Amozever12:

Yes, and this explains why most women are widow at advanced age in life, because the demands from husbands are too enormous. It takes God's grace to achieve much as a man, husband and father.

hope you have bullet proof because nlanders warriors might come for you.

xynerise:




My brother, some people can be so annoying. Most guys feel I have betrayed the brotherhood because of this post but I have read it over and over again and I only found something that is worth trying out.

They sound like it is a taboo to care for your own children's emotional needs since they work too much. Many are using their fathers to counter my points like I was referring to ALL the fathers.

A lot gave credence indirectly to the point I was trying to make without even knowing it but ended up insulting me .

Your father made you who you are by teaching you how to do this and that and helping you with your assignment...for God sake!! That has been the language I have been speaking since

People read to reply and not understand these days.

Many fathers are going through the exact things that you described and it's unfortunate.

Ladycewhy:
And I know the societal pressures on women with dead beat husbands.


A man and a woman both share the financial responsibility but t[b][/b]he woman is still expected to stick to the duties of the traditional African woman of both the nuturer and care giver.[b][/b] It's now more work and burden for the modern woman.

depends on the man a woman is married to.

xynerise:
Yes, I said so.

If you are of the school of thought that providing for the family along automatically makes you a caring father, then you are among those that
risk being irrelevant to your children.

If you look at most families today, the children hardly mention their fathers when making a reference to something inspiring. I mean quoting what your father once taught you or something positive you learnt while growing up. I am referring to fathers of our time.

Today, everything is about making money and paying the bills. That is not enough.
How close are you to your children? It is always the mother that attends to issues that trouble the children today. Even though fathers source for solutions at the end but the children will always remember the person that discovered the problems, or at least care to know what the problem is.

How often do we call our kids, sit them down and ask them about the kind of challenges they face in life?

Some fathers hardly call their children (far from home) on phone except the mother does and maybe pass the phone to him. This has made some people to call mostly their mothers on phone and explain situations to her rather than the father who provides the money to solve the situations.

You can see that despite most fathers provide the money, yet the mothers get most of the appreciation.

My point is, we shouldn't be too focus on just making the money. Let us remember we are also making a family too.

God bless you.

I am in my mid twenties, bt hardly at home since I was a kid, bt my dad has only called me once, to kn hw I am doing. it felt strange!

emphasis on d hardly at home

phemmyfour:
Dont mind xynerise, he's trying to force his opinion on anybody that have contarary opinion.

In this age where we have career women, we have fathers that are even closer to their children than their mothers.

Don't mind him.

Meanwhile some men here feel it is beneath them to get close to their children. Did they father the child only to hand them over to their mothers?

Dygeasy:
People read to reply and not understand these days.

Many fathers are going through the exact things that you described and it's unfortunate.

I am not surprised though. Many fathers are doing what I advised and they are not dead or become sissy like my myopic minded friend, TonyeBarcanista said.

xynerise:



You can ignore if your father is not among. Your dumb skull should read the title and see if you can't find "most".


Antelope

Finish him

ImaIma1:


Yes o. Where is the time? But they still somehow find the time to bond with side chicks

I'm not trying to insult you lady, not everyone has enough resources to the extent of having spare time to bond with side chicks. Though, I can't say much about your husband or dad.

TonyeBarcanista:
Most fathers play with their kids when they are chanced. My father did, despite the fact that he was a policeman... Whenever he is home, he spends time with us. We pray together every morning and evening before sleeping. Most fathers do other things with kids WHEN they have time off work. It doesn't take away the fact that father's primary job is to provide, defend, protect and care for the family.

Really?

So men should spend time with their children? Mr Tonye you really speak from different sides of your mouth.

When it comes to me, all the hairs on your body will stand like a werewolf

Carry on kissing the truth sweety

authority2006:


I'm not trying to insult you lady, not everyone has enough resources to the extent of having spare time to bond with side chicks. Though, I can't say much about your husband or dad.

You got that right.

You can't say much about what you don't know.

Chimpretty:
depends on the man a woman is married to.

the average Nigerian man has that mentality.

krushdripper:
That's what the average young ladies are inviting to thier future marriage status. More burden on the way.

That's for the ones who still decide to marry the average Nigerian man.

Ladycewhy:
And I know the societal pressures on women with dead beat husbands.


A man and a woman both share the financial responsibility but the woman is still expected to stick to the duties of the traditional African woman of both the nuturer and care giver. It's now more work and burden for the modern woman.

In some households where the husbands don't have enough or just being irresponsible.

authority2006:


In some households where the husbands don't have enough or just being irresponsible.

and how many homes have enough in Nigeria ?

You are right @OP.
My father (may he keep testing peacefully) used to tell me, and I quote:
"Any child that does not have... my father said, has lost most important thing in life."

I can't remember talking to people without making references to what my father told me concerning such issues. Ppl that don't know my father wish they met him cos of my references I normally make to his words.

ImaIma1:




Really?

So men should spend time with their children? Mr Tonye you really speak from different sides of your mouth.

When it comes to me, all the hairs on your body will stand like a werewolf

Carry on kissing the truth sweety

One of the problems of you people is the lack understanding!

1. A man's primary duty in the home is to provide, protect, defend and care for the family.

2. When he is chanced, he spends time with his family no matter how little (most men I know do this). I have never seen a man that doesn't spend time with his kids when he is chanced... Except for a few extremely irresponsible men!

3. Yet, a woman is always the first point of call for kids because she is usually with them while discharging her wifely duties in the home front, spends more time with the kids and of course bond more.

3b. The above does not in anyway relegate the relevance of the man. Although most kids tend to acknowledge this sacrifices of fathers when they are grown, especially male children.

4. For Xynerise, being an adult male that is expected to know better, to come up with an uninformed thread just like this only shows that he is advancing an agenda to subjugate men/fathers. It is unfortunate and Sissy for a grown up man to reason this way.

5. I don't expect you to grasp my point because you are not a man, husband nor father.

Ladycewhy:
That's for the ones who still decide to marry the average Nigerian man.

I'm speaking on the ones who even decide to marry at all and are not already made before they do that.

krushdripper:
I'm speaking on the ones who even decide to marry at all and are not already made before they do that.

lol, the door to walk out is now wider and easier, nor be do or die affair. If the road nor let you pass go front ,you pass am come back.

TonyeBarcanista:

One of the problems of you people is the lack understanding!

1. A man primary duty in the home is provide, protect, defend and care for the family.

2. When he is chanced, he spends time with his family no matter how little (most men I know do this). I have never seen a man that doesn't spend time with his kids when he is chanced... Except for a few irresponsible men!

3. Yet, a woman is always the first point of call for kids because she is usually with them while discharging her wifely duties in the home front, spends more time with the kids and of course bond more.

3b. The above does not in anyway relegate the relevance of the man. Although most kids tend to acknowledge this when they are grown, especially male children.

4. For Xynerise, being an adult male that is expected to know better, to come up with an uninformed thread just like this only shows that he is advancing an agenda to subjugate men/fathers. It is unfortunate and Sissy for a grown up man to reason this way.

5. I don't expect you to grasp my point because you are not a man, husband nor father.

You keep using the sissy word. You don't even know what it means.

This is not about the time duration you spend with your children but the knowledge and inspiration (both spiritually and morally) they get from you even during that short period of time is what matters most.

Tonye, you are not the only father who is going through challenges outside the family.

Be it a drunkard as a father, rapist as a father or be it what ever, a father's place in a home is totally irreplaceable.

If you don't have one as a male child try to be one.

donstan18:

You are referring to your father who didn't teach you anything positive, not our fathers.


It still doesn't change the fact that your parents didn't teach you anything positive.

Below is my proof, a screenshot of your statement on this forum about them.

They failed, ruined and slowed your success, according to you.

Stop forcing our fathers To be like yours!!

Haba! Why are you this harsh. He said Most fathers. If your father is different just state it and not attack his upbringing and parents. you no try at all, as if una been get unsettled beef.

xynerise:



You can ignore if your father is not among. Your dumb skull should read the title and see if you can't find "most".


Antelope

CHISOS! Antelope kwa... This is smackdown

TonyeBarcanista:

One of the problems of you people is the lack understanding!

1. A man's primary duty in the home is to provide, protect, defend and care for the family.

2. When he is chanced, he spends time with his family no matter how little (most men I know do this). I have never seen a man that doesn't spend time with his kids when he is chanced... Except for a few extremely irresponsible men!

3. Yet, a woman is always the first point of call for kids because she is usually with them while discharging her wifely duties in the home front, spends more time with the kids and of course bond more.

3b. The above does not in anyway relegate the relevance of the man. Although most kids tend to acknowledge this sacrifices of fathers when they are grown, especially male children.

4. For Xynerise, being an adult male that is expected to know better, to come up with an uninformed thread just like this only shows that he is advancing an agenda to subjugate men/fathers. It is unfortunate and Sissy for a grown up man to reason this way.

5. I don't expect you to grasp my point because you are not a man, husband nor father.

The bolded was not in the equation in your previous comments. It is good to see that you know it is important.

As I said to someone earlier, it is not about men's vs women's roles. It is about getting close to the children you fathered. It much more than providing, protecting, etc.

I don't have to be a father, man or husband to understand you. I have a husband here; a great father (who is also my father). And he makes it seem effortless.

ImaIma1:


You are the myopic one to think carrying the pregnancy makes the children closer to the mother.

Haven't you seen children that are closer to their fathers? Were they the ones who carried the pregnancies?

Please be sensible and get my point before typing aimlessly.

Myopic woman, if your father is not close to you or if he is not relevant, stop assuming that all fathers are like that. Thank you

xynerise:



You can ignore if your father is not among. Your dumb skull should read the title and see if you can't find "most".


Antelope

na d antelope weak me

ImaIma1:


What of in the case where the mother also brings in money for the house, has busy working hours also like the man and still finds time to spend with the children?

The issue is not time. When something matters to you, you will make time for it.

Does your work take up ALL your time? No time at all to hang out with friends, watch soccer, press phone. Or you are working Monday till Sunday from dusk till dawn?

How come mums don't give these excuses. My relative that has been a banker for over 20 years is closer to the children than her husband that has flexible work hours. Time is not the issue.

It's not about time at all. It's personal. It is interest. As long as it is important to you, you will make out time. It is not rocket science.

You can tell that to soldiers in sambisa that have been there for more than three years and may end up getting killed without seeing their family.
I'm pretty sure if you happened to be the kid of a soldier that's has been fighting in borno for years, you will hate him for not bonding with you while spending his money.
They are some pictures of soldiers being slaughter, packed like sardine that has been circulating the internet. You know that they are human too, but you are here stylishly belittling their work. Their kids can hate them for not bonding with them. Their father put their lives on the line so that they can live a good life. I'm pretty sure you will hate your father in this situation.

The tissue paper and a piece of paper you use daily, I don't think you know how it's made. Some men sleep in the forest for months dragging out log of woods and they do this to feed their families.

Abeg come do Jackman for sawmill make you dey roll timbers weigh 200kg and above from morning till night or make you offload timbers from a truck; if you can do any of this jobs for 1 minute without ending in hospital or die, you should be given national award. But you are here on the internet belittling men's work in the society.

Mtchew.

Sparro:

Myopic woman, if your father is not close to you or if he is not relevant, stop assuming that all fathers are like that. Thank you

That's why I say you are the myopic one. If you actually read my comments to understand, you would have seen that in fact I said men especially in recent times are close to their children.

But your bias, myopic mind and short sightedness won't let you see beyond your nose.

You only read to attack not to get it. Please take your bias elsewhere

ImaIma1:


The bolded was not in the equation in your previous comments. It is good to see that you know it is important.

As I said to someone earlier, it is not about men's vs women's roles. It is about getting close to the children you fathered. It much more than providing, protecting, etc.

I don't have to be a father, man or husband to understand you. I have a husband here; a great father (who is also my father). And he makes it seem effortless.

Awan owo, mbok, that guy speaks left and right. Let him be.

swiz123:
I don't have a problem if kids don't regard their fathers that much probably because of his busy schedules which their tiny heads can't understand.

My real problem is when an adult still think that his father is irrelevant because he doesn't baby-sit them... like WTF!!.... Shouldn't you have outgrown that stupid mindset?..

Most men who thinks that their father is irrelevant because of your silly reason and therefore goes about asslicking their momma are the reason why most marriages are living hell for modern wives.

Most orphans at motherless homes would give everything to have someone who can provide can feed, shelter, clothe and pay their school fees. That momma's love you so much adore isn't a priority to these unfortunate children...

I don't know how old you are, but please, change your mindset from today onwards

there is nothing like spending reasonable time with your kids. All u need is balance

Korllami007:


You can tell that to soldiers in sambisa that have been there for more than three years and may end up getting killed without seeing their family.
I'm pretty sure if you happened to be the kid of a soldier that's has been fighting in borno for years, you will hate him for not bonding with you while spending his money.
They are some pictures of soldiers being slaughter, packed like sardine that has been circulating the internet. You know that they are human too, but you are here stylishly belittling their work. Their kids can hate them for not bonding with them. Their father put their lives on the line so that they can live a good life. I'm pretty sure you will hate your father in this situation.

The tissue paper and a piece of paper you use daily, I don't think you know how it's made. Some men sleep in the forest for months dragging out log of woods and they do this to feed their families.

Abeg come do Jackman for sawmill make you dey roll timbers weigh 200kg and above from morning till night or make you offload timbers from a truck; if you can do any of this jobs for 1 minute without ending in hospital or die, you should be given national award. But you are here on the internet belittling men's work in the society.

Mtchew.

You can go to sambisa yourself to deliver that message.

I went to Command and naturally, the friends I grew up with were children of soldiers/officers. It didn't stop them from being close to their children. In fact one of them who lost her dad in the plane crash en route Obudu was exceptional. That man was so close to his children. It was pleasant to watch.

So please use another analysis. It has nothing to do with the profession. Even when soldiers goes on peace keeping missions to Sudan or elsewhere, they still come back home.

Choosing to spend time with family/children is a personal thing.

Don't worry...I won't hiss

ImaIma1:


The bolded was not in the equation in your previous comments. It is good to see that you know it is important.

As I said to someone earlier, it is not about men's vs women's roles. It is about getting close to the children you fathered. It much more than providing, protecting, etc.

I don't have to be a father, man or husband to understand you. I have a husband here; a great father (who is also my father). And he makes it seem effortless.

Read OP's original post again and subsequent comments. What he wants is for fathers to spend more time with kids just like mothers.

Meanwhile, I congratulate you for having a good and responsible spouse. I'll say that you were diligent to be able to give your heart and body to such a man among wolves. I trust he would say same of you!

ImaIma1:


That's why I say you are the myopic one. If you actually read my comments to understand, you would have seen that in fact I said men especially in recent times are close to their children.

But your bias, myopic mind and short sightedness won't let you see beyond your nose.

You only read to attack not to get it. Please take your bias elsewhere

Yeye, in your myopic mentality, no matter what, a father will loose relevance where his child is concerned. Sorry for your own situation. Our fathers are very very relevant in every area. And we are going to be very very relevant where our children are concerned. Like I said earlier, there are as equal number of irrelevant mothers as there are irrelevant fathers. I won't reply any of your myopic comment again.