I have seen a household where the father was very present and active and the child ended up wayward in life. i have seen household where the father was very wayward , absent and the child turned out to be a responsible adult.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

quoting this for a reason , thanks op for sharing the obvious fact about nowadays fathers. thank you

donstan18:

You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

thank you dear. I lost my father when I was 6, even though growing up without him made things a bit difficult the memories of those 6years with him are just amazing for me.


It's a shame op father and other fathers failed in their duty

swiz123:
I don't have a problem if kids don't regard their fathers that much probably because of his busy schedules which their tiny heads can't understand.

My real problem is when an adult still think that his father is irrelevant because he doesn't baby-sit them... like WTF!!.... Shouldn't you have outgrown that stupid mindset?..

Most men who thinks that their father is irrelevant because of your silly reason and therefore goes about asslicking their momma are the reason why most marriages are living hell for modern wives.

Most orphans at motherless homes would give everything to have someone who can provide can feed, shelter, clothe and pay their school fees. That momma's love you so much adore isn't a priority to these unfortunate children...

I don't know how old you are, but please, change your mindset from today onwards

God bless you again again. You nalied it

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
My brother, a father's primary responsibility is to provide for his family. He toils, suffers and struggles to achieve that. This is in addition to provide care for the wife and kids and overall leadership.

A mother's primary responsibility is to care for the husband and kids, take care of home front and do any other responsibility assigned to her by the husband/father (feminists should go and die)

You can't expect a father to relegate his responsibility to be competing for attention of the children with the mother.

In fact, it is okay for children to be praising their mother as long as they, alongside their mother, acknowledge their father and are loyal to his authority. It is a welcome development!

When they are grown up they will realise their father's sacrifice!

For my family, we recognise both the sacrifices of our parents and always acknowledge them. As an adult male, I appreciates my father even more...

My dad is the BEST provider and BEST INVOLVED dad( apart from husband). He comes first to us ( both as kids or adults) even before mum.
Una go bash feminists for being financially independent and still bash the ones that depends on man no matter how small- what do men like u really want from women?

Anyway, Op is right....truth is bitter.

TonyeBarcanista:

Typical of your kind.

So you expect a man that is supposed to be hustling to abandon his job or businesses to go and do Omugwo? You people's agenda to relegate the fathers will never work.

They are all weak men, with weak mind . Emotional and Illogical.

ImaIma1:
We keep hearing this "a man goes out and toils and brings money in" mantra. And that is supposed to be the excuse for not being close to ths children.

Unfortunately, that was in the "olden" days. Both husband and wife are out toiling these days. It doesn't still give the woman the excuse not to be close to the children.

Making the decision to spend time and draw the kids close to you is a choice. A man can be the one at home morning till night everyday while the woman goes and brings in the money, and she will still be closer to the children. Or the other way round.

Everything on this forum is a gender war sha.

You are too myopic to be a mother.
The topic and content lacks maturity and it is baseless.

Just like there are terrible fathers, there are also equal amount of terrible mothers. You are asking the fathers to bond with their kids jsut like the mother, you have asked the fathers to carry the pregnancy jsut the mothers na. Hissss

Nice topic;I think the most important thing in life is knowledge,and the application of this knowledge is called wisdom,which is profitable to direct.
Marriage is an institution and in this company,the man is the CEO or the head as ordained by God.Every successful institution must have a plan and in this plan the roles are defined,therefore to succeed the parties must take up responsibility, No excuse. Whether caring or not, the responsibility to oversee tue success of the family has been given to the man by God.His Job is not for the children to like him but to raise or churn out responsible children with the fear of God.
However, without team work from both parties they re already set for failure.I want to urge my friends here to see things constructively as our responses could be someone's solution instead of insults.. God bless you all.

It’s mind-boggling how people get their statistics these days...Indomie generation

Almost 20 years but I still miss my Dad. Man sent me to one of the best private Nur & Pri schools in Lag. Paid my tuition for the following term at the end of every current term, I was never sent away for fee. Made sure he stocked the house with foodstuffs, beverages e.t.c. I’d stay up at night to make sure I welcome him home from work...stubborn as he was but very hardworking man.
Man would take me outing to the beach, isi ewu joints e.t.c on weekends, even gave me beer to sip once in a while. He arranged my first date

I appreciate my mum as well, very hardworking woman. Though I tend to drift away from her, not calling for weeks but she understands me. She home-schooled me when I couldn’t spell, write and read. Dad assisted when I got older and they both made sure I maintained between 1st to 3rd position, else it was an ass whooping combo

If you gat family issues deal with it...Irrelevance isn’t gender specific.

I’ve seen kids who live with their mom but relate better with their dad living overseas due to their mum’s waywardness. I’ve also come across a mum who works as a fuel attendant just to provide for her kids seeing her husband is an irresponsible man.

donstan18:

You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

Even if his father failed, it still doesn't invalidate his point.

He spoke from an African perspective. Let him be. If your own father is an exception you don't have to drag him or go scavenging in the bin to counter him.

Let peace reign.

I never understood the relevancy of a dad in a kid's life until he died lately.

And I started to reminisce over all the things he had done for me, places he took me to, how he groomed me up, people he took me to meet, how he gave me confidence on ways to hustle out on jobs, made me learn driving, how I always go to him for counselling of any sort be it in even in sex stuff(u no wat I mean) and how he taught me to make business deals.

Fathers are so freaking important in the family. They are supermen of the family. Loose one like mine and your eye will be wide open, your brain will reset and you will feel your heart poped out of you.

Another thread to measure penis with vagina.

It's probably only Nigerian men that whine and complain like this , so we should ask ourselves what Nigerian men are doing wrong.


Grow a womb boys and stop whining.

donstan18:

You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

YOU Sound so stupid.

Chimpretty:
@op to be a man its not easy with modern day expectations from the society , a man is expected to provide and care for his family and even in many cases extended families and friends . Also if you have noticed men are getting involved in the welfare of their children unlike before.

with regards to the bolded ,men from time have always done this, why are modern day men acting as if it just starting being a thing a century ago?


Stop whining, even now modern women now share from the financial burden. Men of old had bigger responsibility but didn't whine and complain like these modern men ,na wah for una o.

Ellasure:
children of today become father and mothers tomorrow. if you say ur father was not relevant today your children will say the same about you. remember talking about others is easy and cheap. can you ask the question our Lord Jesus Christ asked his disciples, what do people say about me?

very important question. maybe you think you are a small boy or girl today, u are not small anymore because your mind is telling you that there is something u need to learn from you father but you have not learn it. it is your fault.

now, the way you learn from a woman is in the kitchen and corners of the house. from a man you have to be more deliberate and create your opportunity. during such created times you ask him tactically all questions bothering your mind and wait for him to answer. another challenge you face is your father will weight the question before answer to determine your mindset and usefulness of an answer.

men in the family as father don't easily open up to the kids unless they have examined you for trust and seriousness to life issues. with patience and consistent tactical probing he will open to you if you desire it. don't antagonize him with your lack of patience and improper approach.

men are not woman for a lot of reasons.

one law in life, a child that fail to cultivate the father stands to lose good knowledge of his family background and the family problems and successess. when your father sees in you a worthy friend your relationship is enhanced and reward could be immence. fight him you ruin your future. don't fail

the bolded is a big lie, we will only make effort not be like dead beat fathers ,who's only achievement in life is to donate sperm.


It's called breaking the circle.

Ladycewhy:
with regards to the bolded ,men from time have always done this, why are modern day men acting as it it just starting being a thing a century ago?


Stop whining, even now modern women now share from the financial burden. Men of old has bigger responsibility but didn't whine and complain like these modern men ,na wah for una o.

You made sense until the last part, men of nowadays are not seen as men until they send huge money on wedding, owns a car and buys a car for wifey, working towards owning a house, a job that makes at least 150k per month. In the old days , men could survive in their huts and live off the farm. Times are changing and we must not ignore men who are still able to provide for their family. Even if that's all that they do, they should still be appreciated because only those who have lost their fathers can truly appreciate the void it leaves, even a bad father is missed!

abbey621:


You made sense until the last part, men of nowadays are not seen as men until they send huge money on wedding, owns a car and buys a car for wifey, working towards owning a house, a job that makes at least 150k per month. In the old days , men could survive in their huts and live off the farm. Times are changing and we must not ignore men who are still able to provide for their family. Even if that's all that they do, they should still be appreciated because only those who have lost their fathers can truly appreciate the void it leaves, even a bad father is missed!

So you think men of old didn't do all that ? The value of a hut and cowries of their time is just the same as your naira now , again stop whining, geez! modern men are something else. Even now that women still contribute to the financial upkeep una still dey complain. .


And no bad Fathers are not missed,their demise is a relief.

zedegit:



Even if his father failed, it still doesn't invalidate his point.

He spoke from an African perspective. Let him be. If your own father is an exception you don't have to drag him or go scavenging in the bin to counter him.

Let peace reign.

I disagree, he said most fathers, so he's not speaking from a point of objectivity or any reasonable fact just sentimental bullshit! His points were so incoherent that it makes one wonder what type of childhood he had? I mean if he grew up with a fther that provided everything financially but he still regards his father as useless, does that not speak more of him than the father? Does that not make him look like a foolish child with no comprehension of the world he lives in today?

Ladycewhy:
So you think men of old didn't do all that ? The value of a hut and cowries of their time is just the same as your naira now , again stop whining, geez! modern men are something else. Even now that women still contribute to the financial upkeep una still dey complain.

No they didn't! Thank God my grandfather is still alive, his stories of how things worked back then drastically differs from today. Whether you spin it left or right, there's no denying that we live in a more demanding world, peole want more and more, greed has replaced love and envy has replaced compassion. Women contribute but statistically speaking in 9ja, most households are still heavily dependent on the man. This is why the lifespan of the average 9ja man is way lower of that of the woman.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

. My dear that is the fact oh, I work 28 on and off, I hardly and sometimes I look like a stranger to my kids, but I try to make up by staying at home with them as much as I could any time IAM in town, imagine my kids telling me mummy bought this and that for me, where as everything is paid by me, most times I have to tell them I actually have their mum the money.

abbey621:


No they didn't! Thank God my grandfather is still alive, his stories of how things worked back then drastically differs from today. Whether you spin it left or right, there's no denying that we live in a more demanding world, peole want more and more, greed has replaced love and envy has replaced compassion. Women contribute but statistically speaking in 9ja, most households are still heavily dependent on the man. This is why the lifespan of the average 9ja man is way lower of that of the woman.

let me correct you there, the life span of the Nigerian man is lower largely due to life style and diet .


Most men are not only irresponsible to their children but themselves too, eating rubbish,even to take drugs when they are sick na wahala,unlike women who know when they are sick ,no dinner for the entire house hold cos according to husband it's her duty to cook for him in sickness or in health .


And let me also correct you that statistically speaking most women run the home financially, Nigerian women know how to massage the ego of their husbands alot,I know someone who still gives her entire salary to her jobless husband ( his neighbors think he is a self employed business man) .


And lastly,how things worked back then doesn't change the work load, or you think it's easy to go to the farm? , if you think so,then you should go back to the village where life still looks like the scenerio your grandpa described to you.

swiz123:
I don't have a problem if kids don't regard their fathers that much probably because of his busy schedules which their tiny heads can't understand.

My real problem is when an adult still think that his father is irrelevant because he doesn't baby-sit them... like WTF!!.... Shouldn't you have outgrown that stupid mindset?..

Most men who thinks that their father is irrelevant because of your silly reason and therefore goes about asslicking their momma are the reason why most marriages are living hell for modern wives.

Most orphans at motherless homes would give everything to have someone who can provide can feed, shelter, clothe and pay their school fees. That momma's love you so much adore isn't a priority to these unfortunate children...

I don't know how old you are, but please, change your mindset from today onwards

you are missing the point here sir..what OP is saying is that fathers of today need to strike a balance and participate a little in their children's upbringing

cococandy:
@bold, Yet you people insult women who prefer men that can provide. calling them leeches Etc.If that’s man’s primary responsibility? Why is it bad for a lady to expect that from a man she’s planning to mate with?

You can’t choose which side is which when it pleases you. Stick to one.

Yes, because today there is feminism and gender equality unlike before. All hands on deck now,no more leeching

xynerise:

Pressure can be shared if you marry a sensible woman

Shared


How

Ladycewhy:
let me correct you there, the life span of the Nigerian man is lower largely due to life style and diet .


Most men are not only irresponsible to their children but themselves too, eating rubbish,even to take drugs when they are sick na wahala,unlike women who know when they are sick ,no dinner for the entire house hold cos according to husband it's her duty to cook for him in sickness or in health .


And let me also correct you that statistically speaking most women run the home financially, Nigerian women know how to massage the ego of their husbands alot,I know someone who still gives her entire salary to her jobless husband ( his neighbors think he is a self employed business man) .


And lastly,how things worked back then doesn't change the work load, or you think it's easy to go to the farm? , if you think so,then you should go back to the village where life still looks like the scenerio your grandpa described to you.

I'm sorry to say but you're typing jargon! Men poor diet? Who cooks their food? Are the women eating differently from what they cooked? Tell me you're joking?

Statistically speaking most women run the home financially? I DARE YOU TO FIND ONE FACTUAL BASED EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR STATEMENT? I'm not even going to argue with you, just go North and see how men with 2 or more wives are living, then come back here and tell me how the women are the ones supporting those men financially....LMAO!

Finally I am talking about demands, you are talking about labor, two different things. Back then it was not the norm for a man to buy his wife a car, not the norm for children to attend private schools, not the norm to take care of one or all of your wife's siblings.

Demands back then drastically differs from the expectations today. This is why more marriages crash today than in the past. Greed, demands and oversabi are things leading the modern man to quickly demise, a man that provides financially but is still called useless father sounds reasonable to you? This is what the OP was getting at, he called his father useless because all he did was provide financially�������.

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I don't have that experience. Both my parents are down to earth caring. OP what you said is true. But that is one of the most disadvantages of having industrilized nations. Nigeria is not developed yet and it's going to get worse. Check the western world, they don't have time for their kids, they hand over everything to child service companies. What I am saying is that the more advanced a society becomes the more increased the working population and work hours sap our energies meant to be used at home to attend to kids. And coupled with the responsibility of men to provide for the family, men at times always at constant pressure to meet up or get bullied by the wife somehow. Trust me, you don't want to be in that circle as a man.

emezuo17:
. My dear that is the fact oh, I work 28 on and off, I hardly and sometimes I look like a stranger to my kids, but I try to make up by staying at home with them as much as I could any time IAM in town, imagine my kids telling me mummy bought this and that for me, where as everything is paid by me, most times I have to tell them I actually have their mum the money.

I think you and your wife should have a serious home management discussion.

Because from the looks of things, your wife is hugging all the attention (it is not a deliberate act) and that is not right.

Even when the children will 'naturally' accord all the praise to her because they see in the 'front-end' that she is the one handing them those those things, she should set the record straight atimes and direct the accolades to you even when you are absent at home. Because, in the 'back-end', you are the one actually providing those things.

DESCRIPTION

Mummy: Children, come and have these things.

Children: Mummy, thank you.

Mummy: Yes, and thank your daddy too. He is the one that got them for you. He thinks of you guys all the time.



When you get back, the story will be:

Children: Daddy, Daddy, welcome........ Thank you for the gift you bought for us. We love you.


Now dont you think that would be a better narrative.

donstan18:

You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

Your response proves him right! If this is how your parents taught you to respond to strangers (in the name of opinion), then they failed.

It is ok to disagree with someone's opinion but to insult them for it shows lack of character, an emotional imbalance and a nasty attitude that will make anybody resent you on the spot.

Let that sit or stand if it can.

donstan18:

You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

Donstan, that guy is right in his assertion. Modern family celebrates mothers more than fathers.
Musicians sing and praise their mothers at every opportunity, rarely will u hear a musician sing about his dad.
Most of the time, I hear about successful children bringing home gifts such as cars to their mothers, and rarely do same to their fathers.
The role of the father is hugely underrated and the earlier we realise this anomaly, the better.

ImaIma1:
I disagree.

A lot of fathers in recent times make efforts to be part of their children's lives...making memories and all.

Just going to the supermarket, I see fathers with the children without the mothers. Even my husband has taken our daughter to parties I couldn't attend on his own.

Being close to your children or not is a personal thing and a choice.

I have even heard of a father who travelled to help out his daughter when she gave birth. Their mum was late and the man was quite close to his children.

The issue for some men is that they feel too big or believe they cannot bring themselves so low to do some things. Imagine going to help your daughter after she puts to bed. How many men here see themselves doing that?

Your sharing same opinion with the op na....

I think at this point, we all need to answer these questions below.

1, Who is a FATHER?

2, Who is a MOTHER?

3, Who is a PARENT?

4, Does being a FATHER make you more or less of a PARENT?

5, Does being a MOTHER make you more or less of a PARENT?

True fact and I don't want to same mistake for myself . It is good if they love their mother more but hey make them love you too. No be say one day pikin go come how buy mama cereals give am beta beta and ending up giving you shinap make your dry d more