to provide for his family]. He toils, suffers and struggles to achieve that. This is in addition to provide care for the wife and kids and overall leadership.

A mother's primary responsibility is to care for the husband and kids, take care of home front and do any other responsibility assigned to her by the husband/father [b](feminists should go and die)

You can't expect a father to relegate his responsibility to be competing for attention of the children with the mother.

In fact, it is okay for children to be praising their mother as long as they, alongside their mother, acknowledge their father and are loyal to his authority. It is a welcome development!

When they are grown up they will realise their father's sacrifice!

For my family, we recognise both the sacrifices of our parents and always acknowledge them. As an adult male, I appreciates my father even more...

merieam16:
congrats 2 den cos such fathers er scarce lik really scarce with d way baby mamas er every whr nw.

Na when the child grow we go know the outcome of his work...

Different kids require different levels of attention...

ImaIma1:
I disagree.

A lot of fathers in recent times make efforts to be part of their children's lives...making memories and all.

Just going to the supermarket, I see fathers with the children without the mothers. Even my husband has taken our daughter to parties I couldn't attend on his own.

Being close to your children or not is a personal thing and a choice.

I have even heard of a father who travelled to help out his daughter when she gave birth. Their mum was late and the man was quite close to his children.

The issue for some men is that they feel too big or believe they cannot bring themselves so low to do some things. Imagine going to help your daughter after she puts to bed. How many men here see themselves doing that?

Why will a man do that ? He has sold his birth rite.

xynerise:
Your case is different. He is not even at home to play his role and I believe if he had been around, he would. The fathers I was talking about know themselves

I have read your thread from the beginning and the conclusion I found is that YOU ARE VERY VERY NAIVE AND LACK EXPERIENCE. by the time you become a dad you will understand better.

I used to have your childish mindset until I started working and providing the bills to assist my younger ones, then I become to feel what it means to be a man. For ladies to sing your praise on this thread shows how weak and simp you are. Dont worry life will open your eyes.

Mindlog:
If you want your children to be actively involved in your life tomorrow, be actively. involved in theirs today. Beyond financial provisions, kids yearn for fathers with whom they can establish emotional security.

We have widows in our midst who have become sole providers, having to go out on a daily basis to hustle for their children' welfare but still create a balance that is making them bond with their children, have a listening ear, celebrate their little victories etc Fathers who also offers such alongside financial provisions, are more likely to have adult children who hold them dear to their hearts.

Being an involved father is the greatest gift one can give his child/children alongside financial provisions

It is not absolutely easy balancing these in the present country system. Job takes you away as a man and brings you back very late at night, even most weekends are not still free. I'm not trying to justify that though but the country system has not been helpful.

Bonding with your kids is very vital but what can one do when you are entangled?

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
What do you expect him to do? As long as a man provides, protect, leads and defends his household, he has done enough.

Kiss the truth

No rather you kiss the truth ,a man providing only and not bonding with his children is nothing but a class A failure.

1Sharon:
No, you assumed I'm under my dad based on you saying this:



People move out you know?

It's common with you lot on this forum, closed mind.

I frankly will not trade words with you. You are the open minded one. An open mind not able to embrace both sides of the divide.

I really don't know your dad, but l know mine. If you say your dad is a deadbeat dad, who am l to convince you otherwise

A forum you keep coming back to...hmmm just saw you had so far done 6488 posts. You basically live here

Sixfeetbelle:
Not all fathers will welcome their child coming to discuss stuff with them, especially when they just returned from work and that is the point of this thread. Some won't even bother with anything that has to do with their kids, especially once they believe their money is enough. As if money can buy that kind of love.

Naturally, I'm closer to my mom but I can tell you that my dad was present in my life all through. He helped take care of us by washing our clothes and making meals when we were much younger. He taught us to develop the reading culture by filling our bookshelves with novels from the school where he worked. That I loved reading today is cause of that action. He helped us in our assignments and quickened our learning process. Lol. I remember telling him once that I prefer mom teaching me maths to him cause he's a disciplinarian. You dare not know 2 + 2. Even my younger sister concurs. That's how committed he was in our upbringing.

Significantly, while growing up, I can go tell my dad anything at any time and he'll listen despite being a principal and a very strict personality. I once had a painful ear problem and I remember vividly going to tell him about it late at night after my mom directed me to. I was crying with tears clouding my eyelids but I remember how red his eyes was from the deep sleep I had roused him from and how he left the bed, got his glasses and a torch and took time to inspect my ear before promising I would go to the doctor to get better. I was 10 then.

Fast forward to now, if I show up in his room to ask him something, he always has this rapt attention on him always, ready to listen and give sound advice. He's always ready to listen and that's what made his strictness mesh with his kindness.

That I remember my dad today isn't because of his financial contribution (my mom worked the same hours he did), but of the sacrifices he made especially.

Not all moms too are willing to talk especially when they’re not in the mood. Just try and improve the relationship anyway you can. I feel we’re on the same page

All I can say is dis, of u want ur children to love u love ur wife more n more, automatically ur children will love u.
N in dis lyf stop being 100% straight with a women. Use sense de follow women of dis days, Never u lay ur hand on her. Una go last. Women de follow men with sense, buh men never gree get sense

ImaIma1:
What of in the case where the mother also brings in money for the house, has busy working hours also like the man and still finds time to spend with the children?

The issue is not time. When something matters to you, you will make time for it.

Does your work take up ALL your time? No time at all to hang out with friends, watch soccer, press phone. Or you are working Monday till Sunday from dusk till dawn?

How come mums don't give these excuses. My relative that has been a banker for over 20 years is closer to the children than her husband that has flexible work hours. Time is not the issue.

It's not about time at all. It's personal. It is interest. As long as it is important to you, you will make out time. It is not rocket science.

This might be a long write-up but id try to relay my points in the best way possible.

This thing is a natural bonding instinct, if you've ever raised domestic any set of domestic animals (Poultry, Cats, Dogs, Goats, even pests like rats) or watched NatGeo wild/Animal planet you would notice that the younger animals whether male or female ALWAYS bond better with their mothers.

The Male parent nevertheless bothers himself more about protecting the family and defending their territory, maintaining peace and order amongst the family and disciplining the young ones when they want to go astray.

That doesn't mean that he does not spend time with his wards, he just doesn't devote all his time to that else they would be attacked, he would lose his territory, his children maybe killed and his wives be taken over by the ravaging alpha male (the female counterparts would mostly choose the more dominant, stronger and fiersome male for protection in both animal and human environments).

All these happen even though in the case of lion, most birds and other canivorous/herbivorous mammals the Female parent is tasked with providing food for the family/the young ones.

As it is with animals, so it is with Humans. Nature doesn't change its standards. I'll finalize by giving insights on an experimental study made using complete elephant families from the Amboseli National park, Kenya and another set of elephants (orphaned or without male parents) in Pilanesberg National Park, South Africa.

The young elephants in the kenyan elephant colony were stable, grew up maturely and didn't display any abnormal tendencies that were unlikely for elephants their age. Whilst the elephants in the south african park who were either orphaned or without fathers grew up to be very unruly, exhibited abnormal hyper-aggressive behaviour that led to the killing of about 107 rhinoceroses over a period of 10 years. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874604/

You can now see the link between these animal behavioural pattern and that of humans. One of the chief reasons why there are so much social misfits in the world of today is majorly because of the rise in single parenting and orphaned children. These inturn grow up to wreak havoc upon the society later on and cause more anarchy which continues to increase and increase as generations go by.

Nature has its order, it has its premeditated role for the male and female parent. When one entity is missing out of the equation or roles get switched, it creates an imbalance which shows forth one of its result in the social disruption of the children. This is my take on the issue.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

Just simply say your father failed you and your family. As for my dad, he's a very good man who risked all for all five boys. A man who taught me what I knew today to become a good father myself. A man who taught me the fear of God, a man who advises me on what to do and what not to do. And lastly, a man that I'll forever be grateful to. I don't know what you people want from all of this, most of y'all are always praising your mom and leaving your dad out of it. Even Father's day I see feminists telling themselves happy Father's day. mtcheew. If your father failed you and your family it's your cup of tea.

Stupid children everywhere, at the slightest opportunity always trying to malign their parents.

People have shortcomings, everyone does what we do is to focus on the positives and leave the rest out of the way.

My Dad and Mum have shortcomings, but will gladly take a bullet for all of us.

Idiots!! Stop castigating your parents and give them the due recognition.

If you insist on bringing them down, you are a big fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xynerise:
My brother, I don't understand why people are just pained about this and indirectly insulting me.

They keep saying fathers are working their ass off to provide for the family. They forgot they also have some emotional impact on their children too. How else do I make it clear to them ?

So because your kid babbles and laughs when he sees you you now assume to have the manual to fatherhood?? The arrogance!

bukatyne:
We need to update Social Studies text book with all the 'fathers toil day and night, mothers are at home' posts I am seeing all over this thread.

Wives don't work same hours with these fathers? Abi there is a special closing time for men and women?

If we talk of hustling jobs, women don't also stay long hours in the market or cooking?

Yet they manage to know what is going on on their kids' lives. They manage to impact training to the kids.

Fathers, go the extra mile and learn intentional parenting if you don't do so.

And the men wonder why they are easily replaceable once the mothers start earning well enough.

When your presence and absence is same thing once someone else can provide the cash .

What you wrote in the bolded cuts to the heart of so, so many discussions here on Nairaland. As a one defines one's self, so one limits one's self.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

Let the truth be told, some women are responsible for this, they take advantage of the man's busy schedules to turn the children's minds away from the father. Till today, there are some children who thinks that it is their mothers that paid (and still paying their school fees), house rents, food, e.t.c. But as adults, we ought know better, unfortunately, some are too blinded with the so called mother love that they can't see beyond their eyebrows.

jaytii:
You just gave credence to the point OP has been trying to make.

Fathers must learn to communicate and bond with their children. OP might not have had it easy like you did, your father did a very nice job putting you through the different stages of your life.
This is the message the OP is trying to pass we need more men like your father in this world. It's not always about the money, every young man needs that father figure to guide him through life so they don't end up making mistakes that could have been avoided.

Thank you.

bonding or not fathers still die before mothers, why this?? you guys don't care about it and not ready to know why. fathers too are trying o, most guys or ladies that are raised by single mothers always kind of have this particular mindset, most fathers don't kiss and tell, they muse over many things in silence, who can they tell? because it's their responsibility. If your popsy has time to sit and gist and do other things with you, you're part of the lucky ones who their popsy got a good job with lot of leisure time. A lady made mention of something about gaining 10 pounds without her dad noticing, it's not like he didn't notice, not all dad are vocal. me for example i could notice something withing 10 or 5 secs of seeing it, without saying shit, if gist or conversation doesn't warrant it, i would let it pass unless the thing is extreme.

to be a guy is not easy o. A yoruba adage says Omo to ni baba oun ko la, to ni iya oun ko l'owo lowo, shebi enu e loun na wa yen, it means "a child that says his father is not successful enough, and his mother is poor would soon venture into same business and see how it works"

Popsy tried for me o, sent me to the best sec school in Nigeria, paid my money for football training at National stadium, bought lots of stuff for me and siblings with one mumu job like that, while mumsy had sight problem and hadn't work since all my life but popsy still carter for everything, now that i have grown up and have tried looking for job while still in school and without any much responsibility but still can't raise small change for myself, now i realised how tough being a man is.

Fathers are trying Please!!!

Dygeasy:
Lmao I've missed this antelope insult

My brother, some people can be so annoying. Most guys feel I have betrayed the brotherhood because of this post but I have read it over and over again and I only found something that is worth trying out.

They sound like it is a taboo to care for your own children's emotional needs since they work too much. Many are using their fathers to counter my points like I was referring to ALL the fathers.

A lot gave credence indirectly to the point I was trying to make without even knowing it but ended up insulting me .

Your father made you who you are by teaching you how to do this and that and helping you with your assignment...for God sake!! That has been the language I have been speaking since